Merry Krissimassu. "Part Two of Fear."

LAST TIME ON DCA:
Shadow: The series revolves around me now. Not Shade. I'm going on a Green Journey to collect seven green chaos drives.
Shade: And I'm helping!
Shadow: I NEED to do this, otherwise the Veteran's Commitee--
Shade: --the new bad guys--
Shadow: --will end DCA. And who wants that?
Shade: Other than the bad guys, of course.
Shadow: No, not even THEY want to. They just... think they have to, in order to continue evolution.
Shade: Good cause, bad execution.
Shadow: Anyway, the first chaos drive is in Future Europe, which turns out to be Half-Life 2.
Shade: Awesome game. One of the best games of all time.
Shadow: The bad guys want me to kill Eggman, who is the ruler of the world in the future.
Shade: He's playing the role of Doctor Breen.
Shadow: Dark and Red joined us as we were escaping the city, 'cause.. the cops hate us now.
Shade: We're currently on the underground railroad. Technically, we're on a canal... in a boat.
Shadow: And according to this woman, we're gonna have to go across a CHANNEL. Just to reach Cham's lab.
Shade: Which is where we're going! Enjoy!

DARK CHAO ADVENTURES
Season 7: THE END (AKA Season 6 part 2)
Episode Sixty: Still Waiting for Half-Time part two: of Fear

[cut to a static shot of a creek; "Still Waiting for Half-Time" appears at the top of the screen]
[at the left side of the screen: New Game, Load Game, Options, Quit]
[a mouse cursor clicks "Load Game," then "Save Game 01"]
Chapter 4: Wet Hazard (part 2)
[we resume our story outside a large facility... I mean, REALLY large, with towers and barbed wire and searchlights]
[Shadow has parked the boat behind a big rock]
Shadow: Okay, Dark... you sure you want to do this?
Dark: You kidding? I've been DYING to be Solid Dark!
Shade: Keep quiet! First rule of espionage, Dark-- be stealthy!
Dark: Oh! Sorry.
Shadow: Are you sure you don't want us to come in with you?
Red: I think it's best just he goes in. Think about it-- THREE freaks in sneaking suits in there?
Shadow: Good point.
Shade: Okay, Dark-o... make us proud.
Dark: Don't I get a codec, or anything like that?
Red: Sorry, Dark, but no. We've got walkie-talkies, though!
[so, Dark swims towards the base, and comes out in a small dock]
Dark: Hm. This is gonna be fun! Oop! Quiet.
[he enters a door, and sneaks through some dark corridors]
[cut to the airboat]
Shadow: *sigh* You guys think he'll come back?
Red: Who, Dark? Of course not.
Shade: Yeah, he's gonna die in a few seconds. 3, 2, 1--
[BOOOOOOOOOM]
Shade: Called it.
[pause]
[the walkie-talkie turns on]
Dark (on radio): Guys... guys... help... I.. I've found the button, but... but...
Shadow: But what, Dark?
Dark: But... they caught me. Help..
Shadow: Shade, you wanna do this?
Shade: No. I want US to do this.
Red: I'll just leave you two... kids alone, then.
Shade: Yeah, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew.. they were not right.
Shadow: ...let's just go.
Shade: Yeah, I'm comin'.
[so, Solid Shade and Shadow Raid swim to the base, and go through many rooms filled with dead cops]
Shadow: Whoa. Seems like Dark actually put up a fight.
Shade: Of course. I trained him.
[they head up some stairs, and find themselves in a large construction yard, filled with crates]
Shade: It's quiet here... TOO quiet.
[a helicopter hovers upwards, facing them]
[they see it]
Shadow: ...wonderful.
[the helicopter charges something up]
Shadow: Shade? What do we do now?
Shade: ...run.
[they dash through multiple crates as the helicopter fires rapid machine-gun fire at them]
[they manage to make it into a large warehouse]
Shade: I think we're safe now.
Dark: Guys?
[in the center of the room is Dark, tied to a pole]
Dark: This isn't very comfortable.
Shade: Hang on, buddy; we'll get you out of there.
[suddenly, tons of cops swarm into the room, and release some manhacks at them]
Shade: Pfft, MANHACKS? That's the best you can do?
[Shade takes care of them quickly]
[Shadow shoots the cops; they die]
[they unties Dark]
Shadow: Dark, you really shouldn't have gone in here alone. This place is a madhouse!
Dark: I know.. but... but, I found the button! It's through here! C'mon!
[Dark leads them through a doorway; the helicopter hovers outside the windows, and charges up its guns]
Shadow: ..run?
Shade: As fast as you can.
[they dash to a door, but find a pile of boxes blocking it]
[the helicopter is almost done charging]
Dark: Break it open, Shade!
Shade: I'm trying! *SMASH*
[the helicopter shoots at them, and breaks the windows]
[they dash through the door, and down some stairs]
[unfortunately, they wind up back in the construction yard]
Shade: Keep running!
Dark: The button's this way, in that guard tower!
[they hurry to the tower, and climb the ladder]
[at the top is a bunch of cops]
Dark: ohai
[Dark tosses a grenade in the room, then the chao duck]
[BOOM]
Shadow: Okay, now where's that button of yours?
Dark: *points at button* Right...
[chaarrrrrrrgge......]
[the chao slowly turn to look out the windows; the helicopter is right there]
Dark: ....*presses button* ..there. RUN!
[they hurry down the ladder, and dash down a little balcony overlooking the water]
Shade: (shouting into radio) RED, START THE AIRBOAT! START THE AIRBOAT!
[the chao leap over the railing in slow-motion as the helicopter fires at them]
[Red comes by with the airboat just in time for the chao to land in it]
[..except Dark, who hits the front of the boat, and falls into the water]
Dark: Oof!
[Shade then pulls him up]
Dark: Thank you.
Red: Shadow, you want the wheel?
Shadow: Yes, please.
[Shadow drives the boat through the now-open gate, and into the canals again]
Red: Uh... Shadow?
Shadow: Yeah?
Red: You might wanna drive faster.
[the helicopter flies above them, and drops some mines]
Shadow: I.. don't know HOW to drive faster.
[the mines land in the water in front of them]
Red: Then at least STEER!
[BOOM!]
[the boat flies into the air a bit]
Shadow: Nyaaah... this is gonna be fun. Hold on to yer hats, folks!
[Shadow carefully maneuvers the boat through a U-turn... and into a wall]
Shadow: Ow. Okay, NOW hold on to yer hats!
[he drives it into a small little sewer/tunnel thing]
Shadow: Hm. I wonder where this tunnel leads.
Red: Probably out into more suburb. I mean, we're not that far from the city, y'know.
Dark: My head hurts.
Shadow: That's probably because you hit it on the front of the boat, Dark.
Dark: Yeah, thanks to Red's piloting skills.
Red: Hey, I wasn't trained to drive this thing!
Shadow: Neither was I, yet I'm sufficing.
[the tunnel ends at a clearing; the time is now around... 6 PM; the sky is turning orange]
Shadow: Getting kinda late, isn't it? I wish we could find some sort of outpost to rest at...
Shade: We will. Not for another hour, mind you, but we will.
Red: Just be glad that the helicopter is nowhere in sight.
[the helicopter hovers in front of them]
Red: ...oh....... good luck, dude.
[the helicopter turns around, and starts flying in the same direction as them]
Shadow: ?
[it then starts dropping mines in strategically painful locations]
[at the same time, the boat's radio turns on]
Radio: You're listening to 200.1 FM, Chao Chat. "All A-Life, all YOUR life."
Shadow: Okay, WHO turned the radio on?
Radio: Now, we have for you, some good old-fashioned heavy rock. Perfect for chase scenes! Enjoy!
[some heavy rock starts playing]
Dark: Ooh, keep it on, I love this song!
[BOOM!]
[the boat swerves around to avoid mines]
[eventually, they go under some cover, and make a big jump into another sewer pipe]
Radio: ...oh, technical difficulties; we have to cut this song short. Thanks for listening.
[the radio turns off]
Shadow: That was strangely easy to avoid.
[they come out in another canal-- an industrial one]
[there are some silos and pipes above them]
Red: Hmm.. I recognize those structures up there. We're in Pipeline 7982-B.
Shadow: Where's that?
Red: Actually, we're... at least 40 miles from the city by now.
[the helicopter keeps following them, and even starts shooting at them again]
[AND the canals here have many junctions]
Shadow: Crap.
[AAAND cops come by and shoot at them, too]
[AAAAAAND the helicopter drops plenty of mines]
Shadow: AARGH, is Valve TRYING to kill us?
Dark: I asked the same question in Half-Life 1.
Red: Yeah, we had to ride a full-speed train into a.. train-stopper thing.
Dark: And then we were flung out of the train, and into a pile of toxic waste.
Red: While aliens attacked us.
Shadow: ...wow.
Shade: Forget about Black Mesa; just DRIVE!
[Shadow drives through the canals, and up many make-shift ramps]
[..suddenly, a truck stops nearby, and begins firing homing rockets at them]
[..as the mines are being dropped]
Shadow: Craaap!
[BOOM]
[BOOM]
[BOOOOM]
[all the rockets hit the helicopter; it spirals down to the ground]
[they drive into another sewage pipe]
Shadow: *sigh* At least the helicopter's down.
Red: Yes, but for how long?
Shadow: What do you mean?
Red: When it hit the ground, did you hear an explosion? I didn't.
Shadow: You're saying they're gonna repair it, aren't you?
Red: Undoubtedly.
[they find a random blockade/gate]
Tail: Ahoy there!
[Tail, the baby Hero chao, as well as his Future counterpart, have set up a little fort]
TailF: Oh, well, lookee what we have here. Shade, Dark, Red, and... uh......
Shadow: I'm Shadow.
TailF: Ah, of course. You seemed familiar. Kid, let 'em in.
[Tail lets them into the fort]
Tail: It's good to see you four again.
TailF: Okay, enough small talk. Kid, go upgrade their boat. It's lookin' a little.. malnourished.
Tail: Aye-aye, captain!
[Future Tail leads the four into an office; a large map is on the wall]
TailF: I take it you children are headed to Cham's place, right?
Shade: Right.
TailF: Then lemme show ya what you're up against. See, we're riiiiiiight here, at the top of this map...
[he moves his hand down the map]
TailF: You wanna go down this river. It goes directly to the Channel.
Shadow: But wait, what's all this stuff over here, next to the river?
TailF: Oh, that? That's Port 18. Steer clear of there.
Shadow: Got it. Thanks for the help.
TailF: Hold it, that ain't all the help you're gettin' from us.
[he leads them back to their boat; regular Tail is tinkering with it]
TailF: Kid!
[Tail bonks his head, then turns around]
Tail: Ohai.
TailF: You about done?
Tail: Just about.
TailF: Good. What Shorty, here, has done to your boat is, he's installed a gun into it.
Thefour: YES!
TailF: The cool thing is: the gun came from the same kinda chopper that's gunnin' you down.
Dark: I love bringing iron into a firefight.
Red: I believe you mean, "irony."
Dark: Ew, irony-flavor. Tastes bad.
TailF: Anyway, we'll let you through now. Nice chattin' with ya.
Tail: Bye!
[they let them through]
[Shadow drives the boat out of the sewage pipe, and is instantly greeted by the chopper]
Shadow: Shade. Gun. Now.
Shade: Woohoo!
[Shade grabs the chopper-gun thing, and shoots at the helicopter; an explosion is heard; the chopper flies away]
Shade: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU LET YOUR HEART WIN!
All: WHOA-OH, OHHHHH, OH!
[they go through a jump, and see the river ahead blocked off, leaving the only route left being...]
Red: Port 18...
Shadow: I think we can take it.
Red: *gulp* I hope your thinking is right.
[they drive through some awesome jumps; Shade shows off his kickass shooting skills]
[then, they enter Port 18; cops surround them]
Dark: Shadow! Put the pedal to the metal to the other pedal!
[vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]
["ROAAAAGH"]
["MY LEG!"]
[they drive through plenty of narrow corridors, explosive barrels, rockets, jumps, and U-turns]
[...and cops]
[eventually, they reach a dead-end]
Shadow: Crap.
Shade: Hold on a sec.
[Shade shoots at some explosive barrels; they... explode :P, revealing an exit]
Shadow: Smart thinking.
[they drive out]
[this time, they find themselves in a much more open space; barren rocks and shallow water surround them]
[a crashed ship is to their right; a dam is forward]
Red: Well, isn't THIS eerie?
Shadow: I'm getting something... normally, in video games, open space = boss battle, right?
Shade: *chuckle* Yep. It equals that moreso in Valve games, which are filled with narrow corridors.
Shadow: Hm. I feel scared.
Shade: Don't. Move on.
[forward, they go]
[the helicopter flies down to them]
Shadow: .....Shade. Switch.
Shade: Huh?
Shadow: You drive. I'll shoot.
Shade: Oh, you want revenge on this F.O.B, huh?
Shadow: Hell yeah.
[they switch seats; the helicopter charges at them; Shade does the same]
[Shadow fires away]
[the two vehicles pass each other, turn around, and do it again]
[this time, the chopper's flight messes up]
Shadow: That's right, buddy... flinch...
[BEEP........ BEEP! BEEP! BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP]
Dark: What's it doing?!
[it slowly moves forward, toward them, while deploying every single mine it has]
[the skies are filled with mines, dropping towards the ground]
Shadow: Don't move, Shade.
Shade: You sure?
Shadow: Yeah. This'll only take a second...
[GUNSHOT]
[BOOM]
[SPIRAL]
[CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!]
All: YAY!
Shade: Fancy shootin' there.
Shadow: Thanks.
Red: Guys?
Shade: *sigh* What NOW, Red?
[Red points to the area in front of them, covered in mines]
Shade+Shadow: Aw, shi--
[KA-BLAMMO]
[the boat flies in the air, and miraculously lands out in the Channel]
Shade: *hack* Whoa... that was fun.
Dark: Let's do that again...
[a mine drops by them]
Dark: CRAP! I wasn't being serious! AH!
[Shade drives them away]
[they slowly and uneventfully drive across the Channel]
Red: Anybody else getting a major "Top Gear" vibe from this?
Dark: Yo.
Shade: Seconded.
Shadow: A-yup.
Red: *sigggh*
[they spend a while just doin' some sailing]
Shade: Dark, Red?
Dark+Red: Yeah?
Shade: How have the Gardens been during those two years Shadow and I were gone?
Red: Good.
Dark: Terrible.
[Dark and Red stutter]
Dark: I mean, good.
Red: Eh, horrible.
[they stutter again]
Shade: I get it; you needed us.
Dark: Not exactly! ...just you.
Shadow: Pfft, that's kind of you.
Shade: So, uh.. any specific details? Like.. did the Gardens, like, totally fall apart, or what?
Red: You could say that.
Dark: Chao took over the Dark Garden.
Shade: lolwut
Shadow: You mean... he... converted it?
Dark: No. I mean, he.. took over.
Shade: He took over, as in, changed Darks into Heroes?
Dark: No! He took over!
Red: What Darko's TRYING to say is-- ohey, we're here.
[they reach a big dam]
Shadow: Great. How are we supposed to get through THAT?
[Red spies a ladder on the dam]
Red: We're not. We gotta ditch the boat.
Dark: *gasp* DITCH this poor boat? But I luvs it!
Shade: There'll be toast.
Dark: Then what are we waiting for? Let's ditch that sucker.
[they climb the ladder, and find, at the top, a small building]
Chapter 5: Cham Labs East
[they enter it; the door behind them slams shut; the lights go off]
?: We've got something.
[steam hisses into the room]
?: ..okay, they're chao..... hmm.. you'll have to forgive the scanning process; we can't take any chances.
[a red laser scans them]
?: Shadow? Shadow the Dark chao? Well, Cham will be surprised, not to mention relieved, to hear about your sudden arrival!
[they are let through; the future Purflee (female) formally greets them]
PFF: I'm Purflee, Doctor Purflee the First. I've been hearing about your work since long before the Big Shell incident.
Shadow: Ah, you've heard of that?
PFF: Of course. We here at Cham Labs East are kept up-to-date on all revolutionary events, including things as confidential as that.
Shadow: That's good to hear.
[Purflee begins leading them through the facility]
Shadow: So, uh.. I'm looking for a Green Chaos Drive. You guys know where I can find one?
PFF: A GREEN Chaos Drive, you say? Hm, no, I don't believe I do. Perhaps Cham can help you.
Red: Say, what have you guys been working on down here?
PFF: A new kind of teleport. You see, the one the robots use is a yaddayaddayaddasciencemumbojumbo-type teleport.
Dark: *GASP* NO WAY! That is SOOOO primitive. I take it you guys are using the YaddayaddayadaaCAPITAL-type teleport?
PFF: We're working on it. Still a few kinks to work out. Heh, Shadow can testify to that, can't ya?
Shadow: It's not funny. I nearly got eaten by a freaking Icky.
Dark: I like the White Stripes.
PFF: ...yes, well, uh.. lookitthat, we're there!
[they reach a laboratory deep underground; the future Cham is talking with a Dalek]
ChamF: That's good. You keep right on it.
[the Dalek turns and moves out the door]
PFF: Cham! Look who I found in the airlock.
ChamF: Heh, Shadow the Dark chao... and Shade, Dark, n' Red? Lemme get a good look at you, man.
[Cham shakes hands with the four]
ChamF: Let me see, the last time I saw you, I sent you to get me some coffee. Never thought it'd take you this long.
Shadow: Ha, well... I was recruited for the whole... Big Shell incident.
ChamF: Of course, and what an incident THAT was, hm? Anyway, welcome to our labs.
Shade: They're no Black Mesa, are they?
ChamF: No, but they're enough to suffice during this time.
Shade: Meh. I guess.
PFF: Cham, I have some work to do, so.. I'll go do that. By the way, Shadow? It's been a real honor meeting you.
Shadow: Uh... thanks?
[Purflee goes to work on some stuff]
ChamF: Shadow, I presume you're here to ask if I know where to get a green Chaos Drive, correct?
Shadow: Yeah. Where can we find one?
ChamF: I'm afraid that green Chaos Drives are hard to obtain these days. They can only be found on the Chao World.
ShadeRed+Dark: DAMMIT.
Shadow: That's certainly not good to hear.
ChamF: But, I've been doing some research on them, and have found something curious.
Shadow: Mmhmm?
ChamF: They're no longer on Chao World.
Red: So... where ARE they?
ChamF: I'm still trying to figure that out.
ShadeF: Yo, Doc, Shadow here yet?
[the future Shade enters the room]
ShadeF: There you are! The Daleks said you were here. I can't believe you guys made it here so quickly on foot.
ChamF: I believe he broke YOUR record, Shade.
Shade: Hey! That's not really possible, since... I mean, he IS me. And I was part of this group.
ShadeF: Oh, buddy, there's a lot of stuff I have got to tell you.
[Purflee comes back out]
PFF: Shade? I thought you were on watch.
ShadeF: The Daleks relieved me so I could come help the green dude.
PFF: Hmph. Fine.
ChamF: Shade, why don't you go ahead and teach Shadow how to use the gravity gun?
ShadeF: Good idea. C'mon, you four; let's go have some fun.
PFF: The zero-point energy-field manipulator is NOT a toy, Shade.
ShadeF: ...let's go.
[they leave the room, and head down some corridors]
ShadeF: I see you've met Purflee the Wet Towel.
All: A-yup.
[they pass a dark hallway; a single light is on at the other end, showing a ladder]
Shadow: What's down there?
ShadeF: That's the path to Ravenholm. It's an old mining town. We don't go there anymore.
[the Twilight Zone theme starts playing]
Shadow: ....spooky.
ShadeF: C'mon, let's keep going.
[they reach a large junkyard]
ShadeF: Now, where'd we put that old piece of junk? Ah, here it is.
[future Shade grabs a large gun...thing, and hands it to Shadow]
Shadow: ...what the heck IS it?
ShadeF: THIS.. is the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator. We call it the Gravity Gun.
Shadow: Cool. ..what's it do?
ShadeF: I'll show you.
[he moves over to an old junk pile, picks up a crate, and tosses it at Shadow]
[BONK]
Shadow: OW! What'dja do THAT for?
ShadeF: *sigh* Try using the GUN, buddy.
[he throws another; Shadow does something or other on the gun; the crate stops, and floats in front of him]
Shadow: Whoa. What the smack?
Dark: *gasp* THE GRAVITY GUN! IT WORKS! YAY!
ShadeF: Of COURSE it works. Cham built it.
[some scanner robot things fly into the junkyard]
ShadeF: oshi--
[they take pictures of the chao]
ShadeF: They found us! Quick, back to the lab!
[they run in]
[BOOM]
[the hall caves in, seperating the four present chao from future Shade]
ShadeF: Crap. CRAP... uh... um... guys, listen, as much as I hate to say this, we're gonna have to split up for now.
Shadow: Aw, crap.
ShadeF: Now, listen closely: you guys have to head for the coast. The only way to get there is through Ravenholm.
Shadow: But... but I thought we don't go there!
ShadeF: Looks like you're gonna have to. I gotta go... Cham may be in trouble. Good luck! I'll meet up with you at the coast.
[future Shade leaves]
Red: Well? We gonna do that, or not?
Shadow: I... I don't know if I want to.
Shade: C'mon, Shadow; Ravenholm's EASY.
Shadow: But, what if the Veteran's Committee change everything?
Shade: Then.. it'll be fun, probably. Let's just go!
[Shade, Dark, and Red run off; Shadow sighs, and follows them]
[they reach a big ladder]
Shadow: Really, guys, I don't know about this...
Shade: What's the worst that could happen?
[a dead headcrab falls down]
Shade: ...besides that.
[they climb the ladder]
Chapter 6: "Dead Ravenhell," Tagline: We Don't Go There Anymore... Without Weapons.
[at the top of the ladder, they find themselves in a small town at the middle of the night]
[crows are cawing]
[Shade, Dark, and Red look at each other with fear, wishing they had never gone up]
[Shadow creeps forward, until he sees a tree with someone's legs attached to it]
[the four slowly avoid it, and enter a house]
[in the house, a zombie (now with headcrab attachment) comes at them]
[buddabuddabudda; Red takes good care of the zombie]
[they move forward, taking care of many zombies]
[they exit into the town, and hear three high-pitched notes played on a piano]
Shade: *gasp* Guys. Look around. Look now. Stick together.
Red: What is it, Shade?
[grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaarrr...]
Shade: No.. no, this isn't possible... this.. this is the wrong game! No!
[the same three notes are played on a viola]
Shadow: Shade.... what do we do?
Shade: Aaa, nooo, noo, no, no... guys, I'm scared. I'm scared now. Who's it gonna hit? Who?
[snarrrrrrrl... grrrrrowlllllll...]
Dark: .......I recognize that sound.
[SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!]
[a hooded figure pounces at Dark, and pins him down; Dark is then clawed at]
Dark: OW! OW! AAH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF!
Red: Um! Uh! Uhhhh.... oh, right!
[Red shoots it; it dies, and Dark gets up]
Dark: Owwww... Shade.. please tell me that wasn't what I think it was.
Shade: I'm afraid it was, buddy.
Shadow: What was it? What's going on?
Shade: Shadow, you'd better master your new gun. We're gonna need it.
Shadow: Um... okay. I'll work on it.
Shade: Red... work on your reflexes. If I'm right, we're gonna encounter quite a number of those things.
Red: Right. Sorry.
Shade: Dark?
Dark: Y..yeah?
Shade: You need a weapon. Badly.
Dark: I want a pulse rifle, but we're not getting those until later.
Shade: ....how about a shotgun?
Dark: That's fine. I'd.. I'd like one of those.
Shade: ..we've got to keep moving. ARGH, we can't stand around for too long, or he'll send something worse...
[Shade begins moving forward]
Shade: C'mon, guys.
[they move on through the town]
[eventually, they hear a lot of shrieks in the distance]
Shade: Aw, jeez...
[dramatic music plays]
Shade: Pick up the pace, guys! Stick together, but run!
Shadow: Why? What's happen--what the fu--
[a huge horde of figures are seen running towards them from all directions]
Dark: INCOMING ZOMBIES!
Shade: OPEN FIRE!
[budda budda budda]
[budda budda budda]
[suddenly, Red is grabbed by a long tongue, and dragged away]
Red: ACK! AH! URP.. HEL..P ME!
[Shadow is the only one who sees this; Shade and Dark are too busy fighting off hordes of zombies]
Shadow: Um... uh... oh, crap... uh.. hang on, Red!
Red: Urp.. not.. much else I CAN.. do... ugh...
[Shadow proceeds to gravity gun a rock (yup, "gravity gun" is a verb now), and toss it at the tongue]
[nothing happens]
Red: The.. Smoker! Shoot.. the... Smoker!
Shadow: What the heck's a Smoker?
[he sees a tall zombie, to whom the tongue belongs, coughing and excreting smoke]
Shadow: ...oh.
[he gravity guns another rock, and hits the smoker square in the head; Red is set free]
Red: Ow. Thank you.
[they meet up with Shade and Dark, who have just finished finishing off the zombies]
Shade: *pant* I... I friggin' hate the Veteran's Committee now.
Red: *deep breath* Are you sure it's.. them? Who's doing this?
Shade: Hey, who else CAN it be?
Dark: The MILKMAN.
Shade: Yeah, but he's my dad. And he's... actually, he's.... o snap.
Shadow: Your dad.. Shawn, right? Isn't he.. dead?
Shade: He died during the Libfairy incident.
Dark: But wait... we've been to the Future before, Shade! Your dad's been here!
Shade: *sigh* Boys, I believe we are now messing with the time line. Or, rather, DJay is. Or the Veteran's Committee.
[Shade realizes something, and snaps his fingers]
Shade: Of course! The Veteran's Committee wants to end this script, so they're tearing it apart! Even the very logic used to hold it together! CURSE YOU, VETERAN'S COMMITTEE!
[suddenly, they hear a bunch of shrieks in the distance AGAIN]
Shade: Shi...argh.
Red: What are we gonna do? We're too tired to fight more!
Shadow: ...are you guys too tired to play music?
Red: Well.. no, but what's that got to do with anything?
Shadow: I've got a plan.
[cut to Rubber Goose (Shade-drums, Red-bass, Dark-guitar, Shadow's the spokesperson)]
Red: *plugs guitar into amp* Ready.
Shade: *drum warm-up* All set.
[Dark shreds a freestyle guitar solo, and goes all-out; everyone stares at him]
Dark: *ends solo* ...bring it on. Okay, Shadow, count us off.
[Shadow stands in front, holding his hands up]
Shadow: 'Kay, guys, Boogie de la Satch in C.
Dark: *sigh* He means "Satch Boogie," guys.
Shadow: One! ...three! One, two, three, four!
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1MJAyRN3Lg ]
[Shade starts off with a bouncy, jazzy cymbal intro]
[the zombies stop charging at them, and start standing around]
[BAM, Dark and Red play a bit, then Dark goes on a little guitar tangent]
[and again]
[they do some more of those until Dark begins playing a long solo]
[Red just plays a basic little rhythm]
[Shade gives a nice jazzy beat]
[Dark gets rather carried away in his soloing]
[by now, the zombies have formed an audience, and are cheering]
[after a long solo, it seems as if the song is going to end as Dark and Red both play long sustained notes]
[..until Shade plays a steady heavy beat, and Dark jams to a double-snake melody]
[again]
[and again]
[and again, all with different base notes]
[after a long time, Red plays the base notes in bass, as Dark keeps up his melody]
[the crowd goes wild as finally, this guitar solo ends]
[then, they go back to the duo and guitar tangents for a bit before finally ending the song]
Shadow: Ladies and gentlecrabs, please give it up for Rubber Goose!
[cheeeeer]
Shadow: There. I doubt they'll threaten to murder a bunch of musicians, now, will they?
Shade: I guess not.
Red: That was actually a good idea, Shadow.
Shadow: Thanks. Now, let's move on.
[they force their way through the crowd, until they reach a dead end]
?: HA HA HAAAA.... *gunshot* YES, MY CHILDREN... *gunshot* DANCE FOR ME!
[the chao look up, and see a figure standing in a balcony, shooting zombies with a shotgun]
[Are you ready for a super-shocking twist?]
[It's... FUTURE AMY ROSE! Holy sheep! O_O]
[her hair is messed up, she has blatant crow's feet, and she's switched to a dress that doesn't show her panties :P]
Shadow: Um... excuse me, Miss Rose?
[she looks down at them]
AmyF: That's MISSUS Rose to you, newcomer! And welcome to Ravenholm! *crazy laughter* Hope you can stick around!
[she points her gun at them]
AmyF: You guys... WILL stick around, won't you?
Shadow: Well.. we've got to get goi--
[Shadow looks at the others, who gesture "YES, YES, YES!"]
Shadow: I mean....yes, ma'am, we will!
AmyF: That's good, then! *shoots zombie behind them* Could you guys meet me at the church on the other side of town?
Shadow: Um.. okay, I.. I guess.
AmyF: Splendid! See you there, cutie-pies!
[Amy leaves into the window behind her, laughing maniacally]
Dark: ...anybody else think she looks hotter now?
[Shade covertly shakes Dark's hand]
Dark: Just checkin'.
[they see a door in front of them that is now open]
[they run inside, and seal the door]
Red: Shade, quick question.
Shade: Yeah?
Red: Are we playing Half-Life 2, or Left 4 Dead?
Dark: Yeah, seriously. I mean, we're in a freaking SAFEROOM right now!
Shade: I think we're playing a combination between them right now.
Shadow: Guys, I'm.. starting to think this is a three-way of games.
Red: What makes you think that?
Shadow: Just... just a feeling. I mean... I don't think Satch Boogie was in either Left 4 Dead OR Half-Life 2...
Shade: No way. You can't be suggesting.. Rock Band, as well?
Shadow: I'm just saying, don't be surprised if we have to play more songs.
[the chao stare at the door in front of them as they hear noises coming from beyond]
TO BE CONTINUED....

A quick little thingie for ya...

FIRST YEAR

- Shade gets an army, called the Dark Army, and has some fun. (DCRPG)

- Approx. six months later, Shade loses his army. (DCRPG end)

- Shade, war veteran, fights Chao, and tries to build an awesome garden. (DCA 101-108)

SECOND YEAR

- Approx. a year later, the chao travel thirty years into the future, and do stuff. (DCA 206-208)

- Back in their own time, the chao goof around a bit more. (DCA 301-307)

- Weeks later, they go to the Chao World, and Shade finds his former army. (DCA 308-407)

- They get back, and try to relax as the gardens fill with turmoil. (DCA 408-505)

- They spend a few days (week, tops) in Chao Talk once more. (DCA09)

- Shade does Portal, and goes back home, then the gardens blow up. (DCA 507-508)

- Grey Journey for about... a month. (DCA 601-610)

THIRD YEAR

- Presidential elections, presidential problems, Ten/Twelve. (DCA 701-703)

- Shade disappears during Tanker mission. (DCA 704)

- Gardens begin to decay and eff up. (DCA future serial)

FOURTH YEAR

- Gardens become VERY different. (DCA future serial)

- Shadow joins FOXHOUND.. thing. (implied in DCA)

FIFTH YEAR

- The Plant incident, Libfairy Gear (DCA 705-708)

- Shade and Shadow get back, sleep. (DCA 708 end)

- Next day, Green Journey begins. (DCA 708 end)

- The chao are hurtled thirty years into the future somehow. (DCA 709-712?)

- Green Journey

SIXTH YEAR

- Green Journey

SEVENTH YEAR

- Green Journey

EIGHTH YEAR

- Green Journey

NINTH YEAR

- Green Journey

TENTH YEAR

- Green Journey end

- By now, the gardens are pretty... ****ed up. :P

- Mephiles, demon, offers Shade, Lord of Dark Garden, a seemingly normal deal.

- Said deal has a catch.

- Shade organizes the Dark Army once more.

TENTH THROUGH TWENTIETH YEARS

- The Dark Army fights in the largest war they've ever fought in.

- Everybody starts heading home.

TWENTIETH THROUGH THIRTIETH YEARS

- Shade hits some snags going home.

THIRTIETH YEAR

- Shade gets home, regains control of Dark Garden.

- By now, Mephiles, as well as who knows what other enemies Shade has by now, are crazy.

- Said enemies have also mastered crazy stuff by then. Then again, so has Shade.

- Metal Sonic, now called Murderous Mechetal, runs a mafia-esque organization.

- The chao from the past come, and help deal with Metal. (DCA 206-208)

- The chao return to the past, leaving Shade to take care of the gardens. (DCA 208)

- Mephiles, now called Morph, runs a Silent Hill-esque pre-school.

- The chao from the past come again, and help deal with Morph. (DCAHall)

- They leave, Shade takes care of the gardens. (DCAHall)

- KILLER COKE BOTTLES (implied in DCA 610)

- Shade defeats said bottles.

- Crazy past Grey Journey stuff. (DCA 610)

- Earth, at this point, is perfectly fine. ...until Instability controls Metal Sonic's robot factory.

- The robots go crazy and declare war on Earth's armies.

- Past chao come back, and help Shade fight the robots/Instability. (DCAHall2)

- Past chao help Shade take the fight to the Instability. (DCAHall2.5)

- Gears of War 3 plot. (DCAHall2.7)

- GoW4? And so on.

- That stuff ends, and Shade is left on Earth.

- Shade wanders to Europe.

- Eggman takes over the world.

- Past chao come back, AGAIN, and help Shade overthrow Eggman. (DCA 709-712?)

Anything past that point is undecided right now. Still, that should clear things up. ...and raise questions.

HEY!

FACEBOOK.

Go to FB right now, everybody. Go to the search box. Search "Dark Chao Adventures." Become a fan of my little non-profit organization! NOW!

so i herd u liek mudkipz...

Yeah, so for some reason, I always feel great at the middle of the night. :P Weird. I mean, where I am, it's 2 AM now. Everybody else is sleeping, and yet I'm up. I love this time of night! :D

Still, I heard that you, my friends and fans, have most likely heard the news that DCA is ending. If you haven't, you probably haven't been here in a while. Or you just didn't feel like reading the thousands of scripts I've been churning out at a not-so-steady pace.

But, um... yeah.

DCA is ending.

Why? ....uh... actually, I'm not entirely sure. xD I just... decided that there's little chance of me coming up with another six seasons, or even five/four/three or... two. I mean, in THEORY, I could, but theory is a cruel mistress! While that may be my favorite KIND of mistress, that does not apply to this context! No, I have attempted making more storylines to DCA, but those have all resulted in DCA09, Professor Shade-on, Chao Chat (which, I realize, I have worked a TON on, but you'll never get to hear any of it! :D) and similar projects like those.

Simply put, I realized that if I don't end DCA soon, it would be on an eternal hiatus. And, who wants THAT? I don't want my greatest creation (which isn't saying much) to turn into Duke Nukem Forever! D:

WHEN is DCA ending? By the end of Season Seven. Of course, not even I know when that'll be. It COULD be when Shadow gets the last chaos drive and defeats the Veteran's Committee, but that's just a possibility. Hell, there's STILL the possibility of it not ending AT ALL! That might happen if people really want it to.

But, hey! Don't cry, people! Whether or not DCA is ending (even though it most likely is), Season Seven will DEFINITELY be a wild ride!

This has been a public service announcement from Jordan. (I think my name change from "DJay" to "Jordan" is gonna be official.)

FINALLY, a new DCA.

LAST TIME, ON DCA:
Shadow: The series revolves around me now. Not Shade. I'm going on a Green Journey to collect seven green chaos drives.
Shade: And I'm helping!
Shadow: I NEED to do this, otherwise the Veteran's Commitee--
Shade: --the new bad guys--
Shadow: --will end DCA. And who wants that?
Shade: Other than the bad guys, of course.
Shadow: No, not even THEY want to. They just... think they have to, in order to continue evolution.
Shade: Good cause, bad execution.
Shadow: So, um... apparently, the first chaos drive is in future Europe.
Shade: I jumped with joy as soon as I heard this.
Shadow: Seriously, why are you so excited? What's so special about future Europe?
Shade: Ho-ho-hoh, you will find out. BUT, something went horribly, horribly wrong.
Shadow: Oh, yes. As the Daleks (whom I forgot to mention) were teleporting us, this virus...
Shade: This virus introduced, like... two episodes ago, to corrupt the Veteran's Commitee's weird.. machine thing, that is.
Shadow: Well, the virus kinda...... it ****ed things up.

DARK CHAO ADVENTURES
Season 7 (AKA Season 6 part two)
Episode Fifty-nine: Still Waiting for Half-Time part one: I Would Walk Five Hundred Miles, and Then I'd Drive Five Hundred More

We resume our story in the Space/Time Rip, located beyond the planet of PURE DOOKY.
[the Daleks have just teleported Shade and Shadow, but...]
Dalek1: ...SOMETHING IS WRONG.
Dalek2: WHAT IS IT?
Dalek1: IT WOULD APPEAR THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS, AT THE LAST SECOND, INTERCEPTED THE PROCESS.
Dalek3: YOU DON'T MEAN...
Dalek1: THERE'S NO TELLING WHERE THE GREEN ONE WILL END UP, OR WHO INTERCEPTED THE TELEPORTATION.
[the scene changes to.. well... nowhere. Just a black space, I guess.]
[we see the scene through Shadow's eyes; he hears familiar voices]
Echo?: Hmmmm...... . . . . . . ... .. .... .. .. ....
LevityNite?: What... shall we do with them?
Echo?: Hmmmm...... . . . . . . ... .. .... .. .. ....
?: No... interception will not get us anywhere...... let them go.
Nite?: But, our plans--
Echo?: Hm. Hm. Hm......... I understand... your point of view, Levity, but..... .. . ... .. .. .... .. . ..
Nite?: Of course... after all...
?: Let them go, I said.... let them go. The green one.... he needs his strength.
Egg?: But, what good will one soldier do?
?: You would be..... very surprised... Levity..... inform him....
[Levity Nite appears]
Nite: Shadow.
Shadow: What? What's going on?
Nite: We've been talking for a bit, and we've decided...
Shadow: Who's "we?" The Patriots?
Nite: The Veteran's Committee.
Shadow: So, what? You're going to kill me now?
Nite: No. We have decided that you may prove to be useful. We want you to do a little job for us.
Shadow: What KIND of "little job?"
Nite: You will find out.
Shadow: What if I decline your offer?
Nite: Offer? *laughter* We're not offering anything, Shadow. We're ORDERING you.
Shadow: And if I don't succeed?
Nite: Well, the only way to not succeed this job would be to die, so...
Shadow: Oh. Well... what do I have to do?
Nite: As I said, Shadow... you will find out. For now, just sleep. Sleep... we will wake you when it is time.
Shadow: But I'm not tir--
[Shadow instantly falls asleep]
[...........................................]
[he wakes up; things are all space-y and weird]
[Echo, in his awesome Dark/Fly form, appears in front of Shadow]
Echo: Rise... and SHINE, misssster Shadowwww.... rise... and... SHINE...
[things become very awkward, and horrific images flash in front of them]
Echo: Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on... the JOB.
Shadow: "..the job?" --Oh, right. I forgot.
Echo: No one is more deserving of a rest than YOU, and all the effort in the WORLD would have gone to waste, until...
Shadow: Until? C'mon, what's going on?
Echo: Well... let's just say your hour has... come again.
Shadow: "Again?" When was the first time?
Echo: The right chao in the wrong place can make all the diff...erence... in the WORLD.
Shadow: Seriously, dude... please tell me what's going on.
Echo: So... wake UP, misssster Shadowwww... wake up and.. smell the ASHES.
Chapter 1: Pointed Insertion
[Shadow wakes up on a train pulling into a station]
Shadow: Ugh... what the smack-diddly-umptious?
[outside the window, he sees a very Eastern-European-esque train station]
Shadow: Oh, crap, future Europe.
[he gets off the train, and instantly has his picture taken by a flying robot]
Shadow: Um... thank you?
[he slowly backs away from the robot, and bumps into a man wearing a black... well... "suit" is the best I can describe it]
[the man also has a weird gas mask, and an electric nightstick]
Shadow: Sorry about that. I, um... didn't mean to bump into you--
[he is shoved away, and falls over]
Shadow: Oof! *sniff* That kinda hurt...
[the man waves his nightstick, and sparks fly from it]
Shadow: Alright, I'm movin'! Geez...
[he keeps moving onward, and around him, many men in suits like that one are being oppressive and cruel to people]
Shadow: What the heck HAPPENED here?
?: New here, ain'tcha?
[that came from an old Hero chao, sitting on a bench in a corner]
Shadow: Um... yes, I suppose I am. Can you tell me what's going on?
[the chao looks around, paranoid]
?: Not here. This isn't the place.
[the chao gets up, and begins to walk away]
?: Apartment complex Greknurf.
[he leaves]
Shadow: Wait, where's that? Hey!
[a suited man comes up to Shadow, and gestures for him to be quiet]
Shadow: Sorry.
[he moves on through the train station, and follows a line of people]
[some people in the line go forward, through a door, to the exit]
[others go towards a platform, along which are a bunch of large, dark, ominous trains]
[the third bunch of people... Shadow sees them enter the line, but not come out anywhere]
[Shadow reluctantly steps into the line, and some suited men tell him to go towards the ominous trains]
Shadow: ...you're kidding, right?
[they shove him along]
Shadow: Oof! But... but where do those trains go?
[suddenly, they stop him; a camera on the wall takes pictures of him]
[a door next to him opens; a suited man walks out]
Man: You, citizen, come with me.
[Shadow follows him through a dark corridor, and to a room]
[inside the room is a chair around which, the ground is splattered with blood]
Man: Get in.
[Shadow walks in, as does the man; he goes over to some computer monitors]
Man: Yeah, I'm gonna need me some privacy for this...
[the man presses some buttons, and some cameras (which were there) retreat into the walls]
Man: Now...
[the man slowly takes off his gasmask...]
[aaand it's Red, the red Dark chao! Future form]
RedFuture: ..about that beer you owe me!
Shadow: ...isn't the actual line, "About that beer I owe YOU?"
RedF: Hey, buddy, you barely did squat for me, and I just stopped you from boarding a razor train.
Shadow: What are you talking about? I fought the Patriots and... oh, yeah, they never told the public about that.
RedF: Exactly. Anyway, you know me... I'm Red, from the Dark Garden n' stuff, but I seriously hardly know YOU.
Shadow: I'm Shadow, the green Dark chao. I've been in the garden for much longer than you have. Well... a bit.
RedF: ..okay, so I've seen you around before, but you look so... young.
Shadow: Long story short, I did some time travelling.
RedF: Oh, I see.
Shadow: You do?
RedF: Dude, once you've done some adventures with Shade, you get used to it.
Shadow: I see your point. So, what.. what year is this?
RedF: I don't know. The Combine have deemed calendars "useless." They say it makes us rely on labels.
Shadow: The Combine? Now, where have I heard THAT before...?
RedF: Don't worry too much about it. No, wait, DO. They're the invaders, and I don't mean GOOD invaders like Zim.
Shadow: Darn.
RedF: I've been working undercover with Civil Protection... I can't talk to you for too long, or they'll get suspicious.
Shadow: I take it the Civil Protection are volunteers who go around beating people?
RedF: Pretty much. Hey, we get food and... we get to bathe.
Shadow: Ew.
RedF: I've been way behind on my "beating quota." Hang on, there's somebody who would love to talk to you.
[one of the computer monitors shows Tails]
Tails: Yes, Red, what is it? I'm right in the middle of a critical test!
RedF: Sorry, Doc, but look who's here!
Tails: ...who's that?
Shadow: I'm Shadow. You might not remember me, since... it was a while ago when I last saw you.
Tails: Shadow, my goodness... from the Big Shell incident? Yes, yes! I remember! With the Patriots... *shudder*
Shadow: Well, I'm working for them now, I think, so...
Tails: You're... WORKING for them?! AGAIN?!
Shadow: "Again?"
Tails: You were working for them during the Libfairy stuff... and stuff.
Shadow: Oh, yeah. Feels like it happened only yesterday...
Tails: So, um... Red, what do you intend?
RedF: I'm thinkin'... maybe he could go to the lab, and we can plan somethin' there?
Tails: Shade should be around here somewhere... he would have a better idea of how to get him here.
RedF: Well, as long as he stays away from checkpoints, we'll be okay.
[Red looks at the door]
RedF: Listen, I gotta go, Doc; I'm takin' enough chances as it is.
Tails: Very well. And, uh, Shadow? Nice to meet you.
Shadow: The feeling's mutual, Doctor.
[the screen switches back to random numbers and... letters and... algorithms]
RedF: Okay, Shadow, you're gonna have to make your own way to Mister Prower's lab.
[somebody knocks on the door]
RedF: Aw, man, that's what I was afraid of. Get in here, Shadow, before you blow my cover!
[Red leads Shadow into a room filled with boxes]
RedF: Pile up some stuff to get through that window, and keep goin' 'til you're in the plaza!
[he closes the door halfway]
RedF: I'll meet up with ya later.
[he closes the door]
[Shadow piles up some stuff to get through a window, and keeps goin' 'til he's in the plaza]
[or, rather, back in the train station again]
Shadow: This is a really big train station.
[a Combine cop (man in a suit with a gasmask), whom we will call "metrocops," walks by]
[he knocks a can over]
Cop: Pick up that can.
[Shadow picks it up]
Cop: Now put it in the trash can.
Shadow: And if I don't?
Cop: *charges nightstick* I am authorized to use full force.
Shadow: *puts can in trash can* Okey-doke.
Cop: Okay, you can go. *chuckle*
[as Shadow is leaving the train station, he blows a raspberry at the cop]
[one beating later, Shadow finds himself in the town plaza]
[all the buildings are very old and Eastern-European (Russian, German, stuff like that)]
[in the center of the plaza is a giant TV on which, Doctor Eggman is addressing the public]
Egg: Let me read a letter I recently recieved. "Dear Doctor Eggman, why has the Combine seen fit to suppress our reproductive cycle? Signed, a Concerned citizen." Thank you for writing, Concerned. ...luckily, I'm not gonna answer it! Hohohoh!
Shadow: Eggman...?
[far, far, FAR in the distance, at the center of the city, a gigantic spire rises into the clouds]
Shadow: Ooh, that's ominous.
[Shadow realizes he's talking to himself, and decides to explore a bit]
[as he's walking down a street, he sees it is barricaded by the Combine]
[in front of the barricade, two metrocops are searching some citizens]
[THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!]
[a giant, long-legged, three-legged... thing walks by on the street behind the barricade]
Shadow: What the f--
[one beating later, Shadow hops a fence, and moves through some alleyways]
[he finds himself at a large building, and enters, 'cause there's really nothing else to do]
[inside is an apartment complex, through which, Shadow checks]
[he goes up a floor, and checks some rooms filled with people and chao]
Shadow: Excuse me, um... where am I?
Person: You're in apartment complex Greknurf.
Shadow: Oh, that's good!
?: Hey, there you are. So you finally made it.
[the old Hero chao is there]
?: My name's Hero. Perhaps you know me?
Shadow: Hero... yeah, you were one of the Hero chao from the Gardens, right?
HeroF: And you were... uh...
Shadow: I'm Shadow.
HeroF: My goodness, Shadow! I've completely forgotten you. Anyway, it seems to me like you need some help around here.
Shadow: Pfft. More like a BUNCH of help.
HeroF: Well, all you need to know is, Eggman's finally cracked. He's also finally conquered the world.
Shadow: ...friggin' finally.
HeroF: In this new world of Eggman Empires n' stuff, we must behave... n' stuff.
Shadow: I think I get what you're saying. Eggman's a tyrant?
HeroF: Pretty much.
Shadow: Hm. Hey, do you know how I might get to Mister Prower's lab?
HeroF: The Tailsmeister? Uh, yeah, he's--
[a siren goes off]
Attention, tenants. We have detected a miscount in your block.
Cooperation with your Civil Protection officials will guarantee a full-ration reward.
HeroF: Aw, shizzle!
Shadow: What? What's going on?
HeroF: They detected you. You're a miscount, man; a nobody. Ohhh, now we're gonna get it...
Shadow: What should I do?
HeroF: Head for the roof! There's no time to waste; go on!
[Shadow starts running for the stairs, and sees some metrocops heading up the stairs; he runs faster]
[he gets to the roof, and keeps running along the rooftops]
[the cops on the streets see him and start shooting at him]
Shadow: Aiee!
[he dives into a window, and falls down some stairs; they break]
[the metrocops break in, and surround him]
Shadow: Uh... hai gaiz...
[they knock him out]
[he wakes up a few minutes later to the face of an old, grey Dark chao]
Shadow: Ugh... Shade?
?: Shadow the chao, I presume.
[a siren continues going off in the distance]
?: We'd better hurry. The Combine are slow to wake, but once they're up, you don't want to get in their way.
[the chao helps Shadow up, and presses a button on the wall]
?: Mister Prower said you'd be coming this way. I don't think it occurred to him that you might not have a map.
[an elevator comes up]
?: I'm Shade. ...from your appearance, I'd say you come from the past, right? As in, this is your future?
Shadow: Yeah.
ShadeF: In that case, I'm the future Shade. I'm ten times cooler than the Shade you know.
Shadow: I believe you. ...dude, you have a freaking COWBOY HAT, and a five o' clock shadow.
ShadeF: I also had a shotgun, but it's gone now.
Shadow: What happened to it?
ShadeF: Another war, in the Americas. That was Gears of War, though, and this is something eleven times more awesome.
Shadow: What?
ShadeF: Half-Life 2.
[they ride the elevator to another floor; ShadeF leads Shadow to a propaganda poster of Eggman]
ShadeF: I'm sure you remember the ol' Egghead. He was my commander in that war I mentioned...
Shadow: I thought he was my colonel on this one espionage thing, but it turned out to be a robot.
ShadeF: Huh. Well, I got a warning for ya-- don't get my dad started on him.
Shadow: I thought your dad died. ...on said mission of mine.
ShadeF: Plot hole. ...aw, schnap, a plot hole. Well.. um... we revive people a lot. So we did that to him.
Shadow: Oh. That makes sense, I guess.
[ShadeF presses a button, and the wall behind the poster moves, revealing a hallway]
Chapter 2: "A Shaded Letter Day"
ShadeF: Funny, you showing up on this day in particular...
[they move through some hallways]
ShadeF: We've been helping people escape this city on the underground railroad.
Shadow: Awesome. Good cause.
ShadeF: It's a dangerous route, through the old canals. Today, we're finally on the verge of finding a better way.
[they reach a soda machine]
ShadeF: Here, lemme buy you a drink.
[he puts a coin in, presses three buttons, then bangs on the side of the machine]
[it opens up, revealing Tails' lab]
ShadeF: Oh, and by the way... welcome to the future, kiddo.
[Shadow slowly enters the lab and looks around; tons of circuitry and gadgets are everywhere]
[Tails is looking inside an animal crate]
Tails: Blast that little-- where did she get to?
ShadeF: Uh-oh. Everything alright, Doc?
[Tails bangs his head on the crate, then comes out]
Tails: Oh, hello, Shade. No, not everything... Jett has gotten out of her crate again. If I didn't know better, I'd suspect Red of trapping and...
[Tails finally notices Shadow]
Tails: My goodness.... Shadow. It really IS you, isn't it?
Shadow: Wow, Mister Prower, you...'re no longer an 8-year old.
ShadeF: I found him wandering around outside. A bit of a troublemaker, isn't he?
Tails: Oh, no, we owe a great deal to Shadow... but, trouble doesn't normally follow in his wake.
[Tails moves towards a computer]
Tails: I must say, Shadow, you've come at a very opportune time. Shade has just installed the final piece on our teleport!
ShadeF: Heh heh, yep, I'm awesome.
RedF: Well, is he here?
[they all turn to look at Red, who just got there]
RedF: Man, Shadow, you stirred up the hive.
[Red moves to some monitors; on the monitors are various locations of the city]
RedF: We can't keep him here long, Doc; it'll jeapordize everything we've worked for.
ShadeF: Take a chill pill, Red; he's comin' with me.
Tails: He's right. This is a red letter day! The teleport is complete!
RedF: A "red letter day," huh... I like the sound of that.
ShadeF: Doc, I believe you mean a "letter that is many SHADES of red day."
RedF: Butt off, Shade. The term is "RED letter day," not "SHADED red letter day."
Tails: That doesn't matter! The teleport is COMPLETE, I said!
RedF: So, it's working? For real this time? 'Cause... I still have nightmares about... THE MOOSE.
Shadow: The moose?
Tails: Now, now... there is nothing to worry about. We have made major strides since then. Major strides.
Shadow: ...what moose?
RedF: Well, Doc, since he's not takin' to the streets, you'd better get him out of his civvies.
Tails: Good idea. Red, I'll give you the honor.
RedF: I gotta get back to my shift, but okay.
[Red leads Shadow to a closet; he opens it; he turns on a light]
RedF: There we go-- HOLY FU--
[a headcrab jumps at him and latches to his head; he tears it off and throws it into the lab]
[it hops on to a cabinet]
Tails: Jett! There you are!
RedF: I thought you got rid of that pest...
Tails: Certainly not!
[Shadow stands back a bit from it]
Tails: Never fear, Shadow; she's debeaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. ...fruitlessly!
RedF: *fake wretch* Gross.
Tails: Here, my pet... come with me!
[Jett hops up to some shelves]
Tails: No, not up there!
[SMASH!]
[CRACK!]
Tails: Careful, Jett... those are quite fragile!
[BANG!]
[Jett hops into a vent]
Tails: Oh, boy... it'll be a week before I can coax her out of there.
RedF: Yeah... longer, if we're lucky.
ShadeF: Not an animal person, are ya, Red?
RedF: Eah...
[they go back to the closet, and Red hands Shadow a suit]
[he puts it on]
ShadeF: Say, Doc.. that doesn't look like an HEV suit.
Tails: That's because it isn't one! I designed this suit, myself, out of fear that it'll mess up the teleport, like you did.
ShadeF: Sheesh, ONE TIME! Okay? Once!
[a siren goes off in the distance; on the monitor, the metrocops leave their positions]
Tails: Oh, dear.
RedF: Doc, we don't have time for this! Let's get this show on the road!
Tails: Good idea. This way, everyone!
[Tails leads them to a side room; a large machine is there, as is a console and a monitor]
[Shade steps into the machine; Cham appears on the monitor]
ChamF: Miles, are you there?
Tails: Yes, Cham... bit of a hold-up on this end. You'll never guess who stumbled into my lab this morning.
[Cham looks at Shadow]
ChamF: That's not who I think it is, is it?
Tails: Indeed, it is! And I intend to send him packing straightaway, in the company of Shade.
ShadeF: You ready for us, Cham?
ChamF: We're all set on this end.
ShadeF: Then let's do it.
[the machine warms up]
Tails: Hm, let's see... I've connected the GY circuit to the HJ socket, and activated both relays, Hilbert inclusive.
[the machine is warmed up]
Tails: Conditions could hardly be more ideal!
RedF: Yeah, that's what you said last time.
Shadow: Hey, um... yeah, about that moose--
[BZZZRT]
[the machine does nothing]
Tails: Oh, fiddlesticks, what now?
ShadeF: Ah, the darn thing's come unplugged!
Shadow: I got it. *plugs it in*
[BZZZRT!]
Tails: ...did it work?
ChamF: See for yourself.
[Shade appears on the monitor]
ShadeF: This is Major Tom to Ground Control; I'm stepping through the doors.
Tails: Ground Control to Major Tom, you've made the grade, and the papers want to know whose shirt you wear.
RedF: ...just ignore them when they're like this.
Shadow: Oh, okay.
[Shadow gets into the machine]
Tails: Sending Shadow in 3... 2... 1...
RedF: Good luck out there, Shadow.
[BZZ-RAPAAAAAAAA]
Tails: What the? What's gone wrong?
RedF: It's your pet, the freakin' HEAD-HUMPER!
[Jett is messing with the circuitry, and jumps into the machine]
Tails: Jett? Joan, NO!
[BZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT]
[Shadow appears on a beach somewhere; Jett hops away]
[BZZRT]
[Shadow teleports back]
RedF: There he is!
Tails: Is Jett with him?
RedF: Forget about that thing!
[BZZRT]
[Shadow appears in Cham's lab]
ChamF: There he is. ..what's wrong, Purflee (the first, the female one)?
PFF: Something's pulling him away...
ShadeF: Stay put, Shadow. We'll get you out of there.
[BZZRT]
[Shadow finds himself in a fancy office; windows show the city from extremely high up]
[Eggman is in the room, sitting at a desk]
Egg: ...what the? Who are you? How did you get in here?
[BZZRT]
[back to Tails' lab]
RedF: He's back! Ah, screw this, Shadow, I'm getin' you out of there!
Tails: You can't just wade into the field! It will peel you apart!
ShadeF: We just lost Shadow. What's going on?
Tails: I wish I knew! We're encountering unexpected interference!
ChamF: Hold on, Shadow, we'll--
[BZZRT]
[back to Cham's lab]
ShadeF: Shadow!
PFF: It's no use; he's going again.
[BZZRT]
[Shadow finds himself in Eggman's office again]
[this time, Eggman has turned around, and is talking on a monitor to Metal Sonic, in his awesome future glory]
Egg: ...I'm all but certain he was...
[Metal looks behind Eggman; Eggman turns around and sees Shadow]
Egg: .......Shadow Raid.
[BZZRT]
[Shadow drops into a lake; he sinks for a bit; an alien fish monster charges at him, mouth wide open]
[BZZRT]
[finally, as the teleport field wears off, Shadow appears outside Tails' lab, by a window]
Tails: What do you mean, "he didn't come through?"
ChamF: He wasn't here.
Tails: Then... where IS he?
ChamF: *looks* ...behind you.
[Tails turns around, and sees Shadow, outside the window]
Tails: WOAH!
ChamF: Shut it down, shut it down!
Tails: Shadow! You must get out of here!
[some camera bots fly by and take multiple pictures of him]
RedF: Get down out of sight; I'll come find you.
[Tails closes the blinds; Shadow is able to move again]
[he runs as fast as he can around the building]
RedF: Hey, hold up a sec!
[he finds Red]
RedF: Shadow! The Egg Citadel's on full alert; I've never seen it lit up like that!
[the humongous tower in the distance is blasting sirens, camera bots, and tons of lights]
RedF: Listen to me... the teleport didn't work like we wanted it to.
Shadow: Yeah, I noticed.
RedF: Instead, you need to go through the underground railroad. It's extremely dangerous, but there are lots of others.
Shadow: Others? Like... other rebels, and stuff?
RedF: Yeah. They'll help you when they can.
Shadow: Um.. to Cham's lab, right?
RedF: Yes.
Shadow: Where, exactly, is that?
RedF: Um... it's... not that far. Really.
Shadow: (sigh) How far is it, Red?
RedF: A couple.. .. ....miles.
Shadow: A couple what?
RedF: Just take this freakin' crowbar, already!
[Red tosses a crowbar at him--]
[SNATCH] (somebody grabs it)
RedF: Holy crapadoo...
Shadow: There you are...
?: I am the only person who can use these. Understand?
[it's Shade! THE Shade! The present Shade! Not the future one!]
Shadow: Shade, where WERE you?
Shade: Somebody intercepted the Daleks' teleport; I woke up in a dumpster, way far out there.
Shadow: Well, the Veteran's Committee got me, and made me do a job for them.
Shade: A job? What kinda job?
Shadow: I dunno; they said I'd find ou--.....
[Shadow slowly turns to face the Egg Citadel]
Shadow: ....don't tell me...
Shade: They want you to assassinate Egghead, don't they?
Shadow: It's a safe bet.
RedF: ...um... you're welcome for the crowbar. Like I said, stick to the underground, 'kay? I gotta go.
[Red leaves]
Shadow: ...y'ever played Half-Life 2?
Shade: Beaten it a couple hundred times. Why? It doesn't help here; the Veteran's Committee can change stuff.
Shadow: Oh... that is not good news.
Shade: Sure it is! It makes this more fun!
[they move on, past some train tracks]
Chapter 3: The Root of the Canal
[they head down some stairs]
Shadow: Um... so, in the end, do the good guys win?
Shade: Pfft, no. In the end, SOMEBODY wins, but it's never explained if he's good or bad. Even then, he doesn't actually win.
Shadow: ...I'm not even gonna ask.
Shade: Yeah, don't.
Shadow: So... so we're entering the underground railroad now?
Shade: Yep.
Shadow: How far is Cham's lab?
Shade: Well, in the game, Doctor Eli's lab was a couple hundred miles away, across huge rivers and canals.
Shadow: C-couple HUNDRED?!
Shade: Yeah. It took the player about two chapters to get there.
Shadow: Holy damsel...
Shade: Shh! Hear that?
[they hear some crying, and peek around a dark corner]
[a woman is kneeling by a dead man, crying, as two metrocops continue to beat the corpse]
Woman: Stop, he didn't do anything...
Shadow: Shade, we've got to do something...
Shade: Wait a second.
[Shade keeps looking at the woman]
Shade: I swear, that woman looks awfully familiar...
[the woman is rather pale, and is sitting on the ground, sobbing her eyes out]
Shadow: Oh, I don't have time for this! I'm going to help her!
[as Shadow leaves, Shade remembers where he saw her from]
Shade: ....oh, snap. Shadow, stop!
[the metrocops notice Shadow, and start shooting at him]
[the woman starts growling]
[Shade slowly hides]
[Shadow attacks the metrocops, but accidentally bumps into the woman]
Shadow: Sorry! I was......
[the woman is now standing up, eyes red, with long claws, and is snarling with great intensity]
Shadow: ...just leaving.
[the camera shows Shade, ducking, cowering, as Shadow screams in pain, and the woman growls and slashes]
[a while passes; Shadow walks on-screen, covered in deep gashes]
Shadow: .....
Shade: ........I don't think that happened in the gam--
Shadow: SHUT UP.
Shade: Hey, it's not my fault if the Veteran's Committee can put Left 4 Dead stuff in Half-Life 2!
[they get past the dark hallway, and head up some stairs]
[upstairs, some metrocops see them and start shooting]
Shade: WA SNAP
[one crowbar smack later, Shade and Shadow make it to the top of the stairs with a brand new pistol!]
[at the top of the stairs, they are outside again, just as it becomes about... 4 PM? I dunno]
Shadow: Why does the time matter, again?
Shade: It doesn't. It's just awesome how time progresses at such an awesome pace in this game.
[in front of them is a large valley, with a train track inside]
Shade: I gotta say, it's not that easy to describe this place, is it?
Shadow: Can't be.
[on the other side of the valley are some old construction sites... and... stuff]
Shade: I'll just put it this way, we've got to go along this train track, but we can't.
Shadow: Why not?
Shade: Eggman's made a lot of technology, you know. He just doesn't.. want to make the city, itself, look better.
Shadow: So.. he's... made some barriers. That's all ya gotta say.
Shade: Yeah, but... ah, whatever.
[they descend some steps into the valley, but find no way up the other side]
[nearby, a train's horn honks]
Shadow: Um... Shade?
Shade: What?
Shadow: How do we get up there?
Shade: We're supposed to, uh... crap, I forgot.
Shadow: HOW DO YOU FORGET?!
Shade: Route Canal's not entirely one of my favorite chapters, okay? It's a brilliant concept, but I... I get bored.
[HONK HONKKKKKK]
[the train is very close to them]
Shade: Oh, yeah, I remember now.
[Shade starts running up the stairs, which suddenly collapse]
Shade: What the--
[HONK HONNNNNKKKK]
[SMASH]
[somehow, Shade and Shadow were able to hop into the driver's carriage via the front window]
Shade: ...oh, thank goodness this thing's automated.
Shadow: Shade, did this happen in the game?
Shade: Pfft. I wish. It'd be freaking awesome if it did.
Shadow: Then... then what? Where do we go from here?
Shade: I dunno.
Shadow: Oh, this isn't good. *paces around the room* This is bad, this is very, very bad...
Shade: Dude, calm down. We'll get out of this.
Shadow: But, what makes you so sure? The show, itself, is threatened... and we're lost in the future on a train!
Shade: Dude. Dude. Dude. Calm. Down. We're the good guys. The good guys AlWAYS win.
Shadow: What about in Watchmen?
Shade: ..uh... the good guys won in that one, too, remember?
Shadow: They did? I... I didn't get it.
Shade: How did you not get it? They had to kill millions of people to save billions!
Shadow: But... but did the good guys win, or the bad guys?
Shade: There WERE no "good" or "bad" guys in Watchmen. Just people.
Shadow: But... wait... what?
Shade: People don't have to be "good" or "bad," dude.
?: Hey, what's going on in here?
[a Dark chao, a regular, plain-old Dark chao, steps into the cabin]
Shade: ...Dark?
Dark: Shade? ..Green guy? What are you two doing here?
Shadow: Long story short, we're gonna kill Eggman, but what are YOU doing here?
Dark: Well, long story short, I woke up in a dumpster.
Shade: Me, too! Then I found this guy.
Dark: You did? Hey, me, too!
Shade: ...yeah, well, do you know where this train's headed?
Dark: This place called "Nova" something or other.
Shade: We gotta get off this train, NOW.
Dark: Have you tried jumping out the window?
[cut to a river... thing, filled with lots of crap and boxes and stuff]
[pause]
[pause]
[Shade, Dark, and Shadow land in it]
Shadow: *spits water out of mouth* Eah... what did we just land in?
Shade: *feels around* ....I don't want to know.
Shadow: Good point.
[they wade through the water...stuff, and enter a big construction crate]
[inside is future Hero again! And a freaky alien thing!]
HeroF: Shadow! Heh, you again.
Shadow: ohai
HeroF: Fancy meetin' YOU down here... I always thought you'd be charging headfirst into the Egg Citadel.
Shade: Are you kidding? Even in Half-Life 2, that'd be suicide, let alone in THIS crazy world.
HeroF: Hm. You speak of nonsense, and yet I am curious.
Shade: I have that effect on people.
HeroF: ..look, I'm just the Checkpoint guy for the underground railroad. Main Station's right around the corner.
Dark: Main Station?
Shadow: ****, I completely forgot you were even with us!
Dark: I have that effect on people.
HeroF: But, yeah, Main Station.. for the underground railroad, n' stuff. You wanna go there. Trust me.
[Future Hero opens up a door.. thing that leads outside]
HeroF: Just simply head through this dump, and Main Station's hidden in a pipe to your right.
Shadow: Thanks. We'll look for it.
[Shadow, Shade, and Dark go through the dump, and find a pipe to their right]
[a man runs to them]
Man: H-help! They found us! They found--
[BANG! The man drops to the ground, dead]
Dark: ...you're welcome?
[they follow the pipe to a secret, underground room filled with couches and.. stuff]
Shadow: This must be Main Station.
Shade: It's deserted... you think the cops found it?
Shadow: Judging from the guy who just told us that "they found" something, yeah, probably.
[Dark investigates a dead body by a radio]
Dark: Shade, this guy's got holes in him... he looks like cheese!
Shade: Cheese? Obviously, you mean he's got bullet holes in him.
Shadow: Hm, those don't look like bullet holes.
[the radio next to the body turns on]
Radio: Main Station, do you read? Main Station?
[Shadow hesitates, but then grabs a microphone]
Shadow: This.. is Main Station. Yes, we read.
Radio: Oh, thank goodness... you've been showing radio silence for a while.
Shadow: Yeah, um... it was just a bit of technical difficulty.
Radio: Anyway, we need to inform you that we have confirmed reports of Manhacks.
Shadow: M-manhacks...?
Radio: I repeat, the cops are flooding the sewers with MANHACKS!
[a loud buzzing noise is heard on the other end]
Radio: ...oh, speak of the devil.
[static]
Dark: ...I don't like the sound of that, Shade.
Shade: Neither do I.
Shadow: Um... Shade, you've beaten Half-Life 2; what are we supposed to do now?
Shade: Well, once we reach Main Station, we're supposed to.. um...
Shadow: Yes?
Shade: .....I forgot. SORRY!
Shadow: How the... I mean... this has got to be the WORST time to forget something like that, Shade!
Shade: Like I said, I don't play this chapter much!
Dark: Yeah, we usually skip ahead to Highway 17.
Shadow: *siiiiiigh* Great. Look, at this rate, I don't think there'll BE a Highway 17.. for us.
[Shadow sits on one of the random couches]
Shadow: It's no use. We're lost... in a post-apocalyptic future EUROPE. Where EGGMAN rules.
Shade: Dude, cheer up, and calm down! Okay? I've been through much worse than this.
Shadow: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Shade: Like when Dark, Chao, Cham and I went through future... somewhere or other, and fought weird time.. things.
Dark: You mean Gears n' Roses?
Shade: Yes, I do. Then, there was my Grey Journey... ooh, I never wanna relive that. But, looks like I'm gonna have to.
Shadow: Did you ever have as big risks as this? I mean, the freaking SHOW will end if I fail this...
Dark: And it might even if you don't!
Shade: Well... no, I can't say that I have. But, you're lucky. This mission's EASY.
Shadow: It is?
Shade: Sure it is! Okay, so I forgot what we do here, but so what? I DIDN'T forget that this game is easy!
Dark: Yeah, so get up and go play!
Shadow: ..you guys are right. Thanks. I shouldn't be moping about so much. I have a fat guy to kill!
[Shadow goes up a ladder]
[pause]
[he comes back down, covered in blood]
Shade: Dude, what happened to you?
Shadow: Cops. Lots of 'em.
Shade: Are you hurt?
Shadow: No. ...but THEY are.
[Shade gives Shadow a hi-5]
Shadow: Up there, I saw some more pipes, and I figured we could just go along the sewers.
Dark: But, didn't the radio person say something about Pac-Man in the sewers?
Shade: Yeah, what about the Manhacks?
Shadow: Whatever they are, I'm sure we can handle them, EASILY.
[montage time! Insert some indie rock song in here]
[Shade, Dark, and Shadow basically just run along the sewers, fighting cops, and solving puzzles]
[cut to a bright room, deep in the sewers-- it's a little bunker, manned by a... well, man]
[LOLWUT NO IT NOT MAN IT RED]
[...the regular Red! Not the future one who plays the role of Barney!]
Red: More refugees... wait, what? Shade? Dark? ...greenie?
Shadow: The name's "Shadow."
Shade: Red, man, what're you doing here?
Red: I woke up in a dumpster, which apparently is frowned upon in today's society, so I was chased down here.
Shadow: So now you help with the underground railroad?
Red: You bet.
Shade: Eh, that sounds boring. You oughta come with us.
Dark: Everybody's doing it.
Red: Well... where are you guys going?
Shadow: To Cham's lab.
Red: Cham's lab? ...that's a little... far, isn't it?
Shadow: Prolly, but who cares? Soon, I'm gonna kill Eggman, and move on with my life.
Red: ...what the hey, I'll come with you guys.
[RED JOINED YOUR PARTY!]
Red: Lemme just open this door for ya...
[he opens the door, and several flying robots with attatched sawblades fly in, making a loud buzzing noise]
Red: O SNAP, MANHAAAACKS!
[Shade hops up, and jams his crowbar into one of the sawblades; that manhack swerves out of control, and hits another]
[that one spins in circles, hitting all the others; Shade simply whacks that spinning one, and that's that]
Shade: Easy. Let's move.
[they head out to a second montage]
[they go through a really complicated sewer place, fighting tons of cops and manhacks]
[one cop accidentally drops his Sub-Machine Gun, which Red then grabs]
[eventually, after yet another water puzzle, they make it out of the sewers, and find themselves in a small creek]
Red: Ugh, disgusting. Eggman's been dumping his toxic waste in this creek, so--
[a zombie rises out of the sewage; Shade whacks it with his crowbar]
Red: Thanks. So, this place is now a toxic waste dump. Careful, don't step in that stuff.
Shadow: Red, you seem to know a lot about this city.
Red: Of course. Once you've been underground long enough, you start to learn these kinds of things. For instance--
[another zombie rises up, but is whacked back down]
Red: ...we are technically in the suburbs right now.
Shadow: FINALLY. This city's giving me the creeps.
Red: BUT, there's not really any convenient way out of the city from here.
Shadow: ..oh.
Red: HOWEVER, this is the only way to get to Cham's lab. I think.
Shadow: Um... okay! Shall we move on?
[they keep going through the weird little... place, until they find the only way to continue filled with toxic waste]
Dark: Oh, no, we've hit a snag.
Shade: No snag is too big for the Shade man to handle!
[Shade steps forward, toward the radioactive waste, when a horde of zombies rises out]
[Shade pauses, then steps back; the zombies go back under]
Shade: ...okay, so maybe we've found our first big snag.
[they also find a little underground railroad dock of sorts]
[in the dock is a very strange vehicle-- basically, a hovercraft, but.. well.. um.. let's stick with Airboat.]
[and there is a woman by the airboat, fueling it up with gas]
Woman: ohai, you're in luck! We have one airboat left! I just finished fueling it up.
Shadow: Um... thanks. We're trying to get to Cham's lab. Where is that?
Woman: Cham's lab? Oh, that's miles away...
Shadow: Wonderful. And how do we get there?
Woman: Well, you'd have to follow these creeks for a few hundred miles...
Shadow: Great.
Woman: ...then cross the Channel to the Great Dam... and his lab's just past that.
Shadow: Wacco.
Shade: Wizard.
Red: Smashing.
Dark: COR BLIMEY! That's a lot longer than it was in the game, isn't it, Shade?
Shade: A-yup. MUCH longer.
Shadow: I hate the Veteran's Committee.
Woman: It might help you to look out for Station 12, out on the canal... they're a big, red barn.
Shadow: Okay, thanks, we'll look for them.
Shade: Well, we're not gonna get much done by just sitting here!
[Shade climbs into the airboat]
Shade: Let's get this pahdy started! You comin', Dark?
Dark: BOOYAH! This is gonna be AWESOME! *hops in boat*
Red: Eh. Half-Life 1 nearly killed us on countless occasions, so this'll be similar. ..wait for me! *hops in*
Shadow: ....*siiigh* It's for DCA, Shadow... for DCA... *hops in*
[so, they drive the airboat off into the horizon as the sun marks the time at being around 5:30]
Shade: I love the time passage.
Chapter 4: Wet Hazard
[the airboat zooms across a large river/canal at a relatively fast pace]
Dark: Guys, look, a big, red barn!
Shadow: That must be Station 12.
[Shadow stops the airboat; they get out and enter the big, red barn on the side of the river]
[inside the barn, things are really dark, and absent of life]
[..except for two zombies, who chuck barrels and crates at our heroes]
[of course, Shade and Red make quick work of them]
Shadow: It's strange... as we were coming here, I thought I saw somebody watching us from here.
Shade: Eh, you get that feeling a lot in this game.
Shadow: So, now what? Station 12's down.
Shade: So, let's just keep moving. C'mon; we've got a long way to go.
Shadow: Yeah. I noticed.
[as they walk back to the boat, they notice a helicopter flying directly above them]
Shadow: ...
Red: What's up?
Shadow: That helicopter... is it... what's it doing?
Shade: I'd say the people inside are taking pictures of us.
Red: Oh, yeah? Well, take a picture o' THIS--
Shadow: Whoa-hoh-hoh, Red, calm down.
[they hop in the boat, and continue driving]
[as they pass under a bridge...]
Man: YOU THERE! UP HERE!
[Shadow stops the boat, and sees a man atop the bridge]
Man: HAVE SOME SUPPLIES! LOOK OUT BELOW!
[the man drops some boxes of ammo and such down for them]
Shadow: WHY ARE YOU HELPING US?
Man: IT'S A GOOD CAUSE! DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!
Dark: Down with the SICKNESS.
[some camera bots fly by the man]
Man: Whuh-oh, gotta go. *flees*
[some Egg Trucks drive past the bridge]
Red: Shadow?
Shadow: Yeah?
Red: FLOOR IT.
Shadow: Got it.
[Shadow floors it, and speeds through some canals as cops shoot at them]
[they zip through some barricades, and through some cops]
Dark: Hit the ramp! The ramp!
Shadow: I'll try.
[THUMP]
[SPLASH]
Shade: ...next time, let ME drive.
Shadow: No way! Just because I missed the ramp...
Shade: And capsized the boat.
Shadow: A little bit! Still, I can drive. I can drive.
[they flip the boat back over, and continue driving along]
[they turn a corner, and see some big gates closing]
Red: We're not gonna make it!
Shadow: Crap, you're right.
[they manage to squeeze through before the gates close]
Shadow: ...oh. Awesome!
Shade: Don't stop driving! Keep going! We're still miles away.
Shadow: How many?
Shade: Well, we're not even a quarter of the way through the regular chapter..
Shadow: Perfect. *sigh*
[as they drive, an Egg Truck parks by the canal, and fires rockets at them]
All: WHOA!
Shade: C'mon, watch where you're going!
Shadow: Shut up! Be quiet! I... I can't concentrate!
[then, a barricade in front of them is lit on fire]
Shadow: Oh, they're evil.
Dark: Ramp at 2:45!
Shadow: I see it!
[Shadow hits the ramp, and flies past the firey barricade]
All: YAHOO!
Red: That was awesome.
Dark: Rocket!
Shadow: Crap, I almost forgot about the--
[BOOM!]
[the airboat spins around in the air, and is shot again]
[BOOM!]
[then, some cops come by and shoot at them]
[Shadow manages to grab the steering wheel and pilot it down to a tunnel, where the cops and rockets can't get them]
All: *pant*
Shade: Pretty fancy piloting there, Shadow.
Shadow: Thanks... Red, status report.
Red: I'd say we're on the verge of death, but the boat's fine.
Shade: In video game terms, Red?
Red: The boat has infinite HP, while we only have... roughly... 7.
Shade: Oh, that's not good.
Shadow: Not good... or is it perfectly good?
Shade: Wha?
Shadow: C'mon, where's your sense of adventure? Your thrill? 7 HP left... I can live with that.
Shade: Something's happened to Mister Damp Towel. I like the new you.
[they move on, and find another closing gate]
Shadow: *vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Are you asking for a challenge?
[SMACK]
Shadow: .....you win.
Shade: Tough luck, dude. Looks like we'll have to go into that giant facility to press one teensy little switch.
Shadow: Sweetness. How hard is it in the game?
Shade: Meh. Epic in its own way.
Red: Shade, you might want to take another look at the facility.
[the camera pans, showing a humongous fortress with barbed wire, searchlights, and huge towers]
Shade: .......Metal Gear Shade time?
Dark: NO! Metal Gear DARK time.
TO BE CONTINUED...

"Libfairy Gear Shade" is the most WHAT THE FUCHIA episode I've ever written. Ever.

LAST TIME, ON D
C
A




dasdas
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sdfs
dgsdgs
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kgsdfsgh
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geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeronimoaaand they all lived happily ever after. ...'cause they all DIED.
YAAH

DARK CHOA ADVNTJUZ
Seeeeeeeeeeee 7 (AKA s6p2)
Eppy Fifty-hunderd and a eighty 58
"Libbbababsbbbbra GEarsedgg Sbad"

[DCS REMAASAASRRAATEEREDD: SCRIZS ONEGR SCRISZ FUNNEIR MORW CHARACTWDS AND MORE LIBFAIRY]

Chapter 914: Abooooooooard Lbaf8iry
[Raid is let go from his torture table thing, and exits into the hallway, completely naked]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Raid, you must continue your m-mission.
Raid: I need to find Shade first. He has my gear.
Egg: He was never a factor in the simulation. Leave him out of this.
Raid: I can't do much naked, especially in this absurdly cold temperature.
Egg: That's true. ...but, it's not THAT cold.
Raid: I think Shade has my gear.
Egg: Raid, you must take our Zero and his men. Recover Libfairy intact.
Raid: ..Doctor, are you under orders from the Patriots?
Egg: Your role-- that is, mission-- is to infiltrate the structure and disarm the terrorists--
Raid: Role? Why do you keep saying that?
Egg: Why not? This IS a type of role-playing game. Metal Gear Solid 2. I expect you to put up an awesome performance.
Raid: ..........Doctor, I just remembered something.
Egg: What is it?
Raid: I've never met you in person before!
Egg: Complete your mission according to the simulation!
Raid: Doctor, who are you?
Egg: We have Cream.
Raid: What do you mean by that?
Egg: Over and out.
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[Raid continues moving through the hallway]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Raid, turn the console off right now!
Raid: Console-- wait, what?
Egg: The mission was a failure! Cut the power right now!
Raid: Doctor, what's wrong with you?
Egg: Don't worry. It's just a game. ..just a script. Like usual.
Cream: You'll hurt your eyes reading this script so close to the computer.
Raid: What are you talking about?
Egg: Raid, something odd happened to me last night as I was driving home...
Raid: You can drive?
Egg: I saw this object in the sky.. it glowed a bright, orange light... then BAM! It was gone.
Raid: ........
Egg: Now, what do you think happened to me?
Raid: ...what are you talking about?
Egg: *sigh* Never mind.
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[Raid keeps walking]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: RAID
[SHEEEOOSH!]
Raid: What the..
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: The purple-backed gorilla from Mars likes to shove bananas filled with uranium up anything that moves. I NEED SCISSORS! 61!
[SHEEEOOSH!]
Raid: ...*laughter*
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: The MASTER Chief, Shadow the Hedgehog, is being held in the B1 prison cell. Go! And rescue him!
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Cream: Shadow...
Raid: Oh. Hi, Cream.
Cream: I owe you an apology...
Raid: If it's for the conversation earlier, don't worry about it. I'M the one who's sorry.
Cream: No... me being your teacher at Day Care wasn't just a coincidence. I was ordered to keep an eye on you...
Raid: No way...
Cream: ..by the Patriots.
Raid: So... so you're a spy?
Cream: It's not like I'm Rouge the Bat, or anything.... sure, I kept tabs on everything you did, but that was just part of the job...
Raid: Was letting me sleep in your bed because I was having nightmares just "part of the job," too?
Cream: N-no! I swear, Shadow, I grew fond of you... you are a nice chao...
Raid: I can't believe this.. no matter where I go, I get used.
Cream: Please, Shadow... I still want to be your friend. I want to teach you how to live... how to love...
Raid: This is just... I mean... that would explain why they selected you to be the mission analyst at the last minute!
Cream: Please, I know what I did was wrong...
Raid: Forget it. I.. I don't know what to think anymore.
[ShEEEOOSH!]
[Raid continues walking]
Shade: Amazing how you can walk around like that, completely naked and all...
[Raid turns around, and Shade is there, wearing his bandanna and no navy suit]
["Solid Shade (Shade)" appears on-screen]
Raid: Shade!
Shade: Been waiting long?
Raid: *sneeze*
[Shade gives him back his gear, and he gets dressed]
Chapter 3o2: Bakc in geadr
Shade: Sorry about earlier. I had to use you as bait to get into Libfairy.
Raid: Why didn't you tell me about the female Shade?
Shade: You didn't ask. *grin*
Raid: *sigh*
Shade: Still mad about that? Get over it.
Raid: ...any effects of the virus yet?
Shade: Not yet. And from the looks of it, Zero's taking this baby to Manhattan. Oh, and there's a room full of Eeksuus ahead.
Raid: How many?
Shade: She-Shade says about twenty-five, give or take.
Raid: TWENTY-FIVE?!
Shade: Sure, I've never fought that many at once before, but... we can deal.
[Shade pulls out a katana]
Shade: By the way, she asked me to give this to you.
[Raid takes the blade, and swings it around a bit]
Raid: Awesome.
Shade: Now, c'mon. Let's do this.
[they move on]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Tails: Shade, Raid!
Shade: Otakit! How are the hostages?
Tails: Taken care of. How are things on your end?
Shade: We're managing.
Raid: Hey, Otakit... what do you know about the Doctor?
Tails: Just what Wikipedia tells me about Doctor Who.
Raid: No, not THAT Doctor; I mean Eggman.
Tails: Oh. Well.. why?
Raid: My last transmission with him was a little... strange.
Tails: Interference?
Raid: No, nothing like that... just... strange.
Tails: I see. I'll dig around a little.
Raid: Thanks.
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[in the next room, a camera spots them, and tons of Libfairy Soldiers come and fight them; they escape into another hallway]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Tails: Raid, I did some digging around about Eggman. I found out where he is.
Raid: Well, where is he?
Tails: Inside Libfairy.
Raid: Wh..what?
Tails: I've done a lot of thinking, but it all comes back to Libfairy. The origin of the calls-- not the relay point, but the ORIGIN-- was Libfairy. That, and the encryption codes were the exact same ones the DDS uses.
Raid: So... so.... so what?
Tails: You've been talking to an AI. While Eggman, himself, isn't an AI, Libfairy probably created this one.
Raid: Of course, with the Patriots and stuff like that...
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[they keep walking for a bit]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Raid, they've got Cream! They've got her in the holds!
Shade: Don't listen to him, Raid. It's a trap.
Cream: Shadow, help me!
Raid: But...
Shade: RAID!
Raid: *sigh* It's all in my head... it's all in my head.
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[they make it to the next room, and are ambushed by Libfairy soldiers]
[of course, they're no match for Solid Shade and Raid, are they?]
[then, suddenly...]
Honey: It's been a long wait, Solid Shade... the root of all my sorrows.
[A WILD HONEY APPEARS]
[RAID USED GASP]
[SHADE USED BADASSERY]
Honey: You left everyone, Shade... the Gardens, CPAK... everyone was wondering where you were.
Shade: I went underground after the tanker incident.
Honey: You left us. My sorrows... the only reason to live is to see it end. The wait is almost over...
Raid: You can't be serious about firing the nukes!
Honey: Since no one can kill me, I may as well kill everyone else. ..starting with you, Shade.
Shade: Raid, get out of here.
[Raid starts climbing a ladder]
Shade: You want eternal rest? I got it riiiiight here.
Chapter 43343: Rdi vrwrs thwe metal gear eeksuas
[cut to Raid atop a circular platform, his surroundings are nothing but blackness]
[Zero's voice is heard]
Zero: Shadow, I've been watching you fight. It seems you remember the good old days... or is it one of the S3 Plan's proud achievements?
Raid: What are you talking about?
Zero: S3 stands for Solid Shade Simulation. Levity Nite discovered these plans among Libfairy's databanks.
Raid: Solid Shade Simulation?
Zero: Yes.. it seems the Patriots wanted to recreate their perfect soldier via means of VR... sound familiar?
Raid: *gasp* No way...
Zero: ya wai. I had to put a stop to their "agent" before his final mission was complete.
[Zero appears on the platform]
Zero: No more games, Raid. I'm through playing them.
[THUD!]
[Raid slowly and fearfully turns around]
[three Metal Gear Eeksuus are looking at him]
Zero: I've given you a worthy opponent, but now you can die like the little Shadowy boy I once knew!
[Zero disappears, and Raid is left there with the Eeksuus]
Raid: I really doubt I'll be able to survive this...
[he pulls out a rocket launcher]
Raid: That is, without this old baby.
[he fires three rockets at one Eeksuu; it collapses]
Raid: Ha! This won't be so tough.
[THUD! another one takes its place]
Raid: ...this is gonna be fun.
[BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! COLLAPSE! THUD! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! COLLAPSE! THUD! BOOM! THUD! BOOM! THUD! BOOM! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!]
[he is surrounded by Eeksuus]
Raid: It's no use!
Zero: I expected you to put up more of a fight than THAT, Shadow.
[an Eeksuu raises its foot to crush Raid; the female Shade drops down in front of him; the Eeksuu backs off]
Zero: So, you've finally decided to show yourself.
SShade: Raid, get out of here.
Raid: But, your brother--
SShade: The Patriots are monitoring YOUR life status. If you die, my brother dies.
[BANG! SShade falls to the ground, dead]
Zero: I see. So THAT'S why you sold your troops out to me.
Raid: SHAAAAAAADE!
Zero: Now, let's return to where this fight left off. Shall we?
[the Eeksuus shake around, eyes red]
Zero: What the?
[the Eeksuus surround Zero]
Zero: What's going on?!
[Levity's voice is heard on a loudspeaker]
Nite: It would seem that Libfairy's AI is out of control. Perhaps some sort of virus?
Zero: The Patriots?
Nite: I.. I don't know!
Zero: Levity, what did you do?!
Nite: Nothing, I swear! The system's on an emergency ascent course!
[the Eeksuus move in]
Zero: Get the **** away from me.
[Zero hops up and rips the circuitry from one Eeksuu; it collapses]
[he tears right through another; it collapses]
[finally, he shoots the legs off of the last one; it collapses]
Zero: CURSE THE PATRIOTS!
[he then uses a tentacle to pick Raid up]
Zero: You still have some use...
Honey: I've captured Solid Shade.
Zero: You have?
[Honey enters, shoving Shade through]
[Raid passes out]
Chapter 3354655564232455444444: a lsist of andrmes
[Raid wakes up on top of Libfairy; Levity Nite, Zero, Honey, and Shade are there, as well as an inactive Eeksuu]
Zero: Are you awake yet, Shadow?
Raid: Ugh...
Zero: You were able to corrupt Libfairy's AI. I underestimated you.
[Zero grabs Raid with a tentacle]
Zero: I'll just squeeze the answers out of you, instead.
[after a while, he drops him]
Honey: Why are you messing with him? You know he doesn't know anything.
Zero: It's not him I want the answers from...
Honey: What do you mean?
Zero: None of your business.
Honey: Oh, really? It just so happens that I have my own business to attend to.
[she turns and walks away]
Zero: Planning on hijacking Libfairy, are you?
[she stops abruptly]
Zero: I'm not gonna let you screw me over THAT easily.
Honey: Who talked? Levity?
Zero: Not exactly. I'm the one who told him to give you the idea in the FIRST place.
[she slowly turns]
Honey: What?
Zero: I was planning on GIVING you Libfairy, anyway.
Honey: Why the uncharacteristic generosity, Zero?
Zero: I'm no philanthropist; Libfairy is FAR from impregnable. It needs THOUSANDS of guards, warheads, ground, air and sea support, and can you imagine all the PLUBMING I'd have to do? Against a large attack force, Libfairy is nothing more than a giant COFFIN. No, seizing Libfairy was never the main objective.
Honey: Then... what WAS the main objective?
Zero: A list of names.
Honey: Whose names?
Zero: Well, since the Patriots were going digital, that means they must have put EVERYTHING in the AI. That includes the list of names of the twelve highest members of the Veteran's Committee!
Honey: I see... you were planning on picking them off, one-by-one, while we drew their fire with Libfairy.
Zero: Exactly.
Honey: You were using us.
Zero: Not unlike how you were using me. At least, PLANNING to.
Honey: But, your plan's hit a little snag with the DDS gone, huh?
Zero: Not exactly. There is another way.
Honey: Really? Ah, but I don't care. The purified nitrogen bomb is still here. I can still use it.
Zero: I won't stop you. That's what you intended to do all along.
Honey: Thank you. I shall use it well, too.
[she turns and walks away, but this time is stopped by Levity Nite's laughter]
Honey: What's so funny?
Nite: You, all of you, have been playing along to a little script...
Honey: *turns around* A little script? What do you mean?
Nite: Everything you guys are doing has been planned.. an exercise planned by us.
Zero: Exercise?
Nite: Yes, the S3 plan was designed to create an equal to Solid Shade, but the VR training was just the icing on the cake.
Zero: ...icing?
Nite: You think this terrorist scheme was all YOUR doing, Zero? It is really just a well-orchestrated rendition of CPAK.
Zero: WHAT?!
Nite: I'll clear some space.

Ames' and the president's deaths-- you didn't think that they were just a coincidence? They represented the MASTER Chief's and the CPAK Principal's deaths. Ames' own nanomachines were used to shut down his pacemaker. The president, while knowing what was going on, still chose to play out his alloted part. The virus.. well.. don't worry too much about that one, except for the fact that it was designed to erase every scrap of Patriot-related information from the database. In short, your plan was a failure before you even decided to execute it, Zero.

Fatcham was a different story. He was just there to test the boy's progress, and see if he was prepared to activate the test proper. We had to coax him into doing it; Shawn was here just for that purpose. We left no room for error. If the boy had failed to defeat Fatcham, and destroyed the facility in the process, then the exercise would have ended there.

Given the right situation, the right story, anyone can be shaped into somebody like Shade. Even rookies, like Shadow. You, the female Shade, Splintered Cell-- you were all just pawns in this brilliant simulation. Zero, you and Shadow were chosen for the job because your relationship resembled that of Shade and the big ol' boss, himself. Splintered Cell was chosen because they were the closest thing to Beaten Graves.

Honey, you were told that the eradification of Splintered Cell six months ago was the work of the Patriots. We worked so hard to get you vengeful and filled with hatred... and you opted for revenge, just as planned.

Honey: All orchestrated?
Nite: Except for the appearance of Solid Shade. I wonder who sent you?
[Honey points her SHOOP DA WHOOP cannon at Levity]
Honey: All our misfortune was just part of your plan...
Chapter 3943553566434646453356435555: toe maNHATNEan
[Levity shoots Honey in the chest-- he does not miss]
Honey: ACK! You... how did you...
Nite: You're no Lady Luck. You have been shielded by the Patriots since Day One, thanks to electromagnets and such.
Honey: I could have died whenever I wanted to...?
[Honey stands up, and aims the gun at him]
Nite: Huh? I thought I shot you in the heart...
[she shoots him, and misses]
Nite: Oh, that's right; YOUR heart's on the right.
[once more, she misses]
Nite: Yeah, your luck's run out, Honey. I have on me right now the very same electromagnetic field YOU did.
[she collapses]
Zero: Why, you...
[Zero pulls out a minigun and fires all the bullets, and misses every one of them]
[Levity hops up, into Eeksuu's cockpit; it starts up]
[Zero pulls out two swords]
[Eeksuu fires some bullets at him; he smoothly deflects all of them]
[one bullet hits Shade's handcuffs (which I forgot to mention), setting him free]
Nite: How's THIS, then?
[Eeksuu aims its missles at them]
Shade: Aw, crap.
[Honey gets up, and stands in front of Eeksuu]
Zero: Get out of here, Honey; you'll die in an instant!
Nite: Heh, your luck's run out, like I said. You want your reward? Okay, I'll give you all the payload Eeksuu's got!
[he fires all his missles at Honey; they all miss and are sent into the ocean (above which, they're flying)]
Shade: She really IS Lady Luck...
[Honey stumbles forward and coughs]
Honey: Forgive me, Shade... for I have hated the wrong person all this time...
[Honey dies]
[the front of Eeksuu opens up, revealing a huge cannon]
Zero: Oh, boy.
[suddenly, Levity's arm twitches]
Nite: No! Not now!
[Eeksuu stands up; Levity hops out, and speaks in a considerably different, calm, darker-ish voice]
Nite: Life... life is coarsing through my veins...... finally. *deep inhale* I can FINALLY.... LIVE!
Zero: Who are you?
Nite: Wouldn't YOU like to know?
Shade: Ah, don't tell me you're another Beta...
Nite: No. No, I'm not a Beta.
Shade: GOOD!
Nite: My name... is JOE.
Shade: ....are you SURE you're not a Beta?
Nite: Okay, so TECHNICALLY.. I was the ORIGINAL JOE, but I was also present in the days before DCA.
Shade: ...okay, so I won't get mad THIS TIME.
Nite: You know, Shade.. I was the one who gave you and Tails that anonymous tip regarding Metal Gear on the tanker.
Shade: Ah, so evil!
Nite: And now, I'm off to kill the Patriots. Tara!
[he hops back into Eeksuu, and jumps off Libfairy]
Shade: JOE!
[Shade follows, and jumps off, too]
Raid: SHADE!
[Libfairy then enters Manhattan, and slowly goes down and down; Raid and Zero fall off]
[they land atop a Gamestop, at about... 10 AM, I guess]
Zero: *laughter*
Raid: What are you laughing at?
Zero: Do you know what today is?
Raid: ...September 9th.
Zero: That's right. For one thing, Hughie Thomasson died on September 9th, 2007. *sigh* Rest in peace, Hughie.
Raid: He was an awesome guitarist...
Zero: Yes..... but, also, today, the Beatles: Rock Band is released, as well as the remasters of all the Beatles albums!
Raid: *gasp* There will be thousands of people heading to Gamestops worldwide!
Zero: YES! The perfect moment for Libfairy to strike-- when the nation is distracted by British music!
Raid: All you want is power...
Zero: I don't want power, Shadow. I want to take back everything the Patriots took away! Liberation, freedom... that stuff.
Raid: That stuff wouldn't even exist without the Patriots.
Zero: Hmmhmm... perhaps. But, is that really the best way to live? Under their silent rule?
Raid: Well...
Zero: And soon to be under their OBVIOUS rule! We would all become the "Sons of Libfairies!"
Chapter 26135457662336566632454646: a talk wit ygw patiropts
[BEEP BEEP!]
Raid: Uh... hold on just a bit, okay, Zero? I gotta take this.
Zero: Okay, go ahead.
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Raid, are you recieving? We're still here.
Raid: How is that possible?! The AI was destroyed!
Egg: Only DDS.
Raid: Who... who are you?
Egg: We were formed by the White House, you could say. Everything moral and disciplinary of America, that's us.
Raid: Cut the crap! If you're immortal, why would you censor everything?
Egg: Calm down, Shadow. We have only YOUR interests, not ours, in mind.
Raid: What?
Cream: SIT DOWN AND LISTEN LIKE A GOOD BOY, OKAY?! LIKE A GOOD BOY!
Raid: Ack!
Egg: The mapping of the human genome was completed early this century, and in theorem, the evolutionary cycle was in front of us.
Cream: We were able to essentially digitize life, itself.
Egg: But there are some things not covered by digital information.
Raid: Like wha--
Cream: LIKE A GOOD BOY!
Raid: Sorry!
Egg: Memories, ideas, culture... HISTORY!
Cream: Genes don't contain any trace of history.
Egg: Is history something that should not be passed on? Something that should be left to the mercy of nature?
Cream: We've always kept records of our history, in stuff like books, television, the internet...
Egg: But not all the information was inherited by future generations. Only a select portion of it. Like genes.
Cream: That's what history is, Shadow.
Egg: But in the current, digitized world, trivial information is gathering. Never deleted, just... gathering.
Cream: Rumors about petty issues, misinterpretations, slander...
Egg: All this junk data, preserved in an untouched state, growing at an alarming rate.
Cream: It will only slow down social progress, and hinder the pace of evolution.
Egg: Shadow, you seem to think our plan is one of censorship.
Raid: Are you telling me it's NOT--
Cream: SIT DOWN, YOU PUNK! BE A GOOD BOY FOR A CHANGE!
Raid: Yes, ma'am!
Cream: We want to CREATE context, not CHANGE it.
Raid: Create?
Egg: The digital society furthers human flaws and selectively rewards the development of convenient half-truths.
Cream: Billions spent on new weapons in order to humanely murder otherhumans.
Egg: Rights of criminals are given more respect than the privacy of their victims.
Cream: Although poverty still exists in great numbers, people still spend their money to save endangered species.
Egg: Everyone grows up being told the same thing. "Be nice to each other!"
Cream: "But beat out the competition!"
Egg: "You're special!" "Believe in yourself, and you will succeed!"
Cream: But it's so obvious from the start that very few will succeed.
Egg: You exercise your right to "freedom" and this is the result. Confused morality, political "correctness..."
Cream: Everyone withdraws into their own gated community, afraid of the larger forum outside...
Egg: Their truths are let out into the real world. All these conflicting truths exist, but none are challenged.
Cream: The biggest case of cognitive dissonance EVER. Not even natural selecton can occur here!
Egg: And this is the way the world ends. Not with a BAAAAANG, but with a.....whimper...
Cream: We're trying to stop this from happening.
Egg: This is our responsibility as rulers. We must filter out all the unnecessary information in order to continue evolution.
Raid: And you think you are qualified to do that?
Cream: Grr...
Raid: ......sir, and ma'am?
Cream: That's better.
Egg: Absolutely. Who else could wade through all that garbage you produce, and find the useful information?
Cream: That is what is known as "creating context."
Raid: I'll decide what do believe, myself, thank you! ...sir and ma'am!
Egg: But is that really your own idea?
Cream: Or something Shade told you?
Egg: That's the proof of your incompetence, right there.
Raid: But I have the right--
Cream: Does something like a "self" exist inside you?
Egg: That which you call "self" serves as nothing more than a mask to cover your own being.
Cream: In this era of ready-made "truths," "self" is just something used to preserve those positive emotions that you occasionally feel...
Egg: Another possibility is that "self" is a concept you conveniently borrowed under the logic that it would endow you with some sense of strength...
Raid: That's crap!
Egg: Is it? Would you rather have someone else tell you?
Cream: Shadow, you're awesome! You rule! And you got to be so awesome all by yourself!
Raid: ........
Egg: Oh, what happened? Do you feel lost? Why not try a bit of soul-searching?
Cream: Don't think you'll find anything, though...
Egg: Isn't it ironic that whenever something good happens, it's yourself, but if it's bad, it's something else?
Cream: "It's not my fault. It's not your fault."
Egg: It's denial. You look for more convenient truths, and Al Gore, to make you feel better.
Cream: Leaving behind in an instant the so-called "truth" you once embraced.
Egg: Should someone like that be able to decide what is "truth?"
Cream: Should someone like you even have the right to decide?
Egg: You've done nothing but abuse your freedom.
Cream: You don't deserve to be free!
Egg: We're not the ones smothering the world. You are.
Cream: The individual is supposed to be weak, but far from powerless-- one person could ruin the whole world.
Egg: And the advent of the digital age has given too much power to the individual. Too much power for an immature species.
Cream: People used to struggle to build a legacy. Now, we do all the thinking for them.
Egg: We are your guardians, after all. And, in the case of chao, your OWNERS.
Raid: You want to control thought? Behavior?
Egg: Of course. Anything can be quantified nowadays. That's what this exercise was designed to prove.
Cream: You grew attatched to me, after all, didn't you? I was your teacher in Day Care.
Egg: Levity Nite was not told the whole truth, to say the least.
Cream: We rule an entire nation -- of what interest would a single soldier, no matter how able, be to us?
Egg: The S3 Plan does not stand for Solid Shade Simulation. What it does stand for is Selection for Societal Sanity... the S3 is a system for controlling human will and consciousness. S3 is not you, a soldier trained in the image of Solid Snake. It is a method, a protocol, that created a circumstance that made you what you are.
Cream: WE are the S3 plan, not YOU.
Egg: What you experienced was the final test of its effectiveness.
Raid: That's crazy.
Egg: You heard what the President said.
[Eggman's voice changes to that of the president]
Pres: The Libfairy's "DDS" system is the key to their supremacy.
[his voice changes back]
Egg: Our goal was to establish such a method. We used CPAK as a paradigm for the test.
Cream: I wonder if you'd have preferred a fantasy setting?
Egg: We chose that for its extreme circumstances. If you could solve it, you could do anything. And now, we have our proof.
Raid: ...argh.
Egg: There are plenty of other reasons behind your selection. Zero raised plenty of chao soldiers-- why you?
Raid: Uh.. I don't know.
Egg: It was because you were the only one who refused to acknowledge the past. You turn your back on anything you dislike.
Cream: You do whatever you like, and see only what you want-- for yourself, alone.
Egg: Yes, Cream can attest to that. You see, you are the perfect representation of the masses we want to protect.
Cream: You obeyed our orders, like a good boy. You listened, and did as you were told.
Egg: The real objective behind this was to ensure that we could generate and manipulate feelings, beliefs, and reality.
Cream: Were we successful? Of course.
Egg: Well, I think that's enough talk. It's time for your final test. Raid, take Zero down.
Raid: Think again! I'm through doing what I'm told!
Egg: Are you sure you're not forgetting something?
[he manipulates his voice to sound like SShade]
SShade: If you die, my brother dies.
[back to normal]
Egg: Termination of your vital signs will result in the execution of that chao. Not to mention Cream. She's wired the same.
Raid: Cream... is she even real?
Cream: Of course I am, Shadow! You've got to beLIEve me!
Raid: Dang...
Egg: It will be a fight to the death.
Cream: Zero, at least, wants you dead.
Egg: We will collect the remaining data from this last test, then deem the exercise closed.
Raid: WAIT! I have one last question...
Egg: Well, alright. We may as well let you ask.
Raid: What.. what about DCA? I heard Levity Nite say it would end... is that true?
Egg: ...
Cream: ...
Egg: DCA must live on.
Cream: Yes, it must.
Egg: That is the answer you had hoped to hear, correct? Well, it's WRONG. DCA must end.
Cream: It has gone on long enough. It does nothing but continue political "correctness" and the spreading of lies.
Egg: It's not the ONLY fanfiction we're shutting down, mind you, but it might possibly be the biggest.
Cream: Seven seasons... wow. 58 episodes, was it? This is the 58th, right?
Egg: We'll consider leaving all 58 of them intact. Our orignal intent was to completely delete all traces of it, but...
Cream: But, the truth is, we quite enjoyed a large number of the episodes.
Raid: Then why not let it keep going?
Egg: Like I said, it is classified as one of the "trivial pieces of information" that we must get rid of.
Cream: We're only keeping the 58 episodes as sort of a... guilty pleasure.
Egg: These are not the only reasons behind its ending, but these are the only reasons we will give.
Cream: Now then, Shadow Eater... who will it be?'
Egg: Zero, the creation of the Patriots, or YOU, the creation of Zero? Our little monsters... enjoy yourselves.
[SHEEEOOSH!]
Chapter 124468578348 23124283523 5 4q84qr58w4672345w467e34678ey663476777777777777: raid vwsuah oro
Raid: Okay, sorry about that. Where were we?
[Zero gets up]
Zero: Uh.. oh, yeah. Shadow... my son. My "brothers" and I are called "monsters." Replications of evil genes.
Raid: Monsters?
Zero: You, while special, are still a monster. And we must decide, out of all the monsters, who deserves survival.
[Zero clenches his fist]
Zero: By the way, Shadow, I was the one who killed your parents.
Raid: !!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Zero: I claimed you for my own, and transformed you into a soldier.
Raid: But... why?
Zero: I needed to know if we were really just people's creations. We're repeating history, Shadow.
[Zero tosses Raid's katana at him; he catches it]
Zero: I have other reasons for wanting you dead. For one thing, the information of the Patriots is gone, except...
[DUN DUN DUUUUUN]
Zero: ..the last of it is in YOUR HEAD.
Raid: LE GASP
Zero: The information is being carried throughout the nanomachines in your neural cortex.. and... stuff.
[dramatic camera angles]
Zero: Anyway, BRACE YOURSELF!
[DRAMATIC FIGHT SEQUENCE!]
[SLASH!]
[ZOOM!]
[SWIPE!]
[KA-WIZZZZ!]
Zero: Hm. Good work, Shadow, but this is where things get interesting!
[one of Zero's tentacle arms grabs Raid]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Raid: Aw, ****, this is the WORST time for a call..
Zero: Ya got another call?
Raid: Yeah... sorry.
Zero: it's okay. I'll wait.
Raid: Thanks.
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Raid, you have to beat Zero! This is your last duty!
Raid: We're not just pawns in some simulation game, you know!
Cream: Yes, you are! You're no different than a fighter jet, or a tank.
Raid: Wha?
Egg: A weapon has no right to think for itself. Now, go! Go and defeat Zero! Fulfil your purpose in life!
[SHEEEOOSH!]
[Zero and Raid lock eyes]
[Zero dashes forward; Raid dodges]
[Raid quickly stabs him in the back]
[Zero falls over the edge of the building]
[the camera shows him dramatically falling IN SLOW MOTION]
[SMACK! He lands, and his corpse is stuck on the neck of a guitar controller on display outside the store]
[cut to the street by the store; Raid is standing there; people are walking by, not even noticing him]
Raid: Who am I, really?
Shade: No one quite knows who or what they are.
[Raid turns around, and Shade is there]
Raid: Shade! What happened to Levity?
Shade: Eh, he got away. But, I put a transmittor on the Eeksuu.
Raid: Was he heading for the Patriots?
Shade: Yeah. But, they probably gave him a bogus location to start with. But, we have a better lead.
[Shade pulls out a disc]
Shade: This contains a list of names of all the Patriots.
Raid: But.. but Levity took it!
Shade: We gave you a fake.
Raid: Oh.
Shade: This virus was designed to delete the names from the database, which means there's probably a parameter in there with that information on it.
Raid: I get it! Analyze the code, and you'll find the list! Count me in!
Shade: No. You have people to talk to first.
[Shade walks away; Raid turns around, and Cream is there]
Raid: Cream...
Cream: Hello, Shadow.
[they hug]
Cream: Do you remember what today is yet?
Raid: Of course. Today's the release date of The Beatles: Rock Band! I've been looking forward to it for FOREVER!
Cream: *giggle* Yay, you remembered! And, to celebrate you being a good boy and finishing the mission...
[Cream pulls out a copy of the game]
Raid: ZOMG YAY! Thank you very much!
[they walk off-screen; the camera pans New York City while it fades to black]
DARK CHAO ADVENTURES
was created by DJay32
in loving memory of his beloved chao...
including Shade and Shadow.



[BEEP BEEP!]
Tails: Shade, this is Otakit. I've finished going over that disc.
Shade: Did you find the list of names?
Tails: Oh, there was a list of names, all right. Twelve people, all living in Manhattan.
Shade: Uh-huh?
Tails: One of the names was one of our biggest contributors.
Shade: What the?
Tails: And... all twelve people are already dead.
Shade: They ARE? When did THIS happen?
Tails: Over a hundred years ago.
Shade: What is going on here?



Season Seven: THE END
...is just beginning.
Chapter 1281761261216271631318938424813131831831831831831381381381318318318318318388383838383838383838: thes neend???????
[cut to the Dark Garden; Shade just got back, and stumbles in; he tosses his bandanna to the side]
Shade: Ugh... what a mission.
[Shadow comes in, too, and tosses his weird suit thing to the side]
Shadow: Ugh... I know what you mean.
[Dark comes up to them]
Dark: SHAAAAADE! Where have you BEEN for the past two years?
Shade: Please... don't ask.
Dark: Well.. things have been odd without you.
Shade: I don't care! I just want to sleep. I've had a long day...
Shadow: Yes, please, Dark, let us get some sleep.
Dark: Who the heck are YOU?
Shadow: I'm.. Shadow. I used to live here.
Dark: Eh, I don't remember you.
Shadow: Just let us sleep, please!
[Shadow and Shade both sleep on the island at the other end of the pool]
[the next morning...]
Shadow: Ugh.. what a dream. I dreamt the story actually revolved around me for once.
Shade: Funny. I had a similar dream.
?: THOSE WERE NOT MERE DREAMS.
[at the sound of that voice, they instantly get up, and find themselves in the Space/Time Rip beyond the yadda yadda]
[the one who made the voice was a Dalek, surrounded by a few others]
Dalek1: YOU WENT THROUGH A MIGHTY AND AWESOME ADVENTURE...
Dalek2: HOWEVER, YOU ALSO LEARNED OF A SERIOUS THREAT.
Dalek1: IF YOU, GREEN ONE, WILL REMEMBER, THE PATRIOTS WANT TO END DARK CHAO ADVENTURES.
Dalek3: THIS IS NOT GOOD. WE, THE ORDER OF THE DALEKS, DCA DIVISION, MUST URGE YOU TO END THIS THREAT.
Shade: Great, time for another Grey Journey........
Dalek1: CLOSE! IT IS TIME FOR A GREEN JOURNEY!
Shadow: I don't like the sound of this.
Dalek4: FOR A WHILE, THE SERIES DID, INDEED, REVOLVE AROUND SHADE, THE GREY ONE.
Shade: And I was just getting used to it, too.
Dalek2: HOWEVER, YOU HAVE ALREADY EVOLVED INTO A DARK/SWIM CHAO. NOW IT IS SHADOW, THE GREEN ONE'S, TURN.
Shadow: I'm gonna be a Dark/Swim chao, too?
Dalek1: NO. YOU WILL BE A DARK/RUN CHAO.
Dalek5: WHEN WE ARE DONE WITH YOU, YOU WILL LOOK JUST LIKE SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG! YOU WILL BE SO CUTE!
Dalek1: ...HE'S NEW.
Shade: Does this mean we aren't moving to another story arc?
Dalek2: WE ARE. STORY ARC 1 WAS THE BETA AVENGERS. THIS ONE IS.. UH...
Dalek1: THIS ONE IS THE VETERAN'S COMMITTEE.
Shadow: The Veteran's Committee... that's the twelve people at the top of the Patriots, right?
Dalek3: CORRECT.
Shadow: Um... could somebody explain to me what this whole "Green Journey" thing is?
Shade: Basically, you gotta go around, collecting these seven...
Dalek1: GREEN.
Shade: Green chaos drives. ..hey, that's awesome! I wish my chaos drives were grey, or something...
Shadow: Okay, so what happens when I get all seven?
Shade: You'll transform into a Dark/Run chao. Don't worry; it rocks.
Shadow: Um... okay.
Dalek1: GREY ONE.
Shade: Yeah?
Dalek1: NOT EVEN YOU WERE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH THIS TASK YOURSELF. YOU MUST AID HIM.
Shade: Oh. You want me to.. be his partner? His teammate? He's the hero, I'm not?
Shadow: This might just be fun.
Shade: Enjoy it while it lasts, buddy.
Shadow: Oh, I will.
Shade: So, uh... will Season Eight be called "The Green Journey," and have ten episodes, or something?
Dalek3: N......OT... EXACTLY.
Shade: What's that supposed to mean?
Dalek1: YOU SEE... THE VETERAN'S COMMITTEE IS REALLY TRYING TO SHUT US DOWN. THEY KNOW HOW TO MESS WITH THE SCRIPT.
Shade: .....so, they're worse than the Beta Avengers?
Dalek2: FAR WORSE. THEY ARE THE BETA AVENGERS OF THE REAL WORLD, BUT WITHOUT THE BETAS.
Shade: Great, greenie gets to fight the cooler enemies.
Shadow: Yay!
Shade: So, what does this mean?
Dalek3: SEASON SEVEN IS TITLED "THE END." IF YOU CAN READ, THE ENDING SAID "THE END IS JUST BEGINNING."
Shade: Just tell me in English!
Dalek1: THIS SEASON WILL EXTEND FOR AS MANY EPISODES AS IT TAKES FOR YOU TO KILL THE VETERAN'S COMMITTEE.
Shadow: Oh, boy... and it took us five episodes just to finish this ONE story.
Dalek2: THIS SERIAL, "METAL GEAR SHADE 2," SHOULD GIVE YOU AND OUR READERS A NICE IDEA OF HOW LONG THIS SEASON WILL BE.
Shadow: So, um... Dalek people? Where is the first chaos drive?
Dalek1: WE HAVE DETECTED THAT THE FIRST CHAOS DRIVE RESIDES SOMEWHERE ON FUTURE EARTH.
Shade: Gears of War time?
Dalek2: NO. SOMEWHERE IN FUTURE EUROPE.
Shade: ................................AW, HELLS YES! Teleport me there, sucka!
Shadow: Wait, hang on... why do I need to be a Dark/Run chao, again?
Shade: You'll have enough power by then, when combined with my power, to kick some Veteran's Committee butts.
Dalek1: WE SHALL NOW TELEPORT YOU TO(WIe9-awujrui9bgqy8e4t e3ui90q3or
asko-rjtaestod90yuts s
tsersts
ysu
sysg
gustuisrt=ouserysery
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Chapter 9: Things Went Wrong.
TO BE CONTINUED...