Friday, October 31, 2008
Gears n' Roses Act 2: Dark Night
DARK NIGHT: TIKK TIKK KA-BOOM
[cut to Delta Squad walking down some streets; night is pretty close]
Chao: You keep talking about a plan, Dark. But, I bet you don't even have one!
Dark: Oh, I have one. ...I just forgot it.
Shade: Well, try to remember it soon!
[Shade spots some robots running around]
Shade: We've got hostiles!
[budda budda budda budda]
Cham: They were trying to sneak up on us!
Shade: Yeah, TRYING to.
[FORK IN DA ROAD]
Chao: Well? Where we going?
Shade: ...Dark, you and Chao can go right. Cham, you and I are gonna go left.
Dark: Can do!
[we see Shade and Cham going to the left]
Cham: So..... lord of the Dark Garden, huh?
Cham: Does this mean I'm... lord of the Neutral Garden?
Shade: You're the only one IN that garden.
Cham: Well, yeah, but...
[pause in conversation as both paths enter a building; right goes up some stairs, left stays on first floor]
Cham: Anything interesting happen since I was gone?
Shade: The Poker Gang appeared. They're Metal Sonic, Mecha Knuckles, and the Tails Doll.
Shade: Oh, and Mephiles the Dark appeared, and declared that he hates us.
Cham: Lots of people hate you, it seems.
Shade: Eh, I'm used to it.
[they walk into a room, and the doors close behind them]
Shade: Something's happening.
Dark: Shade! Shade, you hear me?
Shade: Yeah, I hear you. What's going on?
Dark: You've got some Boomers heading your way. Brace yourselves.
Cham: That didn't sound good.
[the Boomers bust the door open, and fire grenades in]
[budda budda budda]
[they continue to the next room, and see a huge, unidentifiable thing crawl into the ground]
All: WHAT THE ****/CRAP!?
Chao: Something's happening here.
[they exit the building, and start fighting more robots]
[then, they fight a Troika on a huge bridge]
Dark: It's too far!
Shade: Push this car along the highway like the idiot you are, and use it for cover!
[budda budda budda]
[they enter another building, and walk among catwalks]
DARK NIGHT: THAT'S THE GIST OF IT
[they fight more robots]
[something huge is moving belowground under them]
[they exit the building, and fight even more robots]
[then, Dark's brain works again]
Dark: !!! I just thunk! I can remember my plan!
Cham: Great, what was it?
Dark: See, I know this guy who is currently at this camp near here. He has a Junker, which is some kind of car.
[they find a chao by a gate]
Chaosky: Okay, who's this? ....Shade? Dark? Chao? ...CHAM? What are you guys doing here?
Shade: We're Delta Squad. Dark says he knows somebody in some camp.
Chaosky: Well, you came to the right place, Delta Squad. Come on in.
[Chaosky lets them in]
[inside the camp of surviving chao, some look to Delta Squad with anger, some with envy, and some with a feeling of desertion]
Randomchao: Hey, Shade! You gonna let Metal kill more of us?
[Shade stands still for a second, before shooting the chao]
?: Dark? Is that you?
[Phantom appears, followed by two bodyguard chao]
Ph: Hey, Dark-o!
Dark: How's it going, Phantom?
Ph: Eh, pretty good. I mean, I'm the boss of this little camp.
Dark: Cool. So... about this camp...
Ph: After Metal kidnapped Shade, and you guys ran off to be an army, we just hid in these streets.
Dark: I see. Anyway.... we need your Junker.
Ph: Say WUT?!
[the bodyguards aim their random shotguns at Dark]
Dark: C'mon, Phantom; you owe me one. Remember how I saved your wife from that burning building?
Ph: ...it's cool.
[the bodyguards lower their guns]
Ph: Alright. You can have it. But, you gotta go get it. It's down at the gas station place.
Ph: One condition, though. Those two stay here. Only Darks can go to the gas station.
Dark: Uh... sure. C'mon, Shade; let's go get that Junker.
Ph: One last thing, Dark. No more favors! We're even now, right?
Dark: Yeah, sure. Whatever.
[Shade and Dark leave the camp, and start moving]
DARK NIGHT: SMALL OUTPOST
Ph: Remember, Dark. The Junker's at the gas station place. There are two checkpoints on the way; they'll give you ammo.
Dark: Copy that. Anything else?
Ph: Yeah, you'd better hurry. Night's almost here.
[they kick down a door and keep moving]
DARK NIGHT: LETHAL WEAPON 3: DUSK
Shade: This isn't so bad-- *GUNSHOT!!!*
[Shade tosses a grenade into the sniper's nest]
[they reach a large river]
Shade: Huh. A river. How are we gonna get across?
[Shade looks around, and sees a boat]
[Shade climbs on the boat, and starts moving it, slowly, across the river]
[robots shoot at them]
Shade: Dark! Get them!
Dark: Getting them!
[budda budda budda]
Dark: Uh-oh; night's here.
Shade: Seriously, why is night time so scary to you guys?
Dark: Damn. They never told you when you were in that prison, did they?
Shade: Seeing as the prison guards were all DEAD... no.
Dark: The reason we couldn't bust you out earlier is because it was night.
Shade: Well, what happens at night?
[the moon appears in the sky, and a giant hologram of Neo Metal Sonic (that's the Sonic Heroes one) appears]
MS: Attention, all robots. Keep searching Station Square for those chao. However, I'm activating KYLL now.
[Metal presses a button]
MS: So, stay in the light if you want to live. ...that means YOU, Shade.
[the hologram ends]
Dark: "Killer Yellow Lucid Litharge." It's a deadly poison, that's actually a computer virus.
Shade: ....really? And... it's yellow?
Dark: Yellow and lucid. So, it's transparent.
Shade: I see.
Dark: But, it cannot go into light. Basically, STAY OUT OF THE DARK.
Shade: Pfft, that's crazy talk.
[a bunch of yellow particles form in the air, and spread everywhere except places with light]
Shade: Wait, if it's a computer virus, why is it out here?
Dark: Metal is super awesome in the future, you know. His technological advances have allowed specific computer viruses to infect and/or affect living bipedal A-life organisms. ...and robots.
Shade: Um... all right? WAIT. Dark, you seem to have gained quite the vocabulary.
Shade: ...and... you're okay?
Dark: Quite okay.
Shade: ..no explanation for the vocabulary?
Dark: What vocabulamalaria?
Shade: .........................yeah. Well, let's just keep moving.
[they arrive at the other side of the river, and find a checkpoint]
Quartz: Hi, guys!
Qz: How's it going? I'm the checkpoint guy!
Dark: Really? Cool!
Qz: Yeah. ....stay in the light.
[the light above Quartz' head turns off]
Qz: ....oh, crap.
[the KYLL spreads to the checkpoint]
Shade: Got it.
[Shade and Dark run to the nearest lit building, while Quartz dies off-screen]
Shade: So, how does the KYLL kill you? Like, suffocation?
Dark: You wanna find out? So do I.
Shade: And... how WILL we?
Dark: I dunno. Let's think.
Shade: I've got it.
[somehow, Shade's clone, Tint is in the building with them]
Shade: Now, Tint, it's time to play a game. Are you ready?
Tint: Sure thing, Shade! I love games!
Shade: That's good. This one's called, "Red Light, Green Light."
Tint: Ooh! I know this one!
Shade: All right. You wanna get to that streetlight right there. If you make it... uh...
Dark: We'll give you stuff.
Shade: Yeah. Stuff. Toys, plastics, video games, clothes, and, um....
Dark: Alcoholic beverages.
[Tint goes off-screen]
Shade: ....."alcoholic beverages?"
Dark: First thing that came to my head.
[cut to Tint out in the streets]
Shade: Red light!
[the KYLL enter Tint's bloodstream, and begin to tear at his bones]
Tint: Um... guys? This feels weird.
[he becomes a big blob of bigness]
[the skin peels away, revealing muscles, organs, and blood]
Dark: Mommy! Mommy!
Shade: Let's hurry and get through this!
[an O CRAP HOLE appears in the street]
Both: O CRAP!
[however, the KYLL gets to it first]
[they run through some more streets and buildings, occasionally shooting some robots, but mostly watching horrible, gruesome, KYLL-related deaths]
[then, they find a large street, and the lights go out]
Shade: Let's get back into this building...
[they retreat into the lit building to rethink their strategy]
Shade: Hmm... how will we cross this street?
[Shade notices a spotlight on top of a building]
[he also notices a huge switch labelled "Streetlights" at the other side of the street]
Shade: ...I've got it. Dark, I'm gonna go activate that conveniently-placed spotlight, and direct you across the street.
Shade: Then, you need to get that switch.
Dark: Leave it to me, Shade.
[Shade makes a mad dash to the building and the spotlight, and actually makes it wtf?]
[he directs Dark across the street to the other building]
Shade: Okay, now pull that switch, Dark-- no. No. Forget about the butterfly, Dark. Okay? See? It died. Because of KYLL. We will, too, if you don't hit that switch. There you go. Yeah. Yep, now pull it-- NO! Stop! Forget about the toaster, Dark! ...good. GOOD. You pulled it. ...oh, crap. My spotlight went out. Run, Dark! Run! ...forget the freaking toaster, Dark!
[the streetlights finally turn on; Shade and Dark meet up]
[Dark is holding the toaster, with a silly grin on his face]
Dark: I got the toas--
Shade: I KNOW YOU GOT THE ****ING TOASTER!!!
[Shade picks the toaster up, and chucks it]
Shade: THERE! NOW YOU DON'T HAVE THE TOASTER!
[Dark picks up another toaster]
Dark: I got another one.
Shade: ......yes, Dark. Yes, you did.
Dark: Wanna see it?
Shade: No, thanks. Let's continue.
[they continue, and find a big building]
?: Hey, wassup? How ya doin', ya panda?
[Speedy, the Hero Sonic chao, appears]
Speedy: Hey, Shade. Hey, Dark. What are you two doing down here?
Shade: We're looking for the gas station place.
Speedy: Oh, shucks. Ain't no lights between here n' there. Of course, if you cut through the building--
[by now, Shade and Dark are already in the building]
Speedy: Um.... okay! I'll... I'll stand watch out here.
DARK NIGHT: SHADED LABYRINTH
[Shade and Dark are walking through the big house]
[things are going bump bump in the night]
[suddenly, the lights go out!]
Shade: Dark, we're inside a building.
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[then, the roof breaks open as robots pour in!]
[budda budda budda]
[then, the KYLL slowly drifts in]
Shade: O CRAP NO!
[they cover their noses and mouths, running as fast as they can]
[suddenly, they run into a locked door]
[the lights suddenly turn on; the KYLL sticks to the dark parts of the house]
[Speedy walks in]
Speedy: Heh. Looks like I got here juuust in time.
Shade: *pant* ....yes...... you did...... I think I'm gonna throw up....
Dark: *pant* Well, don't throw up at... our feet.... 'cause it'll mix with mine...
Speedy: Relax. I'll stick with you two, just to make sure you don't... freak out.
Dark: .....*throws up*..... fine by me...
[cut to the trio walking through the maze of corridors, looking for the exit]
[suddenly, some robots run in]
[they kill Speedy!]
[then, Shade and Dark destroy them]
Shade: Crap. We're stuck in this building with no tour guide.
Dark: It's Chao Talk second coming all over again!
Shade: We're gonna die!
[around the corner is the exit]
[they reach the gas station place!]
DARK NIGHT: A KEG OF PETROL, PLEASE
[they also find Shade's father, Shawn, at the gas station place]
Shawn: Hey, son. What brings you kids down here?
Dark: I understand Phantom's Junker is here?
Shawn: Sure is. Got it all set up for you. ....but, not filled up.
Shawn: Relax! All you gotta do is turn that wheel right there ONCE, and it'll all be taken care of!
[Dark turns the wheel]
Shawn: Now the Junker's being filled up.
Cham: Uh, Shade, we got a bit of a problem here.
Shade: What is it?
Cham: The robots are attacking!
Shade: Oh, crap.
Cham: Where's that Junker, man?
Shade: We're working on it. Filling it up right now.
Cham: That's good, n' all, but... WE NEED HELP!
Shade: Wilco. We'll get there ASAP.
Shawn: Hey, you two need ammo?
Dark: I suppose.
Shawn: Come to the back of my little shop. ...ALONE.
[they enter the back of his shop... ALONE...]
[and Shawn gives them ammo]
Dark: Why'd we have to be alone?
Shawn: I'm not sure.
[the robots invade the gas station!]
Shade: We've got hostiles!
[budda budda budda]
Shawn: Yeah, sure, shoot the gas pumps. Great idea.
[some robots start hiding]
Shawn: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS, STUPID!? THOSE ARE GAS PUMPS YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND!
[the robots realize this, and instantly get out of cover, only to be shot]
[some Boomers start coming]
[also, the Junker is all filled up now]
Shawn: Crap. Let's get out of here before those Boomers blow the whole station to smithereens!
[they enter the Junker and drive]
Shawn: LEFT turn, idiot!
Shade: Dark, maybe I should drive.
Dark: Good idea.
DARK NIGHT: GREAT BURNT RUBBER OF FIRE
[they're driving on the highway as fast as they can]
Dark: Shade, the KYLL are chasing us!
Shawn: There's a turret thing that has KYLL-killing bullets on this thing.
Dark: I've got it!
Shawn: But, using it slows the Junker down.
Shade: Relax. We've got it covered.
Shawn: You missed the exit.
Shade: WHAT!? CRAP!!!
[Shade swerves, and actually manages to break the edge of the highway, and fall to the streets]
Shawn: Nice going.
Shade: Hey, the Junker's fine.
Dark: KYLL's coming.
Shade: Then SHOOT them!
[BOOM! SUPER CANNON!]
Dark: Whoa, this thing actually works!
Shawn: Of COURSE it works! Right turn.
Shawn: Watch out! It's a blockade of robots!
Dark: KYLL coming. *BOOM!* Never mind. *chuckle*
Shawn: Take this highway.
Shade: Crap! There's a huge ramp!
Dark: Hordes of KYLL coming our way.
Shade: We can't do both! The cannon'll slow us down enough to FAIL'D the jump!
Shawn: Then just do the jump!
[speed up.... JUMP!]
[the KYLL get dangerously close...]
[then the Junker lands and speeds up!]
[they arrive back at the camp]
DARK NIGHT: ONE LAST STAND FOR A CHAO, ONE EPIC WIN FOR CHAOKIND
[Shade and Dark get out of the Junker]
Shade: Dad, aren't you coming?
Shawn: Nah, I'll sit this one out.
[they find Cham and Chao hiding behind cover]
Cham: Took you guys long enough.
Shade: Shut up. We're here, and that's all that matters. Now then, what's the situation?
Cham: That is.
[there's a huge army of robots]
Shade: Dark, you and Cham flank right and take that Troika!
Both: Got it!
Shade: Chao, take to that random building right there, and snipe them!
[Shade stands his ground, and tosses some grenades]
[Chao snipes some heads, while a robot is sneaking up on him]
[meanwhile, Dark is shooting enemies with the Troika, and Cham is by his side, yet another Troika is behind them...]
[Shade is too busy destroying robots to notice]
[Chao decides to turn around, then he screams]
[the robot's head is no more]
[the Troika starts shooting Dark, who dives to the side]
Cham: Oh no, you don't!
[budda budda budda ka-BOOM!]
[Cham shot the Troika enough that it blows up]
[three O CRAP HOLES form]
All: O CRAP NO!!!
[the robots just keep pouring out, and more O CRAP HOLES form]
Dark: Shade.... I... I don't know how much more I can take...
Shade: Relax, Dark.... I... I think they're nearly done...
[eventually, they finish off all the robots]
Chao: Wow... we did it... holy crap.
Shade: And here I thought Heroes couldn't say "crap."
Chao: Just....... shut...... up...
[Delta Squad slowly, and reluctantly, turns around]
[behind them is a humongous O CRAP HOLE, filled with Boomers]
Cham: They just never cut us any slack...
Shade: Well, no point just sitting here... let's get this over with. Dark, take the Troika.
[Dark takes the Troika, and shoots a few Boomers before stopping, eyes wide]
Dark: Uh... Shade? You may want to take a look at this.
Shade: What-- *notices*................(quietly, weak)...now?
[all the Boomers are gone, but something is in their place]
[that something is a tiny doll]
Cham: Awww, it's a cute little doll!
[Cham jumps into the hole to grab it]
Shade: Cham, please don't--
[Cham grabs the doll]
Cham: Hang on... this doll..... it's torn. An eye is missing, it has three tails, and I think it's lost a leg.
Cham: Huh? Dark, did you say something?
Dark: What? No.
Shade: Cham, you REALLY oughta lose that doll...
Cham: Why? It's cute!
Shade: But, you're a guy! Guys don't care about cuteness!
Cham: Well, it looks cool, then.
Shade: But.... but....
Dark: Please, Cham. PLEASE. Lose the doll.
Cham: All right, FINE. I will.
[Cham sets the doll down, and they get into the Junker]
Dark: We might need to cook some--
[a toaster is seen flying out the Junker's window]
Dark: ........let's go.
[they drive off]
[the camera zooms in on the doll]
[it's a doll of Miles "Tails" Prower, and an eye and leg ARE missing, and it DOES have three tails, and it's very, VERY torn]
[as the screen fades to black, you can just about see the doll move a little bit]