Saturday, October 10, 2009

so i herd u liek mudkipz...

Yeah, so for some reason, I always feel great at the middle of the night. :P Weird. I mean, where I am, it's 2 AM now. Everybody else is sleeping, and yet I'm up. I love this time of night! :D

Still, I heard that you, my friends and fans, have most likely heard the news that DCA is ending. If you haven't, you probably haven't been here in a while. Or you just didn't feel like reading the thousands of scripts I've been churning out at a not-so-steady pace.

But, um... yeah.

DCA is ending.

Why? ....uh... actually, I'm not entirely sure. xD I just... decided that there's little chance of me coming up with another six seasons, or even five/four/three or... two. I mean, in THEORY, I could, but theory is a cruel mistress! While that may be my favorite KIND of mistress, that does not apply to this context! No, I have attempted making more storylines to DCA, but those have all resulted in DCA09, Professor Shade-on, Chao Chat (which, I realize, I have worked a TON on, but you'll never get to hear any of it! :D) and similar projects like those.

Simply put, I realized that if I don't end DCA soon, it would be on an eternal hiatus. And, who wants THAT? I don't want my greatest creation (which isn't saying much) to turn into Duke Nukem Forever! D:

WHEN is DCA ending? By the end of Season Seven. Of course, not even I know when that'll be. It COULD be when Shadow gets the last chaos drive and defeats the Veteran's Committee, but that's just a possibility. Hell, there's STILL the possibility of it not ending AT ALL! That might happen if people really want it to.

But, hey! Don't cry, people! Whether or not DCA is ending (even though it most likely is), Season Seven will DEFINITELY be a wild ride!

This has been a public service announcement from Jordan. (I think my name change from "DJay" to "Jordan" is gonna be official.)

Monday, October 5, 2009


Shadow: The series revolves around me now. Not Shade. I'm going on a Green Journey to collect seven green chaos drives.
Shade: And I'm helping!
Shadow: I NEED to do this, otherwise the Veteran's Commitee--
Shade: --the new bad guys--
Shadow: --will end DCA. And who wants that?
Shade: Other than the bad guys, of course.
Shadow: No, not even THEY want to. They just... think they have to, in order to continue evolution.
Shade: Good cause, bad execution.
Shadow: So, um... apparently, the first chaos drive is in future Europe.
Shade: I jumped with joy as soon as I heard this.
Shadow: Seriously, why are you so excited? What's so special about future Europe?
Shade: Ho-ho-hoh, you will find out. BUT, something went horribly, horribly wrong.
Shadow: Oh, yes. As the Daleks (whom I forgot to mention) were teleporting us, this virus...
Shade: This virus introduced, like... two episodes ago, to corrupt the Veteran's Commitee's weird.. machine thing, that is.
Shadow: Well, the virus kinda...... it ****ed things up.

Season 7 (AKA Season 6 part two)
Episode Fifty-nine: Still Waiting for Half-Time part one: I Would Walk Five Hundred Miles, and Then I'd Drive Five Hundred More

We resume our story in the Space/Time Rip, located beyond the planet of PURE DOOKY.
[the Daleks have just teleported Shade and Shadow, but...]
Dalek2: WHAT IS IT?
Dalek3: YOU DON'T MEAN...
[the scene changes to.. well... nowhere. Just a black space, I guess.]
[we see the scene through Shadow's eyes; he hears familiar voices]
Echo?: Hmmmm...... . . . . . . ... .. .... .. .. ....
LevityNite?: What... shall we do with them?
Echo?: Hmmmm...... . . . . . . ... .. .... .. .. ....
?: No... interception will not get us anywhere...... let them go.
Nite?: But, our plans--
Echo?: Hm. Hm. Hm......... I understand... your point of view, Levity, but..... .. . ... .. .. .... .. . ..
Nite?: Of course... after all...
?: Let them go, I said.... let them go. The green one.... he needs his strength.
Egg?: But, what good will one soldier do?
?: You would be..... very surprised... Levity..... inform him....
[Levity Nite appears]
Nite: Shadow.
Shadow: What? What's going on?
Nite: We've been talking for a bit, and we've decided...
Shadow: Who's "we?" The Patriots?
Nite: The Veteran's Committee.
Shadow: So, what? You're going to kill me now?
Nite: No. We have decided that you may prove to be useful. We want you to do a little job for us.
Shadow: What KIND of "little job?"
Nite: You will find out.
Shadow: What if I decline your offer?
Nite: Offer? *laughter* We're not offering anything, Shadow. We're ORDERING you.
Shadow: And if I don't succeed?
Nite: Well, the only way to not succeed this job would be to die, so...
Shadow: Oh. Well... what do I have to do?
Nite: As I said, Shadow... you will find out. For now, just sleep. Sleep... we will wake you when it is time.
Shadow: But I'm not tir--
[Shadow instantly falls asleep]
[he wakes up; things are all space-y and weird]
[Echo, in his awesome Dark/Fly form, appears in front of Shadow]
Echo: Rise... and SHINE, misssster Shadowwww.... rise... and... SHINE...
[things become very awkward, and horrific images flash in front of them]
Echo: Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on... the JOB.
Shadow: "..the job?" --Oh, right. I forgot.
Echo: No one is more deserving of a rest than YOU, and all the effort in the WORLD would have gone to waste, until...
Shadow: Until? C'mon, what's going on?
Echo: Well... let's just say your hour has... come again.
Shadow: "Again?" When was the first time?
Echo: The right chao in the wrong place can make all the diff...erence... in the WORLD.
Shadow: Seriously, dude... please tell me what's going on.
Echo: So... wake UP, misssster Shadowwww... wake up and.. smell the ASHES.
Chapter 1: Pointed Insertion
[Shadow wakes up on a train pulling into a station]
Shadow: Ugh... what the smack-diddly-umptious?
[outside the window, he sees a very Eastern-European-esque train station]
Shadow: Oh, crap, future Europe.
[he gets off the train, and instantly has his picture taken by a flying robot]
Shadow: Um... thank you?
[he slowly backs away from the robot, and bumps into a man wearing a black... well... "suit" is the best I can describe it]
[the man also has a weird gas mask, and an electric nightstick]
Shadow: Sorry about that. I, um... didn't mean to bump into you--
[he is shoved away, and falls over]
Shadow: Oof! *sniff* That kinda hurt...
[the man waves his nightstick, and sparks fly from it]
Shadow: Alright, I'm movin'! Geez...
[he keeps moving onward, and around him, many men in suits like that one are being oppressive and cruel to people]
Shadow: What the heck HAPPENED here?
?: New here, ain'tcha?
[that came from an old Hero chao, sitting on a bench in a corner]
Shadow: Um... yes, I suppose I am. Can you tell me what's going on?
[the chao looks around, paranoid]
?: Not here. This isn't the place.
[the chao gets up, and begins to walk away]
?: Apartment complex Greknurf.
[he leaves]
Shadow: Wait, where's that? Hey!
[a suited man comes up to Shadow, and gestures for him to be quiet]
Shadow: Sorry.
[he moves on through the train station, and follows a line of people]
[some people in the line go forward, through a door, to the exit]
[others go towards a platform, along which are a bunch of large, dark, ominous trains]
[the third bunch of people... Shadow sees them enter the line, but not come out anywhere]
[Shadow reluctantly steps into the line, and some suited men tell him to go towards the ominous trains]
Shadow:'re kidding, right?
[they shove him along]
Shadow: Oof! But... but where do those trains go?
[suddenly, they stop him; a camera on the wall takes pictures of him]
[a door next to him opens; a suited man walks out]
Man: You, citizen, come with me.
[Shadow follows him through a dark corridor, and to a room]
[inside the room is a chair around which, the ground is splattered with blood]
Man: Get in.
[Shadow walks in, as does the man; he goes over to some computer monitors]
Man: Yeah, I'm gonna need me some privacy for this...
[the man presses some buttons, and some cameras (which were there) retreat into the walls]
Man: Now...
[the man slowly takes off his gasmask...]
[aaand it's Red, the red Dark chao! Future form]
RedFuture: ..about that beer you owe me!
Shadow: ...isn't the actual line, "About that beer I owe YOU?"
RedF: Hey, buddy, you barely did squat for me, and I just stopped you from boarding a razor train.
Shadow: What are you talking about? I fought the Patriots and... oh, yeah, they never told the public about that.
RedF: Exactly. Anyway, you know me... I'm Red, from the Dark Garden n' stuff, but I seriously hardly know YOU.
Shadow: I'm Shadow, the green Dark chao. I've been in the garden for much longer than you have. Well... a bit.
RedF: ..okay, so I've seen you around before, but you look so... young.
Shadow: Long story short, I did some time travelling.
RedF: Oh, I see.
Shadow: You do?
RedF: Dude, once you've done some adventures with Shade, you get used to it.
Shadow: I see your point. So, what.. what year is this?
RedF: I don't know. The Combine have deemed calendars "useless." They say it makes us rely on labels.
Shadow: The Combine? Now, where have I heard THAT before...?
RedF: Don't worry too much about it. No, wait, DO. They're the invaders, and I don't mean GOOD invaders like Zim.
Shadow: Darn.
RedF: I've been working undercover with Civil Protection... I can't talk to you for too long, or they'll get suspicious.
Shadow: I take it the Civil Protection are volunteers who go around beating people?
RedF: Pretty much. Hey, we get food and... we get to bathe.
Shadow: Ew.
RedF: I've been way behind on my "beating quota." Hang on, there's somebody who would love to talk to you.
[one of the computer monitors shows Tails]
Tails: Yes, Red, what is it? I'm right in the middle of a critical test!
RedF: Sorry, Doc, but look who's here!
Tails: ...who's that?
Shadow: I'm Shadow. You might not remember me, since... it was a while ago when I last saw you.
Tails: Shadow, my goodness... from the Big Shell incident? Yes, yes! I remember! With the Patriots... *shudder*
Shadow: Well, I'm working for them now, I think, so...
Tails: You're... WORKING for them?! AGAIN?!
Shadow: "Again?"
Tails: You were working for them during the Libfairy stuff... and stuff.
Shadow: Oh, yeah. Feels like it happened only yesterday...
Tails: So, um... Red, what do you intend?
RedF: I'm thinkin'... maybe he could go to the lab, and we can plan somethin' there?
Tails: Shade should be around here somewhere... he would have a better idea of how to get him here.
RedF: Well, as long as he stays away from checkpoints, we'll be okay.
[Red looks at the door]
RedF: Listen, I gotta go, Doc; I'm takin' enough chances as it is.
Tails: Very well. And, uh, Shadow? Nice to meet you.
Shadow: The feeling's mutual, Doctor.
[the screen switches back to random numbers and... letters and... algorithms]
RedF: Okay, Shadow, you're gonna have to make your own way to Mister Prower's lab.
[somebody knocks on the door]
RedF: Aw, man, that's what I was afraid of. Get in here, Shadow, before you blow my cover!
[Red leads Shadow into a room filled with boxes]
RedF: Pile up some stuff to get through that window, and keep goin' 'til you're in the plaza!
[he closes the door halfway]
RedF: I'll meet up with ya later.
[he closes the door]
[Shadow piles up some stuff to get through a window, and keeps goin' 'til he's in the plaza]
[or, rather, back in the train station again]
Shadow: This is a really big train station.
[a Combine cop (man in a suit with a gasmask), whom we will call "metrocops," walks by]
[he knocks a can over]
Cop: Pick up that can.
[Shadow picks it up]
Cop: Now put it in the trash can.
Shadow: And if I don't?
Cop: *charges nightstick* I am authorized to use full force.
Shadow: *puts can in trash can* Okey-doke.
Cop: Okay, you can go. *chuckle*
[as Shadow is leaving the train station, he blows a raspberry at the cop]
[one beating later, Shadow finds himself in the town plaza]
[all the buildings are very old and Eastern-European (Russian, German, stuff like that)]
[in the center of the plaza is a giant TV on which, Doctor Eggman is addressing the public]
Egg: Let me read a letter I recently recieved. "Dear Doctor Eggman, why has the Combine seen fit to suppress our reproductive cycle? Signed, a Concerned citizen." Thank you for writing, Concerned. ...luckily, I'm not gonna answer it! Hohohoh!
Shadow: Eggman...?
[far, far, FAR in the distance, at the center of the city, a gigantic spire rises into the clouds]
Shadow: Ooh, that's ominous.
[Shadow realizes he's talking to himself, and decides to explore a bit]
[as he's walking down a street, he sees it is barricaded by the Combine]
[in front of the barricade, two metrocops are searching some citizens]
[a giant, long-legged, three-legged... thing walks by on the street behind the barricade]
Shadow: What the f--
[one beating later, Shadow hops a fence, and moves through some alleyways]
[he finds himself at a large building, and enters, 'cause there's really nothing else to do]
[inside is an apartment complex, through which, Shadow checks]
[he goes up a floor, and checks some rooms filled with people and chao]
Shadow: Excuse me, um... where am I?
Person: You're in apartment complex Greknurf.
Shadow: Oh, that's good!
?: Hey, there you are. So you finally made it.
[the old Hero chao is there]
?: My name's Hero. Perhaps you know me?
Shadow: Hero... yeah, you were one of the Hero chao from the Gardens, right?
HeroF: And you were... uh...
Shadow: I'm Shadow.
HeroF: My goodness, Shadow! I've completely forgotten you. Anyway, it seems to me like you need some help around here.
Shadow: Pfft. More like a BUNCH of help.
HeroF: Well, all you need to know is, Eggman's finally cracked. He's also finally conquered the world.
Shadow: ...friggin' finally.
HeroF: In this new world of Eggman Empires n' stuff, we must behave... n' stuff.
Shadow: I think I get what you're saying. Eggman's a tyrant?
HeroF: Pretty much.
Shadow: Hm. Hey, do you know how I might get to Mister Prower's lab?
HeroF: The Tailsmeister? Uh, yeah, he's--
[a siren goes off]
Attention, tenants. We have detected a miscount in your block.
Cooperation with your Civil Protection officials will guarantee a full-ration reward.
HeroF: Aw, shizzle!
Shadow: What? What's going on?
HeroF: They detected you. You're a miscount, man; a nobody. Ohhh, now we're gonna get it...
Shadow: What should I do?
HeroF: Head for the roof! There's no time to waste; go on!
[Shadow starts running for the stairs, and sees some metrocops heading up the stairs; he runs faster]
[he gets to the roof, and keeps running along the rooftops]
[the cops on the streets see him and start shooting at him]
Shadow: Aiee!
[he dives into a window, and falls down some stairs; they break]
[the metrocops break in, and surround him]
Shadow: Uh... hai gaiz...
[they knock him out]
[he wakes up a few minutes later to the face of an old, grey Dark chao]
Shadow: Ugh... Shade?
?: Shadow the chao, I presume.
[a siren continues going off in the distance]
?: We'd better hurry. The Combine are slow to wake, but once they're up, you don't want to get in their way.
[the chao helps Shadow up, and presses a button on the wall]
?: Mister Prower said you'd be coming this way. I don't think it occurred to him that you might not have a map.
[an elevator comes up]
?: I'm Shade. ...from your appearance, I'd say you come from the past, right? As in, this is your future?
Shadow: Yeah.
ShadeF: In that case, I'm the future Shade. I'm ten times cooler than the Shade you know.
Shadow: I believe you. ...dude, you have a freaking COWBOY HAT, and a five o' clock shadow.
ShadeF: I also had a shotgun, but it's gone now.
Shadow: What happened to it?
ShadeF: Another war, in the Americas. That was Gears of War, though, and this is something eleven times more awesome.
Shadow: What?
ShadeF: Half-Life 2.
[they ride the elevator to another floor; ShadeF leads Shadow to a propaganda poster of Eggman]
ShadeF: I'm sure you remember the ol' Egghead. He was my commander in that war I mentioned...
Shadow: I thought he was my colonel on this one espionage thing, but it turned out to be a robot.
ShadeF: Huh. Well, I got a warning for ya-- don't get my dad started on him.
Shadow: I thought your dad died. ...on said mission of mine.
ShadeF: Plot hole., schnap, a plot hole. Well.. um... we revive people a lot. So we did that to him.
Shadow: Oh. That makes sense, I guess.
[ShadeF presses a button, and the wall behind the poster moves, revealing a hallway]
Chapter 2: "A Shaded Letter Day"
ShadeF: Funny, you showing up on this day in particular...
[they move through some hallways]
ShadeF: We've been helping people escape this city on the underground railroad.
Shadow: Awesome. Good cause.
ShadeF: It's a dangerous route, through the old canals. Today, we're finally on the verge of finding a better way.
[they reach a soda machine]
ShadeF: Here, lemme buy you a drink.
[he puts a coin in, presses three buttons, then bangs on the side of the machine]
[it opens up, revealing Tails' lab]
ShadeF: Oh, and by the way... welcome to the future, kiddo.
[Shadow slowly enters the lab and looks around; tons of circuitry and gadgets are everywhere]
[Tails is looking inside an animal crate]
Tails: Blast that little-- where did she get to?
ShadeF: Uh-oh. Everything alright, Doc?
[Tails bangs his head on the crate, then comes out]
Tails: Oh, hello, Shade. No, not everything... Jett has gotten out of her crate again. If I didn't know better, I'd suspect Red of trapping and...
[Tails finally notices Shadow]
Tails: My goodness.... Shadow. It really IS you, isn't it?
Shadow: Wow, Mister Prower, you...'re no longer an 8-year old.
ShadeF: I found him wandering around outside. A bit of a troublemaker, isn't he?
Tails: Oh, no, we owe a great deal to Shadow... but, trouble doesn't normally follow in his wake.
[Tails moves towards a computer]
Tails: I must say, Shadow, you've come at a very opportune time. Shade has just installed the final piece on our teleport!
ShadeF: Heh heh, yep, I'm awesome.
RedF: Well, is he here?
[they all turn to look at Red, who just got there]
RedF: Man, Shadow, you stirred up the hive.
[Red moves to some monitors; on the monitors are various locations of the city]
RedF: We can't keep him here long, Doc; it'll jeapordize everything we've worked for.
ShadeF: Take a chill pill, Red; he's comin' with me.
Tails: He's right. This is a red letter day! The teleport is complete!
RedF: A "red letter day," huh... I like the sound of that.
ShadeF: Doc, I believe you mean a "letter that is many SHADES of red day."
RedF: Butt off, Shade. The term is "RED letter day," not "SHADED red letter day."
Tails: That doesn't matter! The teleport is COMPLETE, I said!
RedF: So, it's working? For real this time? 'Cause... I still have nightmares about... THE MOOSE.
Shadow: The moose?
Tails: Now, now... there is nothing to worry about. We have made major strides since then. Major strides.
Shadow: ...what moose?
RedF: Well, Doc, since he's not takin' to the streets, you'd better get him out of his civvies.
Tails: Good idea. Red, I'll give you the honor.
RedF: I gotta get back to my shift, but okay.
[Red leads Shadow to a closet; he opens it; he turns on a light]
RedF: There we go-- HOLY FU--
[a headcrab jumps at him and latches to his head; he tears it off and throws it into the lab]
[it hops on to a cabinet]
Tails: Jett! There you are!
RedF: I thought you got rid of that pest...
Tails: Certainly not!
[Shadow stands back a bit from it]
Tails: Never fear, Shadow; she's debeaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. ...fruitlessly!
RedF: *fake wretch* Gross.
Tails: Here, my pet... come with me!
[Jett hops up to some shelves]
Tails: No, not up there!
Tails: Careful, Jett... those are quite fragile!
[Jett hops into a vent]
Tails: Oh, boy... it'll be a week before I can coax her out of there.
RedF: Yeah... longer, if we're lucky.
ShadeF: Not an animal person, are ya, Red?
RedF: Eah...
[they go back to the closet, and Red hands Shadow a suit]
[he puts it on]
ShadeF: Say, Doc.. that doesn't look like an HEV suit.
Tails: That's because it isn't one! I designed this suit, myself, out of fear that it'll mess up the teleport, like you did.
ShadeF: Sheesh, ONE TIME! Okay? Once!
[a siren goes off in the distance; on the monitor, the metrocops leave their positions]
Tails: Oh, dear.
RedF: Doc, we don't have time for this! Let's get this show on the road!
Tails: Good idea. This way, everyone!
[Tails leads them to a side room; a large machine is there, as is a console and a monitor]
[Shade steps into the machine; Cham appears on the monitor]
ChamF: Miles, are you there?
Tails: Yes, Cham... bit of a hold-up on this end. You'll never guess who stumbled into my lab this morning.
[Cham looks at Shadow]
ChamF: That's not who I think it is, is it?
Tails: Indeed, it is! And I intend to send him packing straightaway, in the company of Shade.
ShadeF: You ready for us, Cham?
ChamF: We're all set on this end.
ShadeF: Then let's do it.
[the machine warms up]
Tails: Hm, let's see... I've connected the GY circuit to the HJ socket, and activated both relays, Hilbert inclusive.
[the machine is warmed up]
Tails: Conditions could hardly be more ideal!
RedF: Yeah, that's what you said last time.
Shadow: Hey, um... yeah, about that moose--
[the machine does nothing]
Tails: Oh, fiddlesticks, what now?
ShadeF: Ah, the darn thing's come unplugged!
Shadow: I got it. *plugs it in*
Tails: ...did it work?
ChamF: See for yourself.
[Shade appears on the monitor]
ShadeF: This is Major Tom to Ground Control; I'm stepping through the doors.
Tails: Ground Control to Major Tom, you've made the grade, and the papers want to know whose shirt you wear.
RedF: ...just ignore them when they're like this.
Shadow: Oh, okay.
[Shadow gets into the machine]
Tails: Sending Shadow in 3... 2... 1...
RedF: Good luck out there, Shadow.
Tails: What the? What's gone wrong?
RedF: It's your pet, the freakin' HEAD-HUMPER!
[Jett is messing with the circuitry, and jumps into the machine]
Tails: Jett? Joan, NO!
[Shadow appears on a beach somewhere; Jett hops away]
[Shadow teleports back]
RedF: There he is!
Tails: Is Jett with him?
RedF: Forget about that thing!
[Shadow appears in Cham's lab]
ChamF: There he is. ..what's wrong, Purflee (the first, the female one)?
PFF: Something's pulling him away...
ShadeF: Stay put, Shadow. We'll get you out of there.
[Shadow finds himself in a fancy office; windows show the city from extremely high up]
[Eggman is in the room, sitting at a desk]
Egg: ...what the? Who are you? How did you get in here?
[back to Tails' lab]
RedF: He's back! Ah, screw this, Shadow, I'm getin' you out of there!
Tails: You can't just wade into the field! It will peel you apart!
ShadeF: We just lost Shadow. What's going on?
Tails: I wish I knew! We're encountering unexpected interference!
ChamF: Hold on, Shadow, we'll--
[back to Cham's lab]
ShadeF: Shadow!
PFF: It's no use; he's going again.
[Shadow finds himself in Eggman's office again]
[this time, Eggman has turned around, and is talking on a monitor to Metal Sonic, in his awesome future glory]
Egg: ...I'm all but certain he was...
[Metal looks behind Eggman; Eggman turns around and sees Shadow]
Egg: .......Shadow Raid.
[Shadow drops into a lake; he sinks for a bit; an alien fish monster charges at him, mouth wide open]
[finally, as the teleport field wears off, Shadow appears outside Tails' lab, by a window]
Tails: What do you mean, "he didn't come through?"
ChamF: He wasn't here.
Tails: Then... where IS he?
ChamF: *looks* ...behind you.
[Tails turns around, and sees Shadow, outside the window]
Tails: WOAH!
ChamF: Shut it down, shut it down!
Tails: Shadow! You must get out of here!
[some camera bots fly by and take multiple pictures of him]
RedF: Get down out of sight; I'll come find you.
[Tails closes the blinds; Shadow is able to move again]
[he runs as fast as he can around the building]
RedF: Hey, hold up a sec!
[he finds Red]
RedF: Shadow! The Egg Citadel's on full alert; I've never seen it lit up like that!
[the humongous tower in the distance is blasting sirens, camera bots, and tons of lights]
RedF: Listen to me... the teleport didn't work like we wanted it to.
Shadow: Yeah, I noticed.
RedF: Instead, you need to go through the underground railroad. It's extremely dangerous, but there are lots of others.
Shadow: Others? Like... other rebels, and stuff?
RedF: Yeah. They'll help you when they can.
Shadow: Um.. to Cham's lab, right?
RedF: Yes.
Shadow: Where, exactly, is that?
RedF: Um... it's... not that far. Really.
Shadow: (sigh) How far is it, Red?
RedF: A couple.. .. ....miles.
Shadow: A couple what?
RedF: Just take this freakin' crowbar, already!
[Red tosses a crowbar at him--]
[SNATCH] (somebody grabs it)
RedF: Holy crapadoo...
Shadow: There you are...
?: I am the only person who can use these. Understand?
[it's Shade! THE Shade! The present Shade! Not the future one!]
Shadow: Shade, where WERE you?
Shade: Somebody intercepted the Daleks' teleport; I woke up in a dumpster, way far out there.
Shadow: Well, the Veteran's Committee got me, and made me do a job for them.
Shade: A job? What kinda job?
Shadow: I dunno; they said I'd find ou--.....
[Shadow slowly turns to face the Egg Citadel]
Shadow: ....don't tell me...
Shade: They want you to assassinate Egghead, don't they?
Shadow: It's a safe bet.
RedF: you're welcome for the crowbar. Like I said, stick to the underground, 'kay? I gotta go.
[Red leaves]
Shadow: ...y'ever played Half-Life 2?
Shade: Beaten it a couple hundred times. Why? It doesn't help here; the Veteran's Committee can change stuff.
Shadow: Oh... that is not good news.
Shade: Sure it is! It makes this more fun!
[they move on, past some train tracks]
Chapter 3: The Root of the Canal
[they head down some stairs]
Shadow: Um... so, in the end, do the good guys win?
Shade: Pfft, no. In the end, SOMEBODY wins, but it's never explained if he's good or bad. Even then, he doesn't actually win.
Shadow: ...I'm not even gonna ask.
Shade: Yeah, don't.
Shadow: So... so we're entering the underground railroad now?
Shade: Yep.
Shadow: How far is Cham's lab?
Shade: Well, in the game, Doctor Eli's lab was a couple hundred miles away, across huge rivers and canals.
Shadow: C-couple HUNDRED?!
Shade: Yeah. It took the player about two chapters to get there.
Shadow: Holy damsel...
Shade: Shh! Hear that?
[they hear some crying, and peek around a dark corner]
[a woman is kneeling by a dead man, crying, as two metrocops continue to beat the corpse]
Woman: Stop, he didn't do anything...
Shadow: Shade, we've got to do something...
Shade: Wait a second.
[Shade keeps looking at the woman]
Shade: I swear, that woman looks awfully familiar...
[the woman is rather pale, and is sitting on the ground, sobbing her eyes out]
Shadow: Oh, I don't have time for this! I'm going to help her!
[as Shadow leaves, Shade remembers where he saw her from]
Shade: ....oh, snap. Shadow, stop!
[the metrocops notice Shadow, and start shooting at him]
[the woman starts growling]
[Shade slowly hides]
[Shadow attacks the metrocops, but accidentally bumps into the woman]
Shadow: Sorry! I was......
[the woman is now standing up, eyes red, with long claws, and is snarling with great intensity]
Shadow: ...just leaving.
[the camera shows Shade, ducking, cowering, as Shadow screams in pain, and the woman growls and slashes]
[a while passes; Shadow walks on-screen, covered in deep gashes]
Shadow: .....
Shade: ........I don't think that happened in the gam--
Shadow: SHUT UP.
Shade: Hey, it's not my fault if the Veteran's Committee can put Left 4 Dead stuff in Half-Life 2!
[they get past the dark hallway, and head up some stairs]
[upstairs, some metrocops see them and start shooting]
Shade: WA SNAP
[one crowbar smack later, Shade and Shadow make it to the top of the stairs with a brand new pistol!]
[at the top of the stairs, they are outside again, just as it becomes about... 4 PM? I dunno]
Shadow: Why does the time matter, again?
Shade: It doesn't. It's just awesome how time progresses at such an awesome pace in this game.
[in front of them is a large valley, with a train track inside]
Shade: I gotta say, it's not that easy to describe this place, is it?
Shadow: Can't be.
[on the other side of the valley are some old construction sites... and... stuff]
Shade: I'll just put it this way, we've got to go along this train track, but we can't.
Shadow: Why not?
Shade: Eggman's made a lot of technology, you know. He just doesn't.. want to make the city, itself, look better.
Shadow: So.. he's... made some barriers. That's all ya gotta say.
Shade: Yeah, but... ah, whatever.
[they descend some steps into the valley, but find no way up the other side]
[nearby, a train's horn honks]
Shadow: Um... Shade?
Shade: What?
Shadow: How do we get up there?
Shade: We're supposed to, uh... crap, I forgot.
Shade: Route Canal's not entirely one of my favorite chapters, okay? It's a brilliant concept, but I... I get bored.
[the train is very close to them]
Shade: Oh, yeah, I remember now.
[Shade starts running up the stairs, which suddenly collapse]
Shade: What the--
[somehow, Shade and Shadow were able to hop into the driver's carriage via the front window]
Shade: ...oh, thank goodness this thing's automated.
Shadow: Shade, did this happen in the game?
Shade: Pfft. I wish. It'd be freaking awesome if it did.
Shadow: Then... then what? Where do we go from here?
Shade: I dunno.
Shadow: Oh, this isn't good. *paces around the room* This is bad, this is very, very bad...
Shade: Dude, calm down. We'll get out of this.
Shadow: But, what makes you so sure? The show, itself, is threatened... and we're lost in the future on a train!
Shade: Dude. Dude. Dude. Calm. Down. We're the good guys. The good guys AlWAYS win.
Shadow: What about in Watchmen?
Shade: ..uh... the good guys won in that one, too, remember?
Shadow: They did? I... I didn't get it.
Shade: How did you not get it? They had to kill millions of people to save billions!
Shadow: But... but did the good guys win, or the bad guys?
Shade: There WERE no "good" or "bad" guys in Watchmen. Just people.
Shadow: But... wait... what?
Shade: People don't have to be "good" or "bad," dude.
?: Hey, what's going on in here?
[a Dark chao, a regular, plain-old Dark chao, steps into the cabin]
Shade: ...Dark?
Dark: Shade? ..Green guy? What are you two doing here?
Shadow: Long story short, we're gonna kill Eggman, but what are YOU doing here?
Dark: Well, long story short, I woke up in a dumpster.
Shade: Me, too! Then I found this guy.
Dark: You did? Hey, me, too!
Shade: ...yeah, well, do you know where this train's headed?
Dark: This place called "Nova" something or other.
Shade: We gotta get off this train, NOW.
Dark: Have you tried jumping out the window?
[cut to a river... thing, filled with lots of crap and boxes and stuff]
[Shade, Dark, and Shadow land in it]
Shadow: *spits water out of mouth* Eah... what did we just land in?
Shade: *feels around* ....I don't want to know.
Shadow: Good point.
[they wade through the water...stuff, and enter a big construction crate]
[inside is future Hero again! And a freaky alien thing!]
HeroF: Shadow! Heh, you again.
Shadow: ohai
HeroF: Fancy meetin' YOU down here... I always thought you'd be charging headfirst into the Egg Citadel.
Shade: Are you kidding? Even in Half-Life 2, that'd be suicide, let alone in THIS crazy world.
HeroF: Hm. You speak of nonsense, and yet I am curious.
Shade: I have that effect on people.
HeroF: ..look, I'm just the Checkpoint guy for the underground railroad. Main Station's right around the corner.
Dark: Main Station?
Shadow: ****, I completely forgot you were even with us!
Dark: I have that effect on people.
HeroF: But, yeah, Main Station.. for the underground railroad, n' stuff. You wanna go there. Trust me.
[Future Hero opens up a door.. thing that leads outside]
HeroF: Just simply head through this dump, and Main Station's hidden in a pipe to your right.
Shadow: Thanks. We'll look for it.
[Shadow, Shade, and Dark go through the dump, and find a pipe to their right]
[a man runs to them]
Man: H-help! They found us! They found--
[BANG! The man drops to the ground, dead]
Dark:'re welcome?
[they follow the pipe to a secret, underground room filled with couches and.. stuff]
Shadow: This must be Main Station.
Shade: It's deserted... you think the cops found it?
Shadow: Judging from the guy who just told us that "they found" something, yeah, probably.
[Dark investigates a dead body by a radio]
Dark: Shade, this guy's got holes in him... he looks like cheese!
Shade: Cheese? Obviously, you mean he's got bullet holes in him.
Shadow: Hm, those don't look like bullet holes.
[the radio next to the body turns on]
Radio: Main Station, do you read? Main Station?
[Shadow hesitates, but then grabs a microphone]
Shadow: This.. is Main Station. Yes, we read.
Radio: Oh, thank goodness... you've been showing radio silence for a while.
Shadow: Yeah, um... it was just a bit of technical difficulty.
Radio: Anyway, we need to inform you that we have confirmed reports of Manhacks.
Shadow: M-manhacks...?
Radio: I repeat, the cops are flooding the sewers with MANHACKS!
[a loud buzzing noise is heard on the other end]
Radio: ...oh, speak of the devil.
Dark: ...I don't like the sound of that, Shade.
Shade: Neither do I.
Shadow: Um... Shade, you've beaten Half-Life 2; what are we supposed to do now?
Shade: Well, once we reach Main Station, we're supposed to.. um...
Shadow: Yes?
Shade: .....I forgot. SORRY!
Shadow: How the... I mean... this has got to be the WORST time to forget something like that, Shade!
Shade: Like I said, I don't play this chapter much!
Dark: Yeah, we usually skip ahead to Highway 17.
Shadow: *siiiiiigh* Great. Look, at this rate, I don't think there'll BE a Highway 17.. for us.
[Shadow sits on one of the random couches]
Shadow: It's no use. We're lost... in a post-apocalyptic future EUROPE. Where EGGMAN rules.
Shade: Dude, cheer up, and calm down! Okay? I've been through much worse than this.
Shadow: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Shade: Like when Dark, Chao, Cham and I went through future... somewhere or other, and fought weird time.. things.
Dark: You mean Gears n' Roses?
Shade: Yes, I do. Then, there was my Grey Journey... ooh, I never wanna relive that. But, looks like I'm gonna have to.
Shadow: Did you ever have as big risks as this? I mean, the freaking SHOW will end if I fail this...
Dark: And it might even if you don't!
Shade: Well... no, I can't say that I have. But, you're lucky. This mission's EASY.
Shadow: It is?
Shade: Sure it is! Okay, so I forgot what we do here, but so what? I DIDN'T forget that this game is easy!
Dark: Yeah, so get up and go play!
Shadow: guys are right. Thanks. I shouldn't be moping about so much. I have a fat guy to kill!
[Shadow goes up a ladder]
[he comes back down, covered in blood]
Shade: Dude, what happened to you?
Shadow: Cops. Lots of 'em.
Shade: Are you hurt?
Shadow: No. ...but THEY are.
[Shade gives Shadow a hi-5]
Shadow: Up there, I saw some more pipes, and I figured we could just go along the sewers.
Dark: But, didn't the radio person say something about Pac-Man in the sewers?
Shade: Yeah, what about the Manhacks?
Shadow: Whatever they are, I'm sure we can handle them, EASILY.
[montage time! Insert some indie rock song in here]
[Shade, Dark, and Shadow basically just run along the sewers, fighting cops, and solving puzzles]
[cut to a bright room, deep in the sewers-- it's a little bunker, manned by a... well, man]
[...the regular Red! Not the future one who plays the role of Barney!]
Red: More refugees... wait, what? Shade? Dark? ...greenie?
Shadow: The name's "Shadow."
Shade: Red, man, what're you doing here?
Red: I woke up in a dumpster, which apparently is frowned upon in today's society, so I was chased down here.
Shadow: So now you help with the underground railroad?
Red: You bet.
Shade: Eh, that sounds boring. You oughta come with us.
Dark: Everybody's doing it.
Red: Well... where are you guys going?
Shadow: To Cham's lab.
Red: Cham's lab? ...that's a little... far, isn't it?
Shadow: Prolly, but who cares? Soon, I'm gonna kill Eggman, and move on with my life.
Red: ...what the hey, I'll come with you guys.
Red: Lemme just open this door for ya...
[he opens the door, and several flying robots with attatched sawblades fly in, making a loud buzzing noise]
[Shade hops up, and jams his crowbar into one of the sawblades; that manhack swerves out of control, and hits another]
[that one spins in circles, hitting all the others; Shade simply whacks that spinning one, and that's that]
Shade: Easy. Let's move.
[they head out to a second montage]
[they go through a really complicated sewer place, fighting tons of cops and manhacks]
[one cop accidentally drops his Sub-Machine Gun, which Red then grabs]
[eventually, after yet another water puzzle, they make it out of the sewers, and find themselves in a small creek]
Red: Ugh, disgusting. Eggman's been dumping his toxic waste in this creek, so--
[a zombie rises out of the sewage; Shade whacks it with his crowbar]
Red: Thanks. So, this place is now a toxic waste dump. Careful, don't step in that stuff.
Shadow: Red, you seem to know a lot about this city.
Red: Of course. Once you've been underground long enough, you start to learn these kinds of things. For instance--
[another zombie rises up, but is whacked back down]
Red: ...we are technically in the suburbs right now.
Shadow: FINALLY. This city's giving me the creeps.
Red: BUT, there's not really any convenient way out of the city from here.
Shadow: ..oh.
Red: HOWEVER, this is the only way to get to Cham's lab. I think.
Shadow: Um... okay! Shall we move on?
[they keep going through the weird little... place, until they find the only way to continue filled with toxic waste]
Dark: Oh, no, we've hit a snag.
Shade: No snag is too big for the Shade man to handle!
[Shade steps forward, toward the radioactive waste, when a horde of zombies rises out]
[Shade pauses, then steps back; the zombies go back under]
Shade: ...okay, so maybe we've found our first big snag.
[they also find a little underground railroad dock of sorts]
[in the dock is a very strange vehicle-- basically, a hovercraft, but.. well.. um.. let's stick with Airboat.]
[and there is a woman by the airboat, fueling it up with gas]
Woman: ohai, you're in luck! We have one airboat left! I just finished fueling it up.
Shadow: Um... thanks. We're trying to get to Cham's lab. Where is that?
Woman: Cham's lab? Oh, that's miles away...
Shadow: Wonderful. And how do we get there?
Woman: Well, you'd have to follow these creeks for a few hundred miles...
Shadow: Great.
Woman: ...then cross the Channel to the Great Dam... and his lab's just past that.
Shadow: Wacco.
Shade: Wizard.
Red: Smashing.
Dark: COR BLIMEY! That's a lot longer than it was in the game, isn't it, Shade?
Shade: A-yup. MUCH longer.
Shadow: I hate the Veteran's Committee.
Woman: It might help you to look out for Station 12, out on the canal... they're a big, red barn.
Shadow: Okay, thanks, we'll look for them.
Shade: Well, we're not gonna get much done by just sitting here!
[Shade climbs into the airboat]
Shade: Let's get this pahdy started! You comin', Dark?
Dark: BOOYAH! This is gonna be AWESOME! *hops in boat*
Red: Eh. Half-Life 1 nearly killed us on countless occasions, so this'll be similar. ..wait for me! *hops in*
Shadow: ....*siiigh* It's for DCA, Shadow... for DCA... *hops in*
[so, they drive the airboat off into the horizon as the sun marks the time at being around 5:30]
Shade: I love the time passage.
Chapter 4: Wet Hazard
[the airboat zooms across a large river/canal at a relatively fast pace]
Dark: Guys, look, a big, red barn!
Shadow: That must be Station 12.
[Shadow stops the airboat; they get out and enter the big, red barn on the side of the river]
[inside the barn, things are really dark, and absent of life]
[..except for two zombies, who chuck barrels and crates at our heroes]
[of course, Shade and Red make quick work of them]
Shadow: It's strange... as we were coming here, I thought I saw somebody watching us from here.
Shade: Eh, you get that feeling a lot in this game.
Shadow: So, now what? Station 12's down.
Shade: So, let's just keep moving. C'mon; we've got a long way to go.
Shadow: Yeah. I noticed.
[as they walk back to the boat, they notice a helicopter flying directly above them]
Shadow: ...
Red: What's up?
Shadow: That helicopter... is it... what's it doing?
Shade: I'd say the people inside are taking pictures of us.
Red: Oh, yeah? Well, take a picture o' THIS--
Shadow: Whoa-hoh-hoh, Red, calm down.
[they hop in the boat, and continue driving]
[as they pass under a bridge...]
[Shadow stops the boat, and sees a man atop the bridge]
[the man drops some boxes of ammo and such down for them]
Dark: Down with the SICKNESS.
[some camera bots fly by the man]
Man: Whuh-oh, gotta go. *flees*
[some Egg Trucks drive past the bridge]
Red: Shadow?
Shadow: Yeah?
Shadow: Got it.
[Shadow floors it, and speeds through some canals as cops shoot at them]
[they zip through some barricades, and through some cops]
Dark: Hit the ramp! The ramp!
Shadow: I'll try.
Shade: time, let ME drive.
Shadow: No way! Just because I missed the ramp...
Shade: And capsized the boat.
Shadow: A little bit! Still, I can drive. I can drive.
[they flip the boat back over, and continue driving along]
[they turn a corner, and see some big gates closing]
Red: We're not gonna make it!
Shadow: Crap, you're right.
[they manage to squeeze through before the gates close]
Shadow: ...oh. Awesome!
Shade: Don't stop driving! Keep going! We're still miles away.
Shadow: How many?
Shade: Well, we're not even a quarter of the way through the regular chapter..
Shadow: Perfect. *sigh*
[as they drive, an Egg Truck parks by the canal, and fires rockets at them]
All: WHOA!
Shade: C'mon, watch where you're going!
Shadow: Shut up! Be quiet! I... I can't concentrate!
[then, a barricade in front of them is lit on fire]
Shadow: Oh, they're evil.
Dark: Ramp at 2:45!
Shadow: I see it!
[Shadow hits the ramp, and flies past the firey barricade]
Red: That was awesome.
Dark: Rocket!
Shadow: Crap, I almost forgot about the--
[the airboat spins around in the air, and is shot again]
[then, some cops come by and shoot at them]
[Shadow manages to grab the steering wheel and pilot it down to a tunnel, where the cops and rockets can't get them]
All: *pant*
Shade: Pretty fancy piloting there, Shadow.
Shadow: Thanks... Red, status report.
Red: I'd say we're on the verge of death, but the boat's fine.
Shade: In video game terms, Red?
Red: The boat has infinite HP, while we only have... roughly... 7.
Shade: Oh, that's not good.
Shadow: Not good... or is it perfectly good?
Shade: Wha?
Shadow: C'mon, where's your sense of adventure? Your thrill? 7 HP left... I can live with that.
Shade: Something's happened to Mister Damp Towel. I like the new you.
[they move on, and find another closing gate]
Shadow: *vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Are you asking for a challenge?
Shadow: win.
Shade: Tough luck, dude. Looks like we'll have to go into that giant facility to press one teensy little switch.
Shadow: Sweetness. How hard is it in the game?
Shade: Meh. Epic in its own way.
Red: Shade, you might want to take another look at the facility.
[the camera pans, showing a humongous fortress with barbed wire, searchlights, and huge towers]
Shade: .......Metal Gear Shade time?
Dark: NO! Metal Gear DARK time.