Thursday, July 31, 2008

This is not the greatest song in the world, no... this is just a TRIBUTE!!!


[cut to a space ship in the middle of space; Captain Shadow Bonic is standing in the bridge]
[Dark-Hawk walks up to him]
DH: Sir, we've detected a large, ring-shaped world out there.
SB: Out where?
DH: Out THERE, sir. In the vastness of space.
SB: Ah, yes... SPACE.... the final frontier. Personally, I always believed TIME would be the final frontier. But they all called me crazy.
DH: Um... sir, there's a ring-shaped planet.
SB: What? How can you tell this?
[the camera shows the ring-shaped planet right next to the space ship]
DH: Uhhh.... we have our ways. We have our ways.

Dark Chao Adventures
Season 6: The Gray Journey
Episode 47: Countdown to Destruction

DCA The Musical!

Shade the gray Dark chao as... Solid Shade 1337, "Master Chef"
Red "Devillish" the red Dark chao as... "Redd Fox," a Rebel pilot from Star Wars
Chao the boring Hero chao as... A GIANT CHICKEN, Master Chef's best friend from outer space-- I mean, a boring Rebel soldier.
Shadow "Not the Hedgehog" the green Dark chao as... Shadow the hedge--I mean, a blue SPARTAN soldier thingy, Shadow 118
Shadow Bonic the third-party Chaos chao as... Captain Shadow Bonic, the guy who dies in the end
Dark-Hawk the third-party Dark chao as... Rebel Dark-Hawk. Yeah. That's the best I could think of. Sue me
Phantom the third-party chao whose side I can't recall as... AN ALIEN!!!
Buddy the third-party Dark chao as... another Rebel chao
Quartz the third-party cannon-fodder/punching bag as... a Rebel pilot, but not as skilled as Redd Fox
And the MILKMAN, the evil, unknown creature as... 343 GUILTY SPARK, some random robot

DH: Anyway, it turns out some aliens managed to find us after blowing up some planet.
SB: The Cyber chao.
DH: The who?
SB: ...since when were the cyber chao in that band?
DH: No, I mean, who are the Cyber chao?
SB: Good question. Let's ask Shade.
DH: He's asleep, sir.
SB: Well, WAKE HIM UP! Sheesh, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure THAT one out.
DH: Yes, sir.
[Dark-Hawk pushes some buttons and pulls some levers (LOLZ OBSCURE INVADER ZIM REFERENCE)]
[somehow, that wakes Shade up from a cryogenic pod]
Chapter 1: The Pillar of Awesome
"Waking Up" by Julien-K (Shadow the Hedgehog). ....remade by Shade.

[Shade wakes up, and steps out of the pod]
Shade: Waking up, breaking out...
(Where am I, I hope it's not real)
Rebel chao? Yet, but how?
(I hate the pillar of autumn)

[Shade sees some Rebel chao]
Rebelchao1: Cryogenic pod hisses behind you,
As you try to clear your head.
You start to look and answers find you,
Your inner purpose lies ahead.

[Shade can't believe what's happening]
Shade: Waking up, breaking out...
(Where am I, I hope it's not real)
Rebel chao? Yet, but how?
(I hate the pillar of autumn)
Waking up, breaking out...
(Where am I, I hope it's not real)
Rebel chao? Yet, but how?
(I hate the pillar of autumn)

[the other Rebel chao tries to explain what's happening]
Rebelchao2: Try to see, you are in Halo.
The MILKMAN is here, he shall be dead.
One more episode, one more...
This is not all in your head.

[Shade gives his opinion on things]
Shade: I cannot believe this craaaaaaap!
Damn, the MILKMAN always gets his waaaaaaaaaaaay!
Well, I think he should knowwwwwww...
That I'm coming for hiiiiim...


[random chorus, no meaning]
Shade: Waking up, breaking out...
(Where am I, I hope it's not real)
Rebel chao? Yet, but how?
(I hate the pillar of autumn)
Waking up, breaking out...
(Where am I, I hope it's not real)
Rebel chao? Yet, but how?
(I hate the pillar of autumn)
Waking up, breaking out...
(Where am I, I hope it's not real)
Rebel chao? Yet, but how?
(I hate the pillar of autumn)

[cut to Shadow Bonic and Dark-Hawk]
DH: Sir, the Cyber chao are attacking the Pillar of Autumn!
DH: That's OUR ship.
SB: HOLY CRAP NO! Um... quick! Call the Master Chef up here!
[they call Shade up to the bridge]
Shade: You wanted to see me, sir?
SB: Shade, you need to--
[a microchip falls to the floor]
[Shade grabs it]
Shade: This is Cortana, right? The AI that'll help me?
DH: No, that's where I keep my pr0n. If you want help, *pulls out syringe* here's your "AI."
Shade: Um... I don't like shots...
[Dark-Hawk manages to distract Shade long enough to give him the "AI"]
Shade: WHOA! ***..................*giggle*
DH: There! Now you're as smart as the Master Chief! If not smarter.
"Why does it Hurt When I Pee?" by Frank Sinatra, remade by Shade.

Shade: Why does it hurt when I think?
Why does it hurt when I think?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I think?
I got it from the Dark-Hawk guy.
I got it from the Dark-Hawk guy.
He jumped right up,
'N' grabbed my eye.
Got it from the Dark-Hawk guy.
My arms feel like a pair of maracas
My arms feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God, I probably got the Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My arms feel like a pair of maracas
Why does it,
Why does it,
Why does it,
Why does it hurt...
I thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink?

SB: Now, Master Chef, you need to head to the escape pods!
Shade: Urp..... the Elite Beat Agents are at your service, boss! SUPERMAN, AWAY! *runs into room*
Shade: I... I knew that! I was just... turning around.
[Shade somehow makes it to the escape pods without dying. ....more than five times]
Shade: Burb...burb...burb... I'm a tree!
[the magical flowers and cat pee wear off]
Shade: Ugh... escape pod! Good-- OW, MY HEAD HURTS!
[Shade enters the escape pod, and finds Shadow and Quartz inside]
Shade: What are you guys doing here?
Qz: I'm driving the escape po--
Shade: Yeah, yeah. Shadow, why are you...
Shadow: In a blue MJOLNIR suit? No clue.
Shade: Ah.
[the escape pod activates]
Qz: Hold on tight, folks; it's gonna be a bumpy ride!
Chapter 2: Hell-o, Halo Kitty, Gay-lo, whatever you wanna call it
[the escape pod flies into the ring-shaped planet]
[cut to a bunch of grassy hills and mountains somewhere on the ring-shaped planet; the escape pod is coming to the ground]
Shadow: Brace yourself, Master Chef!
Shade: I am!
[the ship crashes, and Shade whites out]
Shadow: Chef? Chef?
Shade: Ugh...
[Shade wakes up, and finds that Quartz died, but not Shadow]
Shadow: Are you alright, Master Chef?
Shade: Yes, yes, I'm fine, already! Now, according to my Player's Guid-- expert gaming knowledge, there should be some enemies coming. RUN.
Shadow: Running!
[some Cyber chao gunships commit a fly-by shooting]
Cyberchao: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! *flies off*
Shade: Next, we gotta find, like, four groups of Rebel chao, and kill some Cyber chao. Let's go.
"Killing Time (and People)" A parody song by Shade. Not exactly original. (so don't expect anything good)

[Shade and Shadow go through the planet, killing people]
CHORUS (the original part)
Shade: Nothing to do! Gotta kill some time!
Shadow: Damn. I can't think of a rhyme.
Shade: We gotta save some Rebels!
Shadow: Rebels!
Shade: We gotta save some friends!
Shadow: Friends are just around that bend!
Shade: We gotta kill some enemies!
Shadow: Enemies!
Shade: Those cyber chao are gonna pay!
Shadow: And, man, I think they're really gay!

VERSE 1 (take a guess what it's based on)
Shade: With a few smacks here...
Shadow: And a few whacks there...
Shade: Here an "Ouch!"
Shadow: There an "Ouch!"
Both: Everywhere an "Ouch! Ouch!"
Shade: Old Master Chef had a gun,

Shade: Nothing to do! Gotta kill some time!
Shadow: Damn. I can't think of a rhyme.
Shade: We gotta save some Rebels!
Shadow: Rebels!
Shade: We gotta save some friends!
Shadow: Friends are just around that bend!
Shade: We gotta kill some enemies!
Shadow: Enemies!
Shade: Those cyber chao are gonna pay!
Shadow: And, man, I think they're really gay!

[they find Redd Fox, the pilot for a big ship]
VERSE 2 (Linkin Park's "Faint")
Red: I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard,
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars.
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel,
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real.
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do.
Face away and pretend that I'm not,
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got.
Shade: .......................WHAT? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch all that. Were you... RAPPING?
Red: Kind of.
Shade: Sorry, just because I like Zero Punctuation doesn't mean I can understand ALL these super-fast things.
Red: How about I just go ahead and say that I want to help you kill some people, because you're all I've got.
Shade: Oh. Weird, much?
Red: Yeah. Well... I want to kill some Cyber chao, and you got about another verse and a bridge to go, so...
Shade: Ah, good thinking. ...could you sing the chorus to that song so we can have some diversity?
Red: Sure, sure.

CHORUS 2 (Linkin Park's "Faint")
Red: I CAN'T FEEL!!! the way I did before,
Don't turn your back on me;
I won't be ignored!
TIME WON'T HEAL!!! this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me; I won't be ignored!

[Shade, Shadow, and Red start killing some Rebel chao]
VERSE 3 (Live and Learn by Crush 40)
Shade: Can you feel life tangle you up inside?
Yeah, now you're face down on the floor!
Shadow: Oh!
Red: But you can't save your sorrow,
You've paid in trade!
Shade: When you can't help but follow,
All: It puts you right back where you came!

BRIDGE (Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames")
Red: As the red day is dawning and the lightning cracks the sky,
Shadow: We'll raise our hand to the heavens above with resentment in their eyes.
Shade: Running back from the mid morning light with a burning in my heart,
All: We're banished from a time in a fallen land to a life beyond the stars.

[the fighting ends as all the Cyber chao around them are dead]
CHORUS 3 (Original again, but a little bit of Super Smash Bros Brawl theme)
Shade: And so we wait, for what seems to be a lifetime...
Shadow: For the day the foe comes that can equal us in real time.
Red: But as that day may never come,
All: SPRENDOR CRESCIT! (We shine ever brighter, in Latin)

[the song ends as Redd Fox flies his ship down, and drops a warthog for them]
Shade: w00t! ROAD TRIP! You coming, you two?
Shadow: **** yeah!
Red: Dude, I LOVE road trips! SHOTGUN!
Shadow: SHOTGU-- aww....
Shade: Relax, Shadow; you get to be the turret!
Shadow: r0xx0rz!
"Born Too Slow," by The Crystal Method, slightly remade by Shade.

[as Shade drives, he decides to sing along to the radio while running over Cyber chao and driving headfirst into rocks]
Shade:Just like seventies goofballs,
he's waiting on last calls.
Well, listen to Shade, man!
'Cause if you leave on the last line ,
don't leave on the ground kind ...
Born just a little too SLOW!
Just a little too SLOW!

Just a little too...
Oh, your lives are more than two,
just a little too...
Oh, just a little too...

'Cause if ya picture the wrong kind,
you'll know you'll be turnin' blind.
Got outta your head!
Bangin' tail just the wrong way,
you'll know that you're turnin' gray,
I'm just a little too SLOW!
Oh, your lives are more than two, more than two, more than two, SLOW!

Oh, your lives are more than two,


Just a little too...


Just a little too...
your lives are more than two,
just a little too...
Oh, your your life's a born in two,
just a little too SLOW!
'Cause if you leave on the last line,
don't leave on the ground kind.
Well, listen to Shade, man!
'Cause if you leave him callin',
you'll know you'll be fallin'.
Lights are bummin' low,
you're shot off and bum and go,
lives are bummin' low,
your shot off and bum and go,
born just a little too....!!!

[they reach the last group of Rebel chao]
Rc: Master Chef! We thought you'd never make it!
Shade: Hey, how's it going? ...wait, "Master Chef?"
Rc: Yes. You WERE the head chef on the Pillar of Autumn, weren't you?
Shade: I thought I was Master CHIEF, the awesome gunfighter who protects everyone and has a woman in his head!
Rc: No. What are you, crazy? This is supposed to be a VIDEO GAME. What kind of game features THAT crap?
Red: He has a point. I mean, that DOES sound cliche and overused.
Shade: Eh, whatever.
Red: By the way, Shade, I can use my ship to pick up that group, as well as you two.
Shadow: Yay, a ride home!
Shade: Hmm... according to my player's guide, I'm gonna need you to take me to this Cyber chao ship in order to save Shadow Bonic.
Red: Um... sure.
[he does that]
Chapter 3: Truth and Recon-Silly-Nation
[Redd Fox takes Shade to the Cyber Chao ship, the "Truth and Reconcilliation," in the middle of the night]
Shade: I gotta break in there using nothing but a sniper rifle? Normally, there's a squad of Rebel chao with me.
Red: You can do it. I know you can.
Shade: All right. Time to kick up some espionage music!
"Snake Eater" by, uh.... I dunno. It's in Metal Gear Solid 3. Remade by Shade.

[Shade goes across some cliffs, while killing some Cyber Chao]
Shade: What a thrill...
With darkness and silence through the night...
What a thrill...
I'm searching and I'll melt into you...
What a fear in my heart,
But you're so supreme!

[Shade finds a large group of enemies, and starts fighting]
Shade: I'd give my life...
Not for honour, but for you!
In my time there'll be no one else...
Crime, it's the way I fly to you!
I'm still in a dream,
Shade Eater!

[Shade returns to going along the cliffs and valleys]
Shade: Someday you go through the rain,
And someday, you feed on a tree frog.
This ordeal, the trial to survive,
For the day we see new light!

[Shade finds the landing site for the ship, and has to kill a lot of Cyber chao]
Shade: I'd give my life...
Not for honour, but for you!
In my time there'll be no one else...
Crime, it's the way I fly to you!
I'm still in a dream,
Shade Eater!

I am still in a dream,
Shade Eater!

[Shade has killed all the enemies, and enters the ship]
[he finds Commander Shadow Bonic, and Dark-Hawk, surprisingly, and takes them to a ship]
[they fly the ship outta there]
[...that's the whole chapter. Sorry, but I couldn't think of a song to match with that.]
Chapter 4: The Silent Map Maker Guy
[cut to around mid-morning the next day; Redd Fox is flying Master Chef and Shadow 118 to an island]
SB: So, according to our reports, there is a map of the center of this mysterious, ring-shaped planet inside a base.
DH: And the base is deep inside this island we're flying to.
Shade: Ah, I see...
SB: Well, by "center of the planet," I mean the control room.
Shade: Hmm...
DH: You must find a way into this base, and find the map.
Shade: Understood. Initiating the mission now.
DH: Um... how? We're still flying.
Shade: Sorry, I just wanted to say that.
[they reach the island, and Shade finds the underground base]
Shade: Hmm... gotta reach the bottom, huh? This'll be fun.
[cut to the bottom floor; Shade's scream is heard coming closer]
[Shade slams onto the ground (he jumped all the way down)]
Shade: Man, that was a bigger jump than I had hoped. What's this?
[Shade finds the map]
Shade: Now to get outta here!
[Shade looks around and realizes that he passed all the enemies on the way down, and there's only one way back up-- past

Shade: Oh.
"Foreplay/Long Time" by Boston, not changed at all.
[after a rocking guitar/synthesizer solo, Shade starts singing]

[all this time, Shade is carefully taking out each and every enemy while walking up dozens of floors]
Shade: It's been such a long time,
I think I should be goin', yeah.
And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'.
Sail on, on a distant highway, yeah!
I've got to keep on chasin' a dream.
I've gotta be on my way!
Wish there was something I could say.


Shade: Well, I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along,
You'll forget about me after I've been gone.
And I take what I find, I don't want no more.
It's just outside of your front door.

Shade: It's been such a long time. It's been such a long time!

Shade: Well, I get so lonely when I am without you,
But in my mind, deep in my mind,
I can't forget about you.
Good times, and faces that remind me, yeah!
I'm tryin' to forget your name and leave it all behind me!
You're comin' back to find me.


Shade: Well, I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along,
You'll forget about me after I've been gone.
And I take what I find, I don't want no more,
It's just outside of your front door.

Shade: It's been such a long time. It's been such a long time!


Shade: Yeahhhh! It's been such a long time, I think I should be going, yeah!
Time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'.
There's a long road I've gotta stay in time with.
I've got to keep on chasin' that dream, though I may never find it.
I'm always just behind it.


Shade: Well, I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along,
Takin' my time, just movin' along,
Takin' my time, yeah, I'm takin' my time...

[Shade makes it out of the base with a ton of Cyber chao corpses behind him, and contacts Redd Fox]
Red: Yo.
Shade: I have the map... I'm sending you the coordinates.
Red: Hmm.... *recieve'd* These coordinates are underground! ...I'll try.
[that's the whole chapter. I love that song so much, I gave it its own chapter]
Chapter 5: Assault on the Control Base Place of No Point and It's Randomly Snowing For Some Reason What the Hell?
[Redd Fox flies Master Chef underground to a small ledge by a door]
Shade: Thanks.
[Master Chef opens the door, and finds that it's SNOWING WTF OMG LEET HAX]
Shade: Damn. And I gotta do WHAT?
Red: (via random radio) I think you gotta find the control base through all this snow, and you gotta find a song that suits this.
Shade: Hmm... I have some ideas. First, I gotta go through the snowy valleys and help Rebel chao kill Cyber chao.
"Walking in a Winter Wonderland" by, um... who was it made by? Who cares. Remade by Shade.

[Shade goes through the valleys, murdering Cyber chao, all while singing this upbeat song]
Shade: Cyber alarms ring, are you listening?
In the valley, blood is glistening.
A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is he, Redd Fox?
Here to stay is a new fox.
He sings a war cry as enemies die.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is a Cyber chao.
He'll say: "Are you rebels?"
We'll say: "Yes, man, and you can go to the Dark Garden, a'ight?"

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by gunfire,
To face unafraid the plans that we've made.
Assaulting the old winter control base.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's the MILKMAN.
We'll have lots of "fun" with mister MILKMAN!
Until I "accidentally" knock him down.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling?
Though your rifles get a chilling.
We'll frolic and play, the Master Chef way.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Walking in a winter wonderland.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

[Shade arrives at the foot of a large structure]
Shade: So, I gotta hike up THIS thing? While Cyber chao murdalize me? Alright, I just need some epic music.
"Ballroom Blitz" by The Sweet, Slightly remade by Rubber Goose (Shade, Dark, and Red's 'band').

(Note: This "recording" was made back in the days of the Dark Garden [earlier seasons])
(Not really, but let's just say that Shade had a cassette of their first record, and had a cassette player)
(Also, in Rubber Goose, the lead guitarist is Dark, the drummer is Shade, while the bassist is Red. Any other instruments are played by random chao who want to be in their band.)
(And the lead singer varies depending on the song. This time around, it's Shade.)
(And for this song, Shadow aided on some random instruments)

Shade: Are you ready, Dark? Red? Shadow?
Alright, fellas, let's GOOOOOOOOO!

Well, it's been getting so hard,
Livin' with the things you do to me.
My dreams are getting so strange,
I'd like to tell you everything I see.
I see a man at the back as a matter of fact.
His eyes are red as the sun!
And a girl in the corner, let no one ignore her,
'Cause she thinks SHE'S the passionate one!

Oh, yeah, it was like LIGHTNING, everybody was FRIGHTENING!
And the music was SOOTHING, 'cause they all started GROOVING!

And the man at the back said, "Everyone, attack!"
And it turned into a ballroom blitz!
And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, I wanna warn ya,
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz!"
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!

Oh, I'm reaching out for something,
Touching nothing's all I ever do.
Oh, I softly call you over,
When you appear there's nothing left of you.
Now the man in the back...
Is ready to crack as he raises his hands to the sky!
And the girl in the corner is everyone's mourner,
She could kill you with a wink of her eye!

OHHHH YEAHHHHH, it was ELECTRIC, so frantically HECTIC!
And the band started LEAVING, 'cause they all stopped BREATHING!

And the man at the back said, "Everyone, attack,"
And it turned into a ballroom blitz!
And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, I wanna warn ya,
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz!"
Ballroom blitz!


Oh yeah, it was like LIGHTNING, everybody was FRIGHTENING!
And the music was SOOTHING, 'cause they all started GROOVING!

And the man at the back said, "Everyone, attack,"
And it turned into a ballroom blitz!
And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, I wanna warn ya,
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz!"
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!
Ballroom blitz!

It's, it's, a ballroom blitz!
It's, it's, a ballroom blitz!
It's, it's, a ballroom blitz!
YEAHHH, it's a ballroom blitz!

[the cassette ends as Master Chef reaches the top of the structure, and enters the building]
Shade: Hmm... there's a computer here.
[he checks it]
Shade: So, I need to find some sort of "Index" thing in order to activate this ring planet? Ah.
Red: Come in, Shade! Do you read?
Shade: I read you.
Red: Any news on the machine?
Shade: Uh... yeah, I need you to fly me to this little swamp that's, like, at the other side of the planet.
Red: Copy that.
[Redd Fox flies Shade to the swamp, where you get to hear a small techno/rock opera by one of Dark's favorite bands!]
Chapter 6: The Colony of Guilty Spark (A Song in Three Parts)
"The Colony of Slippermen" by Genesis, remade by Shade.

[Shade finds a lot of mysterious creatures called the Flood]


I wandered lonely as a cloud,
Till I came upon this dirty swamp.
I've never seen a stranger crowd;
Slubberdegullions on a squeaky feet,

Continually pacing,
With nonchalant embracing,
Each orifice disgracing
And one facing me moves to say "Hellay!"

His skin's all covered in slimy lumps.
With lips that slide across each chin.
His twisted limbs, like rubber stamps
Are waved in welcome say 'Please join in.'

My grip must be flipping,
'Cause his handshake keeps slipping,
My hopes keep on dipping,
And his lips keep on smiling all the time.


"We, like you, have tasted love.
Don't be alarmed at what you see.
You, yourself are just the same
As what you see in me."


Me, like you? Like that!


"You better watch it, son, your sentence has only just begun!
You better run and join your friend, Chao."

[Shade finds the Doktor, and realizes he must follow some crazy rituals in order to be accepted]


"You're in our colony of men-like Flood.
There's no who? why? what? or would?

You get out, if you've got the gripe...
To see Doktor Dyper, reformed sniper-
he'll whip off your ol' pied piper."


Chao and I are able
To face the Doktor and his marble table.

The Doktor:

Understand, Shade, it's the only brain you'll ever have.


"Don't delay, chop the mind!"
I watch his rubbery hands all the time *CHOP*......

[things start to differ from the song as Shade and Chao find 343 Guilty Spark]

He places the number into a tube,
A yellow plastic "shoobedoobe."
It says: "Though your fingers may tickle,
You'll be safe in our pickle."
Suddenly, a blue light comes down from the sky.
It's a pretty small robot that sure can fly.

The MILKMAN brings on darkness and night.
He flies right down, gives me one helluva fright.
He takes the tube right out of my hands.
Man, I've got to find out where that robot lands.

"Look here, Chao, I've got to run.
I need you now, you going to come?"
He says to me,


"Now can't you see?
Where the MILKMAN flies, there's jeopardy.

We've been cured on the couch
Now you're sick with your grouch.
I'll not risk my thinking cap,
On my head, not on my lap."


He walks away and leaves me once again.
Even though I never learn,
I'd hoped he'd show just some concern.

I'm in agony of Flood-er-pain,
I pray my overcarriage will sustain.
The chase is on, the pace is hot,
But I'm running so very hard with everything I've got.
He leads me down an underpass.
Though it narrows, he still flies very fast;
When the tunnel stops,
I catch sight of the tube, just as it drops.
I'm on top of a bank, too steep to climb,
I see it hit the water, just in time,
as the MILKMAN warps me away.

Chapter 7: The Library of Song
[as stated in the Colony of Slippermen, Shade was warped away by the MILKMAN]
[he is now in a mysterious, dark building]
Shade: What the? MILKMAN? What are you...
MM: Shhh. I am 343 Guilty Spark! Now, we must retrieve the Index in order to activate this planet.
Shade: Uh.... okay. Where is the Index?
MM: On the fourth floor of the Library.
Shade: And... this is the Library, is it not?
MM: Correct. I shall lead you to the Index, but I cannot carry it. My physical state proves this.
Shade: ...huh. Okay. I'll follow you.
"Lilywhite Lilith" by Genesis, Remade by Shade.

[Guilty Spark leads Master Chef through the Library]
Shade: The building was in confusion - all the floods were shouting loud.
I could only just hear, a voice quite near say, "Please help me
through the crowd."
'Said if I helped him thru', he could help me, too, but I could
see that he was practically blind. (Just making sure you know the MILKMAN really ISN'T, I just didn't want to change the song

that much)
But from his pale face and his pale machinery, a moonlight shined.

Follow the MILKMAN,
He gonna take you thru' the Library, right?
Follow the MILKMAN,
He gonna lead you right.

[the MILKMAN tells Shade to stay at a closed door and wait for him to open it]
When I'd led him through the creatures, the angry noise began to grow.
He said "Let me feel the way the breezes blow, and I'll show
you where to go."
So I followed him toward a big, round door, he said "They're
coming for you, now don't be afraid."
Then he left me there claimin' he would return, and that I should stay.

Follow the MILKMAN,
He gonna take you thru' the Library, right?
Follow the MILKMAN,
He gonna lead you right.


[everything goes white as two flood come up to Shade]
He leaves me in my darkness,
I have to face, face my fear,
And the darkness closes in on me,
I can hear a whirring sound growing near.
I can see the corner of the tunnel,
Lit up by whatever's coming here.
Two angy flood float into the room,
And a blaze of white light fills the air.

[Guilty Spark opens the large door by Master Chef]
MM: Come! We are nearly there.
Shade: Took you long enough!
[they reach the fourth floor, and Shade grabs the Index]
MM: Excellent. Now I will take you back to the Control base so that you may activate the Index.
[Guilty Spark warps Master Chef away again]
Chapter 8: One Betrayal
[at the control base, Master Chef is about to insert the Index when Shadow breaks in]
Shade: Huh?
MM: Don't listen to him. Use the Index.
Shade: He's right, Shadow. The Index is harmless. It's going to activate the planet's weaponry stuff, and kill all the Flood.
Shadow: Read the fine print.
Shade: The fine print?
[Master Chef pulls out a "Ring Planet Instruction Manual"]
Shade: "The planet will activate, wiping out all the life forms in the galaxy. The Flood will then starve to death."
[Guilty Spark chuckles]
MM: Uh... heh heh heh... I suppose I forgot to mention that, didn't I?
Shade: **** yeah. I should dispose of this Index, and never listen to you again!
MM: ...I'm afraid you can't do that, Master Chef. For you see, there are these three generators around here that, when activated, will activate the planet.
Shade: Then why didn't you just do THAT in the first place?
MM: ................good point. Who WRITES this crap?
Shade: Nontheless, I shall go deactivate those generators!
MM: HA! Good luck. They require FLYING to get to!
Shadow: He's right, Chef. How are you going to get there?
Shade: ...the only way I know how. By becoming WONDERBOY!
Shadow: You mean I can be Young Nastyman again?
Shade: Yeah! Let's become our superpowers, and form together to become...
MM: Heh. THIS I'd like to see.
"Wonderboy" by Tenacious D, Remade by Shade.

[Shade transforms into Wonderboy]
Shade: High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.

Shade: Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[Shadow transforms into Young Nastyman]
Shadow: (talking) Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy.
What powers you ask? I dunno. How 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya?
Shade: That's levitation, holmes.
Shadow: How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away... with MIND BULLETS!
Shade: That's telekinesis, Shadow.
Shadow: How 'bout the power to move you?
Shade: (singing) History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman,
Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo.
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow!

Shade: Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[Wonderboy and Young Nastyman join forces]
Shade: (talking) Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces;
they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
and they called themselves Tenacious D. That's right,
(singing) Me! And Shadow!
Shadow: That's me.
Shade: We're now Tenacious D!
Come fly with me, fly!


Shade: Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man,

Shade: (talking)Take my hand!
Young Nastyman, and we'll fly!
Bring out your broadsword.
There's the hydra.
Slice his throat!
And grab his scroat.
You take the high road,
I'll take the low.
There, the crevasse,
Fill it with your mighty juice.

Red: Um... "Wonderboy?"
Shade: Yes?
Red: You can't be Tenacious D.
Shade: What? Why not?
Red: For one thing, you're already in Rubber Goose. And for another thing, there already IS a Tenacious D.
Shade: Oh. Oh, yeah.
[so, Master Chef and Shadow 118 fly away and destroy the generators, and foil Guilty Spark's plan]
MM: Curses! ..I'll be back, Shade.
Shade: The MILKMAN's getting away! I just now remembered this is all just a video game!
Shadow: Oh, yeah!
Red: Shade, you have bigger things to worry about.
Shade: What?
Red: Commander Shadow Bonic has been captured, and taken back to the same ship!
Shade: The Truth and Reconcilliation? Aw, what the Phantom Menace is that guy's PROBLEM? *groan* All right. Take me there.
Red: Copy that.
[Redd Fox flies Master Chef back to the Truth and Reconcilliation]
Chapter 9: Shadow Bonic
Shade: *sigh* I just hope he's alright.
Red: I'm sure he is. At least this time, you'll have backup.
Shade: What? It's supposed to be the opposite-- in Chapter 3, I was supposed to, but now, I'm NOT.
Red: Well, too bad. Buddy's coming with you.
Buddy: Hey, Master Chef! I'm ready to save the Commander!
Red: And Dark-Hawk.
DH: Since I'm his second in command, I may as well.
Red: And Chao.
Chao: Hey, I didn't want to just appear in a SONG.
Shade: Um... okay. Let's go.
[they're dropped off outside the Truth and Reconcilliation]
Buddy: It looks like we're gonna have to find a different way in this time.
Shade: Hmm... okay. Let's blow it to the ground!
"Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, Not changed one bit. Hey, it's a good song, and they're only playing this to make a ship crash down. How could I change it for that?

Shade: If I leave here tomorrow,
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on now.
There's too many places I've got to see.

If I stay here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird, you cannot change!

Oh, and the bird, you cannot change!
And this bird, you cannot change!
Lord knows I can't change!

Bye-bye babe, it's been sweet love.
'Though this feeling I can't change...
But please don't take this so badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.

But if I stay here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same,
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird, you cannot change!

Oh, and the bird, you cannot change!
And this bird, you cannot change!
Lord knows I can't change!
Lord help me, I can't change!

Oh no, I can't change!







[somehow, that made the ship crash down to the ground]
Shade: See, I'm really good at making things crash and burn.
Chao: Pfft, no kidding.
Shade: Okay, now we gotta explore the dark labyrinths of this ship while avoiding Flood and stuff, and find Shadow Bonic.
DH: What song do we know that defines that, anyway?
Phantom: Uh... I got one, but it doesn't really DEFINE it. Still, it might help us get there.
Ph: Calm down! It's me, Phantom! And I know a good song that'll get you outta here. Just let ME sing it.
"Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday, Remade by Phantom.

Ph: Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Phantom.
It's P-H-A, N-T-O-M to the third-party.
This is the web and it's gonna murder your TV.

It was Chocolate Rain,
Wrote a song about that history.
Chocolate Rain,
Now I'm paid a hefty, hefty fee.

Chocolate Rain,
Listen to the funky rhymes I weave.
Chocolate Rain,
I move away from the mic to breathe.

DH: He moves his mouth away from the mic so he can breathe!
Buddy: He moves his mouth away from the mic so he can breathe!

Ph: I wanna tell you about a love that took me by force.

She took my heart like a wild red horse. I call her...

Cherry Chocolate Rain,
I open the door and see you standing there.
Cherry Chocolate Rain,
Pull me in with that delicious stare.

Cherry Chocolate Rain,
I need you right now don't you want to stay.
Cherry Chocolate Rain,
Your beauty burns me like a solar ray.

Shade: Phantom rules.
Most downloaded video clips.
Most exclusive video chicks.
Makin' big videos.
With big city pros.
Got mad pad willy flows.
That get many dough, oh.

Make it pop cherry.
Whoa, tick tock to the clock,
little Berry flows.
Ridiculous, Phantom sick with this.

Ph: Cherry Chocolate Rain,
Release my love and unlock the chains.
Cherry Chocolate Rain,
Your energy is coarsing through my veins.

Cherry Chocolate Rain,
Ohio's agriculture's based on grains.
Cherry Chocolate Rain,
My love will just never be the same.

Dark, sweet, unexpected,
Taste the secret you're infected.
Cure my body's deepest pains
Brought the thunder, made it rain

Oh, my Cherry Chocolate Rain.
I love you.
This internet thing is wild.

[after that.... disturbing song, they find a giant Flood egg sac]
Shade: Ew!
DH: Freaky.
Ph: Let's move along.
Chao: Wait a minute... Shade, look at this print that's sticking out of the sac.
[Shadow Bonic walks in]
SB: Hey, guys. What's happening?
Shade: Shadow Bonic, you WEREN'T eaten by the Flood?
SB: The Flood, what are you talking about? Why would I have been eaten by the Flood?
Shade: Well, your face is right there.
SB: It is? ...that's not MY face, that's MYSPACE.
Shade: Oh, Myspace. Right.
DH: Yeah, I understand that.
Ph: Let's leave this place now.
Chao: am I the only one who doesn't understand how his face could look like Myspace?
Buddy: Yes.
[they leave the Truth and Reconcilliation, and meet up with Redd Fox]
Red: Next, have I got news for you. We found the Pillar of Autumn!
All: *cheer*
Red: I'll fly you there, and we can get outta here.
[he does]
Chapter 10: The Maw-Inspiring Showdown
[Redd Fox flies them there, and they all get off and run through the Pillar of Autumn]
Shade: We're nearly there!
[weird noise]
Shade: Huh?
Red: What's wrong, Shade? We're nearly there!
Shade: I hear something coming from the Engine Room.
[they check inside the engine room, and find.. GUILTY SPARK!!! DUN DUN DUUUUN!]
MM: Ah, hello, Shade.
Shade: MILKMAN...
MM: I am about to destroy the Pillar, killing you with it! That way, I could finally be rid of you!
Shade: ...guys, huddle up.
[the chao all huddle up]
[they talk]
Shade: Okay, MILKMAN... we offer you a bet.
MM: *smirk* Very well. What is this?
Shade: If we can sing the GREATEST SONG IN THE WORLD... you will let us escape.
MM: Right, and if you CAN'T?
Shade: Blow us all up.
MM: ...let's make this BETTER than a bet. Let's make this a CONTEST. I will try to sing the greatest song, as well...
Shade: And whoever sings the best one wins?
MM: Exactly. Me first.
Shade: Go ahead.
MM: I will be singing the song YOU were about to sing. Genesis' longest song in existance...
"Supper's Ready" by Genesis, sung by the MILKMAN, absolutely untouched. A whopping twenty-three minutes of awesome.

MM: Walking across the sitting-room, I turn the television off.
Sitting beside you, I look into your eyes.
As the sound of motor cars fades in the night time,
I swear I saw your face change, it didn't seem quite right.
...And it's, "Hello, babe... with your guardian eyes so blue...
Hey, my baby, don't you know our love is true."

Coming closer with our eyes, a distance falls around our bodies.
Out in the garden, the moon seems very bright,
Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly.
The seventh walks in front with a cross held high in hand.
...And it's, "Hello, babe, your supper's waiting for you.
Hey, my baby, don't you know our love is true."


I've been so far from here,
Far from your warm arms.
It's good to feel you again,
It's been a long long time. Hasn't it?


I know a farmer who looks after the farm.
With water clear, he cares for all his harvest.
I know a fireman who looks after the fire.


Can't you see he's fooled you all?
Yes, he's here again, can't you see he's fooled you all?
Share his peace,
Sign the lease.
He's a supersonic scientist,
He's the guaranteed eternal sanctuary maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
"Look, look into my mouth," he cries,
And all the children lost down many paths,
I bet my life you'll walk inside.
Hand in hand,
gland in gland,
With a spoonful of miracle,
He's the guaranteed eternal sanctuary--------


We will rock you, rock you little snake,
We will keep you sad and warm.



Wearing feelings on our faces while our faces took a rest,
We walked across the fields to see the children of the West,
But we saw a host of dark skinned warriors
standing still below the ground,
Waiting for battle.

The fight's begun, they've been released.
Killing foe for peace...bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang...
And they're giving me a wonderful potion,
'Cause I cannot contain my emotion.
And even though I'm feeling good,
Something tells me I'd better activate my prayer capsule.

Today's a day to celebrate, the foe have met their fate.
The order for rejoicing and dancing has come from our warlord.


Wandering in the chaos the battle has left,
We climb up the mountain of human flesh,
To a plateau of green grass, and green trees full of life.
A young figure sits still by a pool,
He's been stamped "Human Bacon" by some butchery tool.
(He is you)
Social Security took care of this lad.
We watch in reverence, as Narcissus is turned to a flower.
A flower?

If you go down to Willow Farm,
to look for butterflies, flutterbyes, gutterflies
Open your eyes, it's full of surprise, everyone lies,
like the fox on the rocks,
and the musical box.
Yes, there's Mum & Dad, and good and bad,
and everyone's happy to be here.

There's Winston Churchill dressed in drag,
he used to be a British flag, plastic bag, what a drag.
The frog was a prince, the prince was a brick, the brick was an egg,
the egg was a bird.
(Fly away you sweet little thing, they're hard on your tail)
Hadn't you heard?
(They're going to change you into a human being!)
Yahoo, we're happy as fish and gorgeous as geese,
and wonderfully clean in the morning.

We've got everything, we're growing everything,
We've got some in,
We've got some out,
We've got some wild things floating about.
Everyone, we're changing everyone,
you name them all,
We've had them here,
And the real stars are still to appear.

Feel your body melt;
Mum to mud to mad to dad
Dad diddley office, Dad diddley office,
You're all full of ball.

Dad to dam to dum to mum
Mum diddley washing, Mum diddley washing,
You're all full of ball.

Let me hear you lies, we're living this up to the eyes.
Momma I want you nowwww!!!!

And as you listen to my voice
To look for hidden doors, tidy floors, more applause.
You've been here all the time,
Like it or not, like what you got,
You're under the soil (the soil, the soil),
Yes, deep in the soil (the soil, the soil, the soil, the soil!).
So we'll end with a whistle and end with a bang
and all of us fit in our places.



With the guards of Magog, swarming around,
The Pied Piper takes his children underground.
Dragons coming out of the sea,
Shimmering silver head of wisdom looking at me.
He brings down the fire from the skies,
You can tell he's doing well by the look in human eyes.
Better not compromise.
It won't be easy.


666 is no longer alone,
He's getting out the marrow in your back bone,
And the seven trumpets blowing sweet rock and roll,
Gonna blow right down inside your soul.
Pythagoras with the looking glass reflects the full moon,
In blood, he's writing the lyrics of a HIP brand new tune.



And it's, "Hey, babe, with your guardian eyes so blue,
Hey, my baby, don't you know our love is true,
I've been so far from here,
Far from your loving arms,
Now I'm back again, and babe it's gonna work out fine."


Can't you feel our souls ignite
Shedding ever changing colours, in the darkness of the fading night,
Like the river joins the ocean, as the germ in a seed grows
We have finally been freed to get back home.


There's an angel standing in the sun, and he's crying with a loud voice,
"This is the supper of the mighty One",
The Lord of Lords,
King of Kings,
Has returned to lead His children home,
To take them to the new Jerusalem.


MM: Beat that, wimps.
Chao: Shade, we can't beat that! That was... that was PERFECT!
Shade: *gulp* ...I have an idea.
"Tribute" by Tenacious D, Remade by Shade.

Shade: (talking) This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.

Shade: Long time ago me, and my pal Shadow, here,
we was escapin' down a long and lonesome ship.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the room.
And he said:
"(singing)Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul."
(talking)Well me and Shadow, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."

(singing)And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow,
And the grass doth grow...

(talking) Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his schwumpy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

(talking) This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best mutha****in' song the greatest song in the world.
[the music stops as Shade and Shadow start skatting]
[the music resumes]


(talking) And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song.

(singing)This is just a tribute! You gotta believe me!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, ****! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[they start skatting again]
All right! All right!


[Guilty Spark shines an extremely bright light, and uses it to escape]
Shade: AARGH! He flashbang'd us!
DH: Quick, let's get out of here.
[they make a mad dash for some random escape pod, and manage to escape... except...]
[the MILKMAN appears before they enter the pod... and kills everyone....]
Shade: Except me.
[cut to Shade in the Dark Garden; ashes everywhere]
Shade: For some reason, he spared me. To this day, I still wonder why.
[Shade closes his eyes]
Shade: And I managed to drive the escape pod to the Gardens, where I found that the Dark Garden had stopped burning.
[Shade sits down, and crosses his arms]
Shade: ...and now, I have told you the story of my journey to defeat the Beta Avengers... and my journey for the Chaos Drives.
[Shade opens his eyes]
Shade: I have told you the story of the Gray Journey. In the end, I wasn't successful either way.
[Shade sighs]
Shade: The MILKMAN is not defeated, and I'm short one Chaos Drive. Looks like the Betas were avenged, after all...
[suddenly, something twinkles in the ashes]
Shade: Huh?
[Shade gets up and examines it... and he finds a yellow Chaos Drive]

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I did some more "spriting!"

Yep, a promo picture for "Countdown to Destruction," the next episode of Dark Chao Adventures.
Yes, it reads, "Master Chef." No, I'm not going to erase that, or put an "i" in there. I'm still shocked at the fact there's a DS game called "Imagine: Master Chef." So, can you wait for the next episode? Me, neither.
Yes, it's as funny as that picture. ...funnier.

Well, only two more episodes left.

As we get closer to the season finale of the ultimate season 6, I have realized I've been thinking way too big. That might have something to do with why people aren't reading as much-- I've written too much.

Hell, the entire season 6 is at least twice as long as your average season. Not episode-wise, but just... text-wise. And we're not even at the climax yet! In fact, this is a secret, but we won't be at the climax even when we're done with episode 48.

That's another thing-- I've made too many secrets. It's like you can't tell when Shade's gonna pick his nose without a bunch of secrets given to you by the MILKMAN, written in triplicate, and then further hidden away in one of Dark's old Genesis albums.

Don't you just miss the good old days, when Shade was a lazy, crazy Dark chao? Me, too. Don't worry, once all the video game drama is over, I'll try to let the characters return to their natural habitats. And if Sonic Chronicles' Chao Garden is as good as I think it is, then they might get to go there. Not with adventure in mind, mind you. Just relaxation, and war of the gardens.

Speaking of War of the Gardens, that ol' text adventure game probably will get finished eventually, once I get around this little bug. It's making it so that your name you make for your chao is eventually... forgotten. I'll either fix it, or make it so somebody'll ask your name again.

...Holy crap, I forgot all about the Rebel chao. I've got it! I'll toss them in the Halo episode!

Hmm... what else, what else? ...Of course. PaperBowser (whom I used to call "Neff," for some reason) is claimed to be making a "moving picture comic," whatever that is. I presume he means one of those newfangled "films." Oh, he means a comic where the pictures move? Of course. I wish you the best of luck! ...and it's based on DCA.

And if, by chance, you DO like the video game adventures the chao are having, and I'm completely on the wrong track with this "too big, too secretive" talk, then tell me, for the love of the Hero Chaos chao. The only reason I'm assuming this stuff is because no one tells me. So pick up a phone and dial 9/11! ...I mean, 9-1-1.

Let's get to a more serious tone. ....wait, why is it that 9/11 and 9-1-1 are the same numbers, and both have to do with emergencies? Don't you find it a bit.... coincidential?

Important news: Don't take this talk about Season 6 for granted, folks. 'Cause once the season finale is around the corner, I'm not opening my mouth about this season ever again. ...until it's over. Yeah.

So with that, I'll leave after saying one more thing-- DCA08 still exists. I'm still doing work on it, and it'll be done before 2009. Of course.

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Chao's First Foray into Sonic Adventure

Man, I finished that episode fast, didn't I? And I worked hard on it. Enjoy.

Last time on DCA:
Shade: We're going to the Station Square Hotel, to avoid the MILKMAN. WAIT! I never said that!
[it's just so people know what happened]
Shade: **** that! Why not show REAL clips?
[....just forget it]
Shade: Yeah, I'll explain what happened, thank you very much. Dark blew up in an explosion. We went to the SA1 Station Square
Chao Garden, just to avoid our enemies. NOW roll the next clip.
[a man in a trenchcoat and hat is using a payphone]
Man: I know that boy is home. Come on son and answer the phone. Something new has come up and...
[fade-in to the main title; JOE's evil laughter is heard]

Dark Chao Adventures
The Gray Journey
Episode 46: The Dark Chao Adventure DX, Director's Cut

[the story begins in the Station Square Chao Garden; everyone is adapting to the awesome hotel]
Chapter 1: Heroes Versus Darks: A Game of Capture the Pillow
Leader (Obvious)
Leader's Advisor (Second in command, tells leader when stupid idea is brought up)
Weapons Specialist (Chooses the weapons, assigns weapons)
Strategists (Plan the strategies)
Guard (Guards the sacred pillow; most important job)
(Everyone except the guards CAN enter the field of battle, but who will is up to the leader)

Team Hero--
Leader: Chao
Leader's Advisor: Tail
Weapons Specialist: Knuckle
Strategist: Hero
Strategist2: Aqua
Guard: Honey
Guard2: Speedy

Team Dark--
Leader: Shade
Leader's Advisor: Red
Weapons Specialist: Dark (....huh?)
Strategist: Dark-Hawk
Strategist2: Buddy
Guard: Phantom
Guard2: Shadow (chao)

Neutrals and Chaos Chao-- Spectators and Referees

[the Darks have set up a fort in the grassy section of the room]
[the Heroes set up their fort in the water section of the room]
[both forts are made of concrete, and reach up to the ceiling; each has a few windows, and a drawbridge/door]
[Shadow Bonic walks to the center of the room]
ShadowBonic: Okay, now let this be a fair fight! No punching below the waist, and whatnot.
[Shade gives a thumbs-up]
[Chao gives a thumbs-up]
SB: Right. The rules are simple. You each have a special pillow; the Heroes have a blue pillow; the Darks have a red pillow.
[Dark holds the red pillow up, then takes it back to its hiding place]
[Tail holds the blue pillow up, then takes it back to its hiding place]
SB: If one team grabs the others' pillow, then takes it back to their base, that teams gets a point. The game then pauses,

the pillows are returned, and the next round begins.
[both teams give a sign of affirmation]
SB: Of course, there's a twist. The pillow, when taken to the opposing base, must STAY there for fifteen seconds before the

point is given!
[some chao discuss this]
SB: This goes on for best two out of three. Ready?
[Shade puts his "Solid Shade" bandanna on around his forehead]
[Chao equips his "Ninja Camo" suit]
SB: The teams may plot their strategies.
[for Round 1, we see only the Heroes' planning]
Chao: All right, you two. It's time to see your genius at work!
Hero: Oh, I think this is our best idea yet, sir! Show him, Aqua!
Aqua: Okay, so I made this diagram of the garden.
[left side: shallow water, small shrine-y thing; middle: walkway seperating both sides, exits; right side: little grass area,

Aqua: As you can see, all the battling will be mainly in the center walkway. But, I was thinking... we could take to the

Chao: Hmmm... interesting. How do you propose we do this?
Hero: Well, we have much better flight capacities than the Darks.
Chao: Good point. Let me consult my advisor.
Tail: Personally, I think this could work. Although, won't the pillow give extra weight?
Aqua: Listen to yourself. It's a PILLOW.
Tail: Ah, of course, of course...
Chao: I approve of this, and say we give it a try. Honey, how are you feeling about being Guard?
Honey: ...I'm fine with it, but... shouldn't you have appointed a much... I dunno, BULKIER chao for this job?
Tail: It is a well-known and followed rule of this game that "Injuries must not occur." This isn't "Anything goes."
Honey: Well, that's better. I'm okay with this.
Chao: You must be more than 'okay,' Honey. Guard is the most important job of the game!
Honey: Fine, fine! I'm ready!
Chao: Good. Speedy, how about you?
Speedy: Ready to kick some Dark butt, your honor!
Chao: Excellent. How are the weapons coming along, Knuckle?
Knuckle: Well, the strategists advised me of their plan in advance, so I had time to make my weapons easy to carry.
Chao: That's great! And what are your weapons?
Kn: Water balloons.
Chao: I can't believe I didn't expect that.
Tail: In this round, everyone besides the guards may fight if they so wish.
[the Heroes cheer]
Chao: Tail, you may now signal our readiness.
[Tail holds up a flag (somehow, Shadow Bonic understands what it means)]
SB: We are now awaiting the Darks.
[a few seconds pass before Red holds up a flag]
SB: Excellent. On your marks....
[dramatic pause]
SB: Get set....
[the Heroes grab their water balloons]
SB: The fight may begin.
[Shadow Bonic hurries to his seat]
[there is a pause which lasts a minute, but seems to last hours]
Chao: The silence before the battle... it is very unnerving.
Tail: Everyone, be ready.
[Dark charges out of the Darks' fort, signalling the start of the battle]
[the Heroes take to the skies, leaving only Honey and Speedy in the fort]
[as Dark enters, Speedy runs up to him and punches him]
Dark: Oof! Man, that hurt.
Speedy: If it hurt, you'd better STAY down before I punch you again!
Honey: Hey, where's the rest of your team?
Dark: They're coming. You'd better watch out, though... we have a secret weapon. And it HURTS!
[cut to the aerial troops, swooping through the Dark fort windows, and tossing water balloons at the Darks]
Red: INCOMING! *splash'd*
Shade: FIRE THE COCONUTS! *splash'd*
[the Darks throw coconuts at them, knocking them out of the sky]
Chao: You three go for the pillow; I'll take their leader.
[Chao lands by Shade]
Shade: Chao...
[cut to Tail, Hero, and Aqua going for the seige]
Tail: Brace yourselves for a stampede.
[the Darks run straight past them, and out the door]
Hero: Suspicious.
Tail: Well, there's still the guards.
[the guards went with them]
Hero: Super suspicious.
[Hero grabs the pillow, and flies out while the other two provide back-up]
Hero: Careful, when we enter the base, there'll be TONS of Darks!
[they enter the fort, and it's empty, besides Honey, Speedy, and Dark]
Dark: Hello.
[the three land]
SB: Heroes, counting down 15! 14... 13...
Hero: Um... where IS everybody? Didn't they come in?
Honey: No, it's odd... Dark comes in, and tells us everyone is coming.
Dark: AND that we have a secret weapon!
SB: 8... 7.... 6....
Tail: What secret weapon? Coconuts?
Dark: No.
[Chao flies in]
Tail: Hello, sir! How did the fight go?
Chao: ...Shade ran off.
[the three fighters are freaked out]
Chao: Is something wrong?
SB: 3... 2.... 1..... WE HAVE A WINNER!!!
[the Neutrals and Chaos Chao ring a bell]
SB: The Heroes win Round 1!
[and yet, none of them cheer]
SB: We will now take a small break, and return the pillows to their rightful places.
Aqua: That reminds me... did anybody try to take the pillow?
Speedy: No, it's odd.
Chao: Something is up here.
[Dark grabs the pillow, and takes it back to the Dark Fort]
SB: Now, for Round 2! Ready?
Chao: No time to worry, time to get strategizing!
SB: You may now plan your strategies.
[for Round 2, we see the Darks]
Shade: All right, I think our little plan worked last round. Dark, can you confirm this?
Dark: Yep! The Heroes are freaked out, and worried about us!
Shade: Damn, you two are GENIUSES!
DH: Aw, shucks, sir.
Buddy: It's fun to play with their heads, but the credit should go to Dark-Hawk. He's the one who thought of just hiding, and

letting them win.
DH: Yeah, but YOU thought of sending Dark in to test our theory!
Shade: You're BOTH smart, now let's think about the second round. We obviously can't do the same thing, because we'd lose the

whole game.
Buddy: Not to worry, sir! We've thought of EVERYTHING!
DH: Yup! We noticed they flew into our fort, so we thought of something to counter this.
Buddy: *brings out trampoline* We're gonna put this HUGE trampoline in front of our windows at first.
Shade: Brilliant!
DH: Then, after we have secured their pillow in our fort, we vouch to send out some troops to make sure they don't have OURS.
Buddy: Of course, we'll also move the trampoline to cover the door, as well, so they can't get in to stop US.
Shade: But won't that lock the troops out?
Red: I think I get what they mean. The troops will prevent THEM from winning, while the trampoline will make sure WE do.
Shade: I like it, I like it! So, are you two guards okay?
Phantom: Perfect-a-mundo, sir! I'm going to do my job, and do it GOOD!
Shadow: I'm always ready to prove myself worthy of working under you, Shade!
Shade: I see. And what about you, Dark? How're the weapons coming along?
Dark: We still have coconuts left over from before.
Shade: Uh-huh. Any... NEW weapons?
Dark: ...I'm quite afraid to say no such progress has been accomplished.
Shade: Well, not to worry. I think we can do this.
Red: Psst... Shade? According to what you've told me, something here doesn't make sense.
Shade: Relax, Red. We'll win this.
Red: *sigh*...okay. If you say so.
Shade: Good. Now, go hold out that flag!
[Red holds the flag out the window]
SB: Good, both teams are ready! On your marks...
[the Darks grab some coconuts]
SB: Get set....
[Dramatic pause]
SB: You may now fight.
[Shadow Bonic returns to his seat]
[during the silence before the battle, the Darks set up the trampoline to cover the windows]
Shade: Hey, don't you think the Heroes would, um... I dunno, NOTICE the trampoline?
DH: We've thought of that, too! The trampoline is invisible, somehow.
Shade: Uh... okay. Good, but strange.
[the silence breaks as the Heroes fly out of their fort]
Shade: Remember, don't fight until we see the whites of their eyes! ....hitting the trampoline.
[the Heroes start bouncing out of the windows]
Shade: GO!
[the Darks pour out of their fort]
[we focus on the Dark guards, Phantom and Shadow]
Ph:, how ya doin'?
Shadow: Eh, pretty good. And you?
Ph: Pfft.... I'm okay, I guess.
[Shade and Red run back in]
Ph: Say wha--
Shadow: Uh, uh.... the trampoline!
Shade: Yeah! MOVE IT!!!
[they move the trampoline so it covers the door, as well]
Red: Wait, what about Dark, Dark-Hawk, and Buddy?
Shade: They were great soldiers who died for their garden.
[the Darks give Shade a high-five]
SB: 15.... 14..... 13..... 12..... 11.... 10....
[and the Darks end up winning the round]
SB: WE HAVE A WINNER! The Darks win Round 2! This means we must go to Round 3!
SB: First, we will return the pillows.
[they do that]
SB: Now, Round 3, the Final Round, may begin. Ready?
[Shade and Chao give signs of confirmation]
SB: The teams may now plot their strategies.
[for Round 3, we see both teams; first up is Hero]
Chao: Alright, everyone. Give it your all this time. Aqua? Hero?
Aqua: We've been going over our last plan quite thoroughly, sir.
Hero: And we believe we are ready to WIN this thing!
Chao: Mmmm... very well. Proceed.
Hero: Well, the problem with our "fly" plan was that it didn't hold a candle to the Darks' trampoline.
Aqua: And the "shotgun" plan wasn't tricky enough to fool the Darks.
Hero: So, we came up with something aggresive, AND tricky.
Aqua: Presenting.... the "Godzilla 2.0 Mahoganifyer!"
[Aqua and Hero bring out a giant machine that breathes fire]
Honey: My word!
Hero: This machine will burn down their trampoline, and pretty much threaten them enough to stay away from us.
Chao: Hmm... I will have to consult my advisor.
Tail: I think this could work.
Chao: You ALWAYS think that. Just look at it! It's a giant, fire-breathing robot! It's the public's conception of Barrack

Tail: Well, there IS the saying, "Fight fire with fire." I'll bet anything the Darks are going to try something tricky, so...
Chao: ...okay. I HAVE MADE MY DECISION! We will use the machine. How do the guards feel?
Speedy: Eh.
Honey: I don't mind either way.
Chao: I see. Knuckle, did you happen to make this machine?
Knuckle: You bet I did. We're all set on this end.
Chao: I see.
[we now swap to the Darks]
Shade: Calm down, everyone! I would like to know what you strategists are so giddy about.
Buddy: Well, we figured the Heroes were gonna do something big and outrageous for this round, so...
Shade: Wha.... WHAAAAT?!!!
DH: Something wrong?
Shade: Kind of! Where did you get the MONEY to make this thing?!
Dark: Relax, sir. We stole some money from the Heroes.
Shade: Hmmm.... neat.
Red: Sir, I don't know about this...
Shade: Sheesh, take a chill pill, Red. With this machine-a-motron, we can't lose!
Red: Um... okay...
Shade: What about you two guards? How are you holding up?
Phantom: I'm ready to defend.
Shade: Heh... that's good. Dark?
Dark: Perfectly assembled the machine, ready to acknowledge your commands, fraulein.
Shade: ...dude, why'd you call me a girl?
Dark: I didn't know you knew German.
Shade: I didn't know YOU did, herr moron.
Red: Uh, can we cut the Apollo Justice stuff for two seconds? Seriously, Shade, something's up with Dark...
Dark: You worry too much, fellow Dark chao worker. Fret not; I shalln't permit you access to a quandry.
Red: See?! Am I the ONLY one who sees the billions of things WRONG with that?!
Shadow: Yes.
Red: *groan* Well, I suppose we're ready, then.
SB: The fighting may begin.
[Shadow Bonic returns to his seat]
[silence before the battle]
Red: Um, Shade, I DO have a regular question, though...
Shade: Yeah?
Red: How will we fit the machine out the door?
Shade: Good point.
[the Heroes charge their Godzilla 2.0 Mahoganifyer into the Dark's fort, and the super battle begins]
[while the weapons specialists command the machines, the chao have an all-out war]
[during the massive battle, Dark manages to sneak out of the fort, grab the Heroes' pillow, and bring it back]
SB: Point, Dark! 15... 14..... 13.... 12..... 11......10.....
[the Heroes go for Dark, but Dark tosses the pillow to Shade, who inconspicuously hands it to Phantom]
[Phantom keeps it save for the remaining ten seconds while the Heroes think Shade has it]
SB: 3....2......1.......WE HAVE A WINNER!!! The victor of "Capture the Pillow" is... TEAM...DARK!!!
[the Darks cheer]
Shade: So what do we win?
SB: Nothing. This event was entirely for sport purposes.
Shade: WHAT? That's bogus, man...
[they bring the forts down, and go back to having normal lives and chapters]
Chapter 2: What's Eating Gilbert, Dark?
Dark: Now, wasn't that game simply THRILLING? Let's have some victory high-fives!
[Dark gives a high-five to all the Darks]
Dark: Indeed, quite scintillating!
Shade: You know, I think Red might be right. There's definitely something off about this...
Dark: Wh-what? No, Shade... don't listen to Red. I'm your amigo, your comrade, your happy tree friend.
Shade: *sigh* I suppose you ARE right. Red's obviously.... *"loco" gesture* ...eah.
Red: I can't believe I'm being called crazy.
Qz: *puts arm on Red's shoulder* I know, right? Welcome to the club. The name's "Quar--"
Red: I know your name. *shoves off*
[the lights go out]
Hero: Oh, boy. Looks like our party's gonna hafta halt for a bit.
Tail: Do you think it's...... *gulp*.... them?
Shade: Nope, can't be, impossible, no way, no how, sorry, try again. They just can't get us from in here!
Knuckle: So.... what DO you suppose it is?
Shade: Juuuuust light bulbs.
Speedy: Um... but it's a skylight.
Shade: Solar eclipse!
Chao: Shade, face it; you're in denial.
Chaosky: How about I take a look?
[Chaosky somehow climbs to the ceiling (SPIDA-MAN!!!) and looks at the window]
Chaosky: Hmm.. it looks like someone covered the glass with a large sheet. Maybe if I open the window, I could remove it...
[after a bit of work, he manages to remove the sheet, and all light returns]
Shade: Great job, Chaosky.
Red: ....*crosses arms, closes eyes*
Shade: Is something wrong?
Red: Take a look around. Something really IS wrong.
[they look around, and everything seems normal]
Shade: What the Dark Garden, man?
Red: ...DARK.
[they look around, and don't see him]
DH: Where did he go?
Qz: Did the Nomble eat him?
Red: I get the feeling that our little "Dark" is anything BUT.
Shade: Careful what you say around these parts, pardner. The children of the corn have been known to feast at night.
?: What's all the commotion about?
[Dark walks in, holding a glass of water]
Dark: All I was doing was getting a glass of water. I think you should all get one, too. It might... calm your nerves.
Shade: There, see? Problem solved. Now let's get ourselves some water!
[the others get some water from the "Hero fort" area]
Dark: *evil laughter* My, you are all bigger fools than I had imagined...
Red: I KNEW there was something off about you...
Dark: Yes, I'm shocked none of you listened to him. I mean, REALLY. Dark does not speak with my vocabulary...
Shade: Crap, I should've known!
Red: So, who ARE you?
Dark: *evil glare* Take a guess.
Shadow: Metroid Prime?
Dark: What? NO! I'm JOE! In a chao disguise. And that water you're drinking? Poisoned.
[the chao spit the water out]
JOE: Yeah. I'm evil. Y'know Round 1 of the game? When I charged into the Hero fort, alone? And I fell over?
Speedy: I punched you.
JOE: Whatever! This chao suit is COVERED in poison. And, don't forget, you Heroes were STANDING in that stuff.
Chao: He's good.
Tail: Yeah, he's REALLY good.
JOE: And then, you folks happened to throw the freaking WATER BALLOONS at us. Wow!
Knuckle: My bad...
JOE: THEN, I gave all Darks HIGH FIVES? C'mon...
Phantom: And to think that we trusted you...
Aqua: What will the poison do to us?
JOE: Kill you.
Red: Wait! You were drinking water, too!
JOE: I came back from the Hotel Lobby. I bought water THERE. SAFE water.
Red: long until we die?
JOE: Three hours.
JOE: That's not until 2010, though.
Shade: I was planning on freezing myself until then.
Chapter 3: Curse, or Cure
JOE: Anyway, there is one cure to this poison. The waters from one of the other two gardens.
SShade: Huh?
SB: I believe he means the Mystic Ruins and Egg Carrier gardens.
JOE: Right. However, only ONE of those gardens' waters will heal you. The other... will SPEED the poison.
JOE: Yes... so you won't know which one is which until at least one hour AFTER testing it.
Red: You know, JOE, you're not as smart as YOU look, either.
JOE: What? *sips water*
Red: See, I KNEW you weren't Dark... so I put some of our water in your glass.
Red: Now, you'll HAVE to show us the correct one, or you just won't live.
JOE: You know, you should have done that sooner, because since I JUST drank the poison, I can wait until you're all dead

before I drink the cure!
Red: don't know which one is which, do you?
JOE: No.
Shade: Right, then, let's get choosing! I say the Heroes take the Mystic Ruins while the Darks take Egg Carrier!
Chaosky: Hey, what about us?
Qz: Yeah, don't leave us dying here!
Shade: Okay, the Neutrals can choose. Except Quartz. Quartz... just die. Please.
Qz: Yes, SIR!
[so, they listened to Shade, and all got their share of the water]
Shade: Now.... *gulp*..... we wait. For the results.
[they are incredibly scared, and terrifyed, while waiting for the results... of their lives]
Shade: So.... JOE, huh?
JOE: Yeah...
Shade: What's it like being a Beta Avenger?
JOE: It's... fun. I mean, planning plans, being mysterious, keeping secrets. 's tough **** out there.
Shade: Huh. You don't say.
[suddenly, tons of chao keel over]
Shade: Yikes! This is it!
[he notices it's all the Hero chao, except Chao]
Shade:, the Egg Carrier water was the safe stuff after all.
JOE: Uh-oh.
Shade: What?
JOE: I.... drank the Mystic Ruins water.
Shade: Oh. *long pause* ...........bye!
Red: Chao, why are YOU still alive?
Chao: I kinda drank the Egg Carrier water.
Shade: Count yourself lucky, then! Now let's get the Dark Garden outta here!
Chao: Right.
[Shade, Chao, Red, Shadow, Dark-Hawk, Phantom, Shadow Bonic, Buddy, and Quartz escape]
Qz: Wait, why didn't I die for the twentieth time?
Shade: Twenty-first. And it's because I wanted you to die in a funnier way. Poisoning isn't that funny.
Qz: Ah.
[they escape to the Egg Carrier garden, and rethink their strategy]
Shade: *sniff* Goodbye, Chaosky... you were the last Neutral chao that I was aware of...
Red: But he wasn't a.... hey, where's the female Shade?
Shade: No clue. Personally, I'm more upset about Honey.
SB: I believe we have bigger things to worry about at the moment. JOE followed us.
JOE: You... you led me to my death... so I'll lead you to yours!
[JOE swipes at them, but they scatter]
Shade: Shadow Bonic! Do some Chaos Chao magic and stuff!
SB: "Chaos Chao magic?" Do you even know what a Chaos Chao IS?
DH: I know magic! Hocus pacocus, nokus smokus!
[BOOM! an explosion appeared right next to JOE]
Shade: Nice going. Ya missed.
DH: Sorry! I haven't done magic in a while!
Shade: Okay, can some other third-party chao do something they're GOOD at?
Ph: Allow me. *deep breath* This is my last resort, so I hope it works...
[Phantom sits down, and spins around, stretching his arms out]
[it hits JOE a few times]
JOE: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Ow! That hurts! Ow! OW!
Ph: ....I stopped a few seconds ago.
JOE: Ow. Must be the poison, then. Urp! *dies*
Ph: Damn, that hurt my butt.
Shade: Nice, Phantom, you did it! *hi-5*
Ph: Anytime. Well, NOT any time, because that hurts my butt. How's once every few days sound?
SB: Can we PLEASE think about where we're going to go next?
Shade: *sigh* Okay, okay, I have an idea.
Chapter 4: Board the Pillar
[Shade explains his idea]
Red: That... that's a stupid idea.
Chao: Yeah, and what'll we do with the leftover ice cream and plastic bags?
Shade: Then I'm all out of ideas! It's not like I'm gonna get an idea from the sky, or something!
Shade: Huh. I was expecting something to fall from the sky, and give me an idea.
Chao: Ditto.
Shade: *sigh* Let's get back to Station Square...
[as he is walking away, an object falls from the sky, and hits him]
Shade: OW! Don't THROW stuff at me, Chao!
Chao: But I didn't--
Shade: Seriously, that HURT! Huh? What's this? *picks object up*
Red: It looks like some kind of transmission beacon.
Shade: Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious, Red. Howsabout next time, you tell us what's going on in your big head?
[they laugh]
Shade: Now how do ya turn this thing on? *beep* Whoa!
[a hologram comes out of the thing-- a hologram of the MILKMAN]
MM: Attention, all nine chao. I know you have killed the other three Beta Avengers, and now would like to kill me.
Shade: **** yeah.
Chao: Wait, when did we kill Tagliare?
Shade: I don't know, but he's dead, and that's good.
MM: So, I have made Doctor Eggman build me my own version of the Death Egg.
All: Awwww...
DH: Bogus.
MM: However, not just ANY Death Egg. This one is a replica of the Halo!
All: *cheer*
DH: Rock on!
MM: You will need to go through all nine chapters of Halo: Combat Evolved, and I will be the final boss.
Shade: Payback time...
MM: I am looking forward to the fight.
Chao: So, how will we get there?
MM: I know Chao is probably wondering how you will get there. Well, I sent a replica of the Pillar of Autumn to you.
Red: How does he know where we are?
MM: I know you are in the Egg Carrier gardens... I know this because the paper tells me all.
Ph: Creepy.
MM: Indeed, this is creepy... and will be explained to Dark, and Dark ONLY at the end of the season.
DH: He's dead, though... so much for that.
MM: While he is dead, I have my ways.
SB: The MILKMAN is one interesting character. I wonder who he is...
MM: And I know that Chao is probably asking me why I want to do this in video game fashion...
Chao: I was JUST about to ask that.
Shade: The tape's probably ahead.
MM: This tape shall now end, and the Pillar of Autumn will be landing shortly. Have a safe, and productive day!
Shadow: Weird.
MM: Also, Shade, enclosed is a Chaos Drive. TAKE IT.
Shade: Okay, okay. *takes*
MM: the way, this tape will now self-destruct.
Shade: Eah! *tosses into ocean*
[the Pillar of Autumn lands, and they get on]
Red: Another video game adventure, right, Shade?
Shade: Hopefully, this one will be the last.
Chao: I wouldn't say that, Shade. Destiny might take it the wrong way.
Ph: So, what do we do first?
Shade: I guess we just enter the cryogenic tubes, and sleep away.
[they do]
MM: Indeed, little ones..... sleep. You will need it.
[fade to black as the MILKMAN's evil laughter is heard]

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Just wanted to edit something of #45.

When they get on the beach, Shade picks up a Chaos Drive.

I can't believe I missed that.

Also, HOW THE HELL IS DARK ALIVE IN THE END!? You will find out.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

That was quick.

And now for a shorter Gray Journey filler episode...

Dark Chao Adventures Episode 45: Back to Chao World

[the story begins in the Chao Lobby; Shade, Dark, Red, Tail, Chao, Purflee (female), and Eggman are camping]
Egg: Wait, what am I doing here? I have a lab to attend to!
[Eggman leaves]
Chapter 1: The Departed
[everyone is asleep; Shade gets up, and walks to one of the walls/windows]
Shade: *sigh*
[Chao gets up, and goes to Shade]
Chao: What's wrong?
Shade: My plans never work. I mean, it was my plan to go to CPAK so we can live there after you-know-who bombed our gardens.
Chao: Aw, don't feel bad, Shade. I mean, uh.....................................................
Shade: Exactly. I might as well just give in to the Beta Avengers. They won this war.
Chao: *gasp* No way! You CAN'T give up, Shade!
Shade: Don't fool yourself anymore, Chao. They've been murdalizing us since Season Three.
Chao: I'm only doubting you because I have this odd feeling... this bizaare bit of hope... that tells me something.
Shade: What's it tell you?
Chao: It tells me that for some reason... the MILKMAN is on our side.
Shade: Pfft. Your hope's lying to you.
Chao: No, really. Just think about it for a moment.
Shade: *thinks* Look, I.... I just don't see it.
[Chao looks around, and notices something]
Chao: Hey, what's that? It looks like... a black sphere with a string attatched to it.
Shade: *pupils shrink* No. Way.
[Shade wakes everyone up, and gets them to the teleporter]
[the teleporter takes them to Earth]
PF: Hey, Shade.. what's going on?
Red: Yeah, why'd you wake us up?
Shade: There was a bomb in the Lobby.
[everyone shuts up]
Tail: You think it was Tagliare's doing?
Shade: I don't know... but, I know we're not safe here. We need to go to the Chao World.
Red: What!? Why?!
Dark: Yeah, last time we were there, me and Knuckle had a killing spree! Being killed by the Nomble is NOT fun, Shade!
Shade: I don't mean Chao Talk. I mean the actual planet.
Chao: I don't see your logic, Shade. They'll still find us. They'll still bomb us.
Shade: Not if we split up.
Shade: Calm down, Dark. You're gonna come with me.
Red: ...I don't wanna go.
Shade: Fine, you can stay here.
Red: Wh...what?
[Shade and Dark walk to some random Chao Transporter]
Red: You've changed, man. You've changed.
Shade: Change happens, Red. Get used to it. C'mon, Dark.
[Shade and Dark hop in the transporter, and Shade hits the "Goodbye" option]
Red: There goes the most ****ed up chao in the history of chao.
Tail: Tru dat.
[cut to Chao World; Shade and Dark magically teleport to a village of Dark chao]
Stalh: Welcome, newcom-- Shade? Dark? What are you two doing here?
Shade: We're avoiding the Beta Avengers.
Stalh: Huh, no kidding? Well, you can stay here, I suppose.
[they do]
[the time is 11:30; Shade and Dark are in a village hut, about to go to sleep]
Dark: Hey Shade?
Shade: Yeah, Dark?
Dark: Are we ever gonna go back to the Dark Garden?
Shade: ........I don't know.
Dark: Oh.
Shade: .....hey, Dark?
Dark: Yeah?
Shade: I was a little afraid to run away from everyone else like that.
Dark: Me, too.
Shade: ...thanks for coming with me.
Dark: You're welcome.
Shade: Goodnight.
Dark: Yeah, goodnight.
Chapter 2: There's a Mystery Afoot
[in the morning, cut to Shade]
Shade: *yawn* Good morning, Dark. .......Dark?
[Shade looks around]
Shade: Where am I?
[he is in a giant stadium]
Shade: What the **** what the **** what the **** WHAT THE ****!?
[Shade runs around a bit, and finds Chao]
Shade: Chao!?
Chao: Oh... hey, Shade.
Shade: What are you doing here!?
Chao: I decided to enter the transporter about a few hours after you.
Shade: Why would you do that?
Chao: Oh, um...... no reason.
Shade: ....(He's lying. I know it.) Okay. Anybody else come?
Chao: No.
Shade: Oh. .......where are we?
Chao: Dunno.
Powerful, booming voice: Attention, chao.
Chao: Yeah?
PBV: Uh... I mean, ALL chao.
Chao: Sorry.
PBV: You have been captured, and pit to battle each other to the death!
Shade: Why would we wanna do that?
PBV: I dunno. Hey, JOE, why do they wanna do that, again?
PBV: Oh, right, right. Because! There is no food here!
Chao: Wait, wait, WAIT. You want us to eat each other?
PBV: Yes! ......actually, that DOES sound stupid.
PBV: But.. I don't wanna KILL them... I just want to speak with--
PBV: Oh, come ON! That is actually a VERY stupid idea!
[sounds of a struggle]
DifferentPBV: *a-hem* You will now fight! NOW! No questions!
Chao: Heh. As if we'd REALLY do that.
Shade: Well, I HAVE been wanting to do this for a while now.
[Shade kicks Chao very, VERY hard]
Chao: Oof... really, Shade... do we have to fight?
Shade: No, I just wanted to do that. Really, I think the better idea would be to try and figure out who that powerful,

booming voice was.
Chao: Who those powerful, booming voices WERE.
Shade: Yeah.
Chao: Hmm... who could they--
Shade: MILKMAN and JOE.
Chao: Are you sure?
Shade: Positive. No question about it.
PBV: Uh.... pay no mind to the gray Dark chao down there!
Shade: See?
Chao: Ah.
Shade: Alright, MILKMAN... what do you want?
MM: .....uh...--
JOE: He doesn't want to speak with you!
Shade: I know; I asked what he DID want.
JOE: Oh. Uh... we want REVENGE!
Shade: For WHAT? You've been the ones killing US!
MM: He has a point, JOE.
JOE: No he DOESN'T! We want revenge for them being the original ones and we being betas!
Shade: Why not just join the show again instead of ruining it?
JOE: Um... uh.... NEVER!
Chapter 3: A Fight for Life
JOE: And if I can't make you fight.... maybe your friend CAN!
[Dark appears out of nowhere, eyes red]
Shade: Dark?
[Dark groans, and starts attacking Shade]
Shade: What did you do to him!?
JOE: Why, I gave him some fighting spirit, that's all.
Shade: You... bast--
[Dark attacks Shade; Shade dodges]
[Shade fights back]
JOE: Excellent...
Chao: Shade, don't fight!
Shade: But... but...
[Dark punches him in the jaw]
Shade: ACK! *smacks Dark* Sorry, buddy!
JOE: That's right... fight. Fight your best friend...
[they fight for a full 5 minutes]
Shade: Dark... please, snap out of it.
[Shade dodges; a package falls out of Dark's pocket]
Shade: Wait, since when did Dark have a pocket?
[I don't know. Where else would he keep the package?]
Shade: Eh.
[Shade grabs the package, and has a flashback]
(flashback) Dark: He gave me this package... and I musn't open it until we're completely stumped, screwed, and/or confused.
Shade: Well, I'm screwed and confused right now. I'll open it.
[Shade opens the package, and screams]
Shade: OH, HERO CHAOS! **** **** **** **** ****!!!!
Chao: What is it, Shade?
Shade: Inside this package.... is a BOMB! And a GPS.
GPS: You have now reached your final destination.
Shade: Shut up!
[Shade grabs the GPS, and tosses it]
Shade: This bomb... it's set to blow up... in one minute!
JOE: So you discovered my plan. So what? There is no escaping the MARTY BOMB!
Shade: *gasp* YOU were Marty!
JOE: Indeed... I tricked your little friend, and now you will all DIE!!!
[Dark jumps towards Shade, but Shade dives to a side]
[they fight for another 5 minutes]
JOE: Excellent. Keep fighting.... yes...
Chao: Shade, stop fighting! This is exactly what he WANTS you to do!
Shade: Really? Okay, I'll stop.
Chao: You're not really gonna stop, are you?
[Shade continues attacking Dark]
Chao: *sigh* Oh, boy.
[Chao decides to walk over to the bomb]
Chao: When is this thing set to set off? ......O SNAP.
[cut to a minute later; Shade and Dark fighting]
[Shade notices that Chao is gone]
Shade: What the?!
[Shade stops fighting, and takes a look at the bomb]
Shade: O SNAP, 30 SECONDS!?
JOE: *evil laughter* And you cannot escape!
Shade: What are you talking about?
[Echo appears, and joins Dark in the fight]
Shade: Aw, crap...
Chapter 4: Continuation
[Shade runs away, but Echo blocks the exit]
Echo: Sorry, but I'm afraid you can't lea--
[Shade smacks Echo, and runs through the exit]
Echo: What the ****?
JOE: Echo! Grab that bomb and chase him!
Echo: ...fine. *grabs bomb, chases him*
JOE: Dark, chase him, as well!
Dark: RAAAAWR! *chases*
[Shade is running frantically]
Shade: Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh
crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh CRAP!
[Shade runs past a random alley where Chao grabs him and pulls him to safety; Echo and Dark run past]
Shade: .....what just happened?
Chao: We were the victims of a filler. Dark didn't make it out alive.
Shade: Wait... did you just say "filler?"
Chao: I did? ****, I meant to say "bombing!" I ****ed up the line, I'm sorry.... can we try this again?
Shade: .....what just happened?
Chao: We were the victims of a bombing. Dark didn't make it ou*laughter* I-I--I can't do it!
Shade: *laugh* Dude, you really ****ed up. You really ****ed up.
Chao: I just... I just can't *laugh* I can't finish the line! I'm sorry!
[pause; laughter dies down]
Chao: Okay.... okay... let's try this one more time.
Shade: .....what just happ--*laughter* ****!!!
Chao: See, now YOU'VE got it!
Shade: Yeah... heh..........hoo............................... I think it's gone now.
Chao: You think so--*laugh* Aw, no! *laugh*
[they keep laughing for a while before they stop]
Shade: Okay, NOW let's try this one more time.
Shade: ...*big smile*.......pffft..... *burst out laughing* See, he's making this face, and he WANTS me to laugh!
Shade: .....what just happened?
Chao: We were the victims of a bombing. Dark didn't make it out alive.
Shade: No way!
Chao: I'm afraid it's true.
[Shade looks down at the ground, sad]
Chao: No time to mope, Shade; we need to get out of here.
Shade: But... where will we go? I was a fool thinking we could just run away from the MILKMAN and JOE.
Chao: Then we'll just have to find a place where they simply CAN'T get us, no matter how hard they try.
Shade: What?
Chao: Think for a moment, Shade. Think Ace Attorney.
Shade: You mean... think crazy?
Chao: Yes. What place can they simply NOT get us? They can get there, but they can't get TO us?
Shade: .....a place... where destruction is possible, but not recommended.
Chao: Huh?
Shade: The place I'm thinking of... if they destroy it, they'll be chased by the police, and stuff.
Chao: Ooh, good thinking!
Shade: A place where, in order to get in, you'd need special permission.
Chao: ...are you thinking of what I'm thinking?
Shade: I think so.
[cut to Station Square; all the chao are gathered by the beach]
Shade: The Station Square Hotel.
Qz: Shade?
Shade: Yes, Quartz?
Qz: How did you find all of us? I mean, I was being chased by rabid dogs in Africa!
Shade: Internet.
Qz: Ah.
SB: Mind if I ask, Quartz... why were you being chased by rabid dogs in Africa?
Qz: I don't know! They thought I was a chew toy!
Buddy: Hey, Shade... how did you get reservations to this place?
Shade: Don't ask. Just enjoy.
[they enter the hotel, and ride the left elevator to their penthouse/Chao Garden]
SShade: This place is amazing!
Red: A marvel!
Honey: It's beautiful!
DH: I love it!
Dark: Dibs on the top bunk!
Knuckle: Dibs on the-- damn.
Chao: Nice job, Shade.
Shade: I know. Here, we have no chance of being attacked.
[cut to the Hotel Lobby; a man in a trenchcoat and hat is using a payphone]
Man: I know that boy is home. Come on son and answer the phone. Something new has come up and...
[fade-in to black; JOE's evil laughter is heard]

Hope you are looking forward to the chao's first venture into Sonic Adventure. Of course, it'll only be for one episode, but it'll be good! I'm sure of it.

Halfway Mark!

We're halfway through DCA's sixth season, and I'm seriously concerned. How do you like it? I've gotten a few comments, but nobody's actually REVIEWED any episodes besides 41. I suppose beggars can't be choosers, can they?

I can't wait until this season is over. By then, the Beta Avengers will be out of the spotlight, and the series will be back to being about the Darks and the Heroes playing pranks on each other, being idiots, and occasionally messing with the Poker Gang. And everyone will be happy.

Now, everyone who's concerned-- let's try to remember the current group of chao the series is currently focusing on.

-Shade, of course
-Purflee (female)

Of course, don't expect them to always be there. Some of them may die. Some of them may get lost. Some of them just won't be able to handle the truth.

See you when I've completed episode 45.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

WARNING: This will be a long post. EXTRA long.

[fade-in to Shade swimming underwater; he swims past some infared sensors]
Shade (VO): Our mission, guys, is to infiltrate CPAK (Chao Pre-School and Kindergarten). It won't be easy.
Red (VO): Anything we gotta do, Shade. Just tell us.
[Shade swims to the surface, and holds on to a random log; he looks through some binoculars]
Shade (VO): I've taken a look at CPAK recently, and realized that it's been completely revamped.
[the camera is looking through the binoculars; a building is in the distance, with searchlights surrounding it, and guards

Dark (VO): Security sure is tight, innit?
[the binoculars zoom in, and look at the entrance: a large door]
Red (VO): Yeah, I mean, we can't just knock on the door and ask them to let us in...
Shade (VO): This is why I've come up with a plan to infiltrate it--
Dark (VO): --Shade, if I may intrude? I've done a bit of research, myself, lately, and I have found something interesting.
Shade (VO): Shoot.
Dark (VO): CPAK has been revamped, all right. Into a MISSILE SILO.
Red+Shade (VO): A-a missile silo?
Dark (VO): Yes. Nuclear, as well. Of course, this was just from an anonymous tip. We can't be certain of this.
Shade (VO): Very well.
[Shade dives back into the water, and swims further]
Red (VO): Also, I have something to reveal, as well. While you two were investigating CPAK, I managed to find three people to

provide us support.
Shade (VO): Red, buddy, you're the best!
Red (VO): I assume you're familiar with Tail.
Tail (VO): Hello, Shade.
Shade (VO): Whoa! Tail, how ya doin'? What happened?
Tail (VO): I managed to, um, NOT ride the subway. I escaped unscathed, as you can imagine, and I contacted Red as fast as I

Shade (VO): Well, it's good to have backup.
Red (VO): Now for a surprise. Say hello to...
? (VO): I think I can introduce myself, thank you very much. *a-hem* ...I am Doctor Robotnik, the greatest scientific genius

in the world!
Shade (VO): Look, it's a giant, talking egg!
[the chao laugh (Voice-Over)]
Egg (VO): Anyway, Red told me about the situation, and I think I can be of some help.
Shade (VO): We'll see. So, Red... who's the last one?
Red (VO): This one's gonna REALLY shock ya. Get this: I don't even know who it is!
Shade (VO): *groan*
Red (VO): It was a phone call, and he or she used a voice modifyer. Plus, the call was untracable.
Shade (VO): Okay, what'd he or she say?
Red (VO): The person provided me with a Codec system! Tons of 'em!
Shade (VO): SWEET! Dude, I never doubted you for a second!
Dark (VO): Excuse me... what is this Codec stuff?
Shade (VO): It's nanomachines technology that is used as a communications device.
Red (VO): Search YouTube, you'll get the picture. Anyway, this person said they would contact us at some point.
Shade (VO): That's good. Okay, team! Let's get going!
[Shade resurfaces at CPAK, and ducks to avoid sentry locating his position (he ducks so nobody sees him)]

Dark Chao Adventures Episode 44: Metal Gear Shade

Chapter 1: The Twin Shades
[BEEP BEEP! (that means somebody contacts Shade via Codec, or vice versa)]
Shade: This is Shade. Eggman, do you hear me?
Egg: Loud and clear. What's the situation?
Shade: It looks like the door is the only way in, but it's heavily guarded.
Egg: I see. ......use the binoculars; look around. That place is ice cold, right? It should have heating. And heating leads

Shade: Ventilation. Gotcha.
Egg: Also, we can't afford for any insecurity, so we're using code names. Your code name is "Solid Shade."
Shade: ..........
Egg: Shade, are you all right?
Shade: ....there are one too many things wrong with that, Doc. For one thing, it sounds stupid, unless "Snake" replaces

"Shade," but that would result in copyrights. Second of all, everyone's just gonna call me "Shade" anyway, since that's how

the code name WORKS! Third, I don't like it.
Egg: Would you prefer if we called you Liquid Shade?
Shade: A little bit. Just stick with Solid.
Egg: Okay. And my code name is Doctor Kleiner.
Shade: . . . . . . . . . . .
Egg: Shade?
Shade: . . . . . . . .. . . .. .......okay, Doctor Kleiner. *sigh*
[SHEEEOSH! (that means the Codec transmission ends)]
[Shade looks around with the binoculars, and finds a vent for him to enter]
[as he crawls, he mumbles "Might as well call him 'Colonel Campbell...'"]
[also as he crawls, you hear a little more to the Pre-Mission Briefing (which we will call "PMB")]
Egg (VO): Shade, let's go over your objectives.
Shade (VO): All right.
Egg (VO): Your first objective is to rescue two hostages: the chief of the MASTER corporation, Shadow; and--
Shade (VO): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA. Hang on.
Egg (VO): Objectives-- I mean, objections?
Shade (VO): Damn wright-- I mean, RIGHT there's an objection! OBJECTION!!! The chief... of the MASTER corporation? Shadow?

This IS Uncle Shadow we're talking about here, correct?
Egg (VO): Yes, Shadow the Hedgehog is the MASTER chief.
Shade (VO): Wow, that's one combination that EVERY Sonic fan wants to know about...
Egg (VO): I don't understand the joke.
Shade (VO): No, I didn't think you WOULD. *sigh* Just tell me the other hostage while I'm still sober, a'ight?
Egg (VO): ...and the Chao Principal.
Shade (VO): What the Dark Garden's the Chao Principal doing in CPAK-- oh yeah.
Egg (VO): Yes, apparently, he was taken hostage as these mysterious terrorists invaded.
Shade (VO): Okay, now what's my other objective?
Egg (VO): You need to determine whether or not these terrorists have the ability to launch a nuclear weapon!
Shade (VO): Man, this job keeps gettin' more and more familiar...
Egg (VO): This sounds familiar?
Shade (VO): **** yeah. I don't JUST play FPS games, you know. I suppose you're gonna slap "Tactical Espionage Action" onto

the mission label, too, huh?
Egg (VO): What are you talking about?
Shade (VO): Just forget it, Doctor Kleiner. I'll do my objectives, but I swear, if there turns out to be a guy with mind-

control powers who reads my memory card and moves my controller, then I quit!
Egg (VO): I don't know about reading memory cards, but this bunch of terrorists IS certainly very odd.
[the PMB flashback ends abruptly as Shade enters a tank hangar]
Shade: Hmm... if I remember this gam-- uh, PLACE... correctly, then there should be an elevator right there.
[there is]
Shade: HAWT DAYUM!!!
[the guards inside look around; Shade hides]
Guard1: What was that?
Guard2: I don't know. Um... control base?
Radio: Yes, Guard Team Kappa?
Guard2: I am thinking intruder is being here.
Radio: Copy that; we're sending in a search team!
Shade: ...crap...
Shade: Dark!
Dark: What is it, Shade?
Shade: Just a quick recap... this is an espionage mission, correct?
Dark: Yup.
Shade: Weapons and equipment OSP (on-site procurement)?
Dark: According to Hideo Kojima.
Shade: Best not to interfere with guards?
Dark: ...well, you can **** with their heads, and, I dunno, make 'em feel like there's a ghost there, but just don't make

yourself known.
Shade: Okay. Just making sure.
[Shade throws an adult magazine onto one of the guards' paths]
Guard: .......huh? *looks around* Hee hee.... *crouches to read magazine]
Shade: Ah, the temptation of an idiot. It will be their downfall.
[Shade sneaks past, and enters the elevator]
Shade: Hmm... if my instincts (and gaming knowledge) are right, the MASTER Chief is on B1.
[he takes the elevator down, and finds a small corridor]
Shade: Bam. My knowledge never fails me.
[Shade walks up to a door]
Shade: Readers, I would like to say that behind this door is a small jail. Shadow is in the left cell, and some random woman

is in the right one. Of course, she ends up being more important than the MASTER Chief (which everyone does).
[Shade walks away from the door]
Shade: But, this door is locked. I will enter via a ventilation shaft, just as I am supposed to.
[he finds a ladder leading up to a vent]
Egg: Shade! To climb a ladder, face it and press the Action Button.
Shade: ....yeah, he's SUPPOSED to say that. Dude, as a chao gamer, I seriously know EVERYTHING that's going on here.
[close-up on Shade's face]
Shade: For instance, you will see a ninja soon. He's Solid Snake's 'friend' from way back in Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake.
[Shade begins to climb the ladder]
Shade: Heh... I know EVERYTHING about this game! I expect all surprises!
[a rat in the vent takes a dump, and it lands on his face]
Shade: ....that wasn't meant to happen.
[cut to the "TV Room," which is what I'll call that room the Betas watch everything from]
JOE: Man, you sure showed HIM! HA!
MM: Ha ha ha.... hoo.... okay, let's let him get to Shadow now.
JOE: Right.
[cut to Shade crawling through the vents; he finds a vent cover, and looks through]
[it's a female chao doing sit-ups in a cell]
Shade: ...she looks familiar. Still, it's not him.
[he crawls forward, and finds a second vent cover, and sees Shadow; Shade opens the cover and comes out]
Shadow: Who... who, who's that?
Snake: I'm here to save you. You're the MASTER Chief, Uncle Shadow, right?
Shadow: You're here to save me, huh? What's your outfit?
Shade: I'm the pawn they sent here to save your worthless butt.
Shadow: Really? It's true... You don't look like one of them. In that case, hurry up and get me out of here.
Shade: Slow down. Don't worry. First I want some information... about the terrorists.
Shadow: The terrorists?
Shade: Do they really have the ability to launch a nuke?
Shadow: What are you talking about?
Shade: The terrorists are threatening the White House. They say if they don't accede to their demands they'll launch a

nuclear weapon.
Shadow: .........
Shade: Is it possible?!
Shadow: ... It's possible. They... could launch a nuke.
[the chao in the next cell hears this bit of information and stops the
sit-ups she was doing]
Shade: How do they plan to launch? I though this place was just for teaching chao. They shouldn't have access to a

Shadow: What I'm about to tell you is classified information. Okay? We were conducting excercises of a new type of

experimental weapon. A weapon that will change the world.
Shade: What?
Shadow: A weapon with the ability to launch a nuclear attack from any place on the face of the earth. A nuclear equipped,

walking battle tank.
Shade: Metal Gear!? It can't be!
Shadow: ... You knew!? Metal Gear is one of the most secret black projects! How did you know that?
Shade: We've had a couple of run-ins in the past games. So that's the reason you were here at this disposal site?
Shadow: Why else would I come to a God-forsaken place like this...?
Shade: I had heard the Metal Gear project was scrapped.
Shadow: On the contrary, it has grown into a huge joint project between ChaoTech and ourselves. We were going to use this

exercise as raw data and then proceed to mass production. If it hadn't been for the revolution.
Shade: Revolution...?
Shadow: Sumasshu has fallen into the hands of terrorists.
Shade: Sumasshu?
[a guard takes notice of the converstaion in the cell and slowly creeps
to the door]
Shadow: Metal Gear Sumasshu, the codename for the new Metal Gear prototype. They're probably already finished aiming the

warhead they plan to use with Sumasshu. These guys are pros. They're all experienced in handling and equipping weapons.
[the guard bangs on the door]
Guard: Hey! Shut up in there, will ya?
[Shadow waves him away, and Shade comes out from his hiding
place by the doorway]
Shade: But I thought that all nuclear warheads were equipped with safety measures. Some kind of detonation code that you

have to input.
Shadow: Oh, you mean PAL. Yes, of course, there is a PAL. It's set up so that you need to input two different passwords in

order to launch the device.
Shade: There are two passwords?
Shadow: Yes. Baker knows one and I know one.
Shade: Baker? The principal?
Shadow: And the president of ChaoTech. Each of us has to input our password or there can be no launch. But... they found out

my password.
Shade: You talked?
Shadow: Rage Tail can read people's minds. You can't resist.
Shade: Rage Tail?
Shadow: One of the members of Beaten Graves. He has psychic powers.
Shade: ...This is bad...
Shadow: It's just a matter of time before they get Baker's too.
Shade: If they find out Baker's password...
Shadow: Yes. They'll be able to launch a nuke anytime. But, there is a way to stop the launch.
Shade: What?
Shadow: The card keys. They were designed by ChaoTech, the system developers, as an emergency override. Even without the

passwords, you can just insert the card keys and engage the safety lock.
Shade: And if I do that?
Shadow: Yes. You can stop the launch.
[the chao in the next cell hears this]
Femalechao: That card key...?
Shade: So, where are the keys?
Shadow: Baker should have them. Listen. You need three card keys. There are three different slots to put them in. You need

to insert a card into each one of them.
Shade: Okay, three card keys. Do you know where they might be keeping Baker?
Shadow: Somewhere in the 2nd floor basement.
Shade: 2nd floor basement?
Shadow: I heard the guard say they moved him to an area that has a lot of electronic jamming.
Shade: Any other clues?
Shadow: Yes... they cemented over the entrances but didn't have enough time to paint over them. Why don't you look for the

areas where the walls are a different color?
[Shadow gets up and gets something out of his pocket]
Shadow: Here, take this. It's my ID card. It'll open any level one security door. It's called a PAN card. It works together

with your body's own electrical field.
Shade: Personal Area Network, huh?
Shadow: It transmits data using the salts in your body as the transmission medium. As you approach the door's security

devices they'll read the data stored in the card.
Shade: And the doors will open automatically, gotcha. Okay. I'm going to get you out of here.
Shadow: Wait a minute.
Shade: What is it?
Shadow: You haven't heard of another way to disarm the PAL, have you? From your bosses, or anyone?
Shade: No.
Shadow: Are you sure you haven't heard anything?
Shade: I just said, "no."
Shadow: So, does the White House plan to give in to the terrorists demands?
Shade: That's their problem. It has nothing to do with my orders.
Shadow: But... what about the Pentagon?
Shade: Pentagon?
[Shadow grabs at his chest and starts to spasm]
Shade: What is it?!
[the chao in the cell hears the chief scream and becomes alarmed;
she starts to bang on the wall and the door]
Femalechao: What's that?! Hey! What happened?!
[Shadow collapses; Shade stares in awe]
Shade: MASTER Chief? CHIEF!? CHIEF!?!?!? Oh, right, that was SUPPOSED to happen. But, wait.... SHADOW! I don't want you to

[Shade falls on to the ground, sobbing]
[he stops as he hears moving in the next cell; he hears a guard open the next cell door, and get beaten up]
Shade: Right, I have a mission to do. I need to focus.
Chapter 2: Sons of Library
[his cell door opens]
Shade: *sigh* I remember this part.
[Shade steps out of the cell, and instantly has a gun pointed at him]
Femalesoldier: Don't move!
[the soldier looks into the cell, and sees Shadow, dead]
FSoldier: So you killed the MASTER Chief. I can't believe you!
[she looks at Shade]
FSoldier: Mink? No, you're not...
[Shade looks at her]
FSoldier: I said, "Don't move!"
Shade: Is this the first time you've ever pointed a gun at a person? (under his breath) 'Cause it's not the first time I've

BEEN pointed at.
FSoldier: Careful, I'm no rookie!
Shade: Your safety's on.
[she stops pointing the gun at him to look at the safety; Shade takes this chance to snatch the gun and point it at her]
Shade: Never let your guard down, rookie.
FSoldier: I told you; I'm no rookie!
Shade: Trust me; I've beaten this game; I'm supposed to say this stuff.
FSoldier: ...huh? This game? What?
Shade: Everything going on here has already happened in a video game. Metal Gear Solid.
FSoldier: Really?
Shade: You are going to be very important to the plot. Trust me.
FSoldier: I am? And you are...?
Shade: C'mon, I can see straight through that mask. Purflee, come on.
[the soldier takes off her mask, revealing Purflee the first]
PF: You're positive that everything here has already happened before?
Shade: As positive as Hideo Kojima is smart.
PF: Dang. So, what now?
Shade: Now I need to find the Principal, Kenneth Baker, whom is also the president of ChaoTech.
PF: It's "Kyle Baker."
Shade: Oh. Sorry, I just thought he would be the same as in the game.
PF: Um... what do I do?
Shade: You, uh... well, some guards are coming. Don't think; SHOOT!
[guards rush in the door]
[they shoot 'em up real good]
Shade: Now, just exit that door, and everything will be set in stone from here on out.
[they both walk out the door, and Purflee screams]
PF: AAAHHH!!! *stops abruptly* ....Thanks for the help. *walks away*
[Purflee approaches the elevator, turns around, and starts shooting him]
Shade: ACK! I forgot how much that HURTS!
[she stops, and a cloaked figure in a gas mask appears behind her]
?: Good girl. Just like that.
[the man disappears; Purflee gets on the elevator; the elevator goes up]
Egg: Shade! Are you all right?
Shade: Ugh... yeah, I'm fine.
Tail: What did you mean when you said you knew everything that was about to happen?
Shade: Metal Gear Solid. In it, Solid Snake must infiltrate the nuclear warhead storage facility on Shadow Moses Island. Just

trust me, everything here has happened before.
Tail: So... do the good guys win?
Shade: Hell yeah! I defeat Metal Gear, stop the terrorists, and escape with either Purflee, or some random scientist guy.
Egg: I see. Hmm... Shade, are you a Beta Avenger?
Shade: What? No! Why do you think that?
Egg: Just.... just forget it. Never mind. Go save President Baker.
Shade: I'm on it.
[as Shade travels to the B2 floor, and looks for President/Principal Baker, you hear some more of the PMB]
Shade (VO): What about the terrorists? Who are they?
Egg (VO): *hands Shade some photos* The Special-Ops team "Beaten Graves."
Shade (VO): Quite an ugly-looking bunch, aren't they?
Egg (VO): There are exactly four members of Beaten Graves involved in this terrorist activity.
Shade (VO): *looks at photos* There's something about these guys....
Egg (VO): Former bomb disposal expert and psycologist Rage Tail.
Shade (VO): ...whoa, he looks kinda cool.
Egg (VO): Shuddering No, master of disguise.
Shade (VO): !!! ...hmmm...
Egg (VO): Levity Nite, gunfighter extroadinare.
Shade (VO): Holy crap, this is one interesting bunch.
Egg (VO): And leader of the group, the one who has planned out every step of the activity, and is as strong as he is smart...
Shade (VO): ...? This is interesting....
Egg (VO): Lam Mink.
Shade (VO): Why does he look like me? I could've sworn Shuddering No was the master of disguise.
Egg (VO): Honestly, I have no idea. But, this gives you an advantage, doesn't it?
Shade (VO): No, it doesn't. This guy is apparently a Neutral chao.
Egg (VO): I'm more interested in the fact that a group of terrorists let a chao lead their group.
Shade (VO): Yeah, this guy must be pretty evil. And yet he's a Neutral chao... something is DEFINITELY wrong here.
[the PMB flashback ends as Shade finds a hidden room]
[he peeks around the corner, and...]
[there is an adult chao tied up on a pillar; tons of what looks like rubber rope are keeping him from moving]
[Shade creeps closer, and reaches for the rope]
[Shade looks towards some other pillars, where the rope connects to some...]
Shade: C4 (bomb)!
?: That's right. Touch it, and you'll go down with the old man.
[another cloaked man enters the room, this time fully cloaked, but a Desert Eagle (gun) is visible]
?: So you're the one the boss keeps talking about.
Shade: And you?
?: Special-Ops Beaten Graves member Levity....
[he spins his Desert Eagle and juggles it before snatching it into one hand]
Nite: .......*snatches it*...Nite.
[Levity points his gun at Shade, who eqips a gun, as well]
Nite: Now we'll see if the chao can live up to the legend!
[dramatic camera angles!]
Nite: ....
Shade: ....
Nite: ...DRAW!
[Shade shoots first, and hits Levity in the face]
Nite: ARGH! *kneels, blood drips from head area of cloak* Son of a....
[Shade steps closer to him]
Shade: Who are you?
Nite: .....what do you mean? I'm Levity Nite, gunfighter extroadinare.... ah, it hurts...
Shade: ..where did I hit you?
Nite: My nose....
Shade: Ooh, man, I'm sorry about that. It's just... you DID say, "Draw."
Nite: No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I know what I said.
Shade: May I lift your cloak?
Nite: Get away from me! No! Just... just leave me here to die of bloodloss.
Shade: Listen, if it makes you feel any better, you live to be in the next game, and the next one, and then the fourth one.
Nite: R...really?
Shade: Yeah. Well, I dunno about YOU, but Revolver Ocelot did.
Nite: Oh. ...okay...
Shade: Tell me, Levity. What about the ninja?
Nite: Ninja?
Shade: The one that's about to tear your arm off with a sword.
Nite: Oh, that guy? That's... aw, jeez... that guy, well, you'll find out. Just to be safe, I'll run away right now so I

don't lose my arm.
[Levity gets up and runs out of the room-- SLASH!]
[a figure jumps into the room, and cuts all the C4 (so it doesn't blow up), then lands and disables its camoflauge]
[it's a ninja in an exoskeleton]
Shade: Hmm... if the REAL ninja is Gray Fox, Snake's "pal," then I wonder who THIS guy is...?
Ninja: I'm like you; I have no name.
[the ninja dashes away]
Shade: Exactly what he said in the real game.
[Shade notices Kyle Baker lying in the corner]
Shade: Are you alright?
Baker: *hack* Ugh....
Shade: Can you move?
Baker: My.. my time is nearly up. I haven't the strength to move...
Shade: That's right. I know, secret black projects, nuclear materials, MUF, and your key cards were given to Purflee.
Baker: Wh-wh-what?
Shade: Dude, I know the WHOLE conversation. For instance, you're gonna die from something secret in 3.. 2.... 1.....
[Baker dies]
Shade: And codec call in 3... 2.... 1....
Shade: Called it.
Egg: ? ....well, Shade... Baker's dead, too?
Shade: Yup. This critically-acclaimed storyline never ends. And it's not even halfway done yet!
Tail: So, what are you doing next?
Shade: Next, I am... uh.... calling Purflee. Yep. Her frequency should be on the back of the package.
[Shade reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a copy of this episode's DVD; he flips it over, and looks at the screenshots]
Shade: Hmm...
[among the screenshots is one of him talking to Purflee on the codec; her frequency is shown]
Shade: Hideo Kojima, you genius... 141.12.
Tails: Hello?
Shade: Whoop! Wrong number, sorry!
Shade: Hmm... ah, HERE it is. 147.08.
PF: ...hey, Shade! How'd you get my--
Shade: Doesn't matter. For now, you need to open the door in the Tank Hangar.
PF: But I'm feeling depressed about being a soldier, and not feeling anything!
Shade: Look, the conversation ends with you wanting to be a good girl. Now BE a good girl, and open that hangar door!
PF: Wait, what?
Shade: Sometimes it's hard knowing what's going to happen next.
[Shade takes the elevator back up to the first floor, where Purflee opens the door, and lets him through]
[he is now outside, in a snowy field]
?: Be careful. There ar--
Shade: Claymore mines.
?: ....and there's a--
Shade: Tank waiting in ambush.
?: Just call me--
Shade: Deepthroat.
Dp: Let's just say I'm--
Shade: One of my fans.
Dp: ....
[Shade makes it past the claymore mines, and suddenly, a tank appears! A man comes out]
Man: This is Raven's territory! Snakes don't belong in Alaska!
Shade: ....dude, first of all, who are you? Second of all, my code name is "Solid SHADE." Third, we're in the Chao Gardens,

NOT Alaska. Fourth, I DOUBT you're Vulcan Raven.
Man: ........well, I'm Shuddering No. And this tank is going to--
Shade: Wait, wait, wait, WAIT. Shuddering No? You're based on Decoy Octopus, right? Master of disguise? In that case, didn't

I JUST see you die from the virus I gave you?
SN: Dude... cut down on the spoilers, will you? Second of all, Lam Mink sorta discouraged that plan, so...
Shade: So that really WAS Shadow whom I saw die? ....CRAP.
SN: ....FIRE!
[No enters the tank, and it fires at Shade. Shade knows where the tank is going to shoot him, dodges, picks up a grenade, and

tosses it right into the main cannon]
[cut to inside the tank; No opens the hatch, and sees the grenade]
[No stops when he notices Shade holding something]
SN: What's that you got there?
Shade: It's a pin.
Shade: The present I gave you.
[No looks back at the "free grenade," notices it doesn't have a pin, and screams]
[Shade slowly walks past the exploded tank, and enters the next building]
Egg: Shade! You need to rescue the head engineer for Metal Gear, Lee P. Row!
Shade: Lee P. Row?
Egg: Lee Prism Row.
Shade: Lee Row, got it. In the second-floor basement? B2F?
Egg: Um... yes, that's right.
Shade: And before you call again, I am NOT going to fire my weapon in this floor, because of the nuclear warheads here.
Egg: Wait, what?
[Shade finds an elevator, and rides it to B2F]
Shade: Here comes another call.
Shade: Wassup, Deepthroat? Calling to warn me about the electrified floor? Oh, and I need a remote-controlled missile? Oh,

and I'll need a gas mask, since there's deadly gas in there, too? Thanks, buddy!
Dp: ..Well, yeah, but...uh......what the...?
[Shade goes up to B1F, gets the Nikita (remote-controlled missile), and comes back]
[he fires the missile, and controls it so it shuts off the electric floor]
[he runs along, and grabs a gas mask, then continues]
[in the next room, he hears shooting]
Shade: The ninja is killing people.
[eventually, once the killing stops, he continues]
[in the next room, he finds the ninja talking to someone]
Shade: It's Lee Row.
Ninja: Where is my friend?
Lee: I.. I don't know what you're talking about!
[Shade peeks over, and shoots the ninja in the head]
Ninja: OOF! *collapses*
Shade: Why didn't Snake ever just do THAT?
[Lee is revealed to be Tails!]
Shade: Wait.... Mister Prower!? Why do they call you, "Lee Row?"
Tails: Lee PRISM Row. It's an anagram of "Miles Prower."
Shade: Why did you use an anagram? This wasn't in the game!
Tails: See, I did this to prepare you, Shade. I've played Metal Gear Solid, as well. I mean, I'm a MALE TEACHER; what did you

Shade: But.... prepare me for WHAT?
Tails: Shade... I know ALL about what's going on. The four terrorists.... you have already MET them.
Shade: They DID seem familiar, but...
Tails: You HAVE, Shade. They are a recurring element throughout the series.
Shade: Wait.... SLOW DOWN! I, as well as the readers, are getting confused! Let's start from the top.
Tails: Okay. The terrorists are using the same trick as I did. ANAGRAMS.
Shade: Why can't you just TELL me who they are?
Tails: You're gonna have to figure it out on your own. But, I CAN tell you something VITAL.
Shade: Tell me!
Tails: They know this game by heart, as well. So, try doing things that you AREN'T SUPPOSED to.
Shade: Like killing the ninja early on, thus preventing further confrontations?
Tails: Well... this ninja is different from Gray Fox. If you can actually make this one LIVE, and HELP YOU, you'll make a

great team.
Shade: Hmm... great idea.
Tails: See? Think outside the cardboard box!
Shade: .....Lam Mink..... it seems so obvious, but I can't figure it out.
Tails: Try "Rage Tail."
Shade: ........
Tails: Here's a hint-- the space is unnecessary.
Shade: Ragetail, you mean? Ah. ....I'll work on it as I go along.
Tails: Speaking of which, you'll be fighting, AND killing Rage Tail soon.
Shade: Ah! Psycho Mantis, of course. Of course.
Tails: That's right. Now, get going. I'll give you help via codec. My frequency is--
Shade: 141.12.
Tails: Err... right. Yeah.
[Shade leaves the laboratory, and makes it to B1F]
Shade: *sigh* This is gonna be a LONG game. Next, I need to find Purflee, and we'll go into the Commander's room.
[Shade grabs one of the soldiers, and pulls their mask off]
Shade: Purflee.
PF: Yes?
Shade: Let's get going.
PF: Right.
[they walk down the hall, and Purflee screams]
Shade: *sigh* Rage Tail...
PF: *stops screaming* Let's get going.
[they enter the Commander's Room, and Purflee starts to talk funny]
PF: Shade..... do you like me?
Shade: As a friend, I suppose.
PF: Oh.... as a FRIEND, huh? Why? Am I not... hot?
Shade: Purflee, it's not YOU saying this, now snap out of--
[Purflee kisses Shade for ten whole seconds]
Shade: ....well, I suppose you can stay like this for a little longer.
[Purflee pulls out a gun and points it at him]
PF: Do you like me, Shade?
[Shade can see him now-- a cloaked figure in a gas mask, hovering behind her]
PF+cloakedman: Do you like me, Shade?
Shade: Rage Tail....
Red: Shade! Don't shoot her!
Shade: Dude, I KNOW. I simply need to knock her out with this tranquilizer here.
Dark: Shade, you don't have a--
[BANG! Purflee screams, and falls over, blood spewing from her ankle]
Shade: Whoops. Thought that was an M9. Uh... she'll be alright, right?
Red: ....
Dark: ....
Tail: ....
Egg: ....just kill Rage Tail.
Chapter 3: Shade Eater
Shade: Who are you, Rage Tail?
Rage: (Note: Rage Tail always breathes like Darth Vader) Good day, Solid Shade.
Shade: Optic camoflauge, huh? I hope that's not your ONLY trick.
Rage: You dare doubt my power!? I am the most POWERFUL practitioner of psychokinesis and telepathy in the WORLD!
Shade: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rage: Allow me to demonstrate by reading your MIND!
[Rage Tail thinks hard]
Rage: You're a careless man, aren't you?
[thinks harder]
Rage: But, you are a highly skilled warrior, well suited to this stealth mission.
[Shade smiles while Rage Tail thinks more]
Rage: You are extremely careful of traps. You are either very cautious, or you are a coward...
[Shade frowns]
Rage: Still don't believe me? Now I'll read more deeply into your soul. Ah...I can see into your mind...
[Rage Tail reads his memory card]
Rage: You like action games.
[Shade nods]
Rage: I see you like Konami games!
[Shade nods]
Rage: You are crazy about first-person shooters....
[Shade nods thrice]
Rage: ...and you love Valve.
[Shade nods again]
Rage: But, you have neglected to save in this game.... you will REGRET IT.
Shade: Do your worst.
Rage: Okay. I can read Slot B, as well!
[Shade's pupils widen]
Rage: I see you like... Dora the Explorer.
[Shade looks down on to the ground]
Rage: You like Super Mario Sunshine, don't you, Shade?
[Shade slowly nods]
Rage: Oh, you enjoy Super Smash Brothers Melee, too.
[Shade nods]
Rage: Hmm... you don't like Zelda? What's wrong with you!?
[Shade is embarassed]
Rage: Oh, but you have Eternal Darkness on here.
[Shade nods]
Rage: Now, for a more ELABORATE demonstration! Put your controller on the ground, as flat as you can.
[Shade does]
Rage: I will now move your controller.... by the power of my will ALONE!
[Rage Tail waves his hands around, and Shade's controller moves]
Rage: The demonstration is over. Now, we will see if you can beat ME!
[Shade tries to shoot him, but misses]
Shade: Rats!
Shade: WHAT NOW!?
Egg: Shade, uh... put your controller into Controller Port 2.
Shade: Oh, right. So he can't read my controller.
Egg: No, I want to play.
Shade: ....
[Shade puts his controller into controller port 2, and shoots the hell outta Rage Tail]
Rage: Ugh..... so.... you used OTHER.... controllers...
Shade: Save your breath, Rage Tail.
Rage: I can read your past... your future.... you.
Shade: Yes, yes, I know. Compared to me, you're like a saint; I know the whole conversation.
Rage: Um... right, well.... APRIL FOOLS!
Shade: What the?
[Shade looks around, then ducks as he sees Shuddering No shooting at him]
[Shade is now randomly in a freezer, dodging Shuddering No]
[Shade dives around a wall]
Shade: Dude, this wasn't supposed to happen! What the fu--
[Shade finds himself back in the Commander's room; Rage Tail is dying on the floor]
Rage: You doubted my power... so I gave you a demonstration...
Shade: That's some pretty impressive powers you have there, Rage Tail. Really, who are you?
Rage: I am someone who wants some company... I am-- *blood comes out of mouth, suffocating him* Blub.. rrr... ugh...
Shade: Creepy.
[Shade looks over at Purflee, dead]
Shade: Yeah... I didn't want to do that. --Wait a minute, I only shot her in the ankle! How is she DEAD?
[she gets up]
PF: Ow, my ankle...
Shade: Yeah, that's what I THOUGHT. C'mon, Purf; let's get outta here.
PF: Um... okay?
[Shade walks in a direction, only to walk into a bookcase]
Shade: Oof! Oh, crap-- Rage Tail was supposed to move this bookcase!
PF: But he's dead.
Shade: He was supposed to do it before he died... this sucks.
PF: Are you sure the exit is behind this thing?
Shade: Yeah. There's a door that leads to a canyon, and Sniper Wolf, or whoever she is here, waits there and shoots you quite

a lot.
PF: !!! ....let's look for another way, then.
Shade: Okay.
[Shade thinks a little bit]
Shade: ...I can't think of any--ah, yes! Lee Prism Row!
Tails: Yes?
Shade: Mister Prower, are there any other ways to the building where Metal Gear is stored?
Tails: I thought there was a way through the Commander's roo--
Shade: Any OTHER ways?
Tails: Well, you can't go above the ground because there are glaciers and stuff--
Tails: I don't know! Um... the truck in the 1st floor?
Shade: Of course! Thanks!
Tails: Uh... okay?
Shade: Okay, Purflee... things from now on are going to be severely ****ed up. I will have no idea what's going on, and

ANYTHING could happen.
PF: So... keep my guard up?
Shade: Keep your guard up. By the end of the day, Metal Gear will have been destroyed, and we'll be out of CPAK.
PF: Where will we go, though?
Shade: That's a good question! Uh... we'll find somewhere.
Shade: Yeah?
Red: Shade, I just did a bunch of research, and that truck you're going to will indeed take you to the Metal Gear building.
Shade: Kick-ass! What else?
Red: If you destroy Metal Gear, I found this map of passages that will take you straight to a heliport!
Shade: Good, good...
Red: And we will pick you up there.
Shade: That is all too good!
Red: There IS some bad news, though.
Shade: Oh, crap.
Red: The person who provided us with the codecs... wants them back.
Shade: That's not good.
Red: He says this will be our last communication, so let's make it good.
Shade: Oh, man... and this happens to be at the part where I have no idea what's coming up!
Red: Sucks, dunnit?
Shade: Yeah. So, uh.. did you find out WHO this person is?
Red: Yeah, believe it or not, he's actually--
Deepthroat: Meet me at the Metal Gear storage building so I can get my codec back.
Shade: Deepthroat?
Dp: That's right, it's me. And I have a warning for you. That truck you're going on...
Shade: The one that will take me to the MGSB?
Dp: Yes. It will drive over some landmines...
Shade: NO WAY!
Dp: Ya wai. Turns out the terrorists predicted that Rage Tail would die here without moving the bookcase, and knew you would

take the truck.
Shade: Those geniuses! Wait, won't the driver die, too?
Dp: They have programmed the truck to drive by itself.
Shade: There's gotta be another way to the building...
Dp: Uh... uhhhh.... I'll look for something. Just go onto that truck, and get ready for the ride of your life.
Shade: But--
Shade: No! NO! Red? Dark? Eggman?
Shade: He DID take their codecs...
PF: What's wrong, Shade?
Shade: *sigh* We're gonna ride a truck to the building, okay?
PF: Okay.
Shade: Here, take this cardboard box. *hands her a box* Disguise yourself in it so we'll look like truck cargo.
PF: Thanks.
Shade: Who could that be?
Tails: Shade! Shade, do you read?
Shade: Yeah. How are you communicating with me; didn't the ninja take your codec?
Tails: He's about to; this is my last phone call.
Shade: Okay. What is it?
Tails: I'm coming with you on the truck ride of doom.
Shade: Uh... okay.
Tails: After all, in the end, you escape with either the woman or me, right?
Shade: ...I'm working on a way for us all to escape.
Tails: Well, I might as well come along now.
Shade: Right. Meet us there in a few minutes.
Dp: Shade... I have found another way.
Shade: Sweet, what is it?
Dp: Halfway on the truck route, there is a luxury monorail.
Shade: ........weird, but okay.
Dp: However, you can only get on if you are wearing a soldier's uniform.
Shade: Damn!
Dp: Yeah, good luck with that.
Shade: Deepthroat? Deepthroat?
Shade: ARRGH! ...Purflee, are you good at the ol' "Tuck and Roll" maneuver?
PF: You mean the technique people use to bail out of police cars without getting hurt? Yeah, why?
Shade: Just asking. C'mon, let's go to that truck.
[they go to the truck on 1F, enter it, meet up with Tails, and disguise themselves as cardboard boxes]
Shade: Mister Prower... according to our little friend, there's a monorail about halfway through this truck route.
Tails: No kidding? Huh. Well, let's take that.
Shade: Yeah, see... we can't get on without a soldier uniform.
Tails: Seriously? Bummer. Ah, don't worry, we'll think of something.
[the truck starts, and they ride it quite a bit]
Shade: *sigh* Purf, remember "Tuck and Roll?"
PF: We're gonna do it?
Shade: We're gonna do it.
Tails: The monorail station should be coming up in 3.... 2.... 1..--
[BOOM! the truck blows up, sending the three flying]
[they land in snow]
PF: Shade?
Shade: Yeah...?
PF: I think we did "Tuck and Roll" a bit too late...
Shade: Yeah...
Tails: Shade, there's the monorail station!
Shade: Hawt damn!
[Shade runs to the station, only to be stopped by a guard]
Gd: Are you permitted to enter? *equips rifle*
Tails: Shade, we could just walk it.
PF: Yeah, it's not too late to back down.
Shade: I dunno... I mean...
Gd: I repeat, are you permitted to enter? *points gun at Shade*
Shade: Uh... um............... y..yes?
Gd: Well then, welcome aboard! Have a Happy Meal. *hands Shade a McDonald's Happy Meal*
[they enter the monorail, and find it to be very luxorious, and ride it to the MGSB]
Tails: That was rather unexpected, I must admit.
PF: I was expecting to get shot.
Shade: My Happy Meal didn't have a toy in it.
[suddenly, the lights go out!]
Tails: I knew it was too easy!
PF: No, you didn't.
Tails: You're right...
[the lights turn back on, and Shade is gone!]
Both: SHADE!
Shade: Yeah?
[Shade crawls out from under a seat]
PF: What were you doing under there?
Shade: I wasn't cowering or anything...
PF: *facepalm*
Shade: Honest! I dropped some fries down here!
Tails: It doesn't make a bit of difference, guys.
Shade: But it's still there!
Tails: ...what?
Shade: Huh?
Tails: ......anyway, we're coming to the building.
[the train stops, and they get off]
[they are now at a small building in the middle of a snowy canyon]
PF: Pretty small, isn't it?
Shade: It goes on underground.
PF: How far underground?
Shade: *thinks* ....pretty far. But listen! I need you guys to wait around the other side of this building for me.
Tails: Let me guess. You'll destroy Metal Gear, then get us, right?
Shade: Yep. This building was part of Metal Gear Solid, so I don't think they'll have changed it much.
PF: In other words, you know what you're doing now.
Shade: Exactly. Just do as I said, and everything will be hunky-dory.
Tails: Gay.
[Tails and Purflee go to the other side of the building]
[Shade enters an elevator and starts going down a considerable length]
Chapter 4: Guns of Patriotism
[at the bottom, Shade gets out at a freezer]
Shade: ...Shuddering No?
?: Hahahahahaha....
Shade: Deepthroat.
[the Ninja appears]
Dp: Good day, Shade. I would like to take my codec back.
Shade: *rips codec out of ear* OW! Take it.
Dp: Thank you. But now... I must help you destroy Metal Gear.
Shade: Ah, yes, like it happens in the game.
Dp: These terrorists are insanely genius.
Shade: So I gather.
Dp: They have changed this building... as well as Metal Gear.
Shade: What!? How!?
Dp: The terrorists' leader, Lam Mink, has harnessed the power of FOXDIE. Apparently, if you touch Metal Gear, you now die.
Shade: Freaky.
Dp: Only I know of this, and only I can help you.
Shade: ....okay. But, why is Lam Mink..
Dp: A Neutral chao? I don't have much of an idea.
Shade: ...what about you? Who are you?
Dp: .....................................I suppose you deserve the truth.
[the helmet of the exoskeleton becomes transparent]
Shade: Chao?!?!?!?!?!?
[the helmet becomes visible again, hiding his face]
Chao: Indeed, it is I. I don't know why I'm wearing this suit, though. I found it in a locker, so I decided to wear it.
Shade: Enough explanations! Let's go down there and defestroy Metal Gear!
[so, Shade runs into the next elevator, bandanna on head, followed by Chao, donning his exoskeleton]
[the elevator goes down, down, down really deep]
Chao: What the? Who could that be?
[Chao answers it]
Chao: Hello?
?: Yes, hello, I'm calling for a mister Solid Shade. May I speak with him?
Chao: Uh... I guess so.
Shade: Hello?
?: Shade, I am the third person who contacted Red. I gave him the codecs. Now, I would like them back.
Shade: I'm sorry, you must be mistaken... I already gave the codecs back to the one who contacted Red.
?: Impossible. I gave him those nanocommunications devices!
Shade: ...where are you?
?: I am currently in the Metal Gear Storage Building.
Shade: I see. Who are you?
?: My name, uh...... is Shawn of the Dead.
Shade: Shawn of the Dead?
SoD: Correct.
Shade: Isn't that a comedy movie?
SoD: I get that all the time.
Shade: I see. Uh... when I see you, what should I be looking for?
SoD: I am a Neutral chao. You can't miss me.
Shade: !!! I see. *Phoenix Wright-esque grin* Don't worry, I'll find you.
SoD: Excellent. See you soon, then.
Chao: Who was it?
Shade: He calls himself "Shawn of the Dead." But get this-- he's a Neutral chao.
Chao: !!!
Shade: Exactly. This person, clearly is....
[three options appear in the Touch Screen, "Chao." "Lam Mink." "Shawn of the Dead."]
[Shade chooses the second]
Shade: ....Lam Mink. As if that weren't obvious enough.
Chao: But why would he claim to have given Red the codecs?
Shade: ...that, my friend, is because....
[three options touch screen: "He did." "He's hiding something." "He's the forger."]
[Shade chooses option three]
Shade: Our victim is not the forger.... the forger is a fake! The real forger faked not being a forger by being a fake

forger, your honor!
Chao: ....what?
Shade: Oh, sorry, got caught in a daze there. I meant to say...
[the options appear again]
[Shade chooses the second option]
Shade: *slams hands on random desk that spawned out of nowhere* Chao. You claim that he is lying to the court. But, my

question is... why?
Chao: Indeed, why? Care to fill us in, herr headband?
Shade: Obviously, he is not lying.... but he is HIDING SOMETHING!
Chao: ACK! N-no way! What could he possibly be hiding?!
Shade: Our witness, Lam Mink....
[three options: "Is allergic to FOXDIE." "Killed the Companion Cube." "Stole the Bannana Dalquiri."]
[Shade chooses the second]
Shade: Tell me, whose fingerprints were on that furnace?
Chao: Um, that would be GLaDOS', yours, and the defendant's. ....AAAHHH!
Shade: Exactly. The witness likes to wear gloves, doesn't he? HE BROKE MY CD PLAYER! AND HE KILLED COMPY!
[randomly, Purflee is by Shade's side]
PF: Way to go, Apol---... Shade! You have him cornered!
Shade: Not yet. Look at him.
Chao: *sips coffee* I see. Your claim is that Lam Mink killed the Companion Cube.
Shade: Yes.
Chao: Heh heh heh.... your claim is as baseless as my coffee when it is upside-down! *gulps coffee*
Shade: But just look at the witness! He's obviously about to crack!
Chao: The face of the witness does not matter. All that matters.... *sips coffee* evidence.
Shade: Evidence?
Chao: Proof of your wild claims. Without it... YOU ARE IN COLD WATER! *chucks coffee at Shade*
Shade: (coffee mug on head, coffee dripping down face) ....AAAHH! You're right!
PF: What does this mean, Shade?
Shade: It means..... we lost.
PF: No!
[random Judge appears]
Judge: Enough! It appears that the defense cannot support its claims. The cross-examination of Lam Mink is over!
Lam Mink: See, I come all the way down here, and look what happens!
Judge: The court finds the defendant, Joe Mama.....
["GUILTY" appears on-screen]
Judge: The defendant will appeal to a higher court later. Case closed!
[the Judge bangs his gavel as Chao slaps Shade, waking him up]
Shade: What the?
Chao: You fainted after that guy called you on the codec.
Shade: You mean... Joe Mama isn't guilty?
Chao: What?
Shade: Never mind.
Chao: So, what'd the person want?
Shade: They claim they gave Red the codec, and want it back.
Chao: No way!
[the elevator reaches the very bottom; they get off]
[directly in front of them is Metal Gear itself]
[laughter is heard]
Shade: Up there!
[on top of Metal Gear is a Neutral chao in a trenchcoat]
Lam: Good day, gentlemen. Do you like it? This is Metal Gear SUMASSHU.
Shade: Metal Gear Smash?
Lam: I guess, I mean, if you wanna translate.
Chao: Lam Mink... finally, we meet.
Shade: We gunna keel ya!
Lam: Of course. Solid Shade, do you have my codec?
Lam: Really, I gave Red the codec. I swear.
Chao: No way, I did!
Shade: Hmm.... what if... you BOTH did? But...
[three options appear in the--*shot*]
Shade: C'mon, DJay. I know this stuff by now, no need to bring up choices.
Lam: Well? We both did, but what?
Shade: But... Red knew who both of you were. He did not want to trust you, Mink, so he destroyed yours.
Lam: Rotten cheapskate.
Chao: So that's what happened. Wow.
Lam: Alright, we know about the codecs now. So what? We still have a score to settle, Shade.
[Lam Mink hops into Metal Gear, and commandeers it]
Shade: You ready, Chao?
Chao: Let's do this.
[Shade attacks Sumasshu with guns, while Chao attacks with a ninja sword thing]
[Sumasshu fights back with massive stuff and whatnot]
[enter random word here]
Shade: It's not working!
Chao: Well, what do you think we should do?
Shade: ....maybe sing "Rock and Roll All Night?"
Chao: ...
[Chao destroys the weird legs of Sumasshu]
Shade: Okay, I got your drift.
[suddenly, an alarm is heard and Lam Mink exits Sumasshu]
Lam: Heh heh heh... and with that, I take my leave.
Shade: What?
Chao: Shade, what's happening?
Shade: Mink's getting away, THAT'S what's happening! C'mon, let's chase him!
[they chase him up a very, very long slope]
Lam: You two just won't give up, will you? *stops* Okay. I'll talk.
[Shade and Chao pass suspicious glances]
Lam: That alarm.... is a sign indicating Sumasshu's self-destruction. It will cover over two miles in ALL directions.
Lam: Goodbye! *teleports*
Shade: Son of a...
Chao: How did he do that!?
Shade: How far are we from the surface? Do you know?
Chao: I'd say about half a mile. And we've already traveled half a mile, so that means...
Shade: When we're up there, we're gonna need to clear about a mile between us and this place, before it's too late!
Chao: Let's get a move on now, then!
[they run about half a mile, and reach the surface; they find Tails and Purflee]
Tails: Did you destroy Metal Gear?
Shade: Almost. It's self-destructing. Lam Mink got away.
PF: Isn't that somewhat good?
Shade: Not at all. The explosion'll cover about two miles, so we need to get moving.
Tails: Oh dear... I was afraid of this.
Chao: No time to be afraid, let's run!
[they run for three quarters of a mile]
Shade: Only about a quarter of a mile to go... CRAAAAAAAAAAP!!!
Tails: What is it?
Shade: Take a look for yourself.
[in front of them is a large, ice cold ocean]
Chao: We can't get past that!
Shade: No. I'm not letting you three die on me! There's got to be some way out...
[Shade scans the area]
Shade: There! A set of icy platforms! If they continue long enough, we might make it!
[they hop along the platforms, and then hear the explosion]
Chao: Here it comes. Brace yourselves!
[the explosion JUST misses them; they cheer]
Shade: Chao, you still got that codec?
Chao: Yeah.
[Shade makes a call to somebody]
Chao: Who are you calling? I took back HQ's codecs.
[a helicopter flies to them]
Shade: Let's just say the folks at Pizza Hut owed me a few favors. Now get on!
[they get on; just before Shade does, he finds a Chaos Drive and grabs it]
[the helicopter flies them back to the Chao Lobby, where Eggman, Dark, Tail, and Red are waiting]
Shade: Hey guys. Wassup?
Red: You made it back! Great job out there, Shade.
Dark: Didja miss me?
Shade: 'Course I did, Dark. You're my best pal.
Tails: Well, Shade... you managed to save me from those terrorists. Thank you.
Shade: "Thank you" is all I get? Maybe I shoulda left you there...
Tails: *sigh* No homework for the rest of the year.
Shade: You're welcome, Mister Prower.
PF: Thank you for saving me as well, Shade.
Shade: Aw, it was nothing. I mean, I could do it with one arm tied behind my back!
Tail: Hey, Shade?
Shade: Yeah?
Tail: What's with Eggman?
Shade: ...*sees Eggman with arms crossed*...I don't know.
Egg: Lam Mink escaped. Levity Nite escaped. Shuddering No escaped. We aren't safe yet.
Shade: While that is true, I get the feeling we won't be seeing them again for a LONG time.
Egg: *sigh* I hope you're...... well... yeah, you're right. After all, Metal Gear Sumasshu was destroyed.
Chao: Thanks to me!
Egg: At least this way, the world is safe from another threat. Yet one question remains...
[Eggman turns to face Shade]
Egg: What are you going to do now?
Shade: *takes bandanna off* I'm gonna retire. Maybe set up camp here in the Lobby...
Egg: Are you certain that's the best thing to do?
Red: Yeah, I mean, maybe our old "friends" will bomb the Lobby, too.
Shade: .....*crosses arms* I'd prefer you didn't mention them. I just don't want anything to do with them...
Red: *thinks* Okay. 'slong as you say this is the best thing to do.... I'm fine with it.
Dark: Me, too!
Shade: Really?
Red: Sure, dude.
Chao: Hey, can you two can the emotions for a second? You're bumming the rest of us.
Shade: *grin, uncrosses arms* Kay. Whatever you say, Chao.
Chao: See, was that so hard?
Shade: By the way, I'm surprised you managed to walk all that distance; your shoes are untied!
Chao: Holy crap, really!? I've been walking all this time with untied-- .....
[everyone laughs]
Chao: Well, at least I'm not gay.
[pause; camera pan; fade to white]
Shade (voice-over): (sacrastically) Good comeback, Chao.