Friday, March 6, 2009


*DCA REMASTERED!!! "Remastered, Adjective. No longer letting Betas run your life. See, Season 7 syndrome."
"Season 7 syndrome, noun. A mental condition in which a person, usually a writer, undergoes a change, commonly referred to as his or her 'Gray/Grey Journey. Symptoms include bringing back Rebel chao, Cyber chao, and other subjects included in Beta times, without having a thing to do with the betas."*

Episode 53: Chao In Space 3 part two: Ten/Twelve

[cut to the Dark Garden]
Red: So, Shade, you ready to kick some butt?
Shade: Not yet. First, let's give a recap.
Red: Okay. So, readers, previously on DCA, Shade somehow got everybody to believe they can do whatever they want.
Shade: That's right. So now, everybody's running around, attacking each other.
Red: That's actually a very good description.
Shade: I agree. ...hey, when WAS the last DCA, anyway?
Red: I dunno. Like, December? 2008?
Shade: Dang. It's been *checks date* over 2 months!
Red: Holy crap. Well, with a new year comes new styles, right, DJay?
DJay: That's right. Welcome to 2009, chao. Also with a new year comes a new style of humor. Well, not NEW, but different.
Shade: What about new ideas?
DJay: Obviously. For instance, just you wait until Episode 56, Shade...
Shade: Sweet. Loving this.
Red: Really? I'm scared.
Shade: That was sarcasm, Red.
Red: Oh.
Shade: Wait a minute; where's Dark?
Dark: ...........................YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
[Dark jumps down from a cliff, Shade steps to the side, and Dark hits the ground with a THUD!]
Dark: Did I miss my cue?
Shade: Just a smidge. C'mon, you two, let's get our gang back together.
Dark: Rubber Goose?
Red: I think he means our CRIMEFIGHTING gang. Our unnamed one.
Dark: We should call it
Chapter 1: The Killer Mockingbirds
Shade: Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, the Killer Mockingbirds, whatever. Let's kick some butt, or something.
[cut to the Chao Lobby]
[Shade peers up from the stairs, looking through his hands like binoculars]
Red: Well?
Shade: It's quiet....... TOO quiet.
Dark: (loudly) What?
Shade: I SAID, IT'S QUI--.... just shut up.
[Dark and Red snicker; they shake hands]
[cut to Shade's point of view-- he scans the lobby from his position]
[the camera passes a chao emotiball thing, then quickly zooms back to the ball, from which a Hero chao peeks out, then ducks]
Shade: I think I saw something. Dark, go check it out.
Dark: Yes, sir! Where was it?
Shade: Over by the Neutral Garden entrance.
[Dark goes to the entrance, and looks around]
Dark: Area secure, sarge!
[suddenly, Dark is grabbed, and pulled into the garden]
Shade: Dark?
Red: Somebody grabbed him. Want me to scout ahead?
Shade: We'll both go. C'mon.
[they enter the Neutral Garden, only to find all the trees knocked over, and the water really dirty]
[the only chao in there is Speedy]
Shade: Speedy.
Speedy: Heh-heh-hey, there. What brings y'all to our 'humble' abode?
Red: First of all, what's with the accent?
Speedy: May as well have SUMMIN' to define meself with!
Shade: Argh... his grammar annoys me. It's "with which to define myself," nimrod!
Speedy: (normal accent) Just joshing with you. I wouldn't go southern on you 'til I visit Louisiana.
[Speedy kicks a tree stump, which hurts his foot]
Speedy: So, what can I do ya for?
Red: Gay.
Shade: Shut up. Have you seen Dark anywhere?
Speedy: Dark? Hmmm... 'bout yea high *holds hand up to top of head*?
Shade: Yes.
Speedy: Nope. Although.... my memory IS a little bit fuzzy....
[Shade slips Speedy a fiver (slang for five bucks)]
Speedy: Cham took him behind the waterfall. Crazy **** in there.
Shade: I had a FEELING Cham had something to do with this!
[Shade and Red walk towards the waterfall]
Speedy: You're not actually thinking of going AFTER him, are ya?
Red: What's it to YOU, hotshot?
Speedy: What's it to ME? What's it to ME?! Well, hot****, I am the spokesperson for the DoomRaces.
Shade: DoomRaces?
Speedy: What is this, the Cross-Examination of a PARROT?! YES, the DOOMRACES.
Shade: What the crap are the DoomRaces?
Speedy: Deathtraps. Cham, you see, is a big name in the Underground. He runs these... deadly races frequently.
Shade: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How the heck did you guys establish a freaking UNDERGROUND system that quickly?!
Speedy: Technically, we've had over two months to make 'em.
Shade: ...right. Carry on, wayward son.
Speedy: Oh-ho-hoh, I'd recommend YOU to be trekking wayward, mah boi. Run to the hills, before you get caught up in the underground.
Red: What's so bad about the underground?
Speedy: It's like the mafia. You place yer bets, and ya lose. You pay yer money, or ya die. Sometimes both.
Shade: I don't have to listen to this. C'mon, Red. Let's go get Dark.
[as they walk to the waterfall, Speedy shouts, "I'm telling ya, you're going in too deep! You'll never pull yourselves out!"]
Chapter 2: Escape From the Waterfall
[Shade and Red enter the waterfall, and go to the Chao Race place]
[they find Cham standing at the end of a long hall]
Cham: Hey there, people! Welcome to the great hall of DoomRaces! I hope you brought your cash up front!
Shade: I'm looking for Dark.
Cham: Dark? Of the Dark Garden?
Shade: The very same.
Cham: Let me check my records. *looks at clipboard* Ah, our newest racer! Yes, and how much are you willing to bet?
Red: Bet? Bet on WHAT?
Cham: Bet on Dark WINNING, of course! Is this your first time here at DoomRaces?
Shade: Kind of. Let me guess-- Dark was kidnapped by you SLEAZEbags, and now you're using him to get money.
Cham: Pretty much! So, how much? 2, 3K?
Red: Whoo, he'd better be one good*** racer, or I'm gonna sue!
Cham: He's not the best, that's for sure.
Shade: How's about we make a DEAL, Cham?
Cham: A DEAL? Now you're talking my language! So what'cha, what'cha, what'cha want, what'cha want?
Shade: I want Dark, Beastie Boy. If he beats your best in a race, I get him back.
Cham: I see. And if I win?
Shade: You can keep him, AND Red.
Red: Yeah, BEASTIE BOY! ...................wait, WHAT?!
Cham: Hoohoohoo... I like this. You got yourself a deal, Shade.
Shade: So, who's your fastest runner?
Cham: Speedy.
[Shade's grin turns to a wide-eyed stare]
Shade: I... I thought he was just your spokesperson.
Cham: He advertises himself. So, do you accept the terms...
[the room gets darker, and Cham leans forward with suspicious eyes]
Cham: ....or are you gonna whimp out on me?
Shade: I accept the terms.
Cham: Excellent. Let's watch the race on my plasma screen TV.
Red: Hey, wasn't that originally ours?
Cham: I won it from Shade Junior. That's how good Speedy is.
[they watch the entire two-second race on the TV. Guess who won?]
[cut to Red and Dark in a dark room]
Dark: So, you got captured, too, huh?
Red: No, I'm just visiting.
Dark: Oh. I didn't know people could visit h--
Red: That was sarcasm.
Dark: Ah.
Dark: So, when are we gonna leave?
Red: I don't think we ARE gonna leave.
Dark: Oh.
Dark: Why not?
Red: Because Cham's the king of the underground.
Dark: Oh.
Dark: Couldn't we just kill him?
Red: No.
Dark: Oh.
Red: Wait a minute. We COULD just kill him!
[Dark and Red break out of their cell]
[cut to Shade, Dark, and Red walking out of the Neutral Garden]
Chapter 3: Don't RUSH to Conclusions, Guys
Dark: Boy, it sure was nice of Cham to surrender that quickly!
Red: Yeah! And I didn't even have to cry!
Shade: It's also a good thing that the Neutral Garden is now under control again.
Red: You said it.
Shade: However, we've still got the rest of the Dark Garden, AND the Hero Garden to take care of.
Red: Aww... this might actually take a while.
Shade: That's why we musn't split up. If we can stick together for this, we can get this done in no time.
Dark: YEAH! Let's show this creep the REAL superpower of TEAMWORK!
Shade: ...sure, why not?
[cut to the Hero Garden]
[the whole garden, like the others, is in complete devastation]
[Heroes are running amok EVERYWHERE]
Red: Man, how will we save THIS garden?
Shade: Observe.
[Shade moves to the fountain, turns to face the garden, and takes a deep breath]
[everyone looks in his direction, and stops what they are doing]
All: *cheer* ROCK BAND!!!
Hero: Which one?
Shade: Number two.
All: *cheer* ROCK BAND 2!!!
Shade: HOLD IT. Not that easy, guys. And not just ANY tournament!
Tail: Well, then.... what KIND of tournament?
Shade: Actually, I'm sorry, but I misled you. And I used the wrong word. Not "tournament," but.... a DUEL.
Heroes: *gasp*
Shade: A BATTLE..... of the BANDS.
Chapter 3.5: Battle of the Rock Bands
[cut to the Chao Lobby, two TVs have been set up, each with Rock Band 2, and there are two teams of four chao]

Band: Hero Eliminatronz
Lead Guitarist: Shade (Hard)
Bassist: Shadow the chao (Expert)
Drums: Dark (Hard)
Vocals: Red (Hard)

Band: Firebert
Lead Guitarist: Chao (Hard)
Bassist: Tail (Hard)
Drums: Hero (Expert)
Vocals: Knuckle (Expert)

Shade: Pfft... "Firebert?"
Chao: You mean, "pfft, 'Hero Eliminatronz!'"
Shade: Hey, we only started it so Shadow could join. He wouldn't fit in our REAL band.
Knuckle: ENOUGH TALK! Now we duel.

Dark: I say first we play, "A Jagged Gorgeous Winter."
Hero: No way! "Aqualung," all the way!
[the rest agree with Hero]
Shade: Majority rules, Dark.

Song: Aqualung, by Jethro Tull

[heavy guitar, Chao messes up]
Red, Knuckle: Sitting on a park bench
eyeing little girls with bad intent.
Snot running down his nose
greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
Hey, Aqualung!
Drying in the cold sun
Watching as the frilly panties run.
Hey Aqualung!
Feeling like a dead duck
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.
Whoa, Aqualung!

[things go quiet, so far Firebert got better, and is in the lead]
Red, Knuckle: Sun streaking cold
an old man wandering lonely.
Taking time
the only way he knows.
Neck hurting bad,
as he bends to pick a dog-end
he goes down to the bog
and warms his feet.

Feeling alone
the army's up the road
salvation à la mode and
a cup of tea.
Aqualung my friend
don't you start away uneasy
you poor old sod, you see, it's only me.

[things go faster, and Firebert is messing up a lot, Darks are in the lead]
Red, Knuckle: Do you still remember
December's foggy freeze
when the ice that
clings onto your beard was
screaming agony.
And you snatch your rattling last breaths
with deep-sea-diver sounds,
and the flowers bloom like
madness in the spring.

Sun streaking cold
an old man wandering lonely.
Taking time
the only way he knows.
Neck hurting bad,
as he bends to pick a dog-end
he goes down to the bog
and warms his feet.

Feeling alone
the army's up the road
salvation à la mode and
a cup of tea.
Aqualung my friend
don't you start away uneasy
you poor old sod, you see, it's only me.

[Guitar Solo, Chao and Shade act in a "Tug of War" fashion, each one playing a riff, then letting the other play one]
[Shade does rather better]

[slower again]
Red, Knuckle: Aqualung my friend
don't you start away uneasy
you poor old sod, you see, it's only me.

[back to original riff]
Red, Knuckle: Sitting on a park bench
eyeing little girls with bad intent.
Snot running down his nose
greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
Hey Aqualung!
Drying in the cold sun
Watching as the frilly panties run.
Hey, Aqualung!
Feeling like a dead duck
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.
Hey, Aqualung!
Whoa, Aqualung!

[in the end, the Hero Eliminatronz win]
Shade: Do we have time for another song?
Chao: Only one.
Shade: Only one?
Chao: Only one.
Chapter 4: Are you asking for a CHALLENGE?!
Dark: Let's do double or nothing!
Chao: So, if we win, we win, and if you win, you win by a landslide?
Dark: Yeah!
Red: Guys, we really actually don't have time for another.
???: How about time for a one-on-one guitar duel?
[everyone looks in the direction of the Dark Garden]
[it's Shade Junior!]
SJR: Well?
Shade: Maybe not a one-on-one... what about four-on-four?
SJR: ....a band duel? ....fine.
Shade: Let's say you win. What happens?
SJR: The Dark Garden becomes my empire. If you win, it's yours again.
[everyone gasps]
Red: You're... you're betting on leadership?
SJR: Yeah. You could say I'm tired of being the son of the ruler, and I want a piece of the glory.
Shade: Please. You're still just a kid.
SJR: Yeah, a kid who can play guitar on Expert.
[everyone gasps]
Tail: Only one other chao in the garden can do that!
SJR: And I want to duel him in a band duel.
Shade:'re on.

Band: Bad Luck
Lead Guitarist: Shade Junior (Expert)

Shade: Wait. Who else is in your band?
SJR: Oh, nobody special. Just the people who trained me to be a guitar god. Fellas!
[three figures step into the Lobby; as the chao see them, they cower in fear]
SJR: These three put me through harsh training, and this is my ultimate test.
Shade:'re on.

Bassist: Mecha Knuckles (Expert)
Drummer: Metal Sonic (Expert)
Vocalist: Tails Doll (Expert)

SJR: One more thing. Let's do Rock Band 1.
Shade: ....the sign of a true duelist. Not too many people choose that game, son.
SJR: I know. But I do.
Shade: Fine. And, since you called the duel, you pick the song.
SJR: ......Green Grass. I hear it's the hardest song on guitar.
[everyone gasps yet again, some chao faint]
Shade: That's... that's crazy! You can't put your bandmates through that!
SJR: Hey, be glad I didn't pick Visions, from number 2.
Shade: Son, have you ever even PLAYED Green Grass?
SJR: No, but I don't need to. I can beat the hardest ones on Rock Band 2.
[Shade stands, realizing something, and then grins]
Shade: All right. You're on.

Band: Rubber Goose
Lead Guitarist: Dark (Expert)
Bassist: Red (Expert)
Drummer: Shade (Expert)

TD: So, who's my duelman?
Shade: The best singer in the whole world.

Vocalist: Cham (Expert)

Cham: You called?
Shade: Yeah. We need you to sing Green Grass.
Cham: Oh, sure. Against them?
Shade: Yeah. My son doesn't know what he's done.
[Cham looks at the other band]
Cham: You're right. They seem like grunge, punk, and metal people.
Shade: Yeah. And we're 100% rock.
Cham: You said it. Let's rock.
Shade: Junior.... we're ready.
SJR: All right.

Chapter 4.9: Don't Try this Song at Home, Kids
Song: Green Grass and High Tides, by The Outlaws

[slow guitar intro, both play it perfectly, except for when things get complicated, where SJR messes up]
[faster guitar intro-- Shade Junior realizes that this song won't be easy]

Cham, TD: In a place you only dream of,
Where your soul is always free,
Silver stages, golden curtains
Filled my head, plain as can be...
As a rainbow grew 'round the sun,
All the stars I've loved who died,
Came from somewhere beyond the scene you see...
These lovely people played just for meeeee......

[killer guitar riff, SJR messes up BADLY]

Cham, TD: Now if I let you see this place,
Where stories all ring true,
Will you let me past your face
To see what's really you?
It's not for me to ask these questions
As though I were a king....
For you have to love, believe, and feel,
Before the burst of tamborines take you therrrrre...

Green grass and high tides forever!
Castles of stone souls and glory!
Lost faces say, "We adore you!"
As kings and queens bow and play for youuuuuuuuuuu.....

[crazy acoustic guitar solo; SJR messes up WAY too much]
[it keeps going, but SJR catches up]
[keeps going even longer]
[even more]
[whoa, this is long]
[then, he messes up, and Dark gets a big lead]
[electric guitar solo!]
[SJR and Dark are almost tied]

Cham, TD: Those who don't believe me,
Find your souls and set them free...
Those who do, believe and love,
As time will be your key...
Time and time again I've thanked them
For the peace of mind...
They helped me find myself
Amongst the music and the rhyme
That enchants you therrrrrrrre...........

Green grass and high tides forever!
Castles of stone souls and glory!
Lost faces say, "We adore you!"
As kings and queens bow and play for youuuuuuu....

[things go fast like they did in the intro, but this time they STAY that way]

Cham, TD: Yeah, they play just for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu(extra long)!

[crazy acoustic guitar solo 2; SJR gets the hang of it this time]
[keeps going]
[keeps going]
[keeps going]
[keeps going]
[and going]
[and going]
[and going]
[eventually, we reach the main event: two "snakes," one after another, in the notes]
[simply put, imagine a guitar controller, if you've ever seen one]
[now, imagine this: Green, Red, Yellow, Red, Green, Red, Yellow, etc]
[and coming at the chao SUPA fast]
[if you want a good video of it, here: (Precisely 7:02 is the first "snake" part)]
[SJR fails twice here, but is revived by his bandmates]
[then, things get easy again]
[after even longer, we reach the final main event: a really long series of:]
[orange, blue, yellow, again and again and again, faster than the snake sections]
[yes, it is on the video]
[and SJR fails halfway through this]
[since this is his third fail, he CANNOT be revived, so that's... pretty much that]
[aaaaand... BIG ROCK ENDING!!!!]
[triple note: green, red, blue, I think]

Chapter 5: So, in Conclusion, Kids...
SJR: How did...? How did I...?!
Dark: It's pretty simple, Junior. You're really good at moshing, mashing, and potatoing, because you're a metalhead.
Shade: But, choosing Green Grass was your biggest mistake.
Dark: Not really. His biggest mistake was taking us on. As Wolf O'Donnel says... you're good. But I'm BETTER!
Shade: In English, you shouldn't fight us. You can't play country songs like we can.
SJR: But..... but.... but I can beat Through the Fire and Flames... 98%!
Dark: Guess what? I can FC it.
[Dark walks away; SJR drops to his knees, and shouts, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"]
[and, let me translate that conversation into non-GuitarHero/RockBand:
Shade Junior is a heavy metal-type person. He can play metal songs really well.
But, he can't play country.
Second of all, Dark is better than him. Dark can FC (Full Combo, or 100% without messing up AT ALL) what he can 98%.
So, he played the wrong song against the wrong chao.
Also, Note: None of this reflects my playings skills, of which I have none. I can't even BEAT Green Grass.]
Me (Narrator): And so, the gardens went back to normal. However, people's characters did not.
[cut to the Poker Gang (Metal Sonic, Mecha Knuckles, Tails Doll, you know the drill) in the Stardust Eggman (statue of Eggman in Stardust Speedway Zone 2), playing poker (as a pun on "Metal Sonic's poker buddies")]
Me: The Poker Gang went back to playing poker, except now they also host Rock Band tournaments (instead of Guitar Hero) every Saturday at 8:00 PM.
[cut to Cham in the Neutral Garden, lying against a tree, looking at the]
Me: Cham quit the Underground business. Now, he spends days thinking up lyrics to country songs.
[cut to the Heroes being normal]
Me: The Heroes decided to stop being jerks, and pretend this whole Chao In Space never happened. At all.
[cut to the Dark trio (Shade, Dark, Red) holding real instruments]
Me: The Darks decided to get the gang back together. That is, the MUSICAL gang. Rubber Goose.
Me: Yeah, I don't remember them ever stopping it, either. Well..... they did. And now it's alive again.
[cut to Shade Junior sitting at the Rock Band setlist menu, "Green Grass and High Tides" is highlighted]
[also, he's sitting in a cooped-up, sad sort of way-- kinda like I have been for the past few weeks]
Me: Shade Junior has shut up since then, and focused on beating Green Grass. He hasn't been seen in public in a while.
[fade to black]
Me: And so it seems that we've come to the end of our episode. Finally, I can rest knowing that DCA is finished. For good.

I mean... not finished. It'll never be finished. Not while..... HE... is still alive.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I'm still alive, you know.

This is a message to inform you of my being alive.
Because I am still alive.

No new DCA just yet, but I'm nearly done with it. In fact, I'm gonna try to get it done right now.

So, you might see a new DCA mere minutes after this post.