Friday, October 31, 2008

Another Halloween Present: The Making of a DCA Episode.

video

I know, I know, I spoil you guys a lot. Well, it is Halloween, and I haven't uploaded this video yet. So.... enjoy.

This is the Making of Episode 49, by the way. Or, making of a chapter or two. Either way, you'll see how exciting it is to make scripts the DJay way, and how much fun I obviously had as I made Gears n' Roses for two whole months.

If you ever want to try to make an awesome script series like me, first you gotta learn to type like me. If you wanna learn how to type like me, first you gotta learn what I do while I type. Once you learn how to type while doing that, you'll see how much fun it really is.

....by the way, it really is pretty fun doing this. As long as you're on a roll with your ideas.

Also, I might just decide to upload more videos using the Blogger video system. It's much better than using YouTube. Look forward to maybe some more videos, mostly DCA-related, comin' up soon.

Whaddya know? It's not Halloween anymore. Funny thing? It WAS when I first started making this. Uploading videos takes a LONG time. Still, I hope you enjoyed Gears n' Roses. I recently re-read it, and.... is it just me, or does it take around two to three hours to read?

I surprise myself sometimes.

EDIT: Damn, you can't even read the text! Oh, well. I just type while listening to music.

Gears n' Roses: A Little Speech From DJay32


Gears n' Roses
Dark Chao Adventures Halloween 2008
Hello. I'm DJay32. I spent a long, LONG time typing this epic story, and then I spent about twenty minutes posting it in three places across the web on Halloween.
While Gears n' Roses may not be the best script you'll ever read, nor the scariest, or biggest, or funniest.... it'll certainly be rather difficult to top. Hopefully, after reading it, you'll agree with me.
I also hope that no random errors happened during the uploading of this massive script, and hopefully, no vital lines were erased randomly.
Most importantly, I hope you have a happy Hallow's Eve, and a happy new year--*shot*
Shade: ....let's get this started.

Gears n' Roses Tale One and Act 1: Dust




"Sorry, but that's not real,"
Said the clerk wearing an "EBGames" seal.
"Dark-Hawk the Hero Killaz was a lie?"
Asked Dark-Hawk the Dark chao, face as blue as the sky.
"Now, get out," said the clerk, about to call the cops,
Until Dark-Hawk slipped on some props.

Dark Chao Adventures (Feature-Length!)
Halloween 2008: Gears n' Roses
[a HUGE story by DJay32, the bulk of which based on Gears of War by Epic Games]

Tale One.... The Tale of Dark-Hawk (Rival Survival)

[cut to EBGames; Dark-Hawk gets up from the props]
Clerk: Hey, you okay?
DH: Yeah, I'm fine. But, you gotta put, like, a wet-floor sign here, or something. What IS this stuff, anyway?
Clerk: Oh, that stuff? It's pee.
DH: WHAT!?
Clerk: Yeah, some kid named "Light-Hawk" came by earlier, and told me he was waiting for you to come by.
DH: Ruh.... really? Where is he now?
Clerk: He said he was going to the parking lot.
[Dark-Hawk realizes Knuckles' car is in the parking lot, and Knuckles is the one who drove him here]
DH: Oh..... CRAP! *dashes out of store*
[suspiciously, nobody else is around]
[Dark-Hawk is halfway between EBGames and the shopping mall's parking lot before all the lights go off]
DH: Wha? Who's there?
[he spots somebody running nearby]
DH: Hello? Who's that?
[a potted plant is knocked over]
DH: Whoa!
[a bright light shines on him]
DH: AAAH! *covers eyes*
[he looks, and notices it's a clothes shop with its lights on]
DH: ........?
[Dark-Hawk peeks into the shop, and sees nothing but lots of clothes at not-too cheap prices]
[he walks into the store, and sees a chao emotiball thing run behind a wall]
[he checks behind the wall, and finds a maintenance shaft]
[in the mainenance shaft, he sees his Hero brother, Light Hawk, sitting, with his back turned to the camera and Dark-Hawk]
DH: Larry? ....Larry, are you okay?
LH: ..........go away..... Derek.
DH: Seriously, bro, you're creeping me out.
LH: I said.... GO.... AWAY.
DH: But--
[Light-Hawk turns around, shouting "GO!"; the camera does not show his face]
[Dark-Hawk freaks out, screams, and runs away]
[he runs into a nearby restroom, chooses a stall, and locks himself in there]
[fifteen minutes of shuddering later, Dark-Hawk is about to leave his stall when he hears lots of banging and crashing]
DH: L....Light-Hawk? Larry? You..... is that you?
LH?: .......................................*inaudible*
DH: ...wh...what?
LH?: .......*inaudible, yet louder*
DH: One more time.
LH?: .....................die.....
DH: ...."die?"
LH?: .....DIE.
DH: What is going ON out *opens stall*--HOLY ****!!!
[outside the stall, everything is covered with blood, the mirrors are cracked, and the ceiling looks like a big, black hole]
[but, the freakiest thing is Light-Hawk. ...who is NOT there.]
DH: L...L......Light-Hawk?
[the blood on the mirror in front of Dark-Hawk is arranged to spell, "Say 'Hello' to Light-Hawk for me!"]
DH: ......................whuh...
[Dark-Hawk breaks down in tears, and runs out of the bathroom]
DH: No......... NOOOOOOO!!!
[the entire mall is covered in blood; the lights are on]
DH: No... no.... no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
[he runs to the parking lot, and sees Knuckles' car]
[it's the only thing in the entire mall that is NOT covered in blood; Knuckles is in the driver's seat, asleep]
DH: I just wanna get outta here...
[before he reaches the car, he trips on something]
DH: Oof! What the? ........NO! NO!!!
[he notices that he tripped on his brother's corpse]
DH: *sob* Larry...... who did this to you?! WHO?!
LH: ......you.
DH: AAAHH! *hops backwards, crawls backwards to Knuckles' car*
[Light-Hawk's body gets up, the camera reveals its face-- one eye is completely missing, its mouth is sewn shut, and tons of scars are all over it]
[also, he's missing an arm, and he has three tails]
DH: Buddy..... please... what happened to you?
[the corpse begins floating in mid-air, and slowly hovers closer to him]
[it also begins chanting the following line:]
LH: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore my eye out.... the bad man tore my arm off..... the bad man gave me three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man sew my mouth shut.... the bad man will die.
[Dark-Hawk gets up, and tries opening the car door; it's locked]
DH: KNUCKLES! *BANG BANG BANG* LET ME IN! *BANG BANG BANG* LET ME IN!!! *sob* PLEASE!
[Dark-Hawk looks in the window, and sees Knuckles glaring at him; he screams]
[Knuckles has one eye, tons of scars, his mouth is sewn shut, he's missing an arm, and has three tails]
[and no matter how much Dark-Hawk cries, and begs, and pleads.... Knuckles just glares]
[and Light-Hawk slowly hovers closer]
[Light-Hawk eventually grabs Dark-Hawk, and melts into the ground along with him]
DH: HELP!!!!!
[as the camera zooms out, Dark-Hawk wakes up, screaming]
[he stops, pants, and looks around, frantically-- he's in the Dark Garden]
[the others are startled by his screams]
Shade: WHOA!!! *yawn* What is it?
DH: I.....I had the most horrible dream.... I dreamt my brother... was killed, and then pulled a Silent Hill on me.
Shade: He became a scary-looking zombie, and pulled you into the darkness?
DH: Yeah!
Shade: Just..... shut up, and get some sleep. Tomorrow's Halloween, remember?
DH: Oh, yeah...
Shade: But, we gotta go to freaking SCHOOL tomorrow.
DH: Man, that sucks.
Shade: Just..... *yawn* Try.... to sleep...
DH: Okay....
[as Dark-Hawk lies down, he smiles]
Shade: ........by the way, have you heard of the new game, "Dark-Hawk the Hero Killaz?"
[Dark-Hawk's eyes open; fade to black as he screams]


Tale Two.... The Tale of Metal Sonic (Shade and Dark Against the World)

[it's Halloween Day! But, the chao are stuck in school...]
[at least Mister Prower is letting the chao wear their Halloween costumes to school]
[Shade is playing hooky from school once again (and yet, he's just exploring the school) when he finds the basement door]
Shade: Heh. I remember this place. There's a time machine in there. It leads to the future. Speaking of which, I wonder how my future self is doing?
Dark: Shade?
Shade: Whoa! ...don't sneak up on me, Dark. Especially not when I'm playing hooky.
Dark: Ooh! I wanna play, I wanna play!
Shade: I got a better idea. Let's get everyone to come to the future!
Dark: Uh... any particle manure RAISIN (particular reason)?
Shade: Call it a field trip, but really, I just wanna see how future me's doing.
Dark: ....I'll go get my purse.
[cut to all the chao gathered around the time machine]
SShade: What's going on? I was told the principal wanted to see me.
Shade: Oh, he does. ....sort of. So.... what are YOU dressed up as?
SShade: Uh... I'm gonna be GIR, from Invader ZIM. He's just too cute to pass up!
Shade: Red, what about you?
Red: Trust me, my costume has GOT to be the scariest.
Dark: Bet it's not too scary.
Red: I'm a Halo fan.
[everyone screams]
Shade: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!
Dark: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Chao: SAVE US!
Dark: That's even scarier than MY costume!
Shade: Dark..... you're a toaster. Again.
Dark: I know; ain't I the scariest?
Red: So, what about YOU, Shade?
Shade: I think I'm even scarier than Red this time. ...or, maybe just more original.
Red: What ARE you? You look like a nerdy jock.
Shade: I'm a person who hates Rock Band because I think it copied Guitar Hero.
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: OW!
Dark: You moron will never get to play Green Grass and High Tides! You're missing out!
Shade: Dark, I'm only PRETENDING to be an idiot! I love that song!
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[pause]
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: DARK!
Dark: Sorry.
Shade: Okay, time for Chao to embarrass himself.
Chao: I'm the creature from Stephen King's "It." Or, to be more precise, I'm Pennywise the clown!
Dark: *shudder* That movie was SCARY.
Shade: Who's next? Who's our next costume person?
Shadow: ME NEXT! I don't get enough air time!
Shade: All right, Shadow. What are you?
Shadow: I'm the weird girl person from The Messengers!
Dark: I didn't see that movie.
Shade: I did. It was.... scary. Definitely. I had to change the channel at one point because I was so scared.
Chao: Pfft. Baby.
Shade: Shut up, PENNYWISE. The Messengers was scarier than It.
Chao: Yeah, but It was longer than The Messengers!
Shade: So what?
Red: quiet n00bs
SShade: ....that was the BEST impression of a Halo fan I've EVER HEARD!
Red: Thanks. I've been practicing.
Shade: What about YOU, Chaosky?
Chy: Oh, I'm nothing much. I'm a vampire! Bluuuuuuh!
Shade: ....weird.
Chy: I know. Isn't it spooky?
SB: Yeah, well.... I'm a Hero Chao.
Chao: I find that offens--
Shade: We don't care.
Chao: But I didn't even fini--
Shade: Don't give a crap.
Chao: But. ................*long pause*........
Shade: Still don't care. Hey, why aren't you guys wearing costumes?
Ph: I forgot it's Halloween.
DH: Same here.
Shade: *sigh* You guys don't care much for our adventures, do you? I mean, it's Halloween. We do a TON of crazy things today.
Chao: Last year, I went into a haunted bathroom.
Shade: And you guys KNOW we do crazy things on Halloween, yet you didn't even put on some nice clothes? Disgraceful.
Chao: We're gonna tell your parents about this.
Ph: YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL MOM! *sob*
DH: YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE THIS AGE!
Dark: Great, you made them cry.
Shade: ENOUGH!!!
[they stop crying]
Shade: We're drifting a bit too far off-topic, here! I haven't even told you why I brought you down here!
Chao: So, WHY are we here, again?
Shade: It's... uh.... Dark!
Dark: It's a school sanctuary (sanctioned) field trip.
Chao: Hmm... I doubt that.
Shade: Dark, plan B.
Dark: Got it!
[Shade locks the door, and Dark farts]
[all the chao run into the time machine; Shade gives Dark a high-five, then dashes into the time machine, covering his nose]
[cut to Future CPAK basement]
Chao: So... NOW what?
Shade: Now, we go to the Dark Garden. ...for education purposes.
[in the Dark Garden, things are once again in flames]
Shade: OH, COME ON!!!
[the future Shade comes out, wearing a cowboy hat]
ShadeF: Hey. Uh... you may be wondering why everything's still ****ed up.
Shade: MAYBE! I thought I took care of everything!
ShadeF: Well, Metal Sonic is back.
Shade: I thought I destroyed--
ShadeF: Heh heh heh.... no, I'm afraid you're WRONG.
Shade: Wruh.... wrong?
ShadeF: Yep. You only destroyed Metal Solaris, Metal's crazy form from the Sonic the Hedgehog Betas.
Dark: You have a thing for Betas, Shade.
Shade: I know....
ShadeF: Of course, we all know... Metal Solaris doesn't really exist.
Shade: Rats... curse you, Sonic Team.
ShadeF: Yeah, so he returned, and has already destroyed the gardens. He told me he wanted you.
Shade: Really? Where is he now?
ShadeF: On the Earth somewhere.
Shade: The Earth is still alive in this ****ed-up future?
ShadeF: Just barely.
Shade: Well, guys? You wanna hunt him down?
[the others display signs of agreement]
Shade: Sweet!
[they arrive on Earth when they're surrounded by robots with guns]
Robot: Halt! Thou art Shade, yea?
Shade: Yea.
Robot: Thou art dead, then! Cometh with me!
Shade: No!
[the robots knock Shade out while everyone else runs away]
[Shade is thrown into a prison]
DUST: 14 HOURS AFTER E-DAY
[Shade is in his cell, thinking]
[he hears Dark]
Dark: Sam n' Max, rip open that door!
[sparks fly; the door busts down; Dark is there next to a flying robot]
Shade: You could get into a LOT o' trouble for doing this.
Dark: We're gonna stop Metal anyway, so who cares? You ready to go?
Shade: Yep.
[they run out of the cell, and Shade notices the whole prison is extremely destroyed]
Shade: Man, I was only gone, like, five minutes, and ALREADY they've trashed the place.
Dark: We got a choice. We can go back the way I came, through the guard's quarters; it takes time, but it's safe; or we can cut through those places down there and go right to the fight.
Shade: Let's go through those places down there. I'm ready to kick some butt.
[Shade grabs an assault rifle, and heads down the corridors]
[Shade and Dark fight some robots, and make it out of the prison]
Dark: Uh, *radio* Redd Fox, this is Cap'n Falcon; I have retrieved Shades of Gray, over. Please pick us up, over.
Red: Copy that.
[a helicopter lands about fifty feet away]
Red: By the way, I see summin' below ground.
Dark: I think I see it, too. What are we lookin' at?
Red: Hell if I know!
Shade: Run!
[Shade and Dark run, action move-style, to the helicopter; it takes off]
DUST: TRIAL BY FIREFIGHTERS
[in the helicopter, there are Shadow the chao, and Future Shade]
Shade: Future me?
ShadeF: 'Sup? They told me everything. You were pretty crazy to actually go to Earth.
Shade: Okay, so I was. Could you tell me a bit more about this predicament?
ShadeF: *smirk* Oh, you'd LIKE to learn about it, wouldn't you?
Shade: Awesome, you're being mysterious again-- TELL ME THE DETAILS!
ShadeF: He came to the garden in a rage. He wanted you. What more is there to say?
Shade: What about these random forces he has?
ShadeF: Yeah, when he came to the garden, he had two weird robots with him. I'm sure I've seen them before somewhere... wait, one was a doll.
Shade: Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll!
ShadeF: Yeah, those two. That's about all I know. ...or all I can tell you.
Shade: I hate it when you do that.
Shadow: Guys, we're arriving at MC Square!
Shade: MC Square? Why are we going there?
ShadeF: We're going there to rendezvous with Doctor Eggman.
Shade: Eggman's still alive?
Dark: Apparently so.
[the helicopter lands, and they get off]
Egg: A traitor like you doesn't deserve to fight in this war!
Shade: What did I do?
ShadeF: He says that to everyone today. He thinks everyone's a traitor.
Shadow: Enemies!
Dark: We got 'em.
[Dark and Shadow hide behind sandbags and shoot at the robots]
Egg: Shade.... Future Shade, I mean.
ShadeF: Yep?
Egg: We have the lightmass ka-boomamahogonafunifyeramajigger-o-matic! Using this, we can hit those sons of--
[an explosion nearby drowns out Eggman's swear]
Egg: --where they live!
ShadeF: And... where do they live?
Egg: We do not know! That is why we need that resonator!
ShadeF: And... where is the resonator?
Egg: We do not know! I gave it to Alpha Squadron a while back, but they can't be trusted for squat!
ShadeF: And... where is Alpha Squadron?
Egg: We do not know! Last we heard, they were here, in MC Square!
?: Yes, and I recommend we get out of here, now!
[in a second helicopter is a beautiful woman]
Egg: Shade, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Elicia. I want you two to get married some day, and get me some grandkids.
ShadeF: Sir, she's... she's stunning.
Egg: Which is why she's perfect for you. You're my best soldier, Shade. I just wanted to repay you. Elicia, come say hi!
[RAWR!!!]
[Eggman and ShadeF stare at the helicopter, of which there is none anymore]
[all that is left is a big hole in the ground]
[awkward silence]
ShadeF: .......damn.
Egg: El....Elicia...... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Eggman falls to the ground, sobbing]
ShadeF: (whispering, to Shade) Let's get going.
Shade: Got it.
[Delta Squad: ShadeF, leader; Shade, second; Dark, third; Shadow, grunt]
[they walk away, towards a large building]
Shadow: So, what's the plan?
ShadeF: We need to find Alpha Squad, and get that resonator.
Dark: Whoa. Sounds deep.
ShadeF: It'll be hard. Very.
[they enter a large church]
[a big hole appears, and robots crawl out of it]
ShadeF: Grubs!
[they take care of the robots]
[as they walk out of the church, and down a path, they talk]
Shade: So... what's with these holes and stuff?
ShadeF: It started a while back. Holes opened in the streets... robots crawled out, and killed almost everyone.
Dark: Ooh! Tell us more!
ShadeF: We think it has to do with secret underground factories or something. Still, it makes life more interesting.
[they find some dead bodies next to a hole]
DUST: MORE FUN THAN FISH IN A BARREL
Dark: ...is this Alpha?
ShadeF: Could be. Hey, Shadow! Is that object the resonator?
Shadow: *checks* ...nah.
ShadeF: *radio* Eggman. We checked some dead bodies. No sign of resonator. Where's the next target?
[radio chatter]
ShadeF: I see. Wilco. *radio off* Next target's House of Solvitude. Just down this path.
[a robot arms a turret]
ShadeF: Crap! Take down that droideka!
Shade: You mean troika?
ShadeF: Whatever! Shade, flank right!
Shade: What? Me? Why?
ShadeF: GO!
Shade: Eah!
[Shade dashes across the area, going around to some alleyways]
Shade: *pant* I... I think I was just... SHOT.
[Shade peeks around a corner, and notices the troika turret guy]
Shade: All right, Troika Turret Robot... time for YOU to get shot.... with my FIST!
[Shade is about to punch the robot in the back of the neck when Dark shouts on the radio]
Dark: HEY, SHADE, DID YOU KILL HIM YET?!
[the Troika Turret Robot turns to face Shade, and points his gun at him]
Shade: Crap! Thanks, Dark!
Dark: Shade, don't forget your gun has a chainsaw bayonet!
Shade: Really? Oh, that's cool. Now, how do you work this thing?
[the robot is still pointing its gun at him]
Shade: Hmm... *beep* *chainsaw whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Bingo!
Robot: CRAP SENSORS OVERFLOWING!
[Shade chainsaws the robot in half]
Dark: Thanks, Shade! *radio off*
[they continue, and are ambushed by four holes!]
[each hole, which we'll call an "O CRAP HOLE," is a passage for somewhere between 5-10 robots to crawl out before it magically closes]
ShadeF: We got four O CRAP holes! Either grenade them, or shoot the robots that come out!
[after a long battle, they take care of all four]
[they continue, but the road crashes behind them, preventing any backtracking]
DUST: FORK IN ROAD, GUN IN FACE
ShadeF: Hmm... the road splits into two here. Dark, you and Shade will go right. Shadow and I will go left.
Dark: Okay.
Shade: Fine.
Shadow: Yay!
[the two corridors are connected by some barred-up openings, so the two teams can communicate]
Dark: Oh, boy, Shade! Isn't this exciting? You and me, kicking butt and taking names, in the FUTURE?
Shade: I suppose. But, I'm getting too old for this stuff!
Dark: But... I'm older than YOU!
Shade: You know what I mean!
Dark: Yeah...
ShadeF: You two, make sure you're ready. I hear robots.
[the robots charge forward, but are instantly shot]
[the two groups find a building, and enter it through different entrances]
[Shade and Dark's path takes them around a corner to a long hallway, where a Troika is shooting them]
Shade: Holy--!
Dark: Ouchies!
Shade: Future me! Can you take down the Troika from your position?
ShadeF: I think so!
[a few shots later, they continue on]
[then, the paths connect, and ANOTHER Troika!]
[after taking care of that one, they make it outside]
DUST: KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE? AMBUSHED! AMBUSHED WHO? AMBUSHED, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ShadeF: There's the House of Solvitude. C'mon, let's--
[BOOM!]
[something is seen moving below ground, something HUGE]
ShadeF: Run. NOW!
[they run to the front steps of the House of Solvitude; it's a mix between a courtyard and a staircase]
[the underground monster thing goes away]
Dark: Is it safe?
[the doors break open, and robots come pouring out]
ShadeF: Negatory! OPEN FIRE!
[budda budda budda budda budda budda]
[a robot grabs Dark and runs off]
Dark: SHADE!!!
Shade: Holy crap!
[Shade runs after him]
[Dark is taken inside the building; Shade chases]
Shadow: There's too many!
ShadeF: C'mon, Shade... hurry up.
[the robots surround them]
ShadeF: Uh... uh...
Shadow: EAT CHAINSAW, ROBOT SCUM!
[Shadow drives his chainsaw through hordes of robots]
ShadeF: ....wow. Wasn't expecting that.
[Shade returns, Dark behind him]
Shade: Need help?
ShadeF: Maybe!
[Shade and Dark join in the chainsawing]
[eventually, the robots die down]
All: *pant*
Dark: That was intense.
[another door breaks down, and a grenadier walks out]
ShadeF: Boomer!
Dark: A what?
ShadeF: He's a big guy who blows people up.
[a robot runs out, and equips a Troika; a few others help it]
Shade: We got a Troika!
ShadeF: Aw, ****! Shade, you take the Troika; Dark, take down the others. Shadow and I will fight the Boomer.
[the Boomer shoots a rocket; the chao duck; the rocket hits the Troika]
ShadeF: That was convenient. Everyone, attack the Boomer!
[overkill]
[they duck behind some sandbags]
ShadeF: Everyone, report in!
Shade: I'm alive.
Dark: I'm.... fine.
Shadow: I'm okay, but... I think there's something wrong with my gun! It keeps jamming! See?
[Shadow steps up to show ShadeF the gun, but is instantly shot in the head]
Dark: Shi--
ShadeF: SNIPERS!!!
[there are snipers outside the building]
Shade: Eff this; let's run into the building!
ShadeF: Good idea. Let's go, you two.
[they run in]
DUST: HAMMER TIME
[up some stairs, they reach a balcony overlooking a small garden]
ShadeF: How are we doing?
Dark: We're fine, but... damn, man. Shadow...
Shade: Yeah...
?: Ha! Eat lead, mother*gunfire*!!!
Shade+ShadeF: That voice...
Dark: What? What voice?
[they look into the garden, and see a Neutral chao fighting robots]
ShadeF: How is he...
Shade: It's a long story, Future me. ...and I think you were there.
Dark: How is WHO?
Shade: It's Cham, Dark!
Dark: .....WHAAAAT!?
Shade: Long story! Let's save him.
ShadeF: Right.
[they run down some stairs and get out to the garden; they destroy all the robots]
Cham: Thanks.
ShadeF: Are you Alpha Squad?
Cham: Yep.
ShadeF: We're Delta. Where's the rest of you?
Cham: Trapped on a rooftop.
ShadeF: Seriously?
Cham: Seriously. C'mon, let's go save them.
ShadeF: ...sure.
[they run up some stairs, and smell something horrible]
Shade: Phew! Dude... Dark, did you fart?
Dark: No, that smells nothing like me.
Cham: Those are Metal's seeders, man. They jam up the radios, and just smell terrible.
ShadeF: Seeders? What do they look like?
[ROOOOAAAAAARRRR!!!!]
[outside a window, they see a giant robot plant thing buried in the ground]
Cham: That, sir.
ShadeF: *looks around* *notices something* Shade, Dark, grab those weapons on the ground.
[they do]
Dark: Permission to ask what the hell these things are?
ShadeF: Granted.
Dark: Thanks. ....WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS?
ShadeF: It's a Hammer of Dawn of War. Super powerful weapons. I think they can take down those seeders. Test them.
Shade: Uh... okay.
[they go outside onto more balconies; Shade and Dark fire the Hammers of Dawn of War at the seeder]
Shade: Nothing's happening!
ShadeF: Keep the button held down!
[pause]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
[oh, and since both are using them, that means TWO GIANT LAZERZ OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
[the seeder is dead]
Dark: Yeah, it better be.
[they move on]
DUST: WRAITH
[they go through the House of Solvitude, fighting robots, when they find another seeder]
ShadeF: ....bomb the hell out of it.
Dark: ROKK!!
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
Dark: Hey, I think it's dead! Yeah! It's dead--
[Dark falls of the ledge]
Cham: .....see ya.
Shade: Wha-buh....
[ShadeF and Cham are walking towards the next room]
Shade: You're just gonna leave him there?
Cham: Sure.
Shade: Well, I'm going in after him! *dives off ledge*
[pause]
Cham: .....idiot.
ShadeF: Yeah, I was pretty stupid back then.
Cham: Hold on. If he's the past you, then doesn't that mean YOU went through all this back then?
ShadeF: Nope.
Cham: ......and where's the effing LOGIC in that?
ShadeF: Logic? Chao don't use logic. We use--
[RUMBLE RUMBLE]
[Shade does an epic action movie-style jump out of a huge explosion in slow-mo, holding Dark]
Dark: Thanks.
Shade: Eh, I like using action movie powers.
Cham: So, no explanations for anything?
ShadeF: Nothing that matters. Just the story. That's all I focus on.
Cham: All YOU focus on?
ShadeF: All I focus on.
Shade: C'mon, let's keep going!
ShadeF: Hang on. *radio* Shade to da Walrus. How you doin', Beatle-Juice?
Egg: Stop calling me names. You defeated all three seeders, correct?
ShadeF: All..... three?
Egg: Yes. Three.
Shade: Psst. I killed him with the awesome action move-style explosion.
ShadeF: Um... yeah, we got 'em.
Egg: Good. We have recieved contact with Alpha. I'll let you talk to them.
[RADIO SWITCH]
?: Where the Hero Garden ARE you guys?
ShadeF: ..........Chao?
Chao: Shade? Wait, no. FUTURE Shade, right? YOU'RE Delta Squad?
ShadeF: Yeah. Why? Where are you guys?
Chao: We're trapped on YOUR rooftop, being gunned down by the 'bots and some Troikas!
ShadeF: The roof.... wilco. Moving to your position.
[RADIO OFF]
Dark: Hey, Future Shade?
ShadeF: Yes, Dark?
Dark: What's "wilco" mean?
ShadeF: I don't know. Lemme check Wikipedia. ....it's either a band from Illinois, or a shortened form of "Will comply."
Dark: Are they a rock band?
ShadeF: I already exited Internet Explorer, so... I don't know.
Dark: Oh.
[they go to the rooftop, but not before killing some robots and having fun with it]
[on the rooftop, they notice lots of bots in the streets below]
ShadeF: Shade, Cham, you two take the Troikas that are here somehow. Dark, you and I will just randomly shoot things we see.
Dark: I like this plan.
[budda budda budda budda]
[BANG BANG BOOOOOM!]
[KA-BLAM!]
[eventually, the streets become empty]
ShadeF: C'mon, let's go! *radio* Redd Fox, this is Future Shade dude of no point, we have Alpha Squad. Requesting pick-up.
Red: Cowabunga, dude!
[RADIO OFF]
[down in the streets, ShadeF, Shade, Cham, Dark, Chao, Quartz, and Aqua are awaiting Red to fly by with his helicopter]
[they see him approaching]
[Shade notices some robots following it]
[a flying robot hits Red's 'copter, sending it spiraling down]
[the robots charge in and start killing]
[the chao duck for cover]
[basically, carnage city]
[Shade looks and notices ShadeF out in the streets, telling the others to do some random military movement]
[he also sees a familiar figure in a black cape slowly and very dramatically walking towards ShadeF in the midst of the gunfire]
[it walks up behind ShadeF; ShadeF turns and screams]
[it picks ShadeF up, points its random super epic sword to the sky, then...]
[STAB! STAB! STAB!]
[it tosses ShadeF's dead body to the ground]
[all while a voice speaks in a voice-over]
? (Voice-over): Our plan is going smoothly. It's like dealing with a snake.
[it looks directly at Shade]
? (VO): Cut off the head of the snake..... and the body dies.
[Shade had watched the whole murder, and is now very, very freaked out]
? (VO): We will win this war. It's only a matter of time.
[Shade directs the others into the building behind them... the Tomb of the Well-Known Soldier]
DUST: LITTLE CHINA SHOP OF HORRORS
Shade: Is everyone okay?
Chao: Great, you got us into another mess, Shade.
Shade: Chao...
Chao: Yeah, that's right. Question is, who are you?
[pause]
Shade: C'mon, you've known me for years now.
Chao: I am only messing with you, Shade.
Shade: Yeah, yeah. *radio* Egghead? Future me is dead, and we're trapped in the Tomb of the Well-Known Soldier.
Egg: Repeat, Delta; Shade is dead?
Shade: Yes. KIA (Killed In Action).
Egg: Uh... okay, well, there should be a courtyard at the other end of the building. That's your best bet.
[RADIO OFF]
[CRASH!!!!!!!! ROAAAARRRR!!!!]
Aqua: What was that?
Shade: Shh! Be very, VERY quiet.
[normally, in the game, this is where you would see what's making the noise, but NOT THIS TIME!]
[and since future Shade is dead, he can't tell you!]
Dark: What IS it, Shade?
Shade: I.... I'm not sure.
Aqua: Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, ****! ****! We're gonna die! I don't wanna die! NO!!
Qz: Let's get the crap outta this dump!
[Quartz and Aqua run down the narrow hallway, and turn a corner, but scream]
[the light casts their shadows as Shade, Dark, and Chao's jaws drop]
Cham: What.... what IS that....... that THING?
Shade: I... I... I think....
[the shadows show Aqua and Quartz being thoroughly beaten and killed by a large, crazy, upgraded.... Mecha Knuckles]
[oh, and blood splatters, too, so it's freakier]
Chao: Mech....Mecha....?
Dark: Shade, what will we do?
Shade: Relax. Dark and I said we'd get you guys outta here, so that's what we're gonna do. Dark, follow me.
[Cham and Chao are left standing in the dark, narrow hallway, all alone]
Cham: Shade is a very, very annoying person.
Chao: You have a LOT to learn, Cham. Plus, I thought you knew us from BEFORE episode 1?
Cham: You guys didn't communicate much.
[cut to Shade and Dark walking down an even darker hallway, which cuts into a large room]
[they are slowly walking, looking around in fear, and they hear lots of little noises coming from everywhere]
[footsteps to the right-- nothing there]
[shadows in front of them-- nothing there]
[doorway to their left-- what's in here?]
[it's just an empty hallwayMECHA KNUCKLES BROKE IN THROUGH THE WALL HOLY CRAP]
MK: RAWR! ROAAR! I CAN SMELL CHAO! DARK CHAO!
Dark: How can you SMELL us? You're a ROBOT!
MK: I WAS UPGRADED TO BE ABLE TO SMELL AND TASTE. BUT, I AM NOW... blind...
Shade: Dark, I recommend you don't talk to him.
MK: Ruh? And why NOT...... *sniff*.... SHADE?
[Shade gulps]
MK: Oh, you smell DIFFERENT than you normally do..... you smell.... YOUNGER.
Shade: Um...
MK: Ah, I was curious how you were here despite the boss having killed you.
Shade: Wait.... "the boss?" You don't mean... that familiar figure who killed future me-- URP!
MK: "Future me?" Bingo.... my hunch was.... CORRECT. You're.... the Shade from..... BACK... then..... when I was a YOUNG robot. A ROBOT..... with sight.
Dark: But... but you can smell things now!
MK: You can stop moving BACKWARDS now. I know you're edging to the door. My smell and sound is THAT good.
Dark: What... wha.... what are you going to....
MK: Oh, not MUCH. Just....... bash. Your skulls..... in... two.
Dark: What's with the odd speech?
MK: It adds to the suspense, and makes it seem like I'm a rather senseless piece of mecha. But, I'm quite intelligent, you see. Intelligent enough to know how to expose your GUTS.
Shade: Dark, maybe we should run.
Dark: Maybe.
MK: Hey. HEY! Don't. Don't. Stop. Right now.
[they run]
MK: *groan* They always..... RUN. But I always.......... catch.... them.
[cut to Shade and Dark, hiding somewhere, hearing odd noises everywhere]
Dark: Shade, this is bad. This is very, very bad.
Shade: Keep quiet, Dark! *radio* Eggman, we have a bezerk Mecha Knuckles in the vicinity. PLEASE advise.
Egg: OH CRAP NO. A Bezerk Mecha? This isn't good... um... okay, okay, let's see... do you still have the Hammer of Dawn of War?
Shade: Affirmative.
Egg: Get him outside, and burn the crap out of him.
Shade: Copy that.
Egg: But, hurry! You only have minutes of satellite coverage before the hammers stop working!
[RADIO OFF]
Dark: So... Shade... what do we do?
Shade: Unfortunately, all we gotta do is get him to follow us.
Dark: Aw, ****. I'm not liking this mission we're in.
Shade: C'mon. Let's try and find a way out.
[they walk very slowly, and find another long hallway with a breakable door at the other end]
[STOMP STOMP]
[Dark whimpers; Shade shushes him]
[they hear Mecha humming "The Wheels on the Bus;" it's coming from the hall behind them]
[they slowly turn around, and see Mecha, facing them, sniffing around]
MK: *sniff* I... I smell...... I smell chao.
[Mecha walks into the hall and starts smelling around]
MK: Now..... where..... are those smells.... coming from?
[Shade gestures for Dark to follow him down the hall; they slowly step away]
MK: Hmm... the smells.... are gone. WHERE... ARE.... they?
[Dark falls over and grunts; Mecha's head instantly turns to face him]
MK: Que pasa, Dark? Fall? ....hit your... head?
Dark: (mouths the word "Shade")
Shade: (mouths "Keep quiet")
[Mecha steps towards Dark, and sniffs around]
MK: Dark...... I think... you would die.... easily.
Shade: Uh.... uh.... RUN, DARK!
[Dark gets up and runs; Shade shoots Mecha]
MK: It's useless to.... SHOOT me, Shade. Guns... are...... futile. But, my fists AREN't! *charges at Dark*
Dark: NO!! *SMACK* ACK!
[Dark falls over as Mecha hits his leg]
Dark: Help me, Shade! *crying* I... I'm gonna die!
Shade: Hey, Mecha freak! Over here! *shoots Mecha*
[Mecha turns to face Shade, who is standing in front of the breakable door]
MK: I told you... shooting.... is futile. Or, should I... REMIND... you?
Shade: Do your worst.
MK: ......okay.
[Mecha charges at Shade, who dives to the side at the last second]
[CRASH!]
[Mecha busted the breakable door down]
[through the door, Shade sees another corridor]
MK: Ugh.... man, what'd I hit? Just.... just hold on, Shade, I'll get to you... in a minute. ....I need Tylenol.
[Shade sneaks past him, and into the corridor]
[past the corridor is another long hall with a breakable door at the end of it]
[Shade shoots Mecha]
MK: What? Shooting me.... again, Shade? Urgh......... all right, I suppose... I never taught you that... lesson, now... did I?
[Mecha charges at Shade, who directs him to the second breakable door]
[CRASH!]
MK: Oh, jeez.... you.... that hurt.
[through the door is a third corridor, behind which is ANOTHER breakable door]
[Shade goes through the whole cat-and-mouse again]
MK: Man, HANG ON. Let me just.... buff out... the dents in my head.
[Mecha's head magically de-dents itself]
[through THIS door.... is the outdoors]
[Shade gets Mecha outside, and equips the Hammer of Dawn of War]
MK: Damn... according to my robot nose... we're outside. Which means... your smell.... is magically AMPLIFIED!
Shade: Wha?
[Mecha charges at him, and Shade dodges]
Shade: I can't get a clear shot!
MK: *laughs* That's right, Shade. You can NEVER kill me. No matter what.
[Mecha grabs Shade]
MK: Now, time to die.
Shade: *gulp* Make it quick.
MK: Sorry. No can do. Poker Gang policy; it's got to be slow and painful!
[Mecha tosses Shade onto the ground, and prepares to jab at him with his fist]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
MK: O CRAP WTF?!
[the laser ends, and Dark appears at the doorway holding a Hammer of Dawn of War]
Dark: It's just been revoked.
MK: Ugh.... Dark...... Shade....... I'll be back. You hear me? I... will... be.... BACK.
[Mecha runs away, breaking some buildings open in the process]
[Chao and Cham come out]
Chao: ....wow.
Cham: Hey, thanks, you two! We were sure goners there!
Shade: At least he's gone now. But, he'll be back. So, we'd better get moving.
[BEEP BEEP! RADIO!]
Shade: Yeah?
Egg: Do you have the resonator yet?
Shade: Uh...
Dark: I found it! It was on the ground! Mecha dropped it.
Shade: So, yeah, we have it.
Egg: Good. Now, you need to put that resonator where it belongs: in the middle of Metal Sonic's Factory Fright.
Shade: Metal Sonic's Factory of Fright?
Egg: Well... actually, it's just The Factory. It's pretty far from where you are. I'll send you the coordinates.
[SENT! RECIEVE'D!]
Shade: ....whoa. This is far.
Egg: Now, GET THERE!
[RADIO OFF]
Cham: How are we supposed to get THERE? That's not even in this city!
Dark: Don't worry; I have a plan.
Chao: Whatever your plan is, it'd better be quick. It's nearly nighttime!
Shade: So? You scared of the dark, or something? Anyway, let's get moving.

Gears n' Roses Act 2: Dark Night




DARK NIGHT: TIKK TIKK KA-BOOM
[cut to Delta Squad walking down some streets; night is pretty close]
Chao: You keep talking about a plan, Dark. But, I bet you don't even have one!
Dark: Oh, I have one. ...I just forgot it.
Shade: Well, try to remember it soon!
[Shade spots some robots running around]
Shade: We've got hostiles!
[budda budda budda budda]
Cham: They were trying to sneak up on us!
Shade: Yeah, TRYING to.
[FORK IN DA ROAD]
Chao: Well? Where we going?
Shade: ...Dark, you and Chao can go right. Cham, you and I are gonna go left.
Dark: Can do!
[we see Shade and Cham going to the left]
Cham: So..... lord of the Dark Garden, huh?
Shade: Yup.
Cham: Does this mean I'm... lord of the Neutral Garden?
Shade: You're the only one IN that garden.
Cham: Well, yeah, but...
[pause in conversation as both paths enter a building; right goes up some stairs, left stays on first floor]
Cham: Anything interesting happen since I was gone?
Shade: The Poker Gang appeared. They're Metal Sonic, Mecha Knuckles, and the Tails Doll.
Cham: Hmm.
Shade: Oh, and Mephiles the Dark appeared, and declared that he hates us.
Cham: Lots of people hate you, it seems.
Shade: Eh, I'm used to it.
[they walk into a room, and the doors close behind them]
Shade: Something's happening.
[RADIO!]
Dark: Shade! Shade, you hear me?
Shade: Yeah, I hear you. What's going on?
Dark: You've got some Boomers heading your way. Brace yourselves.
[RADIO OFF]
Cham: That didn't sound good.
[the Boomers bust the door open, and fire grenades in]
[budda budda budda]
[they continue to the next room, and see a huge, unidentifiable thing crawl into the ground]
All: WHAT THE ****/CRAP!?
Chao: Something's happening here.
[they exit the building, and start fighting more robots]
[then, they fight a Troika on a huge bridge]
Dark: It's too far!
Shade: Push this car along the highway like the idiot you are, and use it for cover!
[budda budda budda]
[they enter another building, and walk among catwalks]
DARK NIGHT: THAT'S THE GIST OF IT
[they fight more robots]
[something huge is moving belowground under them]
[they exit the building, and fight even more robots]
[then, Dark's brain works again]
Dark: !!! I just thunk! I can remember my plan!
Cham: Great, what was it?
Dark: See, I know this guy who is currently at this camp near here. He has a Junker, which is some kind of car.
[they find a chao by a gate]
Chaosky: Okay, who's this? ....Shade? Dark? Chao? ...CHAM? What are you guys doing here?
Shade: We're Delta Squad. Dark says he knows somebody in some camp.
Chaosky: Well, you came to the right place, Delta Squad. Come on in.
[Chaosky lets them in]
[inside the camp of surviving chao, some look to Delta Squad with anger, some with envy, and some with a feeling of desertion]
Randomchao: Hey, Shade! You gonna let Metal kill more of us?
[Shade stands still for a second, before shooting the chao]
?: Dark? Is that you?
Dark: ...Phantom?
[Phantom appears, followed by two bodyguard chao]
Ph: Hey, Dark-o!
Dark: How's it going, Phantom?
Ph: Eh, pretty good. I mean, I'm the boss of this little camp.
Dark: Cool. So... about this camp...
Ph: After Metal kidnapped Shade, and you guys ran off to be an army, we just hid in these streets.
Dark: I see. Anyway.... we need your Junker.
Ph: Say WUT?!
[the bodyguards aim their random shotguns at Dark]
Dark: C'mon, Phantom; you owe me one. Remember how I saved your wife from that burning building?
Ph: ............
Dark: C'mon!
Ph: ...it's cool.
[the bodyguards lower their guns]
Ph: Alright. You can have it. But, you gotta go get it. It's down at the gas station place.
Dark: Wilco.
Ph: One condition, though. Those two stay here. Only Darks can go to the gas station.
Dark: Uh... sure. C'mon, Shade; let's go get that Junker.
Ph: One last thing, Dark. No more favors! We're even now, right?
Dark: Yeah, sure. Whatever.
[Shade and Dark leave the camp, and start moving]
DARK NIGHT: SMALL OUTPOST
[RADIO]
Ph: Remember, Dark. The Junker's at the gas station place. There are two checkpoints on the way; they'll give you ammo.
Dark: Copy that. Anything else?
Ph: Yeah, you'd better hurry. Night's almost here.
Dark: Okay.
[RADIO OFF]
[they kick down a door and keep moving]
DARK NIGHT: LETHAL WEAPON 3: DUSK
Shade: This isn't so bad-- *GUNSHOT!!!*
Dark: SNIPER!
[Shade tosses a grenade into the sniper's nest]
[they reach a large river]
Shade: Huh. A river. How are we gonna get across?
[Shade looks around, and sees a boat]
Shade: Bingo.
[Shade climbs on the boat, and starts moving it, slowly, across the river]
[robots shoot at them]
Shade: Dark! Get them!
Dark: Getting them!
[budda budda budda]
Dark: Uh-oh; night's here.
Shade: Seriously, why is night time so scary to you guys?
Dark: Damn. They never told you when you were in that prison, did they?
Shade: Seeing as the prison guards were all DEAD... no.
Dark: The reason we couldn't bust you out earlier is because it was night.
Shade: Well, what happens at night?
[the moon appears in the sky, and a giant hologram of Neo Metal Sonic (that's the Sonic Heroes one) appears]
MS: Attention, all robots. Keep searching Station Square for those chao. However, I'm activating KYLL now.
[Metal presses a button]
MS: So, stay in the light if you want to live. ...that means YOU, Shade.
[the hologram ends]
Shade: "KYLL?"
Dark: "Killer Yellow Lucid Litharge." It's a deadly poison, that's actually a computer virus.
Shade: ....really? And... it's yellow?
Dark: Yellow and lucid. So, it's transparent.
Shade: I see.
Dark: But, it cannot go into light. Basically, STAY OUT OF THE DARK.
Shade: Pfft, that's crazy talk.
[a bunch of yellow particles form in the air, and spread everywhere except places with light]
Shade: Wait, if it's a computer virus, why is it out here?
Dark: Metal is super awesome in the future, you know. His technological advances have allowed specific computer viruses to infect and/or affect living bipedal A-life organisms. ...and robots.
Shade: Um... all right? WAIT. Dark, you seem to have gained quite the vocabulary.
Dark: Quite.
Shade: ...and... you're okay?
Dark: Quite okay.
Shade: ..no explanation for the vocabulary?
Dark: What vocabulamalaria?
Shade: .........................yeah. Well, let's just keep moving.
[they arrive at the other side of the river, and find a checkpoint]
Quartz: Hi, guys!
Shade: ....Quartz?
Qz: How's it going? I'm the checkpoint guy!
Dark: Really? Cool!
Qz: Yeah. ....stay in the light.
[the light above Quartz' head turns off]
Qz: ....oh, crap.
[the KYLL spreads to the checkpoint]
Dark: Run.
Shade: Got it.
[Shade and Dark run to the nearest lit building, while Quartz dies off-screen]
Shade: So, how does the KYLL kill you? Like, suffocation?
Dark: You wanna find out? So do I.
Shade: And... how WILL we?
Dark: I dunno. Let's think.
[think time]
Shade: I've got it.
[somehow, Shade's clone, Tint is in the building with them]
Shade: Now, Tint, it's time to play a game. Are you ready?
Tint: Sure thing, Shade! I love games!
Shade: That's good. This one's called, "Red Light, Green Light."
Tint: Ooh! I know this one!
Shade: All right. You wanna get to that streetlight right there. If you make it... uh...
Dark: We'll give you stuff.
Shade: Yeah. Stuff. Toys, plastics, video games, clothes, and, um....
Dark: Alcoholic beverages.
Tint: Okay!
[Tint goes off-screen]
Shade: ....."alcoholic beverages?"
Dark: First thing that came to my head.
[cut to Tint out in the streets]
Shade: Red light!
[Tint stops]
[the KYLL enter Tint's bloodstream, and begin to tear at his bones]
Tint: Um... guys? This feels weird.
[he becomes a big blob of bigness]
Shade+Dark: EWWW!
[the skin peels away, revealing muscles, organs, and blood]
Dark: Mommy! Mommy!
Shade: Let's hurry and get through this!
[an O CRAP HOLE appears in the street]
Both: O CRAP!
[however, the KYLL gets to it first]
Both: .....oh.
[they run through some more streets and buildings, occasionally shooting some robots, but mostly watching horrible, gruesome, KYLL-related deaths]
[then, they find a large street, and the lights go out]
Shade: Let's get back into this building...
Dark: Y-yeah...
[they retreat into the lit building to rethink their strategy]
Shade: Hmm... how will we cross this street?
[Shade notices a spotlight on top of a building]
[he also notices a huge switch labelled "Streetlights" at the other side of the street]
Shade: ...I've got it. Dark, I'm gonna go activate that conveniently-placed spotlight, and direct you across the street.
Dark: Okay.
Shade: Then, you need to get that switch.
Dark: Leave it to me, Shade.
[Shade makes a mad dash to the building and the spotlight, and actually makes it wtf?]
[he directs Dark across the street to the other building]
Shade: Okay, now pull that switch, Dark-- no. No. Forget about the butterfly, Dark. Okay? See? It died. Because of KYLL. We will, too, if you don't hit that switch. There you go. Yeah. Yep, now pull it-- NO! Stop! Forget about the toaster, Dark! ...good. GOOD. You pulled it. ...oh, crap. My spotlight went out. Run, Dark! Run! ...forget the freaking toaster, Dark!
[the streetlights finally turn on; Shade and Dark meet up]
[Dark is holding the toaster, with a silly grin on his face]
Shade: ............
Dark: I got the toas--
Shade: I KNOW YOU GOT THE ****ING TOASTER!!!
[Shade picks the toaster up, and chucks it]
Shade: THERE! NOW YOU DON'T HAVE THE TOASTER!
[Dark picks up another toaster]
Dark: I got another one.
Shade: ......yes, Dark. Yes, you did.
Dark: Wanna see it?
Shade: No, thanks. Let's continue.
[they continue, and find a big building]
?: Hey, wassup? How ya doin', ya panda?
Shade: .....Speedy?
[Speedy, the Hero Sonic chao, appears]
Speedy: Hey, Shade. Hey, Dark. What are you two doing down here?
Shade: We're looking for the gas station place.
Speedy: Oh, shucks. Ain't no lights between here n' there. Of course, if you cut through the building--
[by now, Shade and Dark are already in the building]
Speedy: Um.... okay! I'll... I'll stand watch out here.
DARK NIGHT: SHADED LABYRINTH
[Shade and Dark are walking through the big house]
[things are going bump bump in the night]
[suddenly, the lights go out!]
[Dark screams]
Shade: Dark, we're inside a building.
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[then, the roof breaks open as robots pour in!]
[budda budda budda]
[then, the KYLL slowly drifts in]
Shade: O CRAP NO!
Dark: RUN!
[they cover their noses and mouths, running as fast as they can]
[suddenly, they run into a locked door]
Dark: NO!
Shade: AAAHHH!!
[the lights suddenly turn on; the KYLL sticks to the dark parts of the house]
[Speedy walks in]
Speedy: Heh. Looks like I got here juuust in time.
Shade: *pant* ....yes...... you did...... I think I'm gonna throw up....
Dark: *pant* Well, don't throw up at... our feet.... 'cause it'll mix with mine...
Speedy: Relax. I'll stick with you two, just to make sure you don't... freak out.
Shade: .......all...right...
Dark: .....*throws up*..... fine by me...
[cut to the trio walking through the maze of corridors, looking for the exit]
[suddenly, some robots run in]
[they kill Speedy!]
[then, Shade and Dark destroy them]
Shade: Crap. We're stuck in this building with no tour guide.
Dark: It's Chao Talk second coming all over again!
Shade: We're gonna die!
[around the corner is the exit]
Shade: ....oh.
[they reach the gas station place!]
DARK NIGHT: A KEG OF PETROL, PLEASE
[they also find Shade's father, Shawn, at the gas station place]
Shawn: Hey, son. What brings you kids down here?
Dark: I understand Phantom's Junker is here?
Shawn: Sure is. Got it all set up for you. ....but, not filled up.
Dark: What?!
Shawn: Relax! All you gotta do is turn that wheel right there ONCE, and it'll all be taken care of!
[Dark turns the wheel]
Shawn: Now the Junker's being filled up.
[RADIO!!!]
Cham: Uh, Shade, we got a bit of a problem here.
Shade: What is it?
Cham: The robots are attacking!
Shade: Oh, crap.
Cham: Where's that Junker, man?
Shade: We're working on it. Filling it up right now.
Cham: That's good, n' all, but... WE NEED HELP!
Shade: Wilco. We'll get there ASAP.
[RADIO OFF!]
Shawn: Hey, you two need ammo?
Dark: I suppose.
Shawn: Come to the back of my little shop. ...ALONE.
Shade: Okay.
[they enter the back of his shop... ALONE...]
[and Shawn gives them ammo]
Shade: Thanks!
Dark: Why'd we have to be alone?
Shawn: I'm not sure.
[the robots invade the gas station!]
Shade: We've got hostiles!
[budda budda budda]
Shawn: Yeah, sure, shoot the gas pumps. Great idea.
[some robots start hiding]
Shawn: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS, STUPID!? THOSE ARE GAS PUMPS YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND!
[the robots realize this, and instantly get out of cover, only to be shot]
[some Boomers start coming]
[also, the Junker is all filled up now]
Shawn: Crap. Let's get out of here before those Boomers blow the whole station to smithereens!
Shade+Dark: Agreed!
[they enter the Junker and drive]
Shawn: LEFT turn, idiot!
Dark: Sorry!
Shade: Dark, maybe I should drive.
Dark: Good idea.
DARK NIGHT: GREAT BURNT RUBBER OF FIRE
[they're driving on the highway as fast as they can]
Dark: Shade, the KYLL are chasing us!
Shade: Crap!
Shawn: There's a turret thing that has KYLL-killing bullets on this thing.
Dark: I've got it!
Shawn: But, using it slows the Junker down.
Shade: Relax. We've got it covered.
Shawn: You missed the exit.
Shade: WHAT!? CRAP!!!
[Shade swerves, and actually manages to break the edge of the highway, and fall to the streets]
Shawn: Nice going.
Shade: Hey, the Junker's fine.
Dark: KYLL's coming.
Shade: Then SHOOT them!
Dark: Right!
[BOOM! SUPER CANNON!]
Dark: Whoa, this thing actually works!
Shawn: Of COURSE it works! Right turn.
[SWERVE!]
Shawn: Watch out! It's a blockade of robots!
[SMASH! roadkill]
Dark: KYLL coming. *BOOM!* Never mind. *chuckle*
Shawn: Take this highway.
[SWERVE!]
Shade: Crap! There's a huge ramp!
Dark: Hordes of KYLL coming our way.
Shade: We can't do both! The cannon'll slow us down enough to FAIL'D the jump!
Shawn: Then just do the jump!
Shade: Affirmative.
[speed up.... JUMP!]
[the KYLL get dangerously close...]
[then the Junker lands and speeds up!]
All: *cheer*
[they arrive back at the camp]
DARK NIGHT: ONE LAST STAND FOR A CHAO, ONE EPIC WIN FOR CHAOKIND
[Shade and Dark get out of the Junker]
Shade: Dad, aren't you coming?
Shawn: Nah, I'll sit this one out.
[they find Cham and Chao hiding behind cover]
Cham: Took you guys long enough.
Shade: Shut up. We're here, and that's all that matters. Now then, what's the situation?
[BOOM!]
Cham: That is.
[there's a huge army of robots]
Chao: INCOMING!
[BOOM!]
Shade: Dark, you and Cham flank right and take that Troika!
Both: Got it!
Shade: Chao, take to that random building right there, and snipe them!
Chao: Sniping!
[Shade stands his ground, and tosses some grenades]
[Chao snipes some heads, while a robot is sneaking up on him]
[meanwhile, Dark is shooting enemies with the Troika, and Cham is by his side, yet another Troika is behind them...]
[Shade is too busy destroying robots to notice]
[Chao decides to turn around, then he screams]
[BANG!]
[the robot's head is no more]
[the Troika starts shooting Dark, who dives to the side]
Dark: Yikes!
Cham: Oh no, you don't!
[budda budda budda ka-BOOM!]
[Cham shot the Troika enough that it blows up]
[three O CRAP HOLES form]
All: O CRAP NO!!!
[the robots just keep pouring out, and more O CRAP HOLES form]
Dark: Shade.... I... I don't know how much more I can take...
Shade: Relax, Dark.... I... I think they're nearly done...
[eventually, they finish off all the robots]
Chao: Wow... we did it... holy crap.
Shade: And here I thought Heroes couldn't say "crap."
Chao: Just....... shut...... up...
[large rumble]
[Delta Squad slowly, and reluctantly, turns around]
Chao: Oh...
Cham: Crap...
Dark: Please...
Shade: NO....!
[behind them is a humongous O CRAP HOLE, filled with Boomers]
Cham: They just never cut us any slack...
Shade: Well, no point just sitting here... let's get this over with. Dark, take the Troika.
Dark: Okay.
[Dark takes the Troika, and shoots a few Boomers before stopping, eyes wide]
Dark: Uh... Shade? You may want to take a look at this.
Shade: What-- *notices*................(quietly, weak)...now?
[all the Boomers are gone, but something is in their place]
[that something is a tiny doll]
Cham: Awww, it's a cute little doll!
[Cham jumps into the hole to grab it]
Shade: Cham, please don't--
[Cham grabs the doll]
Cham: Hang on... this doll..... it's torn. An eye is missing, it has three tails, and I think it's lost a leg.
?: Help...
Cham: Huh? Dark, did you say something?
Dark: What? No.
Shade: Cham, you REALLY oughta lose that doll...
Cham: Why? It's cute!
Shade: But, you're a guy! Guys don't care about cuteness!
Cham: Well, it looks cool, then.
Shade: But.... but....
Dark: Please, Cham. PLEASE. Lose the doll.
Cham: All right, FINE. I will.
[Cham sets the doll down, and they get into the Junker]
Shade: DARK.
Dark: We might need to cook some--
[a toaster is seen flying out the Junker's window]
Dark: ........let's go.
[they drive off]
[the camera zooms in on the doll]
[it's a doll of Miles "Tails" Prower, and an eye and leg ARE missing, and it DOES have three tails, and it's very, VERY torn]
[as the screen fades to black, you can just about see the doll move a little bit]

Gears n' Roses Act 3: Belly of the Beast and the Harlot




BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: IT'S POURING DOWN
[cut to the Junker in a forest; it's raining]
[the Junker suddenly stops; Delta Squad gets out]
[RADIO ON]
Shade: Eggman? This is Delta. Junker's down.
Egg: Oh. Well... according to my data, the factory you're looking for is just ahead.
Shade: That's awfully convenient, sarge. I don't like the way this is going.
Egg: Look, you need to take advantage of these situations, becuase you won't get many more of them. Now, go!
[RADIO OFF!]
Dark: Well?
Shade: The factory's up ahead. Come on; let's get moving.
[they start walking through the forest]
Cham: *sigh* I hate the rain.
Shade: Yeah? That's 'cause you're a Neutral chao. Rain's awesome. It's good for you. It's good for the environment. It rocks.
[pitter patter]
Chao: ...what was that?
Shade: What was what?
Chao: ..........nothing. Probably just hearing things.
[pitter patter]
Chao: There it was again!
Shade: *sigh* What did it SOUND like?
Chao: Like... something slowly walking on pipes.
Shade: Look around you. Do you see any pipes?
Dark: There's one.
[they see a huge factory in front of them, with lots of pipes coming out of it]
[suddenly, something jumps down, and starts running to them]
[Shade shoots it; it blows up]
Shade: Whoa! What the hell was that?
Chao: More of 'em coming our way.
[Delta Squad readies their guns. .....and roses]
[the creatures bash into them]
[a creature breaks the Junker's door open]
Radio: Hello, and you're listening to 200.1 FM, Chao Chat, where we play the most conveniently-placed songs and interviews. ...EVER. Next up on our setlist, is "Welcome to the Jungle," by Guns N' Roses. Once again, this is 200.1 FM, Chao Chat.

[as the music plays, Delta Squad fights off the strange creatures in the jungle-y forest]
Welcome to the jungle!
We've got fun 'n' games!
We got everything you want.
Honey, we know the names.
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need.
If you got the money, honey,
We got your disease.

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!
I wanna watch you bleed.

Welcome to the jungle!
We take it day by day!
If you want it, you're gonna bleed,
But that's the price you pay.
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please.
You can taste the bright lights,
But you won't get them for free.

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Feel my, my, my serpentine!
I, I wanna hear you scream!

*guitar solo*

Welcome to the jungle!
It gets worse here everyday!
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play.
If you got a hunger for what you see,
You'll take it eventually!
You can have anything you want!
But you better not take it from me.

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!
I wanna watch you bleed.

And when you're high you never,
Never want to come down, come down, come down, YEAH!

*guitar solo*

You know where you are!
You're in the jungle, baby!
You're gonna die!

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Feel my, my, my serpentine

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your--
It's gonna bring you down-HA!

Announcer: That was "Welcome to the Jungle," by Guns N' Roses. Next up, we got "Thriller," by Mic--
[a creature destroys the radio, and is shot by Shade]
[the creatures stop coming]
Dark: Conveniently-placed songs, indeed.
Chao: What WERE those things?
Shade: I don't know. But, I don't wanna stick around to find out. Let's keep moving.
[they reach the entrance to the factory, and try to open the door]
Shade: Damn. Locked.
[RADIO]
Shade: Control, this is Delta. We've reached the factory, but the front door is locked.
Egg: Copy that, Delta. Uh... I think there's an elevator to the second floor close to you. Somewhere.
Shade: Wilco. Delta out.
[RADIO OFF]
Shade: Eggman says there's another way in. Cham, you and Chao go that way. We'll go this way.
Cham: Man, I don't like this...
Shade: I understand. Now, go!
Cham: .....yes, SIR!
[Cham and Chao go in their direction]
Dark: That was a little harsh.
Shade: Are you being serious, or random?
Dark: ...LOOK, A TOASTER! *runs off*
[they check the outside of the factory, and find an elevator]
[it doesn't work]
Dark: I bet if we continue pressing it, it eventually will.
Shade: .....I doubt it.
[Shade looks around, and finds a button]
Shade: Hm?
[BEEP!]
Dark: Shade, the elevator works now.
Shade: Yay!
[the mysterious creatures are coming]
Shade: Crap!
[they quickly take the elevator, and jump onto the rooftop]
Shade: It's a good thing Chao isn't here.
[Shade looks down at the dozens of creatures running around]
Shade: He's scared crapless as it is.
[they enter a window]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: DREAMS OF AN EVOLUTION
[it's really dark and spooky]
Dark: Hey, Shade?
Shade: Yeah?
Dark: Why is it that you always want me to come with you?
Shade: 'Cause we're best pals, dude! Or.... well, I dunno. I suppose it's 'cause you're a Dark chao, like me.
[they find a door-- locked]
Shade: Damn. Are there ANY unlocked doors in this place?
[they walk down a different corridor, and hear a small crash]
Both: What the!?
[they catch a glimpse of something moving]
Dark: I don't like this place...
[they find another door-- unlocked]
[RADIO!!]
Shade: Yep?
Cham: Any luck?
Shade: Yeah. We're in. But, it's very dark.
Dark: YAY!
Cham: Heh... we're in the basement, so you're in luck. There might be a switch or two around here...
Shade: Keep looking for it.
[RADIO OFF!]
[they walk through a few corridors, while occasionally catching glimpses of things moving]
[they open a door, and the lights turn on]
Both: HOLY ****!!!
[a ton of dead bodies, lots of blood, and just plain fright]
[RADIO]
Chao: Hey, we got the lights!
Shade: Yep, Chao.... you did.
Dark: Yeah, liked it better with them off.
Chao: What?
Shade: Don't worry about it. Just find a way for us to regroup.
Chao: Uh... wilco.
[RADIO OFF]
Shade: Let's hurry and leave this room.
Dark: ....
Shade: Dark?
Dark: ........................
Shade: Dark...?
Dark: ....................huh? Oh... um.... okey-dokey.
[they leave the room, and Dark takes another look at a certain dead body]
[the camera zooms in on the dead body]
[one eye is missing, a leg is missing, a bunch of scars cover it, and it has three tails WTF?]
[cut to Shade and Dark exploring more rooms]
[they enter a room, and see a bunch of furniture, and a cowboy hat]
[the hat moves]
[it rises, and reveals that it's being worn by Dark-Hawk!]
DH: Shade? Dark? Wow, am I glad to see you guys!
Shade: Dark-Hawk? What are you doing here?
DH: Waiting for you guys. You.... ARE the rescue team, right?
Shade: ...Dark, what do you think?
Dark: I dunno, I mean... he IS a dedicated member of our army.
Shade: .......all right, Dark-Hawk. You can come with us.
DH: Yay!
Shade: So, do you know how to get to the actual factory part of this building? 'Cause this seems more like a haunted house.
DH: Huh? Me? Aren't we leaving?
Shade: Not yet. We've got work to do. Now, c'mon. Help us open this door.
[Dark-Hawk opens a door for them, and they follow him through the facility]
DH: Well..... I DO know that there's a real factory deep underground. But, to get there, you have to ride these minecarts. You need the cart control room.
Shade: And... do you know where that IS?
DH: Somewhere this way. Really, you soldiers are all the same. Bunch of macho, facist PIGS.
[they reach a big corridor with rickety, wooden planks for a floor]
DH: I know it's not too far from here. That's all I know, thou--
[the floorboards break, and Dark-Hawk falls down]
[THUD!]
[Shade and Dark look down the hole, and see Dark-Hawk being torn apart by the mysterious creatures]
Shade: Once again, lost in a strange place with no tour guide.
[they take a step back, and look at the huge corridor]
[no floorboard looks stable]
[they hear lots of creaks and cringes]
[they also hear the creatures breathing, grunting, and running around]
[but, most of all.... they hear their own fear. That's deep.]
[after what seems like minutes, Shade took a deep breath, and slowly stepped forward]
[he hears a loud creak, and quickly jumps back; the floorboard he just stepped on breaks]
[Shade pants; he just avoided a gruesome death]
[Dark slowly follows Shade as he carefully steps across the maze of floorboards, quickly stepping back for every loud creak]
[eventually, they reach the end]
Dark: YES! FINALLY!
[Dark's yelling drowns out the loud creak as he steps forward]
[and Dark's smile instantly becomes a frown as his footing breaks beneath him, sending him plummeting into the dark depths]
Shade: DARK!
Dark: HELP ME!!!
[Dark manages to grab on to Shade's hand]
Shade: Hang on, Dark!
Dark: I'm trying!
[then, Dark feels a sharp pain in his leg-- a creature is grabbing it, and dragging him down!]
Dark: HELP! HELP! PLEASE! NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! *sniff* Please.........
Shade: *sniff* Just... hold on tight, Dark........ we'll get out of this one, I swear...
Dark: I'm slipping....
[Dark falls down]
Shade: DARK!
[Shade dives into the hole]
[cut to Dark, cowering]
Dark: No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
[Dark looks up and sees one of the creatures]
Dark: AIEE--..........what.....the?
[Dark spends a little bit staring at the creature]
Shade: Hey, ugly! I got something for ya!
[the creature turns around, and Shade chainsaws it in half (although it blows up)]
Shade: C'mon, Dark!
[Shade grabs Dark, and runs for the ladder at the other end of the room]
[as they climb the ladder, the camera shows a creature attempting to climb it, then turns around, showing its face]
[one eye is missing, and it has tons of scars; its mouth is sewn shut]
[in its other eye, the one that's there, it has a very spacious gaze, sorta like the abyss]
[basically, it's like it's staring into your soul]
[anyway, Shade and Dark make it back up, and make it past the corridor this time]
Dark: HOLY CRAP....... dude...... that... was....... oh, man....
Shade: Are you alright?
Dark: I... I'm not sure...
Shade: Well, are you ready to move on? 'Cause I think we're at the cart control room.
Dark: Really?
Shade: We're close.
[RADIO!!!]
Cham: Hey, dude and dudette.
Shade: ....what?
Cham: Doesn't matter. Guess where we are!
Shade: *sigh* Control, could you give us their location?
Egg: Looks like... the sewers?
Cham: It smells like **** down here, man!
Shade: Whatever. Just get to the cart control room. 'Cause we're already here.
Cham: Wilco, Shadester. Delta Two out.
[RADIO OFF!]
[Cham and Chao make it, and they all get on the mine carts]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: COAL CARGO
[the mine carts start moving down the path]
[they are all in a different cart, just to let you know]
Shade: Well, this is boring. How are you guys doing?
Dark: Alright.
Cham: All set on this end.
Chao: Bring it ON!!!
Shade: Good. Good. *looks in front of carts* .....aw, ****.
[RADIO]
Shade: Uh, control? Could you... redirect the carts? We're.... heading into a furnace.
[silence]
Shade: Control? Seriously. REDIRECT THE CARTS.
[silence]
Shade: We're heading into a fire!
Egg: At the end of the test, you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
Shade: O CRAP NO! GLaDOS CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD, AND IS HERE TO HAUNT ME!
Egg: No, I'm at the cart redirect console, but I need a password. The clue is, "At the end of the test, you will be baked, and then there will be cake." Any ideas?
Shade: Uh... uh...... the cake is a lie!
Egg: *types in password* Password accepted.
[the carts turn just before they reach the fire]
Shade: Phew....
[the carts begin to speed up a little, and enter a large room with a Boomer]
Chao: Holy crap! What's HE doing here?
Cham: Checking tickets?
Shade: Dark, drop a train on 'em!
Dark: Aye-aye, sir!
[Dark tosses a grenade at the Boomer-- BOOM!]
Chao: "Drop a train on 'em?"
Dark: It's a Homestar Runner thing.
[they keep moving through the factory, shooting robots as they see them]
[eventually, the carts reach their station]
[Chao hits Shade's cart, and flips right into it]
Chao: Heh.... that was fun.
Shade: Great. I'm stuck with you, while Dark gets to partner up with Cham.
Chao: Shut up and let's go.
[they walk down the hall, shooting the occasional creature, before reaching a very large room]
[RADIO!!!]
Egg: Delta, the elevators leading into the actual factory are in that room. I'll send them up for you.
Shade: Cool. Oh, and, control?
Egg: Yep?
Shade: What's so special about the actual factory, again?
Egg: *sigh* You have to put the resonator into the core of the factory, so we can get a good map of the place.
Shade: And then bomb the crap outta them?
Egg: Exactly. I'll send the elevators up now.
Shade: Okay.
[RADIO OFF!!!]
[Chao peeks over the edge, looking at the elevator]
Chao: Uh..... Shade? We've got a small problem.
Shade: Name it.
Chao: Boomers are getting on the elevators.
Shade: lol wut?
Chao: I'm serious.
Shade: ......really? ....crap. *radio* Dark, Cham?
Dark: We're here.
Shade: Get ready 2 rokk.
Dark: Right. ....why?
Shade: Boomers. On the elevators.
Dark: Oh. ......less talk, more rokk.
Cham: lolz freezepop *radio off*
[as soon as the Boomers reach the top, expecting to surprise them, they are ambushed, and killed]
Dark: I love ironing.
Cham: Irony.
Dark: Whatever.
[they get on the elevators, and take them down.... down into the depths of the factory]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: DARKEST BEFORE DAWN.... EXCEPT AFTER C
[the elevators stop in a completely metal factory-- no loose boards, no broken windows, nothing out of place]
Shade: Can we pause this thing for a second?
[the screen turns black and white, and a pause menu appears]
Cham: Hey, why'd you pause it?
Dark: Yeah, I'm ready to kick some arson!
Shade: Something's not right here. If this really IS a DCA adaption of Gears of War....
Chao: *coughfourthwallcough*
Shade: ...then, shouldn't this chapter take place in an underground cavern? A dark one?
Cham: Maybe DJay's changing it to make things work better for the story.
Shade: ............still, something is just..... off. I don't know WHAT, though.
Dark: Worry about it when you have a worrywart on your toe. For now, unpause the script!
Shade: All right.
[they explore the corridors of the factory, and are shocked to find no robots, or sign of life, or doors, or signs, or anything]
Cham: Strange.... it would appear that this factory is either a decoy....
Shade: Or Metal Sonic took advice from Turrican.
Chao: That reminds me. I wonder what Chao Talk is like in the future?
Shade: I'd rather not find out.
Cham: What if we were to try splitting up?
Dark: NO!!!
Chao: Please, no.
Shade: Yeah, if even DARK knows it's a bad idea, then it IS.
Cham: Come on. What's the worst that could happen?
Shade: NEVER ask that question. You hear me? NEVER ask it.
Cham: Fine. Let's just keep wandering through this strange 'factory.'
Dark: Okay.
[they wander around for a few minutes, before Cham gets too bored]
Cham: That's IT! You guys can go that way, I'M gonna go THIS way!
[CRASH!!! The wall directly in front of Cham is busted open]
Shade: (whispering) Cham. Keep quiet, and slowly.... tiptoe.... back... here.
[Cham nods, and slowly tiptoes back into the group]
[they slowly back around a corner]
Shade: (from now on until further noted, they whisper) Stay here, and stay quiet. I'm going to keep a look out.
[Shade peeks around the corner]
Dark: Well?
Shade: Still there.
Dark: Shade, I REALLY don't like where this is going.
Shade: Me, neither. But.... there's only one way to get ourselves out of this. Well, one SAFE way.
Chao: Shade.... I'd like to know... was that thing..... was it..... what I think it is?
Cham: It's... no. Can't be. You two... killed... it.
Shade: We never killed it. It ran away, remember?
[getting the clue yet?]
[the camera takes its point of view, slowly moving towards the group]
[although, technically, it doesn't HAVE a point of view, but whatever]
Shade: ...guys, we've got to keep backing up. Slowly. Quietly. Just keep.... backing up.
[they back up, but then, Dark snaps]
Dark: (regular volume) I... I can't do this. *shoots it*
Shade: Dark...... STOP. NOW.
Dark: (regular volume) I CAN'T! I don't want to do this!
[it realizes where Dark is]
It: Ah.... DARK. THAT'S where you four are. I knew I could hear........ WHISPERING.
Shade: This was never part of Gears of War! I call a mulligan!
It: Oh, you WOULD... want a mulligan...... wouldn't....you?
Chao: (from now on, it's back to normal volume) Mecha... what happened to you?
MK: I got.... an upgrade. THAT'S.... what happened. ..help. Help, mommy. ACK. No. Get out of... my.... HEAD!
[Mecha holds his head, then punches the wall, breaking it open, and revealing a new room]
Shade: (whispering) Dark, keep distracting him. Get him away from that hole. We need to get into that hole.
MK: What? Oh, I get it. I want you to go into my hole, Ness; is THAT it?
Shade: N-no, nothing like that!
MK: I...... see. Well, make sure to write to me when you're down there.
Dark: Down where?
Shade: Dark.
Dark: .......OH. That was uncalled for.
[Shade grabs Dark and dives into the hole]
[Mecha doesn't notice]
Dark: Shade, what about Chao and Cham?
Shade: You're right. I mean, if Mecha's here, there are bound to be more dangerous things.... so we'll need their help.
Dark: What about our singing and stuff?
Shade: For some reason, I don't think Rubber Goose is gonna get us out of another mess.
Dark: Good point. Our only option is to help the others.
[they peek out through the hole, and see Mecha walking around, sniffing, while Chao and Cham are frozen in fear]
Dark: How are we gonna get to them?
Shade: Time for some Metal Gear Shade action.
[Shade puts on a bandanna, and sneaks out into the hallway]
[he cautiously goes around Mecha, and makes it to Cham and Chao]
Cham: Help...
Shade: Shh. Follow me. Quietly.
[they follow him, but halfway through, Chao lets out a whimper]
[Mecha turns directly towards them]
MK: There you are.
[Mecha grabs Chao]
Chao: Yikes!
MK: Chao.... look deeply into my eye..... section.
Chao: No! I won't fall for your tricks!
MK: Either look, or I'll kill you now.
Chao: So, about that eye place...
[Chao looks deeply in, and becomes lost in the abyss before Shade plants a grenade on Mecha]
MK: What the?
[BOOM!]
[Chao manages to run, and the three jump into the hole]
Dark: Shade.... that was cool.
Shade: Yep.
Dark: Let's hurry and get out of here.
Shade: Good.
[they continue down this new section of the factory, where things are somewhat bulkier]
Cham: Man, I wonder where the core of this place is...
Shade: I'm wondering on why DJay sent us here, instead of the cavern place we were SUPPOSED to go to.
Cham: Wait. So... you KNOW what's happening?
Shade: Not entirely. I just know the little things, like there are five acts, and stuff.
Cham: I..... see.
Shade: Hey, if I knew what was happening, I'd have expected future me to be killed at that part.
Dark: He makes a good point.
[after a little bit, they find a window showing a large room]
All: NO WAY.
[through the window, they see the room where all the robots lie in standby]
Cham: ...can... we... split up... now?
Shade: I don't know why, but... yes. We'll meet up... here.... in half an hour.
[they all go their seperate ways]
[we follow Shade, since nobody else finds anything interesting]
Shade: Hmm.... I don't know WHY I agreed to this. It's like... something was controlling me.
[Shade walks past an open door, stops, then walks back to it]
Shade: What the?
[inside the door is a staircase leading downwards]
[down the stairs seems to be a cavern-like place]
[Shade peeks, and sees it's a long, long cavern, with a few lights along the way]
[a bright light is at the end of the cavern]
Shade: Oh, man.... I REALLY know I shouldn't, but...
[Shade goes down]
[he walks down the cavern, and eventually reaches the bright light]
?: Hello, Shade. I was expecting you.
[Shade shields his eyes from the light, then eventually asks, "Dad?"]
?: Guess again.
Shade: Uh.... future me?
?: He's dead. Did you forget?
Shade: Dark?
?: LISTEN TO MY VOICE, moron!
Shade: ....no wai cant b
?: Oh, yea wai, Shade. For, 'tis I..... the current and everlasting ruler of the world... the galaxy...
[a figure steps out of the bright light]
[the figure is wearing elf-like shoes, a dark cape, and has huge spikes coming out of its head]
[it also has sharp claws for hands coming out of what look like huge, robotic sleeves]
[its most distinguishing features, though... are the eyes, glowing blood red]
[WHO'S THAT POKEMANZ?! IT'S NEO METAL SONIC! The one from Sonic Heroes. In case you didn't know, that's his official name.]
MS: ...Metal Sonic. Previously Hyper Metal Sonic. As of a few years ago, I am Neo Metal Sonic.
Shade: Eh, "Recycled Metal" sounds WAY cooler.
MS: You can never trust Game Informer, Shade. ...although, yeah, it DOES sound cooler. ANYWAY!
Shade: Yes, anyway.
MS: I called you down here because you need to wake up.
Shade: What?
[Shade bolts up from his sleep, sweat dripping down his face]
[it's the middle of the night, and he's in the Dark Garden]
Shade: .....wha? ..guess it was all just... a dream.
[Shade looks around before going back to sleep]
[then, his eyes burst open, in realization that he's the only one there!]
Shade: WHAT THE CRAP?!
[he wakes up AGAIN! This time, he's in the factory, outside the door leading to the cavern]
Shade: What is going on?!
[Shade notices the door is closed]
[he gets up, and reaches for the doorknob]
[as soon as he opens it, he sees Mecha, but that image randomly disappears]
[behind the door is a small office; there's a desk, and a spinny chair spun to face the other way]
[there is also a random fireplace that the spinny chair is facing]
[Shade looks at the chair, and can swear that he sees Metal's fingers]
[he stays very quiet]
Shade: ...............................................h.e...llo?
MS?: ...........
Shade: ...Metal?
MS?: ...........
Shade: Metal, is that you?
[as Metal? stays quiet, Shade slowly approaches the chair]
[he extends his arm, preparing to spin the chair]
MS: Stop. It's me.
Shade: AHH!
MS: Calm down, mortal. Just, please... DON'T... spin this chair.
Shade: Why not? What's wrong?
MS: You are probably curious as to what's going on here.
Shade: I... suppose.
MS: I shall put it simply. You recall that, earlier, I invaded the gardens under the title, "Murderous Mechetal?"
Shade: Yeah. Worst Season Finale ever.
MS: You recall the way I invaded? The things I used? I cannot recall their names...
Shade: Stardust? ....Instability?
MS: Yes! That's it! Instabilities!
Shade: What about them? First off, I thought we killed them off, and second, what do they have to do with this?
MS: You merely destroyed the weird sphere thing that was their leader. It was Solaris, or something.
Shade: Yeah.
MS: Well, it turns out that... the Instability merely stopped moving through the first three dimensions. They can still move freely throughout the fourth.
Shade: .......?
MS: Wait, no, that's not right. Um... let me think... they are still alive. However, I sealed them off in this factory for a few years.
Shade: ....no way.
MS: Yep. Months ago, I encountered a sudden partial memory loss. I think. I'm not sure anymore... it's like something was controlling me...
Shade: You went to the factory.
MS: Yes. As soon as I came to, the Instabilities were gone, and I had an awesome army at my feet.
Shade: Wow. So... what do you want me to do about it?
MS: There's something going on here, Shade. And, you know what? I'm putting YOU in charge of figuring it out.
Shade: M...me?
MS: Well, of course, your squad can help you. And, I'll help you via radio.
Shade: Why can't we just stick to the Gears of War script?
MS: We're going back to that script in Act 4, okay? That's all I know, though.
Shade: I see. Well..... okay. I'll talk to you once I find some stuff out.
MS: Good. Now, go.
[Shade walks up his stairs, and stops in fright as he sees Mecha down the hall]
[Shade runs back into Metal's office, and closes the door]
Shade: Metal, do you know what's up with Mec--
[Shade turns around, and sees that the chair has turned around, and Metal is sitting there]
[Shade has some tears brought to his eyes, and is trembling]
MS: Horrifying, isn't it? This has been slowly happening for the past few months. Ever since I went to this factory...
Shade: But... but.... but, I recognize...... I recognize.........
MS: What?
[Shade is too freaked out by Metal's appearance]
[Metal's eye is missing, his arm is gone, and he is slowly growing two more tails]
Shade: *deep breath, closes eyes* I recognize your appearance. Your...... disease, if you will.
MS: You do? Impossible! Mecha told me he had never seen this before!
Shade: ...you serious? There are dead people in the upstairs section that look like you, and......
MS: And?
Shade: We... we found the Tails Doll in Station Square. He looked like that.
MS: ...................I see. Anything else?
Shade: We've seen some strange creatures.... in the upstairs factory, and outside it.
MS: Strange creatures? I assume they had these features?
Shade: Yes. But.... they also had another.
MS: Another?
Shade: Their mouths were sewn shut.
MS: .....interesting.
Shade: By the way, Metal? Could you tell me a bit about Mecha's upgrades?
MS: His upgrades? WHAT upgrades?
Shade: ...................................NO WAY. I refuse.... to believe this. I just.... CAN'T.
MS: What?
Shade: You're telling me Mecha somehow gained the power of smell, lost his sight, got covered in blood, and grew three times in size just by CHANCE?
MS: ....he WHAT?!
Shade: Man, what ELSE don't you know about?
MS: Well.... I haven't even left this factory since I awoke here a few months a--
Shade: OBJECTION! You killed Future me yesterday in Station Square!
MS: ....WHAAAAAAAT?! What ELSE have I done?
Shade: Future me said you came into the Dark Garden with Mecha and the Tails Doll a while ago, and destroyed the place.
MS: ..unbelievable. ...and how is Station Square? Still the city that never sleeps?
Shade: ....you seriously never left this factory, have you? Wow.
MS: Let me guess. It's in ruins?
Shade: Worse. Every night, some computer virus named KYLL comes out and kills things.
MS: Shade... I must come with you. Out this factory. I must help you set things back to normal.
Shade: So, you sure you can get out of this place?
MS: Of course! Come on.
[Metal is about to open the door when Shade stops him]
Shade: Like I said... Mecha. He's out there. He's super deadly.
MS: Relax. I'll try to talk to him.
[Metal steps outside while Shade watches from the door]
MK: HM? WHAT........... IS THAT....
MS: Mecha. How go things?
MK: Boss. I... I haven't seen you in a while!
MS: And I you, Mecha. I see you got some upgrades.
MK: Y...yes.
MS: When did you acquire such things?
MK: It... it wasn't too long ago. I mean, you spent your days cooped up in that room. What's in there, anyway?
MS: It does not matter. Why did you not inform me of the KYLL? And Station Square?
MK: ............................Shade is in there. He told you of these things.
MS: Um....
MK: You betrayed your own kind, sir?
MS: Now, HOLD ON. I never betrayed anyone. There are no laws which state that we can't talk to the chao.
MK: ...
MS: If anything, YOU have betrayed ME, by not informing me of this virus!
MK: ..........
[STOMP STOMP STOMP]
[Shade dives backwards as the door is busted open]
MS: Mecha!
[Mecha grabs Shade]
Shade: Help!
MK: SHADE, YOU WILL PERISH!
Shade: O CRAP!
[Mecha is just about to punch Shade when Metal shoots him; Mecha drops Shade]
MS: Run, Shade.
Shade: ....
MS: RUN!
[Shade runs away]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: A N G R Y T-I-T A-N-S, ANGRY TITANS, LET'S GO!
[cut to the window place; the others have been waiting for Shade]
Chao: Took you long enough.
Cham: What the crap were you DOING back there?
[Shade explains the whole thing]
Dark: ................................holy crap, dude.
Cham: So Metal saved your butt back there? Nice.
Chao: Yeah, but now where do we go?
Shade: Hmm...
[RADIO!]
Shade: Eggman, where is the core of the factory?
[static]
Shade: Eggman? ...aw, crap.
MS: *static* .......Shade? You there?
Shade: Metal? Hey, how ya doing?
MS: I managed to trap Mecha in a big room made of some sort of tough steel.
Shade: Hey, do you know where the core of the factory is?
MS: The core? Yeah, that's the room where I woke up months ago.
Shade: Oh. Thanks.
[RADIO OFF!]
Cham: Well?
Shade: I think the core is that huge room right there. Through that window.
[they break through the window, and enter the core room]
Shade: So, what were the directions? Throw the resonator in here, and run off?
Cham: That's about it.
Shade: Okay--
[BOOM!!! RAWWWR!!!]
Dark: That's a new sound.
[something huge is digging around]
Shade: Crap.
[it breaks out of the ground, revealing a giant crab-like robotic creature]
Chao: What.... the....
All: CRAP!
[the creature/robot roars]
Dark: What do we do?
Shade: Shoot the freaking thing!
[budda budda budda]
[the monster isn't even harmed]
Dark: Now what?
Shade: Activate the resonator, and RUN!
[STOMP.......; Shade's face fills with fear]
[STOMP.......; Dark's face fills with fear]
[STOMP.......; Cham's face fills with fear]
[STOMP.......; Chao's face fills with fear]
[Mecha Knuckles enters the room]
MK: *sniff* Smells like my pal's here. *sniff* ....and chao.
Chao: Crap...
Shade: Mecha.
MK: Hmm?
Shade: Tell me what this thing is.
MK: What, my pal? He's nothing special... just an old foe of yours.
Shade: .....
MK: Right, you've had LOTS of old foes. Well, he's a creature being controlled by the Tails Doll.
Shade: A creature covered with weird, robotic parts?
MK: Like with me, he has been..... upgraded.
Shade: Dark, you and Cham take Mecha. Chao and I will try and stop this, uh....
MK: This particular species is called, "Corpse Maker."
Shade: Right. We'll take the Corpse Maker.
MK: Mmhmmhmmhmmhmmm...... very well. Take me on.
[they begin the fight]
[let's start with Shade and Chao versus the Corpse Maker]
[Chao tries shooting it-- nothing]
CM: RAAAAWWWR!
[the Corpse Maker smashes the ground at their feet]
Shade: Yikes!
[Shade looks around, and sees a big tank of acid]
Shade: Chao! Co-op snipe that tank!
Chao: Got it.
[they get out random sniper rifles, and carefully ignore the monster while aiming for the tank]
Shade: Careful. 3... 2.... 1..--
[SMASH!]
[Mecha hits Chao; Chao flies across the room, and hits the wall]
Shade: WHAT THE CRAP!?
MK: *evil laughter* Looks like there'll be no two-man army co-op sniping for you, Shade.
Cham: Shade, man, what were you THINKING? Co-op sniping is for unrealistic games, and copies of this one!
Shade: HEY! I happened to like that game...
[Dark hops onto Mecha's back]
Dark: Shade, take out the Corpse Maker! I got Mecha!
[Mecha shakes Dark off]
MK: Nice try, but I don't fall for things like that-- *CLUNG!!!*
[Mecha stands still for a second before falling over]
[behind him is Cham holding a monkey wrench with a huge dent in it]
Cham: Now THAT'S how you use these things.
Shade: Whoo... thanks, man.
Dark: Yeah, he was about to kill us!
Cham: Enough talk. Shoot the freaking tank.
Shade: Right. Dark, you with me?
Dark: Sure.
[they get out random sniper rifles, and carefully ignore the monster while aiming for the tank]
Shade: Careful. 3....2....1......
[BANG! BOOM! RAWR!]
[the tank explodes, sending the monster flying into the wall above them]
Cham: Crap.
Shade: RUN.
[they run, and the monster crashes into the ground they were just standing in]
[they also get to Chao, and give him some Medkits to get him going]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: TIP OF THE FOOD CHAIN
Chao: Uh... we just passed the core. Where are we going NOW?
Shade: Something's not right here. The resonator shouldn't go off in a room with an acid tank... that would corrupt the process!
Dark: So, where ARE we going, then?
Shade: The room NEXT to the core.
[they enter the room next to the core, and plant the resonator]
Shade: Cham, I'm gonna need you to set it off. As soon as it does, we gotta RUN. Run as fast as we can, to the nearest elevators.
Cham: Copy that!
[Chao sees some robots running around]
Chao: Shade, we got company.
Shade: Damn! Cham, keep working on it. We'll take these guys.
[wave after wave of robots pour in as Shade, Dark, and Chao shoot them down, but they just keep coming]
[Shade even runs out of ammo, and starts using a pistol]
Shade: This is crazy! What ELSE could happen in this brand-new land of not-in-GoW factoryness?
[the others run out of ammo]
Shade: Crap.
Cham: Resonator set!
Shade: Just in time, too. Okay, boys. Let's run like a bat outta--
[BOOM!]
Shade: ****!!!
[they sprint for the exit, but get swept up by the explosion]
All: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
[the explosion sends them flying outside, where they land on the ground]
Dark: Oof... my back...
Chao: Did we do it?
Shade: I.... I think so. That explosion wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, though...
[RADIO!!!]
Egg: SHADE!
Shade: Whoa. What's up?
Egg: We have some bad news, THAT'S what's up!
Shade: Bad news?
MS: I'm afraid it's true, Shade.
Shade: Metal?
Egg: Commander Metal? What are you doing in our transmission?
[Shade and metal explain the stuff]
Egg: Oh.
Shade: So.... the bad news?
Egg: Right. Uh, Commander Metal, since you seem so certain.... you explain it.
MS: My pleasure. I'm afraid that your little resonator was a dud.
Shade: lol wut
Egg: He means the resonator ****ed up.
MS: For lack of a better phrase, yes. It did not cover the entire factory.
Shade: It..... it didn't? Wait, refresh my memory. WHAT was it supposed to do?
Egg: Map the factory, so we know where to bomb it.
Shade: Can't we just ask Metal for the info?
MS: Hmm.... good idea, but I don't even KNOW the factory, myself. It's sorta like Rose Red; it builds new parts of itself every few days.
Shade: Great movie, but bad time for something to copy it. So, what do you propose we--
[ZZZZRT!]
Egg: What was that?
Shade: Dark, put your flying robot guy away.
Dark: But.... Sam n' Max has barely gotten any screen time! He just got you out of jail, and that's all we saw of him!
Shade: *groan* ......wait.... what the crap?
Egg: What?
Shade: Sam n' Max is showing a huge map of the factory somehow...
Egg+MS: WHAT?!
MS: Dark, where did you get that robot from, again?
Dark: Shade's dad.
MS: Shawn? Hmm... but.... where is he?
Shade: Last I saw, he was in our Junker--.....
Egg: What?
[Shade is standing, eyes wide, as the Junker lies in front of them, upside-down, and on fire]
Shade: (quietly) Damn robots..... (normally) Uh, my dad.... is dead. Yeah.
Egg: Oh. Metal, where does he live?
Shade: Isn't it in the Dark Garden?
MS: Well, future you may not have told you this, but... actually, the other chao simply evacuated to Earth instead of dying in the Dark Garden, so...
Shade: So future him is somewhere here?
MS: Died of old age.
Shade: Oh.
MS: BUT, we know where his house is.
Shade: Sweet!
MS: Eggman, I'll send you the coordinates.
Egg: And.... what will they do when they get there?
MS: Hack Sam n' Max up to Shawn's computers. If he has a huge map of the factory, he probably has more information about it, too.
Egg: That's.... that's a good plan. All right, I've got the coordinates. Shade, I'm sending Redd Fox to pick you up and take you there.
Shade: Awesome!
[RADIO OFF!]
[Redd Fox (Red) lands his helicopter and picks them up]