"Sorry, but that's not real,"
Said the clerk wearing an "EBGames" seal.
"Dark-Hawk the Hero Killaz was a lie?"
Asked Dark-Hawk the Dark chao, face as blue as the sky.
"Now, get out," said the clerk, about to call the cops,
Until Dark-Hawk slipped on some props.
Dark Chao Adventures (Feature-Length!)
Halloween 2008: Gears n' Roses
[a HUGE story by DJay32, the bulk of which based on Gears of War by Epic Games]
Tale One.... The Tale of Dark-Hawk (Rival Survival)
[cut to EBGames; Dark-Hawk gets up from the props]
Clerk: Hey, you okay?
DH: Yeah, I'm fine. But, you gotta put, like, a wet-floor sign here, or something. What IS this stuff, anyway?
Clerk: Oh, that stuff? It's pee.
DH: WHAT!?
Clerk: Yeah, some kid named "Light-Hawk" came by earlier, and told me he was waiting for you to come by.
DH: Ruh.... really? Where is he now?
Clerk: He said he was going to the parking lot.
[Dark-Hawk realizes Knuckles' car is in the parking lot, and Knuckles is the one who drove him here]
DH: Oh..... CRAP! *dashes out of store*
[suspiciously, nobody else is around]
[Dark-Hawk is halfway between EBGames and the shopping mall's parking lot before all the lights go off]
DH: Wha? Who's there?
[he spots somebody running nearby]
DH: Hello? Who's that?
[a potted plant is knocked over]
DH: Whoa!
[a bright light shines on him]
DH: AAAH! *covers eyes*
[he looks, and notices it's a clothes shop with its lights on]
DH: ........?
[Dark-Hawk peeks into the shop, and sees nothing but lots of clothes at not-too cheap prices]
[he walks into the store, and sees a chao emotiball thing run behind a wall]
[he checks behind the wall, and finds a maintenance shaft]
[in the mainenance shaft, he sees his Hero brother, Light Hawk, sitting, with his back turned to the camera and Dark-Hawk]
DH: Larry? ....Larry, are you okay?
LH: ..........go away..... Derek.
DH: Seriously, bro, you're creeping me out.
LH: I said.... GO.... AWAY.
DH: But--
[Light-Hawk turns around, shouting "GO!"; the camera does not show his face]
[Dark-Hawk freaks out, screams, and runs away]
[he runs into a nearby restroom, chooses a stall, and locks himself in there]
[fifteen minutes of shuddering later, Dark-Hawk is about to leave his stall when he hears lots of banging and crashing]
DH: L....Light-Hawk? Larry? You..... is that you?
LH?: .......................................*inaudible*
DH: ...wh...what?
LH?: .......*inaudible, yet louder*
DH: One more time.
LH?: .....................die.....
DH: ...."die?"
LH?: .....DIE.
DH: What is going ON out *opens stall*--HOLY ****!!!
[outside the stall, everything is covered with blood, the mirrors are cracked, and the ceiling looks like a big, black hole]
[but, the freakiest thing is Light-Hawk. ...who is NOT there.]
DH: L...L......Light-Hawk?
[the blood on the mirror in front of Dark-Hawk is arranged to spell, "Say 'Hello' to Light-Hawk for me!"]
DH: ......................whuh...
[Dark-Hawk breaks down in tears, and runs out of the bathroom]
DH: No......... NOOOOOOO!!!
[the entire mall is covered in blood; the lights are on]
DH: No... no.... no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
[he runs to the parking lot, and sees Knuckles' car]
[it's the only thing in the entire mall that is NOT covered in blood; Knuckles is in the driver's seat, asleep]
DH: I just wanna get outta here...
[before he reaches the car, he trips on something]
DH: Oof! What the? ........NO! NO!!!
[he notices that he tripped on his brother's corpse]
DH: *sob* Larry...... who did this to you?! WHO?!
LH: ......you.
DH: AAAHH! *hops backwards, crawls backwards to Knuckles' car*
[Light-Hawk's body gets up, the camera reveals its face-- one eye is completely missing, its mouth is sewn shut, and tons of scars are all over it]
[also, he's missing an arm, and he has three tails]
DH: Buddy..... please... what happened to you?
[the corpse begins floating in mid-air, and slowly hovers closer to him]
[it also begins chanting the following line:]
LH: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore my eye out.... the bad man tore my arm off..... the bad man gave me three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man sew my mouth shut.... the bad man will die.
[Dark-Hawk gets up, and tries opening the car door; it's locked]
DH: KNUCKLES! *BANG BANG BANG* LET ME IN! *BANG BANG BANG* LET ME IN!!! *sob* PLEASE!
[Dark-Hawk looks in the window, and sees Knuckles glaring at him; he screams]
[Knuckles has one eye, tons of scars, his mouth is sewn shut, he's missing an arm, and has three tails]
[and no matter how much Dark-Hawk cries, and begs, and pleads.... Knuckles just glares]
[and Light-Hawk slowly hovers closer]
[Light-Hawk eventually grabs Dark-Hawk, and melts into the ground along with him]
DH: HELP!!!!!
[as the camera zooms out, Dark-Hawk wakes up, screaming]
[he stops, pants, and looks around, frantically-- he's in the Dark Garden]
[the others are startled by his screams]
Shade: WHOA!!! *yawn* What is it?
DH: I.....I had the most horrible dream.... I dreamt my brother... was killed, and then pulled a Silent Hill on me.
Shade: He became a scary-looking zombie, and pulled you into the darkness?
DH: Yeah!
Shade: Just..... shut up, and get some sleep. Tomorrow's Halloween, remember?
DH: Oh, yeah...
Shade: But, we gotta go to freaking SCHOOL tomorrow.
DH: Man, that sucks.
Shade: Just..... *yawn* Try.... to sleep...
DH: Okay....
[as Dark-Hawk lies down, he smiles]
Shade: ........by the way, have you heard of the new game, "Dark-Hawk the Hero Killaz?"
[Dark-Hawk's eyes open; fade to black as he screams]
Tale Two.... The Tale of Metal Sonic (Shade and Dark Against the World)
[it's Halloween Day! But, the chao are stuck in school...]
[at least Mister Prower is letting the chao wear their Halloween costumes to school]
[Shade is playing hooky from school once again (and yet, he's just exploring the school) when he finds the basement door]
Shade: Heh. I remember this place. There's a time machine in there. It leads to the future. Speaking of which, I wonder how my future self is doing?
Dark: Shade?
Shade: Whoa! ...don't sneak up on me, Dark. Especially not when I'm playing hooky.
Dark: Ooh! I wanna play, I wanna play!
Shade: I got a better idea. Let's get everyone to come to the future!
Dark: Uh... any particle manure RAISIN (particular reason)?
Shade: Call it a field trip, but really, I just wanna see how future me's doing.
Dark: ....I'll go get my purse.
[cut to all the chao gathered around the time machine]
SShade: What's going on? I was told the principal wanted to see me.
Shade: Oh, he does. ....sort of. So.... what are YOU dressed up as?
SShade: Uh... I'm gonna be GIR, from Invader ZIM. He's just too cute to pass up!
Shade: Red, what about you?
Red: Trust me, my costume has GOT to be the scariest.
Dark: Bet it's not too scary.
Red: I'm a Halo fan.
[everyone screams]
Shade: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!
Dark: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Chao: SAVE US!
Dark: That's even scarier than MY costume!
Shade: Dark..... you're a toaster. Again.
Dark: I know; ain't I the scariest?
Red: So, what about YOU, Shade?
Shade: I think I'm even scarier than Red this time. ...or, maybe just more original.
Red: What ARE you? You look like a nerdy jock.
Shade: I'm a person who hates Rock Band because I think it copied Guitar Hero.
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: OW!
Dark: You moron will never get to play Green Grass and High Tides! You're missing out!
Shade: Dark, I'm only PRETENDING to be an idiot! I love that song!
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[pause]
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: DARK!
Dark: Sorry.
Shade: Okay, time for Chao to embarrass himself.
Chao: I'm the creature from Stephen King's "It." Or, to be more precise, I'm Pennywise the clown!
Dark: *shudder* That movie was SCARY.
Shade: Who's next? Who's our next costume person?
Shadow: ME NEXT! I don't get enough air time!
Shade: All right, Shadow. What are you?
Shadow: I'm the weird girl person from The Messengers!
Dark: I didn't see that movie.
Shade: I did. It was.... scary. Definitely. I had to change the channel at one point because I was so scared.
Chao: Pfft. Baby.
Shade: Shut up, PENNYWISE. The Messengers was scarier than It.
Chao: Yeah, but It was longer than The Messengers!
Shade: So what?
Red: quiet n00bs
SShade: ....that was the BEST impression of a Halo fan I've EVER HEARD!
Red: Thanks. I've been practicing.
Shade: What about YOU, Chaosky?
Chy: Oh, I'm nothing much. I'm a vampire! Bluuuuuuh!
Shade: ....weird.
Chy: I know. Isn't it spooky?
SB: Yeah, well.... I'm a Hero Chao.
Chao: I find that offens--
Shade: We don't care.
Chao: But I didn't even fini--
Shade: Don't give a crap.
Chao: But. ................*long pause*........
Shade: Still don't care. Hey, why aren't you guys wearing costumes?
Ph: I forgot it's Halloween.
DH: Same here.
Shade: *sigh* You guys don't care much for our adventures, do you? I mean, it's Halloween. We do a TON of crazy things today.
Chao: Last year, I went into a haunted bathroom.
Shade: And you guys KNOW we do crazy things on Halloween, yet you didn't even put on some nice clothes? Disgraceful.
Chao: We're gonna tell your parents about this.
Ph: YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL MOM! *sob*
DH: YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE THIS AGE!
Dark: Great, you made them cry.
Shade: ENOUGH!!!
[they stop crying]
Shade: We're drifting a bit too far off-topic, here! I haven't even told you why I brought you down here!
Chao: So, WHY are we here, again?
Shade: It's... uh.... Dark!
Dark: It's a school sanctuary (sanctioned) field trip.
Chao: Hmm... I doubt that.
Shade: Dark, plan B.
Dark: Got it!
[Shade locks the door, and Dark farts]
[all the chao run into the time machine; Shade gives Dark a high-five, then dashes into the time machine, covering his nose]
[cut to Future CPAK basement]
Chao: So... NOW what?
Shade: Now, we go to the Dark Garden. ...for education purposes.
[in the Dark Garden, things are once again in flames]
Shade: OH, COME ON!!!
[the future Shade comes out, wearing a cowboy hat]
ShadeF: Hey. Uh... you may be wondering why everything's still ****ed up.
Shade: MAYBE! I thought I took care of everything!
ShadeF: Well, Metal Sonic is back.
Shade: I thought I destroyed--
ShadeF: Heh heh heh.... no, I'm afraid you're WRONG.
Shade: Wruh.... wrong?
ShadeF: Yep. You only destroyed Metal Solaris, Metal's crazy form from the Sonic the Hedgehog Betas.
Dark: You have a thing for Betas, Shade.
Shade: I know....
ShadeF: Of course, we all know... Metal Solaris doesn't really exist.
Shade: Rats... curse you, Sonic Team.
ShadeF: Yeah, so he returned, and has already destroyed the gardens. He told me he wanted you.
Shade: Really? Where is he now?
ShadeF: On the Earth somewhere.
Shade: The Earth is still alive in this ****ed-up future?
ShadeF: Just barely.
Shade: Well, guys? You wanna hunt him down?
[the others display signs of agreement]
Shade: Sweet!
[they arrive on Earth when they're surrounded by robots with guns]
Robot: Halt! Thou art Shade, yea?
Shade: Yea.
Robot: Thou art dead, then! Cometh with me!
Shade: No!
[the robots knock Shade out while everyone else runs away]
[Shade is thrown into a prison]
DUST: 14 HOURS AFTER E-DAY
[Shade is in his cell, thinking]
[he hears Dark]
Dark: Sam n' Max, rip open that door!
[sparks fly; the door busts down; Dark is there next to a flying robot]
Shade: You could get into a LOT o' trouble for doing this.
Dark: We're gonna stop Metal anyway, so who cares? You ready to go?
Shade: Yep.
[they run out of the cell, and Shade notices the whole prison is extremely destroyed]
Shade: Man, I was only gone, like, five minutes, and ALREADY they've trashed the place.
Dark: We got a choice. We can go back the way I came, through the guard's quarters; it takes time, but it's safe; or we can cut through those places down there and go right to the fight.
Shade: Let's go through those places down there. I'm ready to kick some butt.
[Shade grabs an assault rifle, and heads down the corridors]
[Shade and Dark fight some robots, and make it out of the prison]
Dark: Uh, *radio* Redd Fox, this is Cap'n Falcon; I have retrieved Shades of Gray, over. Please pick us up, over.
Red: Copy that.
[a helicopter lands about fifty feet away]
Red: By the way, I see summin' below ground.
Dark: I think I see it, too. What are we lookin' at?
Red: Hell if I know!
Shade: Run!
[Shade and Dark run, action move-style, to the helicopter; it takes off]
DUST: TRIAL BY FIREFIGHTERS
[in the helicopter, there are Shadow the chao, and Future Shade]
Shade: Future me?
ShadeF: 'Sup? They told me everything. You were pretty crazy to actually go to Earth.
Shade: Okay, so I was. Could you tell me a bit more about this predicament?
ShadeF: *smirk* Oh, you'd LIKE to learn about it, wouldn't you?
Shade: Awesome, you're being mysterious again-- TELL ME THE DETAILS!
ShadeF: He came to the garden in a rage. He wanted you. What more is there to say?
Shade: What about these random forces he has?
ShadeF: Yeah, when he came to the garden, he had two weird robots with him. I'm sure I've seen them before somewhere... wait, one was a doll.
Shade: Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll!
ShadeF: Yeah, those two. That's about all I know. ...or all I can tell you.
Shade: I hate it when you do that.
Shadow: Guys, we're arriving at MC Square!
Shade: MC Square? Why are we going there?
ShadeF: We're going there to rendezvous with Doctor Eggman.
Shade: Eggman's still alive?
Dark: Apparently so.
[the helicopter lands, and they get off]
Egg: A traitor like you doesn't deserve to fight in this war!
Shade: What did I do?
ShadeF: He says that to everyone today. He thinks everyone's a traitor.
Shadow: Enemies!
Dark: We got 'em.
[Dark and Shadow hide behind sandbags and shoot at the robots]
Egg: Shade.... Future Shade, I mean.
ShadeF: Yep?
Egg: We have the lightmass ka-boomamahogonafunifyeramajigger-o-matic! Using this, we can hit those sons of--
[an explosion nearby drowns out Eggman's swear]
Egg: --where they live!
ShadeF: And... where do they live?
Egg: We do not know! That is why we need that resonator!
ShadeF: And... where is the resonator?
Egg: We do not know! I gave it to Alpha Squadron a while back, but they can't be trusted for squat!
ShadeF: And... where is Alpha Squadron?
Egg: We do not know! Last we heard, they were here, in MC Square!
?: Yes, and I recommend we get out of here, now!
[in a second helicopter is a beautiful woman]
Egg: Shade, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Elicia. I want you two to get married some day, and get me some grandkids.
ShadeF: Sir, she's... she's stunning.
Egg: Which is why she's perfect for you. You're my best soldier, Shade. I just wanted to repay you. Elicia, come say hi!
[RAWR!!!]
[Eggman and ShadeF stare at the helicopter, of which there is none anymore]
[all that is left is a big hole in the ground]
[awkward silence]
ShadeF: .......damn.
Egg: El....Elicia...... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Eggman falls to the ground, sobbing]
ShadeF: (whispering, to Shade) Let's get going.
Shade: Got it.
[Delta Squad: ShadeF, leader; Shade, second; Dark, third; Shadow, grunt]
[they walk away, towards a large building]
Shadow: So, what's the plan?
ShadeF: We need to find Alpha Squad, and get that resonator.
Dark: Whoa. Sounds deep.
ShadeF: It'll be hard. Very.
[they enter a large church]
[a big hole appears, and robots crawl out of it]
ShadeF: Grubs!
[they take care of the robots]
[as they walk out of the church, and down a path, they talk]
Shade: So... what's with these holes and stuff?
ShadeF: It started a while back. Holes opened in the streets... robots crawled out, and killed almost everyone.
Dark: Ooh! Tell us more!
ShadeF: We think it has to do with secret underground factories or something. Still, it makes life more interesting.
[they find some dead bodies next to a hole]
DUST: MORE FUN THAN FISH IN A BARREL
Dark: ...is this Alpha?
ShadeF: Could be. Hey, Shadow! Is that object the resonator?
Shadow: *checks* ...nah.
ShadeF: *radio* Eggman. We checked some dead bodies. No sign of resonator. Where's the next target?
[radio chatter]
ShadeF: I see. Wilco. *radio off* Next target's House of Solvitude. Just down this path.
[a robot arms a turret]
ShadeF: Crap! Take down that droideka!
Shade: You mean troika?
ShadeF: Whatever! Shade, flank right!
Shade: What? Me? Why?
ShadeF: GO!
Shade: Eah!
[Shade dashes across the area, going around to some alleyways]
Shade: *pant* I... I think I was just... SHOT.
[Shade peeks around a corner, and notices the troika turret guy]
Shade: All right, Troika Turret Robot... time for YOU to get shot.... with my FIST!
[Shade is about to punch the robot in the back of the neck when Dark shouts on the radio]
Dark: HEY, SHADE, DID YOU KILL HIM YET?!
[the Troika Turret Robot turns to face Shade, and points his gun at him]
Shade: Crap! Thanks, Dark!
Dark: Shade, don't forget your gun has a chainsaw bayonet!
Shade: Really? Oh, that's cool. Now, how do you work this thing?
[the robot is still pointing its gun at him]
Shade: Hmm... *beep* *chainsaw whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Bingo!
Robot: CRAP SENSORS OVERFLOWING!
[Shade chainsaws the robot in half]
Dark: Thanks, Shade! *radio off*
[they continue, and are ambushed by four holes!]
[each hole, which we'll call an "O CRAP HOLE," is a passage for somewhere between 5-10 robots to crawl out before it magically closes]
ShadeF: We got four O CRAP holes! Either grenade them, or shoot the robots that come out!
[after a long battle, they take care of all four]
[they continue, but the road crashes behind them, preventing any backtracking]
DUST: FORK IN ROAD, GUN IN FACE
ShadeF: Hmm... the road splits into two here. Dark, you and Shade will go right. Shadow and I will go left.
Dark: Okay.
Shade: Fine.
Shadow: Yay!
[the two corridors are connected by some barred-up openings, so the two teams can communicate]
Dark: Oh, boy, Shade! Isn't this exciting? You and me, kicking butt and taking names, in the FUTURE?
Shade: I suppose. But, I'm getting too old for this stuff!
Dark: But... I'm older than YOU!
Shade: You know what I mean!
Dark: Yeah...
ShadeF: You two, make sure you're ready. I hear robots.
[the robots charge forward, but are instantly shot]
[the two groups find a building, and enter it through different entrances]
[Shade and Dark's path takes them around a corner to a long hallway, where a Troika is shooting them]
Shade: Holy--!
Dark: Ouchies!
Shade: Future me! Can you take down the Troika from your position?
ShadeF: I think so!
[a few shots later, they continue on]
[then, the paths connect, and ANOTHER Troika!]
[after taking care of that one, they make it outside]
DUST: KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE? AMBUSHED! AMBUSHED WHO? AMBUSHED, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ShadeF: There's the House of Solvitude. C'mon, let's--
[BOOM!]
[something is seen moving below ground, something HUGE]
ShadeF: Run. NOW!
[they run to the front steps of the House of Solvitude; it's a mix between a courtyard and a staircase]
[the underground monster thing goes away]
Dark: Is it safe?
[the doors break open, and robots come pouring out]
ShadeF: Negatory! OPEN FIRE!
[budda budda budda budda budda budda]
[a robot grabs Dark and runs off]
Dark: SHADE!!!
Shade: Holy crap!
[Shade runs after him]
[Dark is taken inside the building; Shade chases]
Shadow: There's too many!
ShadeF: C'mon, Shade... hurry up.
[the robots surround them]
ShadeF: Uh... uh...
Shadow: EAT CHAINSAW, ROBOT SCUM!
[Shadow drives his chainsaw through hordes of robots]
ShadeF: ....wow. Wasn't expecting that.
[Shade returns, Dark behind him]
Shade: Need help?
ShadeF: Maybe!
[Shade and Dark join in the chainsawing]
[eventually, the robots die down]
All: *pant*
Dark: That was intense.
[another door breaks down, and a grenadier walks out]
ShadeF: Boomer!
Dark: A what?
ShadeF: He's a big guy who blows people up.
[a robot runs out, and equips a Troika; a few others help it]
Shade: We got a Troika!
ShadeF: Aw, ****! Shade, you take the Troika; Dark, take down the others. Shadow and I will fight the Boomer.
[the Boomer shoots a rocket; the chao duck; the rocket hits the Troika]
ShadeF: That was convenient. Everyone, attack the Boomer!
[overkill]
[they duck behind some sandbags]
ShadeF: Everyone, report in!
Shade: I'm alive.
Dark: I'm.... fine.
Shadow: I'm okay, but... I think there's something wrong with my gun! It keeps jamming! See?
[Shadow steps up to show ShadeF the gun, but is instantly shot in the head]
Dark: Shi--
ShadeF: SNIPERS!!!
[there are snipers outside the building]
Shade: Eff this; let's run into the building!
ShadeF: Good idea. Let's go, you two.
[they run in]
DUST: HAMMER TIME
[up some stairs, they reach a balcony overlooking a small garden]
ShadeF: How are we doing?
Dark: We're fine, but... damn, man. Shadow...
Shade: Yeah...
?: Ha! Eat lead, mother*gunfire*!!!
Shade+ShadeF: That voice...
Dark: What? What voice?
[they look into the garden, and see a Neutral chao fighting robots]
ShadeF: How is he...
Shade: It's a long story, Future me. ...and I think you were there.
Dark: How is WHO?
Shade: It's Cham, Dark!
Dark: .....WHAAAAT!?
Shade: Long story! Let's save him.
ShadeF: Right.
[they run down some stairs and get out to the garden; they destroy all the robots]
Cham: Thanks.
ShadeF: Are you Alpha Squad?
Cham: Yep.
ShadeF: We're Delta. Where's the rest of you?
Cham: Trapped on a rooftop.
ShadeF: Seriously?
Cham: Seriously. C'mon, let's go save them.
ShadeF: ...sure.
[they run up some stairs, and smell something horrible]
Shade: Phew! Dude... Dark, did you fart?
Dark: No, that smells nothing like me.
Cham: Those are Metal's seeders, man. They jam up the radios, and just smell terrible.
ShadeF: Seeders? What do they look like?
[ROOOOAAAAAARRRR!!!!]
[outside a window, they see a giant robot plant thing buried in the ground]
Cham: That, sir.
ShadeF: *looks around* *notices something* Shade, Dark, grab those weapons on the ground.
[they do]
Dark: Permission to ask what the hell these things are?
ShadeF: Granted.
Dark: Thanks. ....WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS?
ShadeF: It's a Hammer of Dawn of War. Super powerful weapons. I think they can take down those seeders. Test them.
Shade: Uh... okay.
[they go outside onto more balconies; Shade and Dark fire the Hammers of Dawn of War at the seeder]
Shade: Nothing's happening!
ShadeF: Keep the button held down!
[pause]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
[oh, and since both are using them, that means TWO GIANT LAZERZ OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
[the seeder is dead]
Dark: Yeah, it better be.
[they move on]
DUST: WRAITH
[they go through the House of Solvitude, fighting robots, when they find another seeder]
ShadeF: ....bomb the hell out of it.
Dark: ROKK!!
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
Dark: Hey, I think it's dead! Yeah! It's dead--
[Dark falls of the ledge]
Cham: .....see ya.
Shade: Wha-buh....
[ShadeF and Cham are walking towards the next room]
Shade: You're just gonna leave him there?
Cham: Sure.
Shade: Well, I'm going in after him! *dives off ledge*
[pause]
Cham: .....idiot.
ShadeF: Yeah, I was pretty stupid back then.
Cham: Hold on. If he's the past you, then doesn't that mean YOU went through all this back then?
ShadeF: Nope.
Cham: ......and where's the effing LOGIC in that?
ShadeF: Logic? Chao don't use logic. We use--
[RUMBLE RUMBLE]
[Shade does an epic action movie-style jump out of a huge explosion in slow-mo, holding Dark]
Dark: Thanks.
Shade: Eh, I like using action movie powers.
Cham: So, no explanations for anything?
ShadeF: Nothing that matters. Just the story. That's all I focus on.
Cham: All YOU focus on?
ShadeF: All I focus on.
Shade: C'mon, let's keep going!
ShadeF: Hang on. *radio* Shade to da Walrus. How you doin', Beatle-Juice?
Egg: Stop calling me names. You defeated all three seeders, correct?
ShadeF: All..... three?
Egg: Yes. Three.
Shade: Psst. I killed him with the awesome action move-style explosion.
ShadeF: Um... yeah, we got 'em.
Egg: Good. We have recieved contact with Alpha. I'll let you talk to them.
[RADIO SWITCH]
?: Where the Hero Garden ARE you guys?
ShadeF: ..........Chao?
Chao: Shade? Wait, no. FUTURE Shade, right? YOU'RE Delta Squad?
ShadeF: Yeah. Why? Where are you guys?
Chao: We're trapped on YOUR rooftop, being gunned down by the 'bots and some Troikas!
ShadeF: The roof.... wilco. Moving to your position.
[RADIO OFF]
Dark: Hey, Future Shade?
ShadeF: Yes, Dark?
Dark: What's "wilco" mean?
ShadeF: I don't know. Lemme check Wikipedia. ....it's either a band from Illinois, or a shortened form of "Will comply."
Dark: Are they a rock band?
ShadeF: I already exited Internet Explorer, so... I don't know.
Dark: Oh.
[they go to the rooftop, but not before killing some robots and having fun with it]
[on the rooftop, they notice lots of bots in the streets below]
ShadeF: Shade, Cham, you two take the Troikas that are here somehow. Dark, you and I will just randomly shoot things we see.
Dark: I like this plan.
[budda budda budda budda]
[BANG BANG BOOOOOM!]
[KA-BLAM!]
[eventually, the streets become empty]
ShadeF: C'mon, let's go! *radio* Redd Fox, this is Future Shade dude of no point, we have Alpha Squad. Requesting pick-up.
Red: Cowabunga, dude!
[RADIO OFF]
[down in the streets, ShadeF, Shade, Cham, Dark, Chao, Quartz, and Aqua are awaiting Red to fly by with his helicopter]
[they see him approaching]
[Shade notices some robots following it]
[a flying robot hits Red's 'copter, sending it spiraling down]
[the robots charge in and start killing]
[the chao duck for cover]
[basically, carnage city]
[Shade looks and notices ShadeF out in the streets, telling the others to do some random military movement]
[he also sees a familiar figure in a black cape slowly and very dramatically walking towards ShadeF in the midst of the gunfire]
[it walks up behind ShadeF; ShadeF turns and screams]
[it picks ShadeF up, points its random super epic sword to the sky, then...]
[STAB! STAB! STAB!]
[it tosses ShadeF's dead body to the ground]
[all while a voice speaks in a voice-over]
? (Voice-over): Our plan is going smoothly. It's like dealing with a snake.
[it looks directly at Shade]
? (VO): Cut off the head of the snake..... and the body dies.
[Shade had watched the whole murder, and is now very, very freaked out]
? (VO): We will win this war. It's only a matter of time.
[Shade directs the others into the building behind them... the Tomb of the Well-Known Soldier]
DUST: LITTLE CHINA SHOP OF HORRORS
Shade: Is everyone okay?
Chao: Great, you got us into another mess, Shade.
Shade: Chao...
Chao: Yeah, that's right. Question is, who are you?
[pause]
Shade: C'mon, you've known me for years now.
Chao: I am only messing with you, Shade.
Shade: Yeah, yeah. *radio* Egghead? Future me is dead, and we're trapped in the Tomb of the Well-Known Soldier.
Egg: Repeat, Delta; Shade is dead?
Shade: Yes. KIA (Killed In Action).
Egg: Uh... okay, well, there should be a courtyard at the other end of the building. That's your best bet.
[RADIO OFF]
[CRASH!!!!!!!! ROAAAARRRR!!!!]
Aqua: What was that?
Shade: Shh! Be very, VERY quiet.
[normally, in the game, this is where you would see what's making the noise, but NOT THIS TIME!]
[and since future Shade is dead, he can't tell you!]
Dark: What IS it, Shade?
Shade: I.... I'm not sure.
Aqua: Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, ****! ****! We're gonna die! I don't wanna die! NO!!
Qz: Let's get the crap outta this dump!
[Quartz and Aqua run down the narrow hallway, and turn a corner, but scream]
[the light casts their shadows as Shade, Dark, and Chao's jaws drop]
Cham: What.... what IS that....... that THING?
Shade: I... I... I think....
[the shadows show Aqua and Quartz being thoroughly beaten and killed by a large, crazy, upgraded.... Mecha Knuckles]
[oh, and blood splatters, too, so it's freakier]
Chao: Mech....Mecha....?
Dark: Shade, what will we do?
Shade: Relax. Dark and I said we'd get you guys outta here, so that's what we're gonna do. Dark, follow me.
[Cham and Chao are left standing in the dark, narrow hallway, all alone]
Cham: Shade is a very, very annoying person.
Chao: You have a LOT to learn, Cham. Plus, I thought you knew us from BEFORE episode 1?
Cham: You guys didn't communicate much.
[cut to Shade and Dark walking down an even darker hallway, which cuts into a large room]
[they are slowly walking, looking around in fear, and they hear lots of little noises coming from everywhere]
[footsteps to the right-- nothing there]
[shadows in front of them-- nothing there]
[doorway to their left-- what's in here?]
[it's just an empty hallwayMECHA KNUCKLES BROKE IN THROUGH THE WALL HOLY CRAP]
MK: RAWR! ROAAR! I CAN SMELL CHAO! DARK CHAO!
Dark: How can you SMELL us? You're a ROBOT!
MK: I WAS UPGRADED TO BE ABLE TO SMELL AND TASTE. BUT, I AM NOW... blind...
Shade: Dark, I recommend you don't talk to him.
MK: Ruh? And why NOT...... *sniff*.... SHADE?
[Shade gulps]
MK: Oh, you smell DIFFERENT than you normally do..... you smell.... YOUNGER.
Shade: Um...
MK: Ah, I was curious how you were here despite the boss having killed you.
Shade: Wait.... "the boss?" You don't mean... that familiar figure who killed future me-- URP!
MK: "Future me?" Bingo.... my hunch was.... CORRECT. You're.... the Shade from..... BACK... then..... when I was a YOUNG robot. A ROBOT..... with sight.
Dark: But... but you can smell things now!
MK: You can stop moving BACKWARDS now. I know you're edging to the door. My smell and sound is THAT good.
Dark: What... wha.... what are you going to....
MK: Oh, not MUCH. Just....... bash. Your skulls..... in... two.
Dark: What's with the odd speech?
MK: It adds to the suspense, and makes it seem like I'm a rather senseless piece of mecha. But, I'm quite intelligent, you see. Intelligent enough to know how to expose your GUTS.
Shade: Dark, maybe we should run.
Dark: Maybe.
MK: Hey. HEY! Don't. Don't. Stop. Right now.
[they run]
MK: *groan* They always..... RUN. But I always.......... catch.... them.
[cut to Shade and Dark, hiding somewhere, hearing odd noises everywhere]
Dark: Shade, this is bad. This is very, very bad.
Shade: Keep quiet, Dark! *radio* Eggman, we have a bezerk Mecha Knuckles in the vicinity. PLEASE advise.
Egg: OH CRAP NO. A Bezerk Mecha? This isn't good... um... okay, okay, let's see... do you still have the Hammer of Dawn of War?
Shade: Affirmative.
Egg: Get him outside, and burn the crap out of him.
Shade: Copy that.
Egg: But, hurry! You only have minutes of satellite coverage before the hammers stop working!
[RADIO OFF]
Dark: So... Shade... what do we do?
Shade: Unfortunately, all we gotta do is get him to follow us.
Dark: Aw, ****. I'm not liking this mission we're in.
Shade: C'mon. Let's try and find a way out.
[they walk very slowly, and find another long hallway with a breakable door at the other end]
[STOMP STOMP]
[Dark whimpers; Shade shushes him]
[they hear Mecha humming "The Wheels on the Bus;" it's coming from the hall behind them]
[they slowly turn around, and see Mecha, facing them, sniffing around]
MK: *sniff* I... I smell...... I smell chao.
[Mecha walks into the hall and starts smelling around]
MK: Now..... where..... are those smells.... coming from?
[Shade gestures for Dark to follow him down the hall; they slowly step away]
MK: Hmm... the smells.... are gone. WHERE... ARE.... they?
[Dark falls over and grunts; Mecha's head instantly turns to face him]
MK: Que pasa, Dark? Fall? ....hit your... head?
Dark: (mouths the word "Shade")
Shade: (mouths "Keep quiet")
[Mecha steps towards Dark, and sniffs around]
MK: Dark...... I think... you would die.... easily.
Shade: Uh.... uh.... RUN, DARK!
[Dark gets up and runs; Shade shoots Mecha]
MK: It's useless to.... SHOOT me, Shade. Guns... are...... futile. But, my fists AREN't! *charges at Dark*
Dark: NO!! *SMACK* ACK!
[Dark falls over as Mecha hits his leg]
Dark: Help me, Shade! *crying* I... I'm gonna die!
Shade: Hey, Mecha freak! Over here! *shoots Mecha*
[Mecha turns to face Shade, who is standing in front of the breakable door]
MK: I told you... shooting.... is futile. Or, should I... REMIND... you?
Shade: Do your worst.
MK: ......okay.
[Mecha charges at Shade, who dives to the side at the last second]
[CRASH!]
[Mecha busted the breakable door down]
[through the door, Shade sees another corridor]
MK: Ugh.... man, what'd I hit? Just.... just hold on, Shade, I'll get to you... in a minute. ....I need Tylenol.
[Shade sneaks past him, and into the corridor]
[past the corridor is another long hall with a breakable door at the end of it]
[Shade shoots Mecha]
MK: What? Shooting me.... again, Shade? Urgh......... all right, I suppose... I never taught you that... lesson, now... did I?
[Mecha charges at Shade, who directs him to the second breakable door]
[CRASH!]
MK: Oh, jeez.... you.... that hurt.
[through the door is a third corridor, behind which is ANOTHER breakable door]
[Shade goes through the whole cat-and-mouse again]
MK: Man, HANG ON. Let me just.... buff out... the dents in my head.
[Mecha's head magically de-dents itself]
[through THIS door.... is the outdoors]
[Shade gets Mecha outside, and equips the Hammer of Dawn of War]
MK: Damn... according to my robot nose... we're outside. Which means... your smell.... is magically AMPLIFIED!
Shade: Wha?
[Mecha charges at him, and Shade dodges]
Shade: I can't get a clear shot!
MK: *laughs* That's right, Shade. You can NEVER kill me. No matter what.
[Mecha grabs Shade]
MK: Now, time to die.
Shade: *gulp* Make it quick.
MK: Sorry. No can do. Poker Gang policy; it's got to be slow and painful!
[Mecha tosses Shade onto the ground, and prepares to jab at him with his fist]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
MK: O CRAP WTF?!
[the laser ends, and Dark appears at the doorway holding a Hammer of Dawn of War]
Dark: It's just been revoked.
MK: Ugh.... Dark...... Shade....... I'll be back. You hear me? I... will... be.... BACK.
[Mecha runs away, breaking some buildings open in the process]
[Chao and Cham come out]
Chao: ....wow.
Cham: Hey, thanks, you two! We were sure goners there!
Shade: At least he's gone now. But, he'll be back. So, we'd better get moving.
[BEEP BEEP! RADIO!]
Shade: Yeah?
Egg: Do you have the resonator yet?
Shade: Uh...
Dark: I found it! It was on the ground! Mecha dropped it.
Shade: So, yeah, we have it.
Egg: Good. Now, you need to put that resonator where it belongs: in the middle of Metal Sonic's Factory Fright.
Shade: Metal Sonic's Factory of Fright?
Egg: Well... actually, it's just The Factory. It's pretty far from where you are. I'll send you the coordinates.
[SENT! RECIEVE'D!]
Shade: ....whoa. This is far.
Egg: Now, GET THERE!
[RADIO OFF]
Cham: How are we supposed to get THERE? That's not even in this city!
Dark: Don't worry; I have a plan.
Chao: Whatever your plan is, it'd better be quick. It's nearly nighttime!
Shade: So? You scared of the dark, or something? Anyway, let's get moving.
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