DCA 2008 Special Series continues!

Psst... mLe? Uh... I thought this was YOUR blog. If there's a good reason for you not posting, I apologize. Well, anyway, here's 08-02.

A team of chao... lost in a DEADLY city... and the only help they have? ...HELP? You kiddin'? WHAT help?

Dark Chao Adventures 08. Freaky. Deadly. Funny. Laugh. Scream. Terror. Teppop. CHAO.

Episode 08-Two: The Deadly Trials of Oh My Gawd

[cut to the OMG park, the chao (and Tails Doll) are looking around]
Chapter 1: "Chao Talk's Version of a Suicide Booth"
[Shade approaches a small pod]
[Knuckle runs in and shoves him to the side]
Shade: Knuckle? Where'd YOU come from?
K: I was with Shadow Bonic, now shut up and let ME get into this pod!
[Knuckle enters the pod; the front is quickly covered with glass; water slowly fills the pod]
K: With my last breath, I curse Dark!
[Knuckle drowns, and quickly respawns at the entrance to the park]
K: Ugh... that was... NOT... pleasant...
SShade: Well, that tells us the respawning rule is still in place.
[relieved sighs]
Dark: That's good, 'cause I've always wanted to do this...
[Dark picks Hero up and tosses him off a cliff]
Dark: THAT'S FOR THAT CANDY BAR YOU STOLE!
Shade: Uh... Dark? That was Chao; not Hero.
[Hero respawns and shoves him into the pod]
[Dark respawns a minute later; they look around; they find a ladder leading to a platform]
[on the platform, a large Shell sign can easily be seen]
K: Shell? Oh, I remember them; that word ALWAYS leads to trouble. We'll need someone to test it. Any volunteers?
[everyone had run off to a safe distance]
K: ...OH, C'MON!
[Knuckle slowly edges closer to the sign; the platform instantly flings him right into it]
[lots of disgusted groans]
Hero: Tail, cover your eyes!
Tail: I know, I know... ugh... gross...
[more exploration, a large cage with the front open is found; everyone runs from Knuckle and Dark]
Dark: Well, Knuckle, looks like ONE of us is gonna have to go into the cage...
K: After you, Dark...
Dark: Why after ME? You're already in it!
K: What? No, I'm not!
[Dark quickly pushes him in and presses a button; he retreats to the others]
[the cage swings around multiple times; a minute later, it stops]
K: Ugh.... oof... that... was... nauseating...
[next, they find a small crawlspace]
K: This time, I am NOT going in there!
Shade: Yeah, Dark, you sort of... owe him. Go on, get in there.
[Dark slowly enters it, and is sucked in]
Dark: HELP! I can't move!
Shade: Try jumping!
[he does, and flies right up some sort of chimney, and the chao watch as beautiful fireworks set off and kill Dark]
Tail: Pretty lights!
[finally, they find a ladder]
Shade: All in favor?
Dark: (quickly) ..of Knuckle climbing?
All: Aye.
K: Hey, wait a minute!
[Knuckle grumbles as he climbs up, and sees a short hallway]
K: It's safe!
[he steps forward, and falls through the floor onto the ground; he dies somehow]
[they all climb up, and after a few trial-and-error steps, clear the hall of all trap-doors]
[they drop down onto another platform, and move on past any other dangerous-looking things]
Dark: Hey, how is an elevator dangerous? ....don't answer that.
[a little further ahead, they find a launch pad and a target floating in the air]
Shade: All in favor?
Dark: ..of Knuckle NOT going?
K: Heh, this time, I'm not falling for your trick! NOT aye! ...HEY!
[Knuckle flings at the target, and disappears]
K: (in distance) HEY, IT'S SAFE!
[Dark steps on, and hits the target; he dies]
[he gets back up, and tries again; he makes it]
Dark: Eh, 50-50.
Chapter 2: Homicidal Suicide Disorder
[after a spinning walkway, the chao reach a crossroad: thin air, or a sparkly green light]
K: Heh, this time, I'M getting to the good stuff before Dark! TO THE LIGHT!
[Knuckle and Dark race towards the light]
[while they run, Dark thinks for a moment about the mysterious Tour Guide he met]
Dark: "The Nomble holds many secrets, too...." What could it mean?
[Dark slows down to think, then looks at Knuckle, who mysteriously dies]
[back with the group, Dark tests out the thin air, only to find it's an invisible path]
[they find their way up, and across a thin walkway, then to a very tall ladder]
Shade: Eerily long ladder. That means... what, again?
Dark: Um... I think it's either eternal, really long, fake, or has a boss battle at the top. So, Knuckle tests.
K: HEY!
[a few seconds later, Knuckle is climbing the long ladder]
Dark: (thinking) Could the Nomble be at the top? ...no, no, it's too easy for that. ...but... what's at the top?
[Knuckle reaches the top]
K: HEY! IT'S JUST A ROOM! COME ON UP!
[they follow him up, and he's right]
Shade: Really odd. Just an empty room except for a window, a door, and those flashy letters spelling 'Turrican.'
Dark: ...Turrican? ....hmm...
Shade: Dark, what's wrong?
Dark: I don't know... I think I got the Big the Cat/Bioware treatment.
Shade: You mean your IQ points just randomly got boosted up?
Dark: Yeah, and now I can't stop THINKING! It's driving me mad! Such constant thinking!
Hero: You get used to it.
[Dark opens the door, and is sucked upwards, followed by the others]
[they awake in what seems like mid-air, suspended high above the park]
Dark: Uh-oh.
Tail: I DON'T WANNA DIE!
SShade: You signed up for it when we woke up in this loony bin of a town...
PFI: You're not standing on air.
[they all scream]
Shade: DO YOU HAVE TO SCARE US?
PFI: What choice do I have? I've been stuck here for hours, waiting for someone to come.
He: So, if we're not in mid-air... where ARE we, then?
PFI: We're in a large room made of glass. Unbreakable glass.
Dark: *sigh* ...Whaddya know? Trapped...
[the others argue and cry while Dark realizes something]
Dark: But... how are we breathing?
[the others stop, and listen to Dark]
Dark: If we're REALLY in a room made of glass, and there are no ways out, no air would be able to reach us.
PFI: Your point?
Dark: We can breathe just fine. I say there's an exit somewhere.
[Dark's right; there's a passage leading into a glass hallway]
Shade: Wow, you really DID get the Big-Ware treatment!
[they are all sucked through the hall into a regular room filled with water; an open window is near them]
K: Finally... the way out! See ya, suckers!
[Knuckle hops out the window, and falls about a hundred feet to the ground]
[a minute later, Knuckle made it back to them]
K: Well, I'm all out of ideas.
[Dark hops out the window, but stays close to the wall, and finds a VERY thin ledge for them to walk on]
Dark: C'mon, this ledge must be here for a reason!
[they follow the ledge around the room, being careful not to slip and fall like Knuckle; they find a ladder and climb it]
[they're now on the roof, where a lone button and a small, crawl-through tunnel going nowhere are]
[that is EVERYTHING near them. There are NO visible ways out]
K: Dark, you've killed us all!
[Knuckle chases Dark into the tunnel, and Dark quickly runs out and presses the button; the tunnel is sealed on one end]
K: ...Huh?
[Knuckle is fired out of the Tunnel-Cannon and disappears on the horizon]
Chapter 3: Sledge-HAMMA!
[the others wait a few minutes; Knuckle doesn't return]
SShade: Odd... by now, Knuckle should be here.
Dark: If he were to have died. Obviously, the cannon leads somewhere! Quick, INTO THE CANNON!
[one cannon blast later, they all find Knuckle along with Speedy outside a large skyscraper]
Hero: Speedy... what are YOU doing here?
Speedy: The same thing you guys are doing here.... for. I think.
He: Say, this skyscraper seems familiar... could it be...?
SB: City Hall.
He: Are you sure?
SB: Positive. But, something's different... I think there are sets of dynamite scattered around inside the building.
[they run inside, and see some dynamite by a wall]
TD: Stand back, kids. I know how to operate pyrotechnics!
[a few seconds later, a hole is open in the wall]
TD: ...hey, there's a cave in here! Come loo--
[the Doll is suddenly sucked into the dark cave, which starts to disappear]
Dark: NO!
[Dark runs ahead, and manages to enter the cave before the entrance disappears]
He: DARK!
Shade: Eh, he'll make it out.
He: Really?
Shade: Well, he's Dark. He's one of the main characters of this meta show! And main characters NEVER die! ...fully.
Hero: What about Shadow?
Shade: He's alive, remember?
Hero: I thought that was a robot!
Shade: No, if you play Shadow the Hedgehog, and fight Devil Doom for ten minutes, Eggman'll tell you that Shadow lived.
Hero: Well, I don't have Shadow...
[cut to Dark, exploring the cave]
Dark: Man, all this thinking is making me insane.......huh?
[Dark hears the Tour Guide talking in the distance]
TG: ..oll, what are you doing here?
TD: I saw the dynamite, and I went for it.
TG: Thinking outside the box, huh? Well, my boss told me how to take care of curious Georges like you.
TD: The name's 'Tails Doll,' not 'George.' What about YOUR name?
TG: My identity isn't important; your certain doom IS!
TD: B-but... if I die, I'll just respawn, won't I?
TG: Yes, NORMALLY. However, when my boss wants a death, that death ALWAYS happens. ALWAYS.
[Dark creeps closer, and enters a large pit with lava to one side, and a gate in a corner]
[he approaches the gate, and sees the Guide and the Doll behind it]
TG: See that little pod behind you? That's the Shortcut-Maker. It opens the gate behind me.
[Dark gets nervous]
TG: But, to open this gate, it must use sledgehammer.
TD: You... you mean A sledgehammer?
TG: No, Sledgehammer. Enter the pod.
[Dark quickly gets away from the gate]
[he hears the Doll enter the pod, and he suddenly hears Peter Gabriel sing: "SLEDGEHAMMER!"]
[the gate doesn't open, so Dark looks through it, and sees Tails Doll's dead body in the pod]
TG: Master... soon, your dreams will come true. Soon... *evil laughter*
[the Guide turns around, and sees Dark peeking through the gate, and stops laughing]
TG: ....
[Dark quickly stops looking through the gate, and the Guide appears on the other side of the lava]
TG: I can see that you're rather curious.... more curious than that doll.
[Dark slowly becomes more and more scared]
TG: And as much as I'd LOVE to bash your skull in.... my master has told me to make the most of your curiosity.
Dark: What... what do you mean?
TG: First of all, you must be VERY curious about your sudden IQ boost...
Chapter 4: The Deluxe Office Multiplex
TG: This IQ of yours was boosted by my master. He is very powerful. He felt sorry for your lack of knowledge.
Dark: Tell him I want my lack back!
TG: Why? With your new knowledge, you could become like me... and utilize this city's FULL POTENTIAL!
Dark: WHAT?!
TG: ...But I digress. There is an office building in this city somewhere. Not just ANY office, though... a DELUXE office.
Dark: Of death?
TG: I wish. Instead, this office contains the greatest secrets known to all chaokind!
Dark: Why would YOU be interested in Chaokind? You look more like a hedgehog, or something, to me.
TG: *ignoring Dark's question* You may have noticed the countless Shell signs...
Dark: Well, yes, which all eventually lead to death. Why?
TG: Look for the Deluxe Office. You must also be wondering why the Office of Death contains the gateway to Hell...
Dark: That DID pique my interest...
TG: Look for the Deluxe Office. I'm also sure you're wondering about this "Turrican" thing...
Dark: Uh... yeah, I suppose.
TG: Look for the Deluxe Office. You must be curious of the multiple Admin Rooms...
Dark: I know what you're gonna say, but YES, I am.
Both: Look for the Deluxe Office.
Dark: Now, what about the countless appearances of the Nomble? Why is he EVERYWHERE?
TG: ...I must go now. Remember--
Dark: I know, I know, look for the Deluxe-stinking-Office. ...Uh.... wait... how do I get back to the others?
TG: Are you sure you wish to return to THEM? Why not come with me?
Dark: Thanks, but I've had enough of your mysterious ways. --wait... are you a Beta Avenger?
TG: ....*burst with laughter* Wha... haha.... why would you compare ME to THOSE nutjobs?
Dark: *thinks about it* ....*laughs* Heh... I... I dunno! I mean, you're all mysterious, and stuff!
TG: Well, please believe me when I say that Chao Talk has absolutely NOTHING to do with them.
Dark: Okay, thanks.
TG: ...So, are you sure you don't want to come? If not, I shall send you back to your friends, and you will have no clue where to go next.
Dark: ...couldn't you give me a hint where to go?
TG: One hint. Find your way back into this room.
Dark: But, the wall was sealed!
[Dark is teleported back]
Shade: Um... Dark.... what just happ--
Dark: I dunno. Listen-- we need to look for this Deluxe Office. It's--
SB: --the location of many secrets? I know. But, to get there, we must go into the sealed-off room you just came from.
Dark: ...I see. So, anyone got any dynamite?
He: I do.
[everyone stares at He]
He: ...what?
[a few seconds later, they're in the lava room]
Dark: Okay, we have two choices-- go across the deadly lava, or locate the shortcut.
Hero: What shortcut?
Dark: Behind this gate is a box. The box kills you, but eventually opens this gate. The room behind the gate leads to the other side of the lava.
[via careful maneuvering, a few chao make it across the lava, and line up to the box]
Dark: Okay, now you four-- (She)Shade, Knuckle, Speedy, and... Devillish... what are you doing here?
Red: I was waiting for you guys.
Dark: ...anyway, you four, plus me, must enter the pod one-by-one. First, Shade, go ahead.
[SShade enters, hears Sledgehammer, then dies]
[then Speedy]
[then Red]
K: Dark, I think you owe me this time.
Dark: As much as I hate to admit it... you're right. *gulp*
[the other three come to the others (the ones behind the gate) and watch]
[Dark enters; Knuckle grins]
Box: (distorted) SlEdGeHaMmEr.....
[Knuckle dies; the gate opens; Dark steps out of the pod; Knuckle respawns]
K: Ow..... wh-what the? How did I die? You... YOU were in the pod!
Dark: Don't ask me!
[they search around and find a crawlspace]
PFI: What do you suppose is in there?
[Chao crawls out]
Chao: *cough* Whoo, it's dusty in there.
Tail: CHAO! What were you DOING in there?
Chao: Learning about allergies, apparently... *sneeze*...
Dark: Wait... Chao? *gasp* You JERK!
[Dark shoves Chao into the lava]
Dark: MY CANDY BAR IS AVENGED!
TO BE CONTINUED