WARNING: This will be a long post. EXTRA long.

[fade-in to Shade swimming underwater; he swims past some infared sensors]
Shade (VO): Our mission, guys, is to infiltrate CPAK (Chao Pre-School and Kindergarten). It won't be easy.
Red (VO): Anything we gotta do, Shade. Just tell us.
[Shade swims to the surface, and holds on to a random log; he looks through some binoculars]
Shade (VO): I've taken a look at CPAK recently, and realized that it's been completely revamped.
[the camera is looking through the binoculars; a building is in the distance, with searchlights surrounding it, and guards

everywhere]
Dark (VO): Security sure is tight, innit?
[the binoculars zoom in, and look at the entrance: a large door]
Red (VO): Yeah, I mean, we can't just knock on the door and ask them to let us in...
Shade (VO): This is why I've come up with a plan to infiltrate it--
Dark (VO): --Shade, if I may intrude? I've done a bit of research, myself, lately, and I have found something interesting.
Shade (VO): Shoot.
Dark (VO): CPAK has been revamped, all right. Into a MISSILE SILO.
Red+Shade (VO): A-a missile silo?
Dark (VO): Yes. Nuclear, as well. Of course, this was just from an anonymous tip. We can't be certain of this.
Shade (VO): Very well.
[Shade dives back into the water, and swims further]
Red (VO): Also, I have something to reveal, as well. While you two were investigating CPAK, I managed to find three people to

provide us support.
Shade (VO): Red, buddy, you're the best!
Red (VO): I assume you're familiar with Tail.
Tail (VO): Hello, Shade.
Shade (VO): Whoa! Tail, how ya doin'? What happened?
Tail (VO): I managed to, um, NOT ride the subway. I escaped unscathed, as you can imagine, and I contacted Red as fast as I

could.
Shade (VO): Well, it's good to have backup.
Red (VO): Now for a surprise. Say hello to...
? (VO): I think I can introduce myself, thank you very much. *a-hem* ...I am Doctor Robotnik, the greatest scientific genius

in the world!
Shade (VO): Look, it's a giant, talking egg!
[the chao laugh (Voice-Over)]
Egg (VO): Anyway, Red told me about the situation, and I think I can be of some help.
Shade (VO): We'll see. So, Red... who's the last one?
Red (VO): This one's gonna REALLY shock ya. Get this: I don't even know who it is!
Shade (VO): *groan*
Red (VO): It was a phone call, and he or she used a voice modifyer. Plus, the call was untracable.
Shade (VO): Okay, what'd he or she say?
Red (VO): The person provided me with a Codec system! Tons of 'em!
Shade (VO): SWEET! Dude, I never doubted you for a second!
Dark (VO): Excuse me... what is this Codec stuff?
Shade (VO): It's nanomachines technology that is used as a communications device.
Red (VO): Search YouTube, you'll get the picture. Anyway, this person said they would contact us at some point.
Shade (VO): That's good. Okay, team! Let's get going!
[Shade resurfaces at CPAK, and ducks to avoid sentry locating his position (he ducks so nobody sees him)]

Dark Chao Adventures Episode 44: Metal Gear Shade

Chapter 1: The Twin Shades
[BEEP BEEP! (that means somebody contacts Shade via Codec, or vice versa)]
Shade: This is Shade. Eggman, do you hear me?
Egg: Loud and clear. What's the situation?
Shade: It looks like the door is the only way in, but it's heavily guarded.
Egg: I see. ......use the binoculars; look around. That place is ice cold, right? It should have heating. And heating leads

to...
Shade: Ventilation. Gotcha.
Egg: Also, we can't afford for any insecurity, so we're using code names. Your code name is "Solid Shade."
Shade: ..........
Egg: Shade, are you all right?
Shade: ....there are one too many things wrong with that, Doc. For one thing, it sounds stupid, unless "Snake" replaces

"Shade," but that would result in copyrights. Second of all, everyone's just gonna call me "Shade" anyway, since that's how

the code name WORKS! Third, I don't like it.
Egg: Would you prefer if we called you Liquid Shade?
Shade: A little bit. Just stick with Solid.
Egg: Okay. And my code name is Doctor Kleiner.
Shade: . . . . . . . . . . .
Egg: Shade?
Shade: . . . . . . . .. . . .. .......okay, Doctor Kleiner. *sigh*
[SHEEEOSH! (that means the Codec transmission ends)]
[Shade looks around with the binoculars, and finds a vent for him to enter]
[as he crawls, he mumbles "Might as well call him 'Colonel Campbell...'"]
[also as he crawls, you hear a little more to the Pre-Mission Briefing (which we will call "PMB")]
Egg (VO): Shade, let's go over your objectives.
Shade (VO): All right.
Egg (VO): Your first objective is to rescue two hostages: the chief of the MASTER corporation, Shadow; and--
Shade (VO): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA. Hang on.
Egg (VO): Objectives-- I mean, objections?
Shade (VO): Damn wright-- I mean, RIGHT there's an objection! OBJECTION!!! The chief... of the MASTER corporation? Shadow?

This IS Uncle Shadow we're talking about here, correct?
Egg (VO): Yes, Shadow the Hedgehog is the MASTER chief.
Shade (VO): Wow, that's one combination that EVERY Sonic fan wants to know about...
Egg (VO): I don't understand the joke.
Shade (VO): No, I didn't think you WOULD. *sigh* Just tell me the other hostage while I'm still sober, a'ight?
Egg (VO): ...and the Chao Principal.
Shade (VO): What the Dark Garden's the Chao Principal doing in CPAK-- oh yeah.
Egg (VO): Yes, apparently, he was taken hostage as these mysterious terrorists invaded.
Shade (VO): Okay, now what's my other objective?
Egg (VO): You need to determine whether or not these terrorists have the ability to launch a nuclear weapon!
Shade (VO): Man, this job keeps gettin' more and more familiar...
Egg (VO): This sounds familiar?
Shade (VO): **** yeah. I don't JUST play FPS games, you know. I suppose you're gonna slap "Tactical Espionage Action" onto

the mission label, too, huh?
Egg (VO): What are you talking about?
Shade (VO): Just forget it, Doctor Kleiner. I'll do my objectives, but I swear, if there turns out to be a guy with mind-

control powers who reads my memory card and moves my controller, then I quit!
Egg (VO): I don't know about reading memory cards, but this bunch of terrorists IS certainly very odd.
[the PMB flashback ends abruptly as Shade enters a tank hangar]
Shade: Hmm... if I remember this gam-- uh, PLACE... correctly, then there should be an elevator right there.
[there is]
Shade: HAWT DAYUM!!!
[the guards inside look around; Shade hides]
Guard1: What was that?
Guard2: I don't know. Um... control base?
Radio: Yes, Guard Team Kappa?
Guard2: I am thinking intruder is being here.
Radio: Copy that; we're sending in a search team!
Shade: ...crap...
[BEEP BEEP!]
Shade: Dark!
Dark: What is it, Shade?
Shade: Just a quick recap... this is an espionage mission, correct?
Dark: Yup.
Shade: Weapons and equipment OSP (on-site procurement)?
Dark: According to Hideo Kojima.
Shade: Best not to interfere with guards?
Dark: ...well, you can **** with their heads, and, I dunno, make 'em feel like there's a ghost there, but just don't make

yourself known.
Shade: Okay. Just making sure.
[SHEEEOSH!]
[Shade throws an adult magazine onto one of the guards' paths]
Guard: .......huh? *looks around* Hee hee.... *crouches to read magazine]
Shade: Ah, the temptation of an idiot. It will be their downfall.
[Shade sneaks past, and enters the elevator]
Shade: Hmm... if my instincts (and gaming knowledge) are right, the MASTER Chief is on B1.
[he takes the elevator down, and finds a small corridor]
Shade: Bam. My knowledge never fails me.
[Shade walks up to a door]
Shade: Readers, I would like to say that behind this door is a small jail. Shadow is in the left cell, and some random woman

is in the right one. Of course, she ends up being more important than the MASTER Chief (which everyone does).
[Shade walks away from the door]
Shade: But, this door is locked. I will enter via a ventilation shaft, just as I am supposed to.
[he finds a ladder leading up to a vent]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Shade! To climb a ladder, face it and press the Action Button.
[SHEEEOSH!]
Shade: ....yeah, he's SUPPOSED to say that. Dude, as a chao gamer, I seriously know EVERYTHING that's going on here.
[close-up on Shade's face]
Shade: For instance, you will see a ninja soon. He's Solid Snake's 'friend' from way back in Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake.
[Shade begins to climb the ladder]
Shade: Heh... I know EVERYTHING about this game! I expect all surprises!
[a rat in the vent takes a dump, and it lands on his face]
Shade: ....that wasn't meant to happen.
[cut to the "TV Room," which is what I'll call that room the Betas watch everything from]
MM: Oh, DAMN!!! HA HA HAAAAA!!!
JOE: Man, you sure showed HIM! HA!
MM: Ha ha ha.... hoo.... okay, let's let him get to Shadow now.
JOE: Right.
[cut to Shade crawling through the vents; he finds a vent cover, and looks through]
[it's a female chao doing sit-ups in a cell]
Shade: ...she looks familiar. Still, it's not him.
[he crawls forward, and finds a second vent cover, and sees Shadow; Shade opens the cover and comes out]
Shadow: Who... who, who's that?
Snake: I'm here to save you. You're the MASTER Chief, Uncle Shadow, right?
Shadow: You're here to save me, huh? What's your outfit?
Shade: I'm the pawn they sent here to save your worthless butt.
Shadow: Really? It's true... You don't look like one of them. In that case, hurry up and get me out of here.
Shade: Slow down. Don't worry. First I want some information... about the terrorists.
Shadow: The terrorists?
Shade: Do they really have the ability to launch a nuke?
Shadow: What are you talking about?
Shade: The terrorists are threatening the White House. They say if they don't accede to their demands they'll launch a

nuclear weapon.
Shadow: .........
Shade: Is it possible?!
Shadow: ... It's possible. They... could launch a nuke.
[the chao in the next cell hears this bit of information and stops the
sit-ups she was doing]
Shade: How do they plan to launch? I though this place was just for teaching chao. They shouldn't have access to a

missile...
Shadow: What I'm about to tell you is classified information. Okay? We were conducting excercises of a new type of

experimental weapon. A weapon that will change the world.
Shade: What?
Shadow: A weapon with the ability to launch a nuclear attack from any place on the face of the earth. A nuclear equipped,

walking battle tank.
Shade: Metal Gear!? It can't be!
Shadow: ... You knew!? Metal Gear is one of the most secret black projects! How did you know that?
Shade: We've had a couple of run-ins in the past games. So that's the reason you were here at this disposal site?
Shadow: Why else would I come to a God-forsaken place like this...?
Shade: I had heard the Metal Gear project was scrapped.
Shadow: On the contrary, it has grown into a huge joint project between ChaoTech and ourselves. We were going to use this

exercise as raw data and then proceed to mass production. If it hadn't been for the revolution.
Shade: Revolution...?
Shadow: Sumasshu has fallen into the hands of terrorists.
Shade: Sumasshu?
[a guard takes notice of the converstaion in the cell and slowly creeps
to the door]
Shadow: Metal Gear Sumasshu, the codename for the new Metal Gear prototype. They're probably already finished aiming the

warhead they plan to use with Sumasshu. These guys are pros. They're all experienced in handling and equipping weapons.
[the guard bangs on the door]
Guard: Hey! Shut up in there, will ya?
[Shadow waves him away, and Shade comes out from his hiding
place by the doorway]
Shade: But I thought that all nuclear warheads were equipped with safety measures. Some kind of detonation code that you

have to input.
Shadow: Oh, you mean PAL. Yes, of course, there is a PAL. It's set up so that you need to input two different passwords in

order to launch the device.
Shade: There are two passwords?
Shadow: Yes. Baker knows one and I know one.
Shade: Baker? The principal?
Shadow: And the president of ChaoTech. Each of us has to input our password or there can be no launch. But... they found out

my password.
Shade: You talked?
Shadow: Rage Tail can read people's minds. You can't resist.
Shade: Rage Tail?
Shadow: One of the members of Beaten Graves. He has psychic powers.
Shade: ...This is bad...
Shadow: It's just a matter of time before they get Baker's too.
Shade: If they find out Baker's password...
Shadow: Yes. They'll be able to launch a nuke anytime. But, there is a way to stop the launch.
Shade: What?
Shadow: The card keys. They were designed by ChaoTech, the system developers, as an emergency override. Even without the

passwords, you can just insert the card keys and engage the safety lock.
Shade: And if I do that?
Shadow: Yes. You can stop the launch.
[the chao in the next cell hears this]
Femalechao: That card key...?
Shade: So, where are the keys?
Shadow: Baker should have them. Listen. You need three card keys. There are three different slots to put them in. You need

to insert a card into each one of them.
Shade: Okay, three card keys. Do you know where they might be keeping Baker?
Shadow: Somewhere in the 2nd floor basement.
Shade: 2nd floor basement?
Shadow: I heard the guard say they moved him to an area that has a lot of electronic jamming.
Shade: Any other clues?
Shadow: Yes... they cemented over the entrances but didn't have enough time to paint over them. Why don't you look for the

areas where the walls are a different color?
[Shadow gets up and gets something out of his pocket]
Shadow: Here, take this. It's my ID card. It'll open any level one security door. It's called a PAN card. It works together

with your body's own electrical field.
Shade: Personal Area Network, huh?
Shadow: It transmits data using the salts in your body as the transmission medium. As you approach the door's security

devices they'll read the data stored in the card.
Shade: And the doors will open automatically, gotcha. Okay. I'm going to get you out of here.
Shadow: Wait a minute.
Shade: What is it?
Shadow: You haven't heard of another way to disarm the PAL, have you? From your bosses, or anyone?
Shade: No.
Shadow: Are you sure you haven't heard anything?
Shade: I just said, "no."
Shadow: So, does the White House plan to give in to the terrorists demands?
Shade: That's their problem. It has nothing to do with my orders.
Shadow: But... what about the Pentagon?
Shade: Pentagon?
[Shadow grabs at his chest and starts to spasm]
Shadow: GAH! UGH.... RAA!! UUUUUUUUUUAUSUAUUASUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBNNNGGGGG!!!!
Shade: What is it?!
Shadow: W-w-w...Why? AAAAUUUUUUUFFGHHHHH!
[the chao in the cell hears the chief scream and becomes alarmed;
she starts to bang on the wall and the door]
Femalechao: What's that?! Hey! What happened?!
[Shadow collapses; Shade stares in awe]
Shade: MASTER Chief? CHIEF!? CHIEF!?!?!? Oh, right, that was SUPPOSED to happen. But, wait.... SHADOW! I don't want you to

diiiiiie!!!
[Shade falls on to the ground, sobbing]
Shade: SHADOW! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[he stops as he hears moving in the next cell; he hears a guard open the next cell door, and get beaten up]
Shade: Right, I have a mission to do. I need to focus.
Chapter 2: Sons of Library
[his cell door opens]
Shade: *sigh* I remember this part.
[Shade steps out of the cell, and instantly has a gun pointed at him]
Femalesoldier: Don't move!
[the soldier looks into the cell, and sees Shadow, dead]
FSoldier: So you killed the MASTER Chief. I can't believe you!
[she looks at Shade]
FSoldier: Mink? No, you're not...
[Shade looks at her]
FSoldier: I said, "Don't move!"
Shade: Is this the first time you've ever pointed a gun at a person? (under his breath) 'Cause it's not the first time I've

BEEN pointed at.
FSoldier: Careful, I'm no rookie!
Shade: Your safety's on.
[she stops pointing the gun at him to look at the safety; Shade takes this chance to snatch the gun and point it at her]
Shade: Never let your guard down, rookie.
FSoldier: I told you; I'm no rookie!
Shade: Trust me; I've beaten this game; I'm supposed to say this stuff.
FSoldier: ...huh? This game? What?
Shade: Everything going on here has already happened in a video game. Metal Gear Solid.
FSoldier: Really?
Shade: You are going to be very important to the plot. Trust me.
FSoldier: I am? And you are...?
Shade: C'mon, I can see straight through that mask. Purflee, come on.
[the soldier takes off her mask, revealing Purflee the first]
PF: You're positive that everything here has already happened before?
Shade: As positive as Hideo Kojima is smart.
PF: Dang. So, what now?
Shade: Now I need to find the Principal, Kenneth Baker, whom is also the president of ChaoTech.
PF: It's "Kyle Baker."
Shade: Oh. Sorry, I just thought he would be the same as in the game.
PF: Um... what do I do?
Shade: You, uh... well, some guards are coming. Don't think; SHOOT!
[guards rush in the door]
[they shoot 'em up real good]
Shade: Now, just exit that door, and everything will be set in stone from here on out.
[they both walk out the door, and Purflee screams]
PF: AAAHHH!!! *stops abruptly* ....Thanks for the help. *walks away*
[Purflee approaches the elevator, turns around, and starts shooting him]
Shade: ACK! I forgot how much that HURTS!
[she stops, and a cloaked figure in a gas mask appears behind her]
?: Good girl. Just like that.
[the man disappears; Purflee gets on the elevator; the elevator goes up]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Shade! Are you all right?
Shade: Ugh... yeah, I'm fine.
Tail: What did you mean when you said you knew everything that was about to happen?
Shade: Metal Gear Solid. In it, Solid Snake must infiltrate the nuclear warhead storage facility on Shadow Moses Island. Just

trust me, everything here has happened before.
Tail: So... do the good guys win?
Shade: Hell yeah! I defeat Metal Gear, stop the terrorists, and escape with either Purflee, or some random scientist guy.
Egg: I see. Hmm... Shade, are you a Beta Avenger?
Shade: What? No! Why do you think that?
Egg: Just.... just forget it. Never mind. Go save President Baker.
Shade: I'm on it.
[SHEEEOSH!]
[as Shade travels to the B2 floor, and looks for President/Principal Baker, you hear some more of the PMB]
Shade (VO): What about the terrorists? Who are they?
Egg (VO): *hands Shade some photos* The Special-Ops team "Beaten Graves."
Shade (VO): Quite an ugly-looking bunch, aren't they?
Egg (VO): There are exactly four members of Beaten Graves involved in this terrorist activity.
Shade (VO): *looks at photos* There's something about these guys....
Egg (VO): Former bomb disposal expert and psycologist Rage Tail.
Shade (VO): ...whoa, he looks kinda cool.
Egg (VO): Shuddering No, master of disguise.
Shade (VO): !!! ...hmmm...
Egg (VO): Levity Nite, gunfighter extroadinare.
Shade (VO): Holy crap, this is one interesting bunch.
Egg (VO): And leader of the group, the one who has planned out every step of the activity, and is as strong as he is smart...
Shade (VO): ...? This is interesting....
Egg (VO): Lam Mink.
Shade (VO): Why does he look like me? I could've sworn Shuddering No was the master of disguise.
Egg (VO): Honestly, I have no idea. But, this gives you an advantage, doesn't it?
Shade (VO): No, it doesn't. This guy is apparently a Neutral chao.
Egg (VO): I'm more interested in the fact that a group of terrorists let a chao lead their group.
Shade (VO): Yeah, this guy must be pretty evil. And yet he's a Neutral chao... something is DEFINITELY wrong here.
[the PMB flashback ends as Shade finds a hidden room]
[he peeks around the corner, and...]
[there is an adult chao tied up on a pillar; tons of what looks like rubber rope are keeping him from moving]
[Shade creeps closer, and reaches for the rope]
Baker: D-D-DON'T TOUCH IT!
[Shade looks towards some other pillars, where the rope connects to some...]
Shade: C4 (bomb)!
?: That's right. Touch it, and you'll go down with the old man.
[another cloaked man enters the room, this time fully cloaked, but a Desert Eagle (gun) is visible]
?: So you're the one the boss keeps talking about.
Shade: And you?
?: Special-Ops Beaten Graves member Levity....
[he spins his Desert Eagle and juggles it before snatching it into one hand]
Nite: .......*snatches it*...Nite.
[Levity points his gun at Shade, who eqips a gun, as well]
Nite: Now we'll see if the chao can live up to the legend!
[dramatic camera angles!]
.....
Nite: ....
Shade: ....
Nite: ...DRAW!
[Shade shoots first, and hits Levity in the face]
Nite: ARGH! *kneels, blood drips from head area of cloak* Son of a....
[Shade steps closer to him]
Shade: Who are you?
Nite: .....what do you mean? I'm Levity Nite, gunfighter extroadinare.... ah, it hurts...
Shade: ..where did I hit you?
Nite: My nose....
Shade: Ooh, man, I'm sorry about that. It's just... you DID say, "Draw."
Nite: No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I know what I said.
Shade: May I lift your cloak?
Nite: Get away from me! No! Just... just leave me here to die of bloodloss.
Shade: Listen, if it makes you feel any better, you live to be in the next game, and the next one, and then the fourth one.
Nite: R...really?
Shade: Yeah. Well, I dunno about YOU, but Revolver Ocelot did.
Nite: Oh. ...okay...
Shade: Tell me, Levity. What about the ninja?
Nite: Ninja?
Shade: The one that's about to tear your arm off with a sword.
Nite: Oh, that guy? That's... aw, jeez... that guy, well, you'll find out. Just to be safe, I'll run away right now so I

don't lose my arm.
[Levity gets up and runs out of the room-- SLASH!]
Nite: (out of room) AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!! TOO LATE!!!
[a figure jumps into the room, and cuts all the C4 (so it doesn't blow up), then lands and disables its camoflauge]
[it's a ninja in an exoskeleton]
Shade: Hmm... if the REAL ninja is Gray Fox, Snake's "pal," then I wonder who THIS guy is...?
Ninja: I'm like you; I have no name.
[the ninja dashes away]
Shade: Exactly what he said in the real game.
[Shade notices Kyle Baker lying in the corner]
Shade: Are you alright?
Baker: *hack* Ugh....
Shade: Can you move?
Baker: My.. my time is nearly up. I haven't the strength to move...
Shade: That's right. I know, secret black projects, nuclear materials, MUF, and your key cards were given to Purflee.
Baker: Wh-wh-what?
Shade: Dude, I know the WHOLE conversation. For instance, you're gonna die from something secret in 3.. 2.... 1.....
Baker: HAP!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! D-d-d-DAAAA! UUURUESAD!!! UUUUUGGGHHHH.....
[Baker dies]
Shade: And codec call in 3... 2.... 1....
[BEEP BEEP!]
Shade: Called it.
Egg: ? ....well, Shade... Baker's dead, too?
Shade: Yup. This critically-acclaimed storyline never ends. And it's not even halfway done yet!
Tail: So, what are you doing next?
Shade: Next, I am... uh.... calling Purflee. Yep. Her frequency should be on the back of the package.
[SHEEEOSH!]
[Shade reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a copy of this episode's DVD; he flips it over, and looks at the screenshots]
Shade: Hmm...
[among the screenshots is one of him talking to Purflee on the codec; her frequency is shown]
Shade: Hideo Kojima, you genius... 141.12.
[BEEP BEEP!]
Tails: Hello?
Shade: Whoop! Wrong number, sorry!
[SHEEEOSH!]
Shade: Hmm... ah, HERE it is. 147.08.
[BEEP BEEP!]
PF: ...hey, Shade! How'd you get my--
Shade: Doesn't matter. For now, you need to open the door in the Tank Hangar.
PF: But I'm feeling depressed about being a soldier, and not feeling anything!
Shade: Look, the conversation ends with you wanting to be a good girl. Now BE a good girl, and open that hangar door!
PF: Wait, what?
[SHEEEOSH!]
Shade: Sometimes it's hard knowing what's going to happen next.
[Shade takes the elevator back up to the first floor, where Purflee opens the door, and lets him through]
[he is now outside, in a snowy field]
[BEEP BEEP!]
?: Be careful. There ar--
Shade: Claymore mines.
?: ....and there's a--
Shade: Tank waiting in ambush.
?: Just call me--
Shade: Deepthroat.
Dp: Let's just say I'm--
Shade: One of my fans.
Dp: ....
[SHEEEOSH!]
[Shade makes it past the claymore mines, and suddenly, a tank appears! A man comes out]
Man: This is Raven's territory! Snakes don't belong in Alaska!
Shade: ....dude, first of all, who are you? Second of all, my code name is "Solid SHADE." Third, we're in the Chao Gardens,

NOT Alaska. Fourth, I DOUBT you're Vulcan Raven.
Man: ........well, I'm Shuddering No. And this tank is going to--
Shade: Wait, wait, wait, WAIT. Shuddering No? You're based on Decoy Octopus, right? Master of disguise? In that case, didn't

I JUST see you die from the virus I gave you?
SN: Dude... cut down on the spoilers, will you? Second of all, Lam Mink sorta discouraged that plan, so...
Shade: So that really WAS Shadow whom I saw die? ....CRAP.
SN: ....FIRE!
[No enters the tank, and it fires at Shade. Shade knows where the tank is going to shoot him, dodges, picks up a grenade, and

tosses it right into the main cannon]
[cut to inside the tank; No opens the hatch, and sees the grenade]
SN: HEY! THANKS FOR THE FREE GRENADE! HAR HAR HAR!!!
[No stops when he notices Shade holding something]
SN: What's that you got there?
Shade: It's a pin.
SN: For WHAT?
Shade: The present I gave you.
[No looks back at the "free grenade," notices it doesn't have a pin, and screams]
[BOOM!!!!!!]
[Shade slowly walks past the exploded tank, and enters the next building]
[BEEP BEEP!]
Egg: Shade! You need to rescue the head engineer for Metal Gear, Lee P. Row!
Shade: Lee P. Row?
Egg: Lee Prism Row.
Shade: Lee Row, got it. In the second-floor basement? B2F?
Egg: Um... yes, that's right.
Shade: And before you call again, I am NOT going to fire my weapon in this floor, because of the nuclear warheads here.
Egg: Wait, what?
[SHEEEOSH!]
[Shade finds an elevator, and rides it to B2F]
Shade: Here comes another call.
[BEEP BEEP!]
Shade: Wassup, Deepthroat? Calling to warn me about the electrified floor? Oh, and I need a remote-controlled missile? Oh,

and I'll need a gas mask, since there's deadly gas in there, too? Thanks, buddy!
Dp: ..Well, yeah, but...uh......what the...?
[SHEEEOSH!]
[Shade goes up to B1F, gets the Nikita (remote-controlled missile), and comes back]
[he fires the missile, and controls it so it shuts off the electric floor]
[he runs along, and grabs a gas mask, then continues]
[in the next room, he hears shooting]
Shade: The ninja is killing people.
[eventually, once the killing stops, he continues]
[in the next room, he finds the ninja talking to someone]
Shade: It's Lee Row.
Ninja: Where is my friend?
Lee: I.. I don't know what you're talking about!
[Shade peeks over, and shoots the ninja in the head]
Ninja: OOF! *collapses*
Shade: Why didn't Snake ever just do THAT?
[Lee is revealed to be Tails!]
Shade: Wait.... Mister Prower!? Why do they call you, "Lee Row?"
Tails: Lee PRISM Row. It's an anagram of "Miles Prower."
Shade: Why did you use an anagram? This wasn't in the game!
Tails: See, I did this to prepare you, Shade. I've played Metal Gear Solid, as well. I mean, I'm a MALE TEACHER; what did you

expect?
Shade: But.... prepare me for WHAT?
Tails: Shade... I know ALL about what's going on. The four terrorists.... you have already MET them.
Shade: They DID seem familiar, but...
Tails: You HAVE, Shade. They are a recurring element throughout the series.
Shade: Wait.... SLOW DOWN! I, as well as the readers, are getting confused! Let's start from the top.
Tails: Okay. The terrorists are using the same trick as I did. ANAGRAMS.
Shade: Why can't you just TELL me who they are?
Tails: You're gonna have to figure it out on your own. But, I CAN tell you something VITAL.
Shade: Tell me!
Tails: They know this game by heart, as well. So, try doing things that you AREN'T SUPPOSED to.
Shade: Like killing the ninja early on, thus preventing further confrontations?
Tails: Well... this ninja is different from Gray Fox. If you can actually make this one LIVE, and HELP YOU, you'll make a

great team.
Shade: Hmm... great idea.
Tails: See? Think outside the cardboard box!
Shade: .....Lam Mink..... it seems so obvious, but I can't figure it out.
Tails: Try "Rage Tail."
Shade: ........
Tails: Here's a hint-- the space is unnecessary.
Shade: Ragetail, you mean? Ah. ....I'll work on it as I go along.
Tails: Speaking of which, you'll be fighting, AND killing Rage Tail soon.
Shade: Ah! Psycho Mantis, of course. Of course.
Tails: That's right. Now, get going. I'll give you help via codec. My frequency is--
Shade: 141.12.
Tails: Err... right. Yeah.
[Shade leaves the laboratory, and makes it to B1F]
Shade: *sigh* This is gonna be a LONG game. Next, I need to find Purflee, and we'll go into the Commander's room.
[Shade grabs one of the soldiers, and pulls their mask off]
Shade: Purflee.
PF: Yes?
Shade: Let's get going.
PF: Right.
[they walk down the hall, and Purflee screams]
Shade: *sigh* Rage Tail...
PF: *stops screaming* Let's get going.
[they enter the Commander's Room, and Purflee starts to talk funny]
PF: Shade..... do you like me?
Shade: As a friend, I suppose.
PF: Oh.... as a FRIEND, huh? Why? Am I not... hot?
Shade: Purflee, it's not YOU saying this, now snap out of--
[Purflee kisses Shade for ten whole seconds]
Shade: ....well, I suppose you can stay like this for a little longer.
[Purflee pulls out a gun and points it at him]
PF: Do you like me, Shade?
[Shade can see him now-- a cloaked figure in a gas mask, hovering behind her]
PF+cloakedman: Do you like me, Shade?
Shade: Rage Tail....
[BEEP BEEP!]
Red: Shade! Don't shoot her!
Shade: Dude, I KNOW. I simply need to knock her out with this tranquilizer here.
Dark: Shade, you don't have a--
[BANG! Purflee screams, and falls over, blood spewing from her ankle]
Shade: Whoops. Thought that was an M9. Uh... she'll be alright, right?
Red: ....
Dark: ....
Tail: ....
Egg: ....just kill Rage Tail.
[SHEEEOSH!]
Chapter 3: Shade Eater
Shade: Who are you, Rage Tail?
Rage: (Note: Rage Tail always breathes like Darth Vader) Good day, Solid Shade.
Shade: Optic camoflauge, huh? I hope that's not your ONLY trick.
Rage: You dare doubt my power!? I am the most POWERFUL practitioner of psychokinesis and telepathy in the WORLD!
Shade: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rage: Allow me to demonstrate by reading your MIND!
[Rage Tail thinks hard]
Rage: You're a careless man, aren't you?
[thinks harder]
Rage: But, you are a highly skilled warrior, well suited to this stealth mission.
[Shade smiles while Rage Tail thinks more]
Rage: You are extremely careful of traps. You are either very cautious, or you are a coward...
[Shade frowns]
Rage: Still don't believe me? Now I'll read more deeply into your soul. Ah...I can see into your mind...
[Rage Tail reads his memory card]
Rage: You like action games.
[Shade nods]
Rage: I see you like Konami games!
[Shade nods]
Rage: You are crazy about first-person shooters....
[Shade nods thrice]
Rage: ...and you love Valve.
[Shade nods again]
Rage: But, you have neglected to save in this game.... you will REGRET IT.
Shade: Do your worst.
Rage: Okay. I can read Slot B, as well!
[Shade's pupils widen]
Rage: I see you like... Dora the Explorer.
[Shade looks down on to the ground]
Rage: You like Super Mario Sunshine, don't you, Shade?
[Shade slowly nods]
Rage: Oh, you enjoy Super Smash Brothers Melee, too.
[Shade nods]
Rage: Hmm... you don't like Zelda? What's wrong with you!?
[Shade is embarassed]
Rage: Oh, but you have Eternal Darkness on here.
[Shade nods]
Rage: Now, for a more ELABORATE demonstration! Put your controller on the ground, as flat as you can.
[Shade does]
Rage: I will now move your controller.... by the power of my will ALONE!
[Rage Tail waves his hands around, and Shade's controller moves]
Rage: The demonstration is over. Now, we will see if you can beat ME!
[Shade tries to shoot him, but misses]
Shade: Rats!
[BEEP BEEP!]
Shade: WHAT NOW!?
Egg: Shade, uh... put your controller into Controller Port 2.
Shade: Oh, right. So he can't read my controller.
Egg: No, I want to play.
Shade: ....
[SHEEEOSH!]
[Shade puts his controller into controller port 2, and shoots the hell outta Rage Tail]
Rage: Ugh..... so.... you used OTHER.... controllers...
Shade: Save your breath, Rage Tail.
Rage: I can read your past... your future.... you.
Shade: Yes, yes, I know. Compared to me, you're like a saint; I know the whole conversation.
Rage: Um... right, well.... APRIL FOOLS!
[ZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTT!]
Shade: What the?
[Shade looks around, then ducks as he sees Shuddering No shooting at him]
[Shade is now randomly in a freezer, dodging Shuddering No]
Shade: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!
[Shade dives around a wall]
Shade: Dude, this wasn't supposed to happen! What the fu--
[ZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTT!]
[Shade finds himself back in the Commander's room; Rage Tail is dying on the floor]
Rage: You doubted my power... so I gave you a demonstration...
Shade: That's some pretty impressive powers you have there, Rage Tail. Really, who are you?
Rage: I am someone who wants some company... I am-- *blood comes out of mouth, suffocating him* Blub.. rrr... ugh...
Shade: Creepy.
[Shade looks over at Purflee, dead]
Shade: Yeah... I didn't want to do that. --Wait a minute, I only shot her in the ankle! How is she DEAD?
[she gets up]
PF: Ow, my ankle...
Shade: Yeah, that's what I THOUGHT. C'mon, Purf; let's get outta here.
PF: Um... okay?
[Shade walks in a direction, only to walk into a bookcase]
Shade: Oof! Oh, crap-- Rage Tail was supposed to move this bookcase!
PF: But he's dead.
Shade: He was supposed to do it before he died... this sucks.
PF: Are you sure the exit is behind this thing?
Shade: Yeah. There's a door that leads to a canyon, and Sniper Wolf, or whoever she is here, waits there and shoots you quite

a lot.
PF: !!! ....let's look for another way, then.
Shade: Okay.
[Shade thinks a little bit]
Shade: ...I can't think of any--ah, yes! Lee Prism Row!
[BEEP BEEP!]
Tails: Yes?
Shade: Mister Prower, are there any other ways to the building where Metal Gear is stored?
Tails: I thought there was a way through the Commander's roo--
Shade: Any OTHER ways?
Tails: Well, you can't go above the ground because there are glaciers and stuff--
Shade: ANY OTHER WAYS!?
Tails: I don't know! Um... the truck in the 1st floor?
Shade: Of course! Thanks!
Tails: Uh... okay?
[SHEEEOSH!]
Shade: Okay, Purflee... things from now on are going to be severely ****ed up. I will have no idea what's going on, and

ANYTHING could happen.
PF: So... keep my guard up?
Shade: Keep your guard up. By the end of the day, Metal Gear will have been destroyed, and we'll be out of CPAK.
PF: Where will we go, though?
Shade: That's a good question! Uh... we'll find somewhere.
[BEEP BEEP!]
Shade: Yeah?
Red: Shade, I just did a bunch of research, and that truck you're going to will indeed take you to the Metal Gear building.
Shade: Kick-ass! What else?
Red: If you destroy Metal Gear, I found this map of passages that will take you straight to a heliport!
Shade: Good, good...
Red: And we will pick you up there.
Shade: That is all too good!
Red: There IS some bad news, though.
Shade: Oh, crap.
Red: The person who provided us with the codecs... wants them back.
Shade: That's not good.
Red: He says this will be our last communication, so let's make it good.
Shade: Oh, man... and this happens to be at the part where I have no idea what's coming up!
Red: Sucks, dunnit?
Shade: Yeah. So, uh.. did you find out WHO this person is?
Red: Yeah, believe it or not, he's actually--
[BZZZRT]
Deepthroat: Meet me at the Metal Gear storage building so I can get my codec back.
Shade: Deepthroat?
Dp: That's right, it's me. And I have a warning for you. That truck you're going on...
Shade: The one that will take me to the MGSB?
Dp: Yes. It will drive over some landmines...
Shade: NO WAY!
Dp: Ya wai. Turns out the terrorists predicted that Rage Tail would die here without moving the bookcase, and knew you would

take the truck.
Shade: Those geniuses! Wait, won't the driver die, too?
Dp: They have programmed the truck to drive by itself.
Shade: There's gotta be another way to the building...
Dp: Uh... uhhhh.... I'll look for something. Just go onto that truck, and get ready for the ride of your life.
Shade: But--
[SHEEEOSH!]
Shade: No! NO! Red? Dark? Eggman?
[NO RESPONSE]
Shade: He DID take their codecs...
PF: What's wrong, Shade?
Shade: *sigh* We're gonna ride a truck to the building, okay?
PF: Okay.
Shade: Here, take this cardboard box. *hands her a box* Disguise yourself in it so we'll look like truck cargo.
PF: Thanks.
[BEEP BEEP!]
Shade: Who could that be?
Tails: Shade! Shade, do you read?
Shade: Yeah. How are you communicating with me; didn't the ninja take your codec?
Tails: He's about to; this is my last phone call.
Shade: Okay. What is it?
Tails: I'm coming with you on the truck ride of doom.
Shade: Uh... okay.
Tails: After all, in the end, you escape with either the woman or me, right?
Shade: ...I'm working on a way for us all to escape.
Tails: Well, I might as well come along now.
Shade: Right. Meet us there in a few minutes.
[BZZZRT]
Dp: Shade... I have found another way.
Shade: Sweet, what is it?
Dp: Halfway on the truck route, there is a luxury monorail.
Shade: ........weird, but okay.
Dp: However, you can only get on if you are wearing a soldier's uniform.
Shade: Damn!
Dp: Yeah, good luck with that.
[SHEEEOSH!]
Shade: Deepthroat? Deepthroat?
[NO RESPONSE]
Shade: ARRGH! ...Purflee, are you good at the ol' "Tuck and Roll" maneuver?
PF: You mean the technique people use to bail out of police cars without getting hurt? Yeah, why?
Shade: Just asking. C'mon, let's go to that truck.
[they go to the truck on 1F, enter it, meet up with Tails, and disguise themselves as cardboard boxes]
Shade: Mister Prower... according to our little friend, there's a monorail about halfway through this truck route.
Tails: No kidding? Huh. Well, let's take that.
Shade: Yeah, see... we can't get on without a soldier uniform.
Tails: Seriously? Bummer. Ah, don't worry, we'll think of something.
[the truck starts, and they ride it quite a bit]
Shade: *sigh* Purf, remember "Tuck and Roll?"
PF: We're gonna do it?
Shade: We're gonna do it.
Tails: The monorail station should be coming up in 3.... 2.... 1..--
[BOOM! the truck blows up, sending the three flying]
[they land in snow]
PF: Shade?
Shade: Yeah...?
PF: I think we did "Tuck and Roll" a bit too late...
Shade: Yeah...
Tails: Shade, there's the monorail station!
Shade: Hawt damn!
[Shade runs to the station, only to be stopped by a guard]
Gd: Are you permitted to enter? *equips rifle*
Tails: Shade, we could just walk it.
PF: Yeah, it's not too late to back down.
Shade: I dunno... I mean...
Gd: I repeat, are you permitted to enter? *points gun at Shade*
Shade: Uh... um............... y..yes?
Gd: Well then, welcome aboard! Have a Happy Meal. *hands Shade a McDonald's Happy Meal*
[they enter the monorail, and find it to be very luxorious, and ride it to the MGSB]
Tails: That was rather unexpected, I must admit.
PF: I was expecting to get shot.
Shade: My Happy Meal didn't have a toy in it.
[suddenly, the lights go out!]
Tails: I knew it was too easy!
PF: No, you didn't.
Tails: You're right...
[the lights turn back on, and Shade is gone!]
Both: SHADE!
Shade: Yeah?
[Shade crawls out from under a seat]
PF: What were you doing under there?
Shade: I wasn't cowering or anything...
PF: *facepalm*
Shade: Honest! I dropped some fries down here!
Tails: It doesn't make a bit of difference, guys.
Shade: But it's still there!
Tails: ...what?
Shade: Huh?
Tails: ......anyway, we're coming to the building.
[the train stops, and they get off]
[they are now at a small building in the middle of a snowy canyon]
PF: Pretty small, isn't it?
Shade: It goes on underground.
PF: How far underground?
Shade: *thinks* ....pretty far. But listen! I need you guys to wait around the other side of this building for me.
Tails: Let me guess. You'll destroy Metal Gear, then get us, right?
Shade: Yep. This building was part of Metal Gear Solid, so I don't think they'll have changed it much.
PF: In other words, you know what you're doing now.
Shade: Exactly. Just do as I said, and everything will be hunky-dory.
[silence]
Tails: Gay.
[Tails and Purflee go to the other side of the building]
[Shade enters an elevator and starts going down a considerable length]
Chapter 4: Guns of Patriotism
[at the bottom, Shade gets out at a freezer]
Shade: ...Shuddering No?
?: Hahahahahaha....
Shade: Deepthroat.
[the Ninja appears]
Dp: Good day, Shade. I would like to take my codec back.
Shade: *rips codec out of ear* OW! Take it.
Dp: Thank you. But now... I must help you destroy Metal Gear.
Shade: Ah, yes, like it happens in the game.
Dp: These terrorists are insanely genius.
Shade: So I gather.
Dp: They have changed this building... as well as Metal Gear.
Shade: What!? How!?
Dp: The terrorists' leader, Lam Mink, has harnessed the power of FOXDIE. Apparently, if you touch Metal Gear, you now die.
Shade: Freaky.
Dp: Only I know of this, and only I can help you.
Shade: ....okay. But, why is Lam Mink..
Dp: A Neutral chao? I don't have much of an idea.
Shade: ...what about you? Who are you?
Dp: .....................................I suppose you deserve the truth.
[the helmet of the exoskeleton becomes transparent]
Shade: Chao?!?!?!?!?!?
[the helmet becomes visible again, hiding his face]
Chao: Indeed, it is I. I don't know why I'm wearing this suit, though. I found it in a locker, so I decided to wear it.
Shade: Enough explanations! Let's go down there and defestroy Metal Gear!
[so, Shade runs into the next elevator, bandanna on head, followed by Chao, donning his exoskeleton]
[the elevator goes down, down, down really deep]
[BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP!]
Chao: What the? Who could that be?
[Chao answers it]
Chao: Hello?
?: Yes, hello, I'm calling for a mister Solid Shade. May I speak with him?
Chao: Uh... I guess so.
[switch]
Shade: Hello?
?: Shade, I am the third person who contacted Red. I gave him the codecs. Now, I would like them back.
Shade: I'm sorry, you must be mistaken... I already gave the codecs back to the one who contacted Red.
?: Impossible. I gave him those nanocommunications devices!
Shade: ...where are you?
?: I am currently in the Metal Gear Storage Building.
Shade: I see. Who are you?
?: My name, uh...... is Shawn of the Dead.
Shade: Shawn of the Dead?
SoD: Correct.
Shade: Isn't that a comedy movie?
SoD: I get that all the time.
Shade: I see. Uh... when I see you, what should I be looking for?
SoD: I am a Neutral chao. You can't miss me.
Shade: !!! I see. *Phoenix Wright-esque grin* Don't worry, I'll find you.
SoD: Excellent. See you soon, then.
[SHEEEOSH!]
Chao: Who was it?
Shade: He calls himself "Shawn of the Dead." But get this-- he's a Neutral chao.
Chao: !!!
Shade: Exactly. This person, clearly is....
[three options appear in the Touch Screen, "Chao." "Lam Mink." "Shawn of the Dead."]
[Shade chooses the second]
Shade: ....Lam Mink. As if that weren't obvious enough.
Chao: But why would he claim to have given Red the codecs?
Shade: ...that, my friend, is because....
[three options touch screen: "He did." "He's hiding something." "He's the forger."]
[Shade chooses option three]
Shade: Our victim is not the forger.... the forger is a fake! The real forger faked not being a forger by being a fake

forger, your honor!
Chao: ....what?
Shade: Oh, sorry, got caught in a daze there. I meant to say...
[the options appear again]
[Shade chooses the second option]
Shade: *slams hands on random desk that spawned out of nowhere* Chao. You claim that he is lying to the court. But, my

question is... why?
Chao: Indeed, why? Care to fill us in, herr headband?
Shade: Obviously, he is not lying.... but he is HIDING SOMETHING!
Chao: ACK! N-no way! What could he possibly be hiding?!
Shade: Our witness, Lam Mink....
[three options: "Is allergic to FOXDIE." "Killed the Companion Cube." "Stole the Bannana Dalquiri."]
[Shade chooses the second]
Shade: Tell me, whose fingerprints were on that furnace?
Chao: Um, that would be GLaDOS', yours, and the defendant's. ....AAAHHH!
Shade: Exactly. The witness likes to wear gloves, doesn't he? HE BROKE MY CD PLAYER! AND HE KILLED COMPY!
[randomly, Purflee is by Shade's side]
PF: Way to go, Apol---... Shade! You have him cornered!
Shade: Not yet. Look at him.
Chao: *sips coffee* I see. Your claim is that Lam Mink killed the Companion Cube.
Shade: Yes.
Chao: Heh heh heh.... your claim is as baseless as my coffee when it is upside-down! *gulps coffee*
Shade: But just look at the witness! He's obviously about to crack!
Chao: The face of the witness does not matter. All that matters.... *sips coffee* ....is evidence.
Shade: Evidence?
Chao: Proof of your wild claims. Without it... YOU ARE IN COLD WATER! *chucks coffee at Shade*
Shade: (coffee mug on head, coffee dripping down face) ....AAAHH! You're right!
PF: What does this mean, Shade?
Shade: It means..... we lost.
PF: No!
[random Judge appears]
Judge: Enough! It appears that the defense cannot support its claims. The cross-examination of Lam Mink is over!
Lam Mink: See, I come all the way down here, and look what happens!
Judge: The court finds the defendant, Joe Mama.....
["GUILTY" appears on-screen]
Judge: The defendant will appeal to a higher court later. Case closed!
[the Judge bangs his gavel as Chao slaps Shade, waking him up]
Shade: What the?
Chao: You fainted after that guy called you on the codec.
Shade: You mean... Joe Mama isn't guilty?
Chao: What?
Shade: Never mind.
Chao: So, what'd the person want?
Shade: They claim they gave Red the codec, and want it back.
Chao: No way!
[the elevator reaches the very bottom; they get off]
[directly in front of them is Metal Gear itself]
[laughter is heard]
Shade: Up there!
[on top of Metal Gear is a Neutral chao in a trenchcoat]
Lam: Good day, gentlemen. Do you like it? This is Metal Gear SUMASSHU.
Shade: Metal Gear Smash?
Lam: I guess, I mean, if you wanna translate.
Chao: Lam Mink... finally, we meet.
Shade: We gunna keel ya!
Lam: Of course. Solid Shade, do you have my codec?
Shade: I KNEW IT! I ****ING KNEW IT WAS YOU!
Lam: Really, I gave Red the codec. I swear.
Chao: No way, I did!
Shade: Hmm.... what if... you BOTH did? But...
[three options appear in the--*shot*]
Shade: C'mon, DJay. I know this stuff by now, no need to bring up choices.
Lam: Well? We both did, but what?
Shade: But... Red knew who both of you were. He did not want to trust you, Mink, so he destroyed yours.
Lam: Rotten cheapskate.
Chao: So that's what happened. Wow.
Lam: Alright, we know about the codecs now. So what? We still have a score to settle, Shade.
[Lam Mink hops into Metal Gear, and commandeers it]
Shade: You ready, Chao?
Chao: Let's do this.
[Shade attacks Sumasshu with guns, while Chao attacks with a ninja sword thing]
[Sumasshu fights back with massive stuff and whatnot]
[BOOM!]
[BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA]
[KA-POW]
[EXPLOSION]
[enter random word here]
Shade: It's not working!
Chao: Well, what do you think we should do?
Shade: ....maybe sing "Rock and Roll All Night?"
Chao: ...
[Chao destroys the weird legs of Sumasshu]
Shade: Okay, I got your drift.
[suddenly, an alarm is heard and Lam Mink exits Sumasshu]
Lam: Heh heh heh... and with that, I take my leave.
Shade: What?
Chao: Shade, what's happening?
Shade: Mink's getting away, THAT'S what's happening! C'mon, let's chase him!
[they chase him up a very, very long slope]
Lam: You two just won't give up, will you? *stops* Okay. I'll talk.
[Shade and Chao pass suspicious glances]
Lam: That alarm.... is a sign indicating Sumasshu's self-destruction. It will cover over two miles in ALL directions.
Shade+Chao: WHAAAAAAAAAT!?
Lam: Goodbye! *teleports*
Shade: Son of a...
Chao: How did he do that!?
Shade: How far are we from the surface? Do you know?
Chao: I'd say about half a mile. And we've already traveled half a mile, so that means...
Shade: When we're up there, we're gonna need to clear about a mile between us and this place, before it's too late!
Chao: Let's get a move on now, then!
[they run about half a mile, and reach the surface; they find Tails and Purflee]
Tails: Did you destroy Metal Gear?
Shade: Almost. It's self-destructing. Lam Mink got away.
PF: Isn't that somewhat good?
Shade: Not at all. The explosion'll cover about two miles, so we need to get moving.
Tails: Oh dear... I was afraid of this.
Chao: No time to be afraid, let's run!
[they run for three quarters of a mile]
Shade: Only about a quarter of a mile to go... CRAAAAAAAAAAP!!!
Tails: What is it?
Shade: Take a look for yourself.
[in front of them is a large, ice cold ocean]
Chao: We can't get past that!
PF: We're DOOMED!
Shade: No. I'm not letting you three die on me! There's got to be some way out...
[Shade scans the area]
Shade: There! A set of icy platforms! If they continue long enough, we might make it!
[they hop along the platforms, and then hear the explosion]
Chao: Here it comes. Brace yourselves!
[the explosion JUST misses them; they cheer]
Shade: Chao, you still got that codec?
Chao: Yeah.
[Shade makes a call to somebody]
Chao: Who are you calling? I took back HQ's codecs.
[a helicopter flies to them]
Shade: Let's just say the folks at Pizza Hut owed me a few favors. Now get on!
[they get on; just before Shade does, he finds a Chaos Drive and grabs it]
[the helicopter flies them back to the Chao Lobby, where Eggman, Dark, Tail, and Red are waiting]
Shade: Hey guys. Wassup?
Red: You made it back! Great job out there, Shade.
Dark: Didja miss me?
Shade: 'Course I did, Dark. You're my best pal.
Tails: Well, Shade... you managed to save me from those terrorists. Thank you.
Shade: "Thank you" is all I get? Maybe I shoulda left you there...
Tails: *sigh* No homework for the rest of the year.
Shade: You're welcome, Mister Prower.
PF: Thank you for saving me as well, Shade.
Shade: Aw, it was nothing. I mean, I could do it with one arm tied behind my back!
Tail: Hey, Shade?
Shade: Yeah?
Tail: What's with Eggman?
Shade: ...*sees Eggman with arms crossed*...I don't know.
Egg: Lam Mink escaped. Levity Nite escaped. Shuddering No escaped. We aren't safe yet.
Shade: While that is true, I get the feeling we won't be seeing them again for a LONG time.
Egg: *sigh* I hope you're...... well... yeah, you're right. After all, Metal Gear Sumasshu was destroyed.
Chao: Thanks to me!
Egg: At least this way, the world is safe from another threat. Yet one question remains...
[Eggman turns to face Shade]
Egg: What are you going to do now?
Shade: *takes bandanna off* I'm gonna retire. Maybe set up camp here in the Lobby...
Egg: Are you certain that's the best thing to do?
Red: Yeah, I mean, maybe our old "friends" will bomb the Lobby, too.
Shade: .....*crosses arms* I'd prefer you didn't mention them. I just don't want anything to do with them...
Red: *thinks* Okay. 'slong as you say this is the best thing to do.... I'm fine with it.
Dark: Me, too!
Shade: Really?
Red: Sure, dude.
Chao: Hey, can you two can the emotions for a second? You're bumming the rest of us.
Shade: *grin, uncrosses arms* Kay. Whatever you say, Chao.
Chao: See, was that so hard?
Shade: By the way, I'm surprised you managed to walk all that distance; your shoes are untied!
Chao: Holy crap, really!? I've been walking all this time with untied-- .....
[everyone laughs]
Chao: Well, at least I'm not gay.
[pause; camera pan; fade to white]
Shade (voice-over): (sacrastically) Good comeback, Chao.
END....?