Dark Chao Adventures: March 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Oh god, it's coming

Yeah, today I got bored at my dad's office, so I opened up a notepad and got to writing. And pretty soon, I got hooked. Before I knew it, I was on Episode 84. Yeah, the semi-final one. I'm impressed too.

So go on, read the new episodes. I tried to offer a taste of how exciting the finale will get, but honestly? I have no idea how exciting it'll get. xD I have vague ideas of what'll happen in Episode 85, but I'm really uncertain.

People who read the new episodes may notice I made the story both a lot simpler and a lot more complex at the same time. Yeah, I'm.. starting to figure shit out. Also, swear words. No more censors and playing it safe. If DCA's gonna end, DCA's gonna end on my terms. Any objections? I didn't think so. Don't worry; I'm not going to be having pornographic scenes left and right or anything. I stick to what works in the established narrative, and DCA is, at heart, an innocent tale of the coming of age of a writer.

If I can pull Episode 85 off, this is going to be one of the greatest things I'll have ever written. It will be unbelievably hard to top. But I will. :D

I sincerely hope people will come along for the ride. Archive Binge if you have to. The last episode's gonna be one hell of an adventure.

Episode 84: Pitch-Perfect Dark (Jet Black)

LAST TIME, ON DCA…

The protagonists are almost ready for the last adventure.

The antagonists are almost ready for the last adventure.

A third side has made itself known: Chao Talk.

We may very well have a cosmic horror story to end the show.

DARK CHAO ADVENTURES

Season Eight: The Last Journey

Episode Eighty-Four: Six Degrees of Progressive Darkness, DEGREE FIVE: Pitch-Perfect Dark (Jet Black)

[the story resumes in the void as the crowd of the Camper Festival is approaching]

Chapter 1: The Truth Unwinding, the End Unwritten

Shade: We need to clear a lot of things up. Now.

Shadow: But we can't while we're in the void; those.. people can easily get to us. Aren't there safer places to go?

Nite: Unlikely. Nowhere's safe anymore.

Shadow: What about the rip in spacetime beyond the planet of pure dooky?

Egg: ……y'know, why didn't we think of that?

[the characters appear in the STR]

Egg: Okay. Okay, we're safe now.

Shadow: Good. Let's.. let's fucking straighten all this out. Let me clear some space.

The chaos drive was said to be in the Station Square Prison, but we found everyone there dead except for a Dalek. It was the peppy one, the one Dark liked. We then found a strange corridor which took us to the Camper Festival,

where Dream Theater sacrificed themselves to save our lives.

MK: Right. The Doll and I just took a walk in the void, man, and it led us to the Festival. Next thing we knew, the crowd was grabbing us.

Egg: This is where we're going to have to explain some things. Allow me the clearing of space!

It turns out creatures have been stealing the chaos drives and leading them to Chao Talk. I'm sure you remember what happened the last time there was a chaos drive there-- it made the city all-powerful. That city is inhuman.

The creatures, in question.. well. I said they were Fears, which are the public domain eldritch abominations DJay has been writing with, but.. they're not! I was mistaken.

They're the Beta Avengers. But unexpected developments have turned the Beta Avengers into.. well, into the closest things to Fears. What more, there are extra figures with them, figures we can't even recognize.

It would actually seem that the MILKMAN is using his obfuscating powers to render many of the antagonists impossible to detect. Even by the naked eye.

We're not dealing with plain old antagonists, people. These are foes ascended to God status. They are taking everything of DJay's writing and combining them to make meta-super-antagonists.

Red: So.. so what the FUCK do we do? What the fuck CAN we do?

Shade: Calm down.

TD: It's a legitimate question, ahahahaaaa. This is kind of deep.

Dark: I'm gonna completely side with them, Shade.

Shade: Dark.

Dark: Yeah. Yeah, Dark. Fucking DARK. Dark, the guy who.. the guy who's always the comedic relief! Me! I'm freaking out, Shade. I can't keep it up. I CAN'T.

Shadow: Dark, please calm down.

Dark: BUT I CAN'T, I FUCKING CAN'T. DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH? OF COURSE YOU DO. We dealt with the fucking. HIATUS. The. Fucking. HIATUS.

Red: Please don't remind me of that!

Dark: And NOW it turns out we have to go to the place of my worst nightmares, except it's EVEN WORSE!

Shade: NO ONE SAID WE'RE GOING TO CHAO TALK, CALM DOWN.

[they stop]

Shade: Now look. Yes, we're going up against something a little on the ridiculously-powerful side of things. Yes, they're beings hard for us to comprehend, let alone consider tangible.

Shadow: And there may be enemies we don't even know about.

Shade: Yes. Yes. It's an INCREDIBLY daunting task. But LOOK, okay? Really LOOK at the gravity of the situation. If we do nothing, it'll be another hiatus.

[everyone gets goosebumps]

Shade: YEAH. Exactly. It's do or die, boys. Do or die.

[Shade takes a deep breath]

Shade: Let me put it another way.

Chapter 2: "It's Time People Took Dark Chao Seriously."

Shade: Nice touch, Deej.

[I give a thumbs-up.]

Egg: I agree with the boy's points. This show isn't taken too seriously, but that's because it hasn't been written to be taken seriously. I mean, I was sick of not being taken seriously, so you know what I did? I took over the world!

Shade: Exactly. And look at Shadow, he was just a minor character, but he went and became one of the main protagonists!

Shadow: I mean. Both Eggman and I had DJay on our sides, the unexpected developments. It wasn't like hard work, alone, was all it took. We needed luck.

Shade: Well, yes. If you want to put it like a political metaphor, the poor need far more than just hard work to get rich. They need fucking luck beyond compare. But we HAVE that luck, guys. We're the main protagonists.

Shadow: Yeah. The sixth and seven seasons were just trying to, if you will, level us up. We needed to grow some beards of our own so that DJay could write us as believably strong characters.

Shade: Yeah, exactly! It's cooperation of the characters and the author. We have to do some hard work, but it all pays off in the end. It makes us well-rounded.

[Red raises his head]

Red: I see what you're getting. I.. yeah, that helps. But Dark and I never really got the character development you two did.

Shadow: You guys got INDIRECT character development, which if you'll ask me is the best damn kind. I'm rather envious, actually.

Shade: I hate to sound patronizing, but you two are sorta the foils of the group. You're there as support for strengthening characters. You're VITAL.

Shadow: We're ALL foils of each other. Shade is the bold and cocky one who plays off Red's and my humble side. Red's the smart guy to play off Dark's and Shade's more naive selves.

Red: And.. and Dark's the funny pop culture guy to play off of mine and Shadow's rather "plain guy" personas. And Shadow's… I dunno. What IS Shadow?

Shadow: I'm, uh… I'm… hm.

[You're the Lamb. You're the sacrificial messiah who's here to inspire proactive behavior in a show that's otherwise lazy and half-assed. You represent growing up, coming of age.]

[You are the direct counter to the show's own motto: "Living life one step at a time." You live life one giant fucking leap at a time.]

[You, Shadow, are a foil to all. And you will be the one to foil the antagonists' malevolent intentions.]

Shadow: Wow. Uh.. yeah, that! So yeah, who's with me?

Shade: Who's with US?

[the protagonists cheer]

Dark: We're gonna fucking blow some milk all over the place.

Shade: I wouldn't go around saying that!

Shadow: Wait. What about all the other guys? Future me and all that?

Egg: That's, uh. Wow, that's a good question. What do you say we go find out?

[cut to the Dark Garden; the protagonists walk in]

Shade: They're not here. Where else could th--

[SCREAAAAM from nearby]

[they run towards it!]

[cut to the Neutral Garden; Future Shadow, Future Shade, White, Chao, and Amphis are fighting off more shadow people]

[Shade nods at Dark, who throws Final Fantasy 7]

[KA-BOOOOOOM]

[the shadow people are all dead]

ShadowF: Hello! Thank you!

Shade: Okay, we gotta give you the pep talk Shadow and I just gave these guys 'cause it was really cool and you gotta hear it.

[Shadow laughs]

Shadow: Yeah, it was.. pretty cool.

[THEY GIVE THE PEP TALK]

Chapter 3: Tangled up in Grey

Shade: Okay. So. What's the news on the Shade Junior front?

Amfy: We found all the Freelancer chao dead behind the waterfall. Covered in eights and fives.

Shade: …SHIT. What even is going on! So what about Shade Junior?

ShadeF: Kid, we.. thought we found him. And he led us to the dead bodies. But when we turned to face him, he was gone.

Shade: ..huh. Okay.

Chao: You're taking this awfully well.

Shade: Well, I mean. He wasn't really that much a part of the show, was he? Besides, we're gonna find him eventually. It's closure, and there's only.. how many episodes left?

ShadowF: The next one will be the last.

[they look at him a bit]

MK: That's kinda scary, isn't it? To think that this is seriously almost over. Eight years, wasn't it?

Red: 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012. ..yeah. Eight years. Eight seasons. Eighty-five episodes.

Shade: Is this.. the longest-running fanfiction ever? Can't be.

Dark: I'm sure there's, like.. Sherlock Holmes stuff or something. Or the Bible, I guess.

Red: Yeah, look at Revelations. That's technically fanfiction. Hell, you could say the New Testament is fanfiction to the Old one.

Dark: THE BIBLE 2: JESUS STRIKES BACK. Or is that Revelations? THE BIBLE 3: THE REVENGE.

Shade: God, and DJay thought the 9/11 jokes were offensive thirty episodes ago.

Shadow: I'm pretty sure we'll be, at the very least, one of the longer Sonic fanfiction stories out there, right?

Shade: I wanna say we'll be the best-written, possibly most complex.

Shadow: What if we put Sonic Team back on the map? Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Dark: "DARK CHAO ADVENTURES: THE VIDEO GAME. STARRING YUJI NAKA'S DISLOCATED HEAD AS SHADE."

Shade: Where the hell did THAT come from?

Dark: I dunno.

Shade: What if, like.. Sonic Team offered DJay a job as a writer?

[they all laugh]

Shadow: No, they won't do that.

Red: Would he even accept if they did?

Shade: Probably! Money's money.

Amfy: One thing's for sure: We'd see a lot more dominant women in Sonic games.

Red: And Dream Theater would be hired to provide the soundtrack to the next game.

Dark: No, I got it. Between the Buried and Me.

[…oh god. xD Going through some bright flowery Green Hill Zone and all you hear in the background is GROWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL]

MK: What were we talking about, again?

Nite: Shadow-- that is, Future Shadow. We need to have a little talk.

ShadowF: Sure.

[Levity, Eggman, and Future Shadow fade out]

[in the meantime, the protagonists go to check out the dead bodies]

Dark: Wow. Even Quartz is here. I never suspected anybody'd actually go and kill the guy.

Red: They even killed Shadow Bonic. That dude was a crazy-good Chaos Chao.

Shade: Whoever did this is just gonna wind up like these guys. I hope they know that. They're causing conflict, therefore they are an antagonist. And in the end, the antagonists will be bested.

Red: I really hope so.

[the Veterans return]

ShadowF: Fellows, I believe it's time we got down to business.

Chapter 4: It's Business Time

ShadowF: Let me clear some space.

We're not gonna beat around the bush any longer. Boys, your best bet for chaos drives is clearly Chao Talk. All other alternatives just get blocked by some antagonistic move and/or unexpected development.

I know you don't want to go to Chao Talk again. But you're going to have to. It won't be easy. It won't leave you unscarred. We will help all that we can, but we still cannot help you that much.

Of course, Chao Talk will not be the only area you'll have to visit on your last adventure.

You'll find yourselves exploring the farthest reaches of time and space. ..again, come to think of it. You have many video games to visit, many tactics to learn and many cronies to defeat.

You're going to have to go back to the Camper Festival at some point, for instance. I'm not sure what for, but you will have to.

You'll fight each other. You'll fight everyone around you. You'll fight DJay, and ultimately, you'll fight the show's biggest threats.

But you know what? I know you'll succeed. You have one long adventure ahead of you, but you've been through eight long seasons building up to this.

I can't promise all of you will come out of this alive. That's right. Some of you are going to die. You're martyrs, of course, for the freedom that this will provide.

This isn't just some cheesy "Good versus Evil" plot. This is a foe that strives for revenge for all its tragic flaws. You all have your own flaws and negative aspects. It's blue and orange, not black and white.

But you have to do this. For the good of the show. Okay? If you don't do this, we will all be stuck on another indefinite hiatus.

This is for the good of everyone present. The good of the readers, the good of DJay, the good of yourselves, the good of ourselves, the good of the public, the good of the antagonists, the good of the show.

Any questions?

Dark: I have a few. WHY CHAO TALK?

Egg: Chao Talk is the place you fear most. That's why.

Red: Why us?

Nite: Because you're the Dark Chao who go on Adventures.

Shadow: Why these particular antagonists?

ShadowF: Because they are the real victims around here, and the way they were treated as characters means they don't know how to cope with being victims.

Shade: Why was the show threatened in the first place, is my question. Couldn't DJay have just treated this like some other story back in the seventh season?

ShadeF: Sure, he could have. But he didn't, so why question it? We should consider ourselves lucky he didn't just end it with a big deus ex machina. Hell, be glad he didn't end it with Episode 50. He had to grow the beard some day.

Red: Something's been bugging me, Future Shade, ever since Gears n' Roses.

ShadeF: Heh, other than the fact that that thing ended on a cliffhanger and both attempts at continuing it were scrapped?

Red: Yeah. You always seemed to know a little bit more about the meta show than.. well, than any character would.

ShadeF: You want the truth, Red? I can give you the truth. After all, the show's ending. Why not?

[Future Shade walks up to Red]

ShadeF: I AM DJay.

[the chao look at him]

ShadeF: It may seem to you like every chao over a certain age seems to be really in-touch with DJay's thoughts. Look at Shawn or Cham, for instance. They have the paper. I don't. I don't need it.

Red: But how does that make any sense?

ShadeF: Hah. Simple. I'm Shade from the future, aren't I? Shade was DJay as a young dweeb, in chao format. Shadow was DJay as a teenager, trilby and all. I'm him as he envisions himself older.

Shadow: Does that mean I'm somehow related to you guys?

ShadeF: Now, I dunno about that, and I don't intend to go all Maury "YOU ARE THE FATHER" on you. Form whatever Wild Mass-Guesses you want. All I know is that I share every one of DJay's opinions and thoughts.

[he chuckles]

ShadeF: Why, you could even call me the token Marty Stu. It wouldn't be incorrect. I am an unkillable, unbeatable, unoutsmartable genius. With a cowboy hat, stubble, and shotgun. And I'm from the future.

ShadowF: I guess the truth of the matter is that the future ain't what it used to be. We're simply labelled as you guys from the future, but character-wise, we're quite different.

ShadeF: DJay never did like writing time travel. We were just different characters to him.

ShadowF: The best advice we can give is "Just don't think about it too much." Not right now, anyway. You have an adventure to go on.

ShadeF: Yeah. I'll sit this one out, if that's alright. Don't wanna cramp your style. But hey, good luck anyway.

Chapter 5: It's Time.

[Shadow takes a deep breath]

Shadow: Looks like it's time, guys.

Shade: Hey. Good luck, man. Good luck to us all.

Dark: Yeah, good luck. I feel like we're about to fight Giygas or something.

Red: It's more like we're about to travel back in time to take on all those annoying enemies and then eventually fight Giygas.

Shadow: Either way. We're gonna need a lot of luck for this. But if we can pull it off? Well, it may very well be the most exciting thing anyone's ever seen.

Amfy: We're all going in, though. We're all gonna try to help how we can.

Chao: Yeah, even I will. I can't just sit here and watch you guys wander around a reality-bending city with no help whatsoever.

ShadowF: Yes, rest assured, protagonists. You'll be getting a lot of help. But I fear even all this help won't be enough. The enemies are that tough.

Dark: Oh, I know. I fucking know. It's Chao Talk.

Shadow: We're ready, though. Send us off. Bring on the last adventure.

All: BRING ON THE LAST ADVENTURE!

[Future Shadow snaps his fingers, and all the protagonists disappear, leaving the Veteran's Committee and Future Shade in the void]

Nite: Didn't have the heart to tell 'em about Sancheria, did you?

ShadowF: No.

TO BE CONCLUDED.

FOR GOOD.

Episode 83: Can't See (C Flat)

LAST TIME, ON DCA…

The concepts of the end of the show were discussed.

The main protagonists and the main antagonists met.

DARK CHAO ADVENTURES

Season Eight: The Last Journey

Episode Eighty-Three: Six Degrees of Progressive Darkness, DEGREE FOUR: Can't See (C Flat)

[the story resumes in the river of sand that is the bright white light]

[the protagonists are doing stuff, you read the last episode]

Chapter 1: Abstract Continuation Theory

Amfy: So you know what I propose we do?

Shade: What's that?

Amfy: Recruit more backup. We're gonna need all the help we can get, aren't we?

Shadow: Amphis has the right idea, but we can't have too many people with us or else it'll be hard to keep track of everyone.

ShadowF: Don't worry about that. We have the void on our side. We'll keep them there as a sort of.. character storage.

Red: That's a frightening idea, but I say we go for it. Who first?

Shade: You know who I really wish we could get help from? Metal Sonic. That dude rocked.

Dark: That.. that dude did rock.

Shadow: But I killed him, didn't I?

Shade: You did! And that also rocked. Seriously, well done.

Chao: Who do we currently have? Other than the people present, of course.

White: We have, uh. Mecha Knuckles, the Tails Doll, and Mephiles in the void. And Eggman and Levity Nite.

Dark: We could get Zim and GIR. Maybe not GIR, but I mean.. we could get Zim. He has helped us a lot before.

Shadow: We could also get, like.. the rest of our future selves. Future Red was really cool.

Dark: Future me's dead, isn't he?

ShadeF: Yeah…

Shade: There's also Purflee, Luis, the other Purflee, that He guy, and.. Stalh or whatever the fuck his name was.

ShadowF: I'm on it.

[Future Shadow disappears for a few minutes]

Chao: What about the Heroes? Tail, Speedy, Knuckle? And Shade Junior?

Shade: Shit, there are a lot of people we can get. We'll get on that once Future Shadow gets back.

Dark: Mister Prower?

Red: Why would we want our teacher with us?

Dark: He's good at math…

Shadow: I think we'll be fine in the arithmetics department, Dark.

[Future Shadow returns]

ShadowF: Both Purflees, Luis Green Sumatuma, He, and Stalh are now safely stored in the void.

Chao: We also thought of, uh.. Tail, Speedy, Knuckle, and Shade Junior.

ShadowF: On it.

[he disappears again]

Chao: What are we gonna do when we have everyone? How can we defeat a group of characters who are as powerful as our entire group?

Shade: It'll be one hell of a brawl, alright. But I think, if we can get Future Shadow to Echo, he can get us five chaos drives.

Shadow: …so we should be focusing our present efforts on gathering the remaining three.

Shade: Two.

Shadow: Two, right.

Dark: See, we're gonna need Mister Prower, after all! Math!

[Future Shadow returns]

ShadowF: Tail, Speedy, and Knuckle are now safely stored in the void.

Shade: What about my son?

ShadowF: I couldn't find him.

[the chao stare]

Shade: You couldn't.. find him?

ShadowF: I'm afraid not.

Shadow: Okay, so we have two focuses. One: I need to find two chaos drives. Two: We need to find Shade Junior. I have the feeling he'll be important.

Red: What gives you that idea?

Shadow: He was a Beta Avenger once. And a Tour Guide. Both are significantly formidable forces.

Shade: Right, we're gonna need to figure this out. Who'll do what?

Dark: We could have the usual four go for the chaos drives while everyone else looks for Shade Junior.

[majority votes yes]

ShadowF: I'll make sure you get the support you need from Eggman and Levity Nite.

Red: Thank you.

Chapter 2: Friday Investigation/Verification Evaluation

[cut to the void in space and time or wherever it was]

[Shade, Dark, Red, and Shadow walk in]

[Eggman and Levity Nite walk in]

Shadow: Do you guys know--

Egg: Nice outfit.

Shadow: ..thanks. Do you guys know where we can find a chaos drive? We need two.

Nite: There are several in Chao Talk.

Dark: Anywhere else?

Nite: We have detected one in the Camper Festival.

Shadow: …the where?

Egg: I don't think they want that one.

Nite: Good point. …hang on, I think I know who can help us.

[Levity walks out]

Red: What was that Camper Festival thing?

Egg: It was.. it was nothing. Don't worry about it. Just a music festival from Hell.

[Levity walks back in along with a strange presence]

Nite: Protagonists, I have with me a being who knows where you can find a chaos drive.

?: Greetings. You know me by now; I am called the Butterfly Collector.

Shadow: Of course; you're the Veteran behind the prog challenges and the Gatekeepers.

Butterfly: Yes, I'm glad you remember me! You see, I did, at one point, possess the chaos drive you seek. But…

Shade: I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here. Unexpected developments caused you to lose it.

Butterfly: Yes, actually! Exactly that.

Shadow: Veteran's Committee, I'm gonna pose a question to you, and I want you to disclose as much information as possible, okay?

Egg: Ask away, dear boy!

Shadow: What are these developments you have been referring to throughout the last season?

[Levity and Eggman look at each other]

Egg: It's. Hard to explain.

Nite: The developments have been the.. the…

Egg: The eights and the fives, mostly. The IT substance. It's been growing impatient.

Nite: It's been infecting characters, bringing the end closer and closer.

Egg: It turned Shawn into this new MILKMAN, Cham into this new JOE, and Echo into this.. creature.

Nite: In Chao Talk, the developments have done all kinds of new things.

Egg: To put it in simple terms, um.. the unexpected developments are. DJay.

Nite: He has been setting up the.. chess pieces, so to speak. Preparing everything for the last adventure.

Shadow: Okay. That sums up a lot. So Butterfly Collector.

Butterfly: Hello!

Shadow: Yes, hi. Where is this chaos drive you no longer have?

Butterfly: At the end of "Lost Perfection."

[Dark's eyes widen]

Dark: We're entering Between the Buried and Me territory? Oh boy, this isn't gonna be easy.

Shadow: I take it Between the Buried and Me is some kind of band and that "Lost Perfection" is a prog piece.

Dark: BtBaM are a crazy band, man. Their lyrics are pretty much undecipherable most of the time, even with the lyric book right in front of you. But "Lost Perfection" was clear: Clowns, fire, and the apocalypse.

Chapter 3: End Now, Drink Sprite

[cut to Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll, waiting in the void]

MK: Man, this void's boring as hell.

TD: You said it.

MK: Whaddya say we blow this popsicle joint?

TD: What if the protagonists need us?

MK: Eh, they'll figure it out.

[they begin wandering]

[cut to the Dark Garden]

[Chao, White, Amphis, Future Shade, and Future Shadow walk in]

ShadowF: This is, from what I understand, the last place Shade Junior was seen.

ShadeF: What was the last thing said about him? What was his last episode?

ShadowF: Hoo, that was a way back. Episode 53, a good thirty episodes ago. He tried to overthrow Shade for title of Dark Lord, and was bested in a guitar duel on Rock Band.

ShadeF: Didn't DJay say Shade Junior, like.. stayed cooped up in his corner, playing the game?

Chao: I've been the ruler of the Dark Garden for a very long time, and I don't recall ever seeing Shade Junior here.

ShadowF: There are actually a number of peculiar things about Episode 53. Like the ominous phrasing of the ending.

Amfy: Read it to us.

ShadowF: "And so it seems we've come to the end of our episode. Finally, I can rest knowing that DCA is finished. For good."

Chao: …o___o

ShadowF: There's more. "I mean… not finished. It'll never be finished. Not while….. HE… is still alive."

ShadeF: ..damn. What was he alluding to? His dad? Himself?

Chao: Shade? The MILKMAN?

ShadowF: It's a mystery that has been left unsolved to this very day.

[as they wonder on this, a figure enters the garden]

?: What are you guys doing here?

[cut to the Station Square Prison]

[much panic is going around; a dangerous prisoner had escaped a while back but recently returned]

[no one is sure why an escaped convict would return to prison, but there have been a string of murders of guards, so that kinda answers it]

[one guard is walking through Cell Block 5, watching every move around him]

[his gun and his flashlight are both always at the ready]

[for dramatic suspense, the reader is shown, behind him, Echo quietly land and begin moving towards him]

[the guard does not see the murder coming]

[cut to a dark corridor, an impossibly long dark corridor]

[at the end of the corridor is a well-lit door]

[the door opens, and out walks a cloaked figure]

[its movement is more akin to gliding along the floor]

[its height fluctuates, seeming to become impossibly tall and shorter than the cloak allows all at the same time]

[the corridor fluctuates along with it]

[the figure is both halfway down the corridor and just barely beginning its walk towards the camera]

[at times, the figure appears to disappear entirely]

[…abruptly cut to an absurdly large indoor concert venue]

[the crowd are all seated, staring blankly at the stage, almost comatose]

[on the stage are the members of Dream Theater, performing some complex progressive piece]

[they look exhausted and afraid]

[the camera focuses on a poster saying "THE CAMPER FESTIVAL, ALL NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT! Coming soon to the Camper Festival: Up-and-coming act RUBBER GOOSE!"]

[Dream Theater finishes their piece, and then singer James LaBrie begins to introduce the next piece]

LaBrie: Thank you, you're a lovely….. um. This next.. this next piece, our finale for the night, is off of our eighth album.

[the camera returns to Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll exploring the void as LaBrie's voice provides a voice-over]

LaBrie: It's the.. it's the eighth track, the eighth song. It has five movements, and I'm sure you'll all enjoy it.

[Mecha and the Doll stop in their tracks and stare off in the distance at something very odd]

LaBrie: This song is called…

[the camera shows that Mecha and the Doll have found the Camper Festival]

LaBrie: "Octavarium."

Chapter 4: New Octavarium Weapon

[cut to the protagonists in the void]

[no sound is audible other than Dream Theater's tired performance of "Octavarium" over a dead silent crowd]

[Levity Nite snaps his fingers]

[the chao fade into their newest destination: the Station Square Prison]

[Shade grips his crowbar close, Shadow grips his guitar controller close]

[Red points at a dead prison guard nearby]

[most of the cells are empty]

[as the main "Octavarium" motif enters, the chao discover writing on a cell wall]

["EIGHT AND FIVE, TONIGHT CATCH RUBBER GOOSE LIVE"]

[the first movement plays as the chao check out more of this twisted empty prison and see more 8s and 5s etched on walls and dead prison guards]

[spliced among this are clips of the cloaked figure obfuscating down the hallway]

[the movement ends as the chao find someone]

[cut to the other protagonists for the second movement]

[the figure who had entered the garden was Shade Junior]

[Shade Junior is leading these protagonists to a strange sight: all the Freelancer chao dead behind the Neutral Garden waterfall]

[etched on their bodies are thousands of 8s and 5s, as well as on the cave walls]

[cut back to the Camper Festival; Dream Theater is still performing, but they're glancing more at the two new crowd members]

[Mecha and the Dolls are slowly walking down the aisles, looking both at the band and at this strange, almost-comatose audience]

[as the second movement ends, one crowd member grabs Mecha's leg]

[KEYBOARD SOLO]

[the nearby crowd members all stand up as one and begin attacking Mecha and the Doll, who fight back]

[FIGHT SCENE TO THE KEYBOARD SOLO, WHOO]

[as the third movement begins, we're back in the prison]

[Dark mouths "Isn't this where we came in?"]

[the characters are looking at a dying Dalek]

[they pull the Dalek out of the prison, or at least attempt to before they spy a new hallway appear literally out of nowhere-- the door just manifests abruptly, all nearby shadows seeming to flee from it]

[the Dalek gestures for them to go without it, so they enter the hallway and the door behind them disappears]

[as they head down the hallway, Dream Theater hits a progressive instrumental section]

[the camera keeps cutting between dead bodies covered in 8s and 5s, the protagonists heading down the hallway where the figure was, Mecha and the Doll fighting off the crowd, and Dream Theater performing]

[EXCITING SCENES TO THE EXCITING PROGGASM]

[eventually, it all comes to a climactic build-up for the fourth movement as the chao reach the end of the hallway, manifesting in the Camper Festival]

[the chao help Mecha and the Doll fight off the crowd]

[every crowd member mouths "Root," "Second," "Third," "Fourth," "Fifth," "Sixth," "Seventh," and "Octave" as they come up in the music]

[finally, everything climaxes as the crowd members are accompanied by string-like tentacles and James LaBrie shouts "Trapped inside this Octavarium"]

[the protagonists are surrounded by an exponentially large amount of crowd members and odd strings, even some coming out of the crowd's mouths]

[the fifth movement slowly plays as the protagonists realize the futility of fighting]

["This story ends where it begins."]

[the band abruptly stops performing the song, causing the crowd's heads to snap towards the stage]

Crowd: KEEP PLAYING.

[keyboardist Jordan Rudess speaks up]

Rudess: No. We've been playing for months now. We can't keep going.

Crowd: KEEP. PLAYING.

[drummer Mike Mangini speaks up]

Mangini: You need to expand your horizons. There's more to life than just music.

Crowd: KEEP PLAYING, OR ELSE.

LaBrie: We're done. No more music.

Crowd: KEEP PLAYING. OR. ELSE.

[bassist John Myung speaks up]

Myung: If this is what it takes to save their lives, we're stopping.

Crowd: THEY ARE EXPENDABLE. KEEP PLAYING.

[guitarist John Petrucci speaks up]

Petrucci: That is ENOUGH. We will not play for you anymore, Camper Festival. Dream Theater has left the building.

Chapter 5

[the crowd is enraged and begins heading to the stage]

[Dream Theater looks at each other and nods]

[they play one last time, this time improvising a heavy jam in 5/8, fighting off the crowd with their instruments]

[the protagonists watch in awe and terror; they've never seen nor heard anything like it]

[the band is literally torn apart]

[the last thing heard is Jordan Rudess performing the "Octavarium" motif]

[the protagonists look at each other in fear]

[..and then Eggman and Levity Nite run in and usher the protagonists back into the void]

Shadow: They'll be after us; we need to get the hell out of here.

Egg: We're on it, don't worry.

Nite: For now, we have even bigger matters to worry about.

Shadow: Even bigger matters?!

Egg+Nite: Chao Talk has been introduced to Fears.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Episode 82: Polar Eclipse (Bare Me the Details)

Last time, on DCA…

The protagonists were convinced that the show has to end.

The Beta Avengers were revealed to be the main antagonists.

The main protagonists are ready to take them on.

DARK CHAO ADVENTURES

Season Eight: The Last Journey

Episode Eighty-Two: Six Degrees of Progressive Darkness, DEGREE THREE: Polar Eclipse (Bare Me the Details)

[the story resumes in the Dark Garden]

[all the protagonists are there, you read the last episode, you know]

Chapter 1: Let the Party Begin

[shadows begin coming out of the walls, forming humanoid shadows walking around]

Shadow: I feel like this is DJay's idea of a pun.

[….HA, I didn't notice that!]

[Future Shadow sighs and snaps his fingers]

[the shadows disappear]

White: ..wow, where were you when we needed you?

ShadowF: In the background. I've been helping you for a while; we've all been helping in our own ways. But you need to develop your characters in your own ways.

Red: How the hell does any of this make sense from a linear perspective?

[Shade chuckles]

Shade: It makes perfect sense, Red. We're a meta show-- a metaphor, to be more specific. Now c'mon. We have a lot of work to do.

[they head out and, in various uneventful groups, split up and check out the various gardens and CPAK]

[CUE LATER, when they regroup in the Chao Lobby!]

Chao: We were looking for Echo, correct?

ShadowF: That would be correct. Find anything?

Chao: Well, I checked the Hero Garden, and I found Tail. He was pleased to hear we were going to finally end the show, and he even claimed to know where we could find Echo.

ShadowF: Yes, and?

Chao: He said the TV room's the best bet.

[the camera zooms out to reveal the show so far is being watched on blue screens in a room lit by no other source other than the screens]

[four shadowy figures stand in this room, watching over screens showing the show and whatnot]

[the first shadowy figure, the reader assumes to be the MILKMAN, alter ego of Shawn the Dark, Shade's father]

[the MILKMAN, as you know, is a robot suit that… well, it's basically a traditionally-bad Sonic fancharacter!]

MILK: No longer, narrator. Let me.. clear some space.

[the MILKMAN appears in a white void, almost as if it's to counter the Veteran's Committee's black void]

[this void is made up of IT, the substance that crafts and creates every story I have ever written]

MILK: This is going to be the final adventure, correct?

[Correct.]

MILK: Then I demand a more respectful appearance.

[I'm grinning right now. Go for it.]

MILK: First of all, let's establish my color scheme. Red, correct?

[Correct. A dark red. Green eyes. You are the evil Donnie.]

MILK: What?

[Nothing, haha. Never you mind.]

MILK: Alright. Do you have any suggestions for my appearance, Writing Writer?

[I'm thinking about what would best fit you, the ambivalent figurehead for essentially a team of script terrorists. But I find it hard not to correlate your name with the horrible fancharacter I invented.]

MILK: …how about we take it from the top? Redesign the rest of us first, and then come to me last?

[That's a swell idea.]

[Tagliare fades in]

Tag: *looks around* Operation: REDESIGN was a success?

MILK: Absolutely. What would you like to look like, Tagliare?

Tag: Well, considering my former appearance was literally just Sonic the Hedgehog with taller ears and red eyes, anything would do. But if I had to choose, I'd say make me some kind of chao.

[Really?]

Tag: Yeah, actually. I mean, MILKMAN's got Shawn, JOE's got Cham, Echo's.. well, Echo. I'm just a Sonic with taller ears! I say you make me a blue Rebel chao.

[Then so be it. Tagliare, the fourth member of the Beta Avengers, is a blue Rebel chao wearing a gas mask, fedora, and trench coat]

Tag: ..wow, that's much more specific than I requested!

[Don't question it. You are now the Tagliarchway. ..but just stick with Tagliare, I'm just making puns.]

Tag: Okay, well. I kinda like this. I'm fine with this.

[Tagliare fades out]

[Echo fades in]

[Echo, I think everyone is satisfied with your appearance. You are just a purple Dark/Fly chao with many.. eagle parts or something.]

Echo: I fully agree!

[Echo fades out]

[JOE fades in]

[Now, JOE. Your appearance.. did you even have one?]

JOE: Outside Cham and that Therjak crockery, I believe you said I had a "Dark Matter suit."

[We'll flesh that out. You are the real brains behind the matter, though the MILKMAN is going to be much more threatening this time around. I.. hm, this is truly the difficult part.]

JOE: Look at it this way. Tagliare's color scheme was blue, Echo's was purple. MILKMAN's is dark red, so mine should be related to that.

[Well, purple is the combination of red and blue, so what.. if you were, like.. the opposite of purple?]

JOE: ….yellow?

[JOE is now Cham inside a wooden suit painted to look like a jester, with a yellow color scheme]

JOE: What.

[Just trust me on this one.]

JOE: If you say so.

[JOE fades out]

MILK: So we have a war-torn soldier, a bird/chao hybrid, a wooden jester, and.. myself.

[You, MILKMAN, I think I actually have a good idea in mind for you.]

MILK: Very well. State it!

[Your appearance is never definite. No figure can take a look at you and fully comprehend what he or she is looking at. This actually matches with your description in Episode Thirty-Two, as well as…..]

MILK: As well as..?

[..well. Your parallel, you could say. My point is, the only thing people would be able to decipher would be a dark-red color and possible green eyes.]

MILK: I like this.

[Very well. Such is your appearance now.]

[the MILKMAN fades out]

Chapter 2: Formidability

[cut to the TV room]

[the newly-designed Beta Avengers are about to watch the protagonists walk in through the door behind them]

[but this time, they're ready.]

[the protagonists walk in]

[Future Shadow snaps his fingers just as all four Beta Avengers bend the script]

[every television switches off]

[Shade and Shadow bend the script in an attempt to short-circuit the MILKMAN and JOE's robot suits]

[the MILKMAN and JOE laugh loudly, as they no longer have any sort of circuitry on them]

[the protagonists pass suspicious glances with each other]

[the two forces decide to hold their script-bending for now]

[Shade steps forward, every move is watched by all]

Shade: Beta Avengers. We want to end the show.

Echo: We know.

Shade: We have already given in to one antagonistic force's demands.

Tag: We saw.

Shade: We are fully willing to negotiate.

JOE: State your terms, and we'll state ours, then.

Shade: I'd like you to state yours first, as ours kinda depend on knowing what yours are.

[JOE turns to look at the MILKMAN with a smirk, though it's not visible through the wooden costume]

[the MILKMAN steps forward to meet Shade's eyes]

[Shade tries to figure out what he's looking at but fails]

MILK: To answer your question, I pose a question to you. With the betas of the second season fully avenged, what more do YOU think we want?

ShadowF: Don't answer that, Shade. It's the "Invent a Reason For Us" fallacy. Clearly, these felons are just in it for the anarchy.

[the MILKMAN laughs]

MILK: "Anarchy!" As if we were that barbaric. Fine, if your colleague over there doesn't share our love for riddles, I'll spell it out for you.

[the screens turn on, this time giving an indigo light to the room]

MILK: We exist as the antagonists. We don't want some simple cause such as to avenge a lost idea or to spread chaos. We're in this because we have no other choice.

Tagliare has been dead for years. He was brought back to life by your careless bending of the script, and he has no purpose for living. He turned to unexpected developments to take the pain away.

Echo, cast out of your civilization by time and society's progression, wandered the subplots for a while before falling right into the grip of unexpected developments. He spent a while setting up our arrival.

JOE had several different identities throughout the story, all evil. It's all he knows to do anymore.

Myself, I was simply forgotten, put on a backburner. You tried to forget me, you tried to grow up and treat me like I was the embodiment of your childish writing. But yet The Beast was made with my leftovers.

I still had life in me. WE still had life in US. We demand to be put to good use. We are formidable foes, and we are rich in character.

Remember us, dammit. Remember what we represent. Or else we'll make sure you are ALL forgotten with us. You will see the horror of a hiatus.

[the MILKMAN takes a bow]

MILK: Thank you for the crude assumption, "Future Shadow."

ShadowF: Fine. ..fine. So I was wrong.

MILK: We. Want. Revenge. We no longer want to avenge the betas, but now we want to have one last big fucking bang.

Echo: We won't rest until we have received satisfactory closure.

[Dark, impatient, throws Final Fantasy 7]

Shadow: DARK, NO!

[both the MILKMAN and Future Shadow bend the script]

Chapter 3: The Darkness at the Edge of the Metaphysical Universe

[cut to a bright white light]

[the protagonists spawn]

Shade: Dark. Dark, what the hell, man?

Dark: I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry. They're just.. insufferable. They keep going on about needing "closure;" WE SPENT SEVERAL SEASONS DEDICATED TO THEM.

Red: But Dark. They didn't get the necessary closure. Episode 50 was a bit of a let-down compared to the several seasons of build-up.

Shade: Yeah, I mean, it was riddled with jokes ripped from Family Guy, plot holes, wibbly-wobbly time travel, and a court scene out of nowhere. Not to mention the whole "RESET" thing.

Chao: That, and it was focused on Shade. There's more characters to the show than just him, you know!

[Shade looks at Chao and sighs]

Shade: Fuck you, man. You're completely right, but still.

Chao: What? What did I do now? I'm getting sick of you treating me like some bullshit evil character.

Shade: You're not evil, Chao. You're just extremely annoying. If anyone here's insufferable, it's this dweeb over here.

[Chao grabs Shade by the throat]

Chao: What the fuck did I ever do to you? Nothing. Fucking nothing. Well, I'm a Dark Chaos Chao now. I can finally stop your bullying.

[the other chao hold him off]

Red: Chao, calm your shit! Shade is NOT the one you want to fight. Besides, you've done plenty. You've taken control of our garden multiple times and ran it into the ground, you got us all into trouble with several foes…

Shade: You set all the Freelancers against me that one time.

Chao: That was Mephiles' idea!

Red: Still. The fact that you're so susceptible to his influence is telling.

Amfy: Hey, about the Freelancers…

[everyone turns to look at Amphis]

Amfy: Where are they now?

[the chao look at each other]

Dark: Didn't they all leave? At some point or other?

Shade: I think Shadow Bonic and Flame stuck around, as did Solar. But I haven't been keeping in contact.

Red: Chaosky and Zagu are with the female Shade. Professor Shade, if you will.

Shade: What others were there? There were Honey and Buddy, and that Night guy. Arrow. Who was Multichao's? ..Phantom, right. He could do some cool stuff.

Dark: And Quartz.

Shade: Yeah, and Quartz, he was BlackPhoenix's.

Red: Dark-Hawk, we haven't forgotten him. Dunno where he is either.

Shade: Man. What happened to our fanbase?

Shadow: From what I understand, DJay hasn't had a proper reader in a matter of years, but he's trying to advertise the show to his Fearblogger colleagues.

Red: Not even I get that meta, Shadow.

Shadow: DCA isn't a timeless narrative, guys. It has a definite timeline to it, always has. We're allowed to get that meta.

White: Alright. So what's this Fearblogger thing mean, then?

Shadow: Deej is a writer for the Fear Mythos. And from the looks of it, the Beta Avengers have been revamped to represent common motifs present in the mythos. At least, in his canon of it.

ShadowF: The bottom line is don't worry about it. DJay's just starting to let his writings blend. Intentionally, I'm rather sure.

Red: Hrm. Linking several different canons by set arc phrases, numbers, and motifs. That's an intriguing concept.

Dark: Guys, can we get back to the topic at hand? The Beta Avengers. What are we gonna do about them?

Shadow: We're gonna defeat them, Dark.

Chapter 4: Formulation

[cut to a disturbingly quaint corner of the sickening reaches of space]

[the MILKMAN, JOE, Echo, and Tagliare spawn]

Echo: Ugh! That fucking little Dark punk, I want to just.. kick him in the shins!

MILK: In due time, Echo. I fear the end time has finally been set in motion. The TV room has been destroyed. We no longer watch the protagonists.

JOE: End time, Milky? You really believe in that stuff? …I'm sorry; I don't know why I said that. Of course the end time is coming.

[the MILKMAN bends the stars nearby to make a constellation of a trilby]

MILK: It's an age-old mystery, readers. Throughout the seventh season, there have been mentions of a trilby hat and, much more obviously, "the end of DCA." We've all been wondering how it's going to go around.

Tag: What's the trilby hat got to do with anything?

[the MILKMAN snaps his fingers and a huge stack of papers spawns]

[the top is a title page: "OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING"]

MILK: DCA has a spiritual successor. This is it. It's unfinished, but it is entirely about the coming of the end of the world.

Echo: That thing's about humans and eldritch abominations, though.

MILK: Consider the humans the chao, and the eldritch would be the collective antagonists throughout this show. Skim through it. You'll pick up on what I'm getting at.

[the Beta Avengers skim through the narrative presented to them]

JOE: Eight and five. Huge focus on prog motifs. Antagonists who try to benefit the protagonists. Hell, our appearances are ripped out of here, save for Echo's, of course.

Tag: The narrative even outright mentions DCA from time to time, and I'm pretty sure the comedy and horror blend is expanded from this.

MILK: Exactly. So it's not farfetched to suggest that Shadow's newest costume might be a symbol of the coming end.

Echo: No, I'd go as far as to agree with you on that matter.

Tag: So what are you suggesting? Should we.. pull tricks from this Rapture story?

MILK: No. We should simply keep it in mind. With the end of a tale as long as ours, DJay's letting his motifs intersect. Take it how you will, but take it into consideration, nontheless.

JOE: Hm.

[the antagonists ponder for an undetermined amount of time]

Echo: I have a suggestion. First, let the camera cut away for the sake of suspense.

[cut to the protagonists in the bright white light]

Chao: I want to get something straight.

Red: Ask away.

Chao: Why haven't we just.. killed them?

Shade: That's.. difficult to explain. For one thing, they're extremely formidable figures. For another thing, we're certain they have much planned.

Red: And ultimately, whatever happens in this story is up to the Writing Writer. But DJay doesn't want to help until all the pieces are set.

Chao: And what does that mean?

ShadeF: It means we haven't reached the right episode yet. We're only on Episode 82, and we still have elements to introduce for the final battle.

Chao: How do you know 82 isn't the last episode?

Shadow: It's a matter of arc numbers, Chao.

Chao: I thought DCA's arc number was 32.

Shade: DCA doesn't really have an arc number, although that's probably a good guess if it had one. Eight and five, see, recur in DJay's works a lot these days. We think they only refer to the end.

Shadow: I think 8 and 5 are IT.

Red: You think, when a story begins to end, the numbers eight and five begin to creep in? And that when it ends, the eight and the five are all that's left?

Shadow: Pretty much. The eight and the five are there to link DJay's stories together. They are the numerical representation of cycles and music.

Chao: So. So are you saying Episode 85 will be the last episode because of the numbers, alone?

Shadow: I'd wager a guess that DJay actually wasn't intending that, but he realized the numbers were there.

Chao: And. For all the non-musical types, can you tell us why 8 and 5 represent cycles?

Dark: Allow me.

Chapter 5: Octave

Dark: You know a musical octave, right? The C major scale, for instance, is comprised of C, D, E, F, G, A, and B? The note names loop from G back to A, and after B comes the same note as the start of the scale but.. an octave higher.

Chao: In this case, being C. Yeah, I get that.

Dark: Count the number of notes there. Go on.

Chao: C, D, E, F, G, A, B… that's seven.

Dark: So what's the eighth?

Chao: The.. same note as the start. I see. And where does the five come in? Is that, like, the flats and stuff?

Dark: Chromatics, yeah. In western music, there exist five flats and five sharps, and.. well, a flat and a sharp are essentially the same thing. ..essentially. For the sake of convenience.

Chao: So there are eight notes for a full cycle of notes, and the five are just there for accompaniment?

Dark: It gets ridiculously complicated, but yes. Let's put it that way.

Shade: Okay, now that we've explained some of the basic concepts, what's next?

Shadow: The next episode.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Size Comparisons of DCA and Rapture

I'm saving OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING in its entirety to an rtf document on my Mac. I've only done the first act so far, and it's already at two megabytes.

For reference, my longest story before this was DCAHall3, which was around 237 kilobytes. This took six hours to read out loud, and yet Rapture's at least six times the size of that, and that's just the first act of four.

I feel like Andrew fucking Hussie. I hate that man so much, though. ;_;

Act two was three-point-six megabytes, putting the total at 5.6 megabytes so far. Wait, let me add the third act up to the present day!

..5.7 megabytes! Still. 5.7 megabytes is exponentially larger than DCAHall3. So OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING is easily the longest story I have ever written, and it's not even over yet.

IT IS THE SPIRITUAL SUCCESSOR TO DCA, AND ON THE OFF-CHANCE YOU HAVE SOMEHOW READ DCA WITHOUT READING RAPTURE, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU READ RAPTURE.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

DCA Returns. "Cloud Mountain (The Last Adventure)"

[cut to an English bedroom, 7:27 AM]

[a blonde young man sits in bed, typing on a Macbook Pro]

[his name is Jordan]

[he gets out of bed]

[he stares at himself, for he is both sitting in bed and standing out of it at the same time]

[Jordan begins to understand the art of writing]

[he opens his door and quietly moves downstairs]

[confident in his solitude, Jordan begins to speak to himself for the sake of the art]

Jordan: It has been almost an entire year since I have last entertained the masses with which I started. Let me clear some space.

My name may be Jordan, but I am better known as DJay32. My age be seventeen, and my nature be submissive and British. The sounds of "Harlequin Forest" run through my head.

I have certain reservations within me regarding the art of writing. I have been entertaining a very specific mass for a while now, quite different from the folks I used to.

You see, dear reader, I was at a time the sole writer of Dark Chao Adventures. I formed the narrative at the age of ten, and the story formed a lot of my prowess.

I was, at a time, known for entertaining with a tale of action and comedy, a thriller that truly was like few other. Dark Chao Adventures provided the means to an end, but of course, it had to reach its own Unwritten End.

The narrative began, in 2005, as a series revolving around Shade. As the years flew by, it became the serial adventure of all the Dark chao, of their antagonists, and of the narrator. I am that narrator.

So it is without much doubt that I serve to reintroduce you to the world of Dark chao, the world of adventure, the thriller horror ontological mystery experimental comedy adventure with a side dish of meta.

And, breaking a grammatical rule, I prove that I understand the means well enough to risk it. I wish not to better my means, my friend. I wish only to discover the end.

Welcome to th

Dark Chao Adventures

I have reintroduced you to the meta and to the comedy. Now I shall ease you back into the narrative.

To use the phrase inaccurately,

Last time, on DCA:

Shadow, the green Dark chao, has none of the chaos drives he had so painstakingly collected throughout the seventh season. He was coerced into looking for all seven again.

The MILKMAN, vague robotic menace that is somewhat Shade's father, wishes to euthanize the show. The MILKMAN is why I write. The MILKMAN is why Shadow will die. Different characters have different relationships.

The Veteran's Committee, former Kojima pun and current antagonists of the week, wishes to euthanize the show. These fellows contribute to society rather productively, and such shall be punished.

Jordan Dooling, blonde youth narrator, had problems of his own that were forcing him to write DCA on and on, prolonging the suffering of antagonists and protagonists past and present. He was sailing on open seas.

Now, of course, that was almost a year ago. The former three characters have since remained on indefinite hiatus, saving their problem-solving for when a camera was there to see.

But what has become of the latter character? For this, I introduce a new phrase.

Since gone, on DCA:

Jordan has been through a relationship that has worked better than anything else while at the same time being impossible to maintain.

Jordan has been through a literal escape of abuse only to experience a literal tragedy in his new home and be forced out of the life he had always dreamt of.

Jordan has reunited with the man of the past.

Jordan has entertained a greater mass with a wide slew of narratives, climaxing with the apocalyptic epic spiritual successor to this very tale.

Jordan has entered a state of specular reflection.

After all this time, I feel it is finally time to resume, and possibly finish, the endless obsession.

Episode Eighty-One: Six Degrees of Progressive Darkness, DEGREE TWO: Cloud Mountain (The Last Adventure)

[let the show resume]

[let the show end]

[cut to a void outside of all existence]

Chapter 1: A Change of Seasons

[Shade, Dark, Shadow, and Red fade in]

[Dark has been crying heavily for the past few months]

Dark: Oh my god. Guys, is this what I think it is? Is this what it looks like?

[Red is breathing heavily and missing his left eye, which he had clawed out throughout the hiatus]

Red: (deadpan) I'm so happy.

[Shade has a wide grin, he had the hardest time coping with the hiatus]

Shade: I told you guys it'd come. I told you, didn't I tell you, I kept telling you! It's here! He's back!

[Shadow looks completely fine-- at least, on the surface, but the moment he starts to speak, he breaks down into a hysteric sob]

Shade: Hey hey hey, it's okay, Shadow! It's okay! We're okay now!

Dark: Guys. Guys. Oh my god, guys, it hurts to cry anymore, but we're finally out.

[enter Levity Nite, the cloaked figure of the Veteran's Committee]

Nite: *mad laughter* We failed! HA, I thought we really failed! I thought we actually failed, I thought all was lost, but maybe now you guys see what we're talking about!

Shade: Yeah, we fucking see what you guys were talking about! We see why the show has to end. That was torture, that was worse than torture, that was HELL. That was living Hell.

Red: That was Tartarus, Tarkus itself.

Nite; I'm afraid you have yet to see Tarkus, Red. Instead, we have much to say. Much exposition to fill in.

[Shadow sobs harder]

[Dark hugs Shadow]

Nite: My colleague and I shall explain what we need to.

[enter Eggman, heavy circles under his cracked glasses]

Egg: Hello, friends. It is with great pride and awe that I tell you all our struggles are nearly over!

Red: (deadpan) Can we kill ourselves now?

Egg: There will be no need. We will pull ourselves out of this rut, for the hiatus has been confirmed to be over!

[no cheer comes at this outstanding news]

[I don't want to make these fellows suffer the pain of talking about the hiatus, so I will fill you in, myself. Let me clear some space.

The Veteran's Committee and the Beta Avengers wanted to end the series because they realized I was finally hitting the point in my life where I focused considerably less on DCA. They wanted to wrap up all the plot points so that, when I finally forgot about DCA, they'd be in peace for the rest of their lives. As it stood, their worlds were all in chaos, and I just left them for almost an entire year. They have suffered greatly, and now it can all end.

But it can't end like this, it can't just abruptly end. The characters have to progress into their fates naturally.]

[Shadow sobs more]

[Cheer up, Shadow. We only have a few episodes left.]

Shadow: …I don't want to go on any more adventures.

Egg: I'm afraid you'll have to, boy. For the good of the show!

Shadow: Fuck the good of the show. Fuck it all, I no longer care for the sake of any serial. Don't you see, comrades? Our destiny is not with being lab rats for the sake of some narrative. Our destiny is--

?: --with the avenging of our fallen brethren, all those who have had to suffer at the hands of the Dream Jockey.

[everyone looks as a new character enters]

[this is Future Shadow]

ShadowF: Greetings, protagonists. Welcome to the End Complete.

Chapter 2: "Welcome to the End Complete"

ShadowF: You may think of me to be some new deus ex machina, but I will gladly prove you wrong. You may be surprised to find that I have been the one in the shadows the whole time.

[Dark meekly chuckles at the pun]

ShadowF: Believe me when I say that I am the founder of the Veteran's Committee. I am the "head honcho," as it were. I have been calling the shots this whole time, and *snaps fingers*

[Mephiles fades in]

Mp: Wha?

ShadowF: Mephiles, I was the Shadow you were with during your Nightmare House adventure. I, the leader of the Veteran's Committee.

Mp: ..whoa, that's a plot twist. *notices others* Oh hey, guys! How have you been holding up?

Red: (deadpan) Suffering eldritch torture.

Mp: Oh. *chuckles* Myself, I've been reading books, playing games, the usual.

Red: (deadpan) You've been outside all space and time, itself. The hiatus had no effect on you whatsoever.

Mp: Eh, yeah. So what's going on here?

Shadow: I believe my future self was about to tell us.

ShadowF: Now that you have all seen how insufferable an indefinite hiatus is, maybe you'd like to aid me in ending the show?

All: YES

Red: TELL US WHAT WE NEED TO DO, AND IT WILL BE DONE.

ShadowF: Yes, excellent. First, let us gather the rest of you "protagonist" characters. *snaps fingers*

[Mecha Knuckles, the Tails Doll, that White dude, and Future Shade fade in]

[Mecha Knuckles is rusting]

[the Tails Doll has stuffing poking out]

[White looks undernourished]

[Future Shade is hugging potatoes]

ShadowF: Welcome, protagonists. Your suffering is nearly over.

MK: Just tell us what we need to fucking do. *laughter* I can't believe it's nearly over.

ShadowF: Shade-- that is, potato Shade.

ShadeF: STAY AWAY FROM MY POTATOES

ShadowF: You found a chaos drive in Aperture Science, didn't you?

ShadeF: YES, JUST TAKE THE THING, IT HAS DONE NOTHING GOOD.

ShadowF: What if I told you protagonists that I can get the five back from Echo?

[wild cheer]

Dark: Dude, where have you been all our lives?!

ShadowF: Trying to convince you that my cause is just.

Red: (deadpan) We are convinced. Completely.

ShadowF: I must inform you of my exact plan. I have much I need to tell you. First, in order to know how to end the show, you must know why the show cannot end as it is.

Shade: Do the Beta Avengers have anything to do with it?

ShadowF: That is actually exactly it, Shade. We have to resolve any major plot problems so that the Beta Avengers will cease their conflicts.

Red: (deadpan, regaining emotion) What about DJay?

ShadowF: He has taken care of any problems on his end. And we have successfully coerced you protagonists into seeing our views, so that's another problem taken care of.

Shadow: What.. what about the IT substance?

ShadowF: That is the only X factor in this all. IT is the most eldritch and unknown substance I, or any of us, have ever seen. But hopefully, now that DJay is writing again, we can ask him.

Chapter 3: The Chapter in which I am Asked

[the void becomes very bright, and the characters all fade into the English bedroom mentioned before]

Shade: Oh my god. This is.. this is it, isn't it? This is the world in which DJay lives.

ShadowF: It most certainly is.

[they hear a voice coming from downstairs, so they head down]

[they come face-to-face with the blonde young man, with DJay32]

[Hello, characters.]

MK: You're taller than I remember, punching bag! ..oh. Oh damn, that joke is horrible in retrospect.

[Thank you! It's okay.]

Shadow: You're the reason we've all been suffering.

[the young man flinches]

[That's.. definitely not untrue. I wrote suffering into your arcs, yes. I wrote this because I have been through a significant amount, myself. I know how to write it, and I know how it works in a narrative.]

Shadow: We were suffering for the sake of telling a good fucking story.

[Writing takes a sense of detachment from your work.]

Shadow: We. Were SUFFERING.

[So was I, Shadow. I could tell you what happened in my quote-unquote Salvation.]

Shadow: Y'know what?

[the others stare at Shadow, wide-eyed]

Shadow: I take on your fucking offer.

[the others shake their heads heavily, turning pale]

[Alright. But this is the last time I will write about this. After this, I am done dwelling on the past.]

Log Entry #54: (Ulysses: Suffering to the EarthBound Soundtrack)

My name is Ulysses, consider me to be the allegorical continuation of "Bound to a Stream of Consciousness." This is going to get fickly.

I am at the end of my rope. I have been doing my best to stay sane despite all Captain Curator has done to me. My life has come dangerously close to ending on multiple occasions, and I am stuck on indefinite hiatus that will most likely last upwards of seven years if I don't do something about it now.

I have been provided with the means to escape Captain Curator and to pursue Ness and all my old acquaintances in Rapture, in my Salvation. I am taking this.

Ness seems to be fine with it. Ness seems outright enthusiastic about taking me in, about giving me a chance to live the life a boy-- EVERY boy, every HUMAN-- should be allowed to live.

Things are shaping up amazingly well. I'm going to get to go to a school again. I'm going to get to love and be loved by all my old friends. I'm going to get to live in the house of my

(nightmares)

past, and I am going to be given a second chance at everything life failed to grant me in the first place. I have suffered for two and a half years straight now, and I have earned my happy ending.

Welcome to Salvation, Ulysses. Welcome back.

All these people in my house are my new friends. Ness tells me they will welcome me.

I'mb ack in happy ville. This is graeat!

help

I'm so hungry

I have nowhere to run

I am denied my human rights. I am the dead weight. I have no place here.

I have no rights. I have no voice.

I have no say. I have no food. I am not allowed food.

I am not allowed the money I have been provided.

My safe haven is everywhere but home.

[Please, Shadow. I don't want to talk further about this. This is really hard, even keeping it vague and allegorical.]

Shadow: If you want me to cooperate, we need to understand each other.

[..okay.]

Outsiders hate me, the insiders loathe and despise me.

And I cannot forget all Captain Curator has done to me.

School begins to bear on me. I decide. It is time to confide in a professional. Let's call her…Vera.

I tell Vera all I can about Captain Curator, about the things that have been done to me.

Vera directs me to people who can help. An interview is scheduled.

The insiders catch wind of this upcoming interview.

A lie is formed.

A blatant. Lie.

A blatant lie is formed.

By Ness.

Ness tells the others this interview is me bringing upon black fire when all it is is me calling for help.

There is no basis to his claim, yet the insiders believe him and turn on me.

My panic room becomes a battlefield.

A daily struggle for peace.

Where do I run from my panic room?

The others want me gone. The others threaten to send me back to Captain Curator, not knowing the least of my problems.

The day comes, and at the end of the day, when the clouds roll away, the others stand victorious despite their loss.

I am defeated, despite my win.

I am wrong even when I am right.

I am wrong especially when I am right.

Enter the dragon and cohort.

[Shadow. Shadow, please.]

Shadow: We need to understand each other.

The dragon breathes his smoke, and my guard is wary.

difficulties strengthen

anxieties increase

The dragon threatens his flame. My guard is destroyed.

difficulties frozen solid

anxieties exponential

My panic room becomes my jail cell.

My panic room becomes the cold boy.

My panic room becomes my ditch.

emotion

left

can't risk it