Thursday, March 1, 2012

DCA Returns. "Cloud Mountain (The Last Adventure)"

[cut to an English bedroom, 7:27 AM]
[a blonde young man sits in bed, typing on a Macbook Pro]
[his name is Jordan]
[he gets out of bed]
[he stares at himself, for he is both sitting in bed and standing out of it at the same time]
[Jordan begins to understand the art of writing]
[he opens his door and quietly moves downstairs]
[confident in his solitude, Jordan begins to speak to himself for the sake of the art]
Jordan: It has been almost an entire year since I have last entertained the masses with which I started. Let me clear some space.

My name may be Jordan, but I am better known as DJay32. My age be seventeen, and my nature be submissive and British. The sounds of "Harlequin Forest" run through my head.
I have certain reservations within me regarding the art of writing. I have been entertaining a very specific mass for a while now, quite different from the folks I used to.
You see, dear reader, I was at a time the sole writer of Dark Chao Adventures. I formed the narrative at the age of ten, and the story formed a lot of my prowess.
I was, at a time, known for entertaining with a tale of action and comedy, a thriller that truly was like few other. Dark Chao Adventures provided the means to an end, but of course, it had to reach its own Unwritten End.
The narrative began, in 2005, as a series revolving around Shade. As the years flew by, it became the serial adventure of all the Dark chao, of their antagonists, and of the narrator. I am that narrator.
So it is without much doubt that I serve to reintroduce you to the world of Dark chao, the world of adventure, the thriller horror ontological mystery experimental comedy adventure with a side dish of meta.
And, breaking a grammatical rule, I prove that I understand the means well enough to risk it. I wish not to better my means, my friend. I wish only to discover the end.
Welcome to th

Dark Chao Adventures

I have reintroduced you to the meta and to the comedy. Now I shall ease you back into the narrative.
To use the phrase inaccurately,

Last time, on DCA:
Shadow, the green Dark chao, has none of the chaos drives he had so painstakingly collected throughout the seventh season. He was coerced into looking for all seven again.
The MILKMAN, vague robotic menace that is somewhat Shade's father, wishes to euthanize the show. The MILKMAN is why I write. The MILKMAN is why Shadow will die. Different characters have different relationships.
The Veteran's Committee, former Kojima pun and current antagonists of the week, wishes to euthanize the show. These fellows contribute to society rather productively, and such shall be punished.
Jordan Dooling, blonde youth narrator, had problems of his own that were forcing him to write DCA on and on, prolonging the suffering of antagonists and protagonists past and present. He was sailing on open seas.

Now, of course, that was almost a year ago. The former three characters have since remained on indefinite hiatus, saving their problem-solving for when a camera was there to see.
But what has become of the latter character? For this, I introduce a new phrase.

Since gone, on DCA:
Jordan has been through a relationship that has worked better than anything else while at the same time being impossible to maintain.
Jordan has been through a literal escape of abuse only to experience a literal tragedy in his new home and be forced out of the life he had always dreamt of.
Jordan has reunited with the man of the past.
Jordan has entertained a greater mass with a wide slew of narratives, climaxing with the apocalyptic epic spiritual successor to this very tale.
Jordan has entered a state of specular reflection.

After all this time, I feel it is finally time to resume, and possibly finish, the endless obsession.

Episode Eighty-One: Six Degrees of Progressive Darkness, DEGREE TWO: Cloud Mountain (The Last Adventure)

[let the show resume]
[let the show end]
[cut to a void outside of all existence]
Chapter 1: A Change of Seasons
[Shade, Dark, Shadow, and Red fade in]
[Dark has been crying heavily for the past few months]
Dark: Oh my god. Guys, is this what I think it is? Is this what it looks like?
[Red is breathing heavily and missing his left eye, which he had clawed out throughout the hiatus]
Red: (deadpan) I'm so happy.
[Shade has a wide grin, he had the hardest time coping with the hiatus]
Shade: I told you guys it'd come. I told you, didn't I tell you, I kept telling you! It's here! He's back!
[Shadow looks completely fine-- at least, on the surface, but the moment he starts to speak, he breaks down into a hysteric sob]
Shade: Hey hey hey, it's okay, Shadow! It's okay! We're okay now!
Dark: Guys. Guys. Oh my god, guys, it hurts to cry anymore, but we're finally out.
[enter Levity Nite, the cloaked figure of the Veteran's Committee]
Nite: *mad laughter* We failed! HA, I thought we really failed! I thought we actually failed, I thought all was lost, but maybe now you guys see what we're talking about!
Shade: Yeah, we fucking see what you guys were talking about! We see why the show has to end. That was torture, that was worse than torture, that was HELL. That was living Hell.
Red: That was Tartarus, Tarkus itself.
Nite; I'm afraid you have yet to see Tarkus, Red. Instead, we have much to say. Much exposition to fill in.
[Shadow sobs harder]
[Dark hugs Shadow]
Nite: My colleague and I shall explain what we need to.
[enter Eggman, heavy circles under his cracked glasses]
Egg: Hello, friends. It is with great pride and awe that I tell you all our struggles are nearly over!
Red: (deadpan) Can we kill ourselves now?
Egg: There will be no need. We will pull ourselves out of this rut, for the hiatus has been confirmed to be over!
[no cheer comes at this outstanding news]
[I don't want to make these fellows suffer the pain of talking about the hiatus, so I will fill you in, myself. Let me clear some space.

The Veteran's Committee and the Beta Avengers wanted to end the series because they realized I was finally hitting the point in my life where I focused considerably less on DCA. They wanted to wrap up all the plot points so that, when I finally forgot about DCA, they'd be in peace for the rest of their lives. As it stood, their worlds were all in chaos, and I just left them for almost an entire year. They have suffered greatly, and now it can all end.

But it can't end like this, it can't just abruptly end. The characters have to progress into their fates naturally.]
[Shadow sobs more]
[Cheer up, Shadow. We only have a few episodes left.]
Shadow: …I don't want to go on any more adventures.
Egg: I'm afraid you'll have to, boy. For the good of the show!
Shadow: Fuck the good of the show. Fuck it all, I no longer care for the sake of any serial. Don't you see, comrades? Our destiny is not with being lab rats for the sake of some narrative. Our destiny is--
?: --with the avenging of our fallen brethren, all those who have had to suffer at the hands of the Dream Jockey.
[everyone looks as a new character enters]
[this is Future Shadow]
ShadowF: Greetings, protagonists. Welcome to the End Complete.
Chapter 2: "Welcome to the End Complete"
ShadowF: You may think of me to be some new deus ex machina, but I will gladly prove you wrong. You may be surprised to find that I have been the one in the shadows the whole time.
[Dark meekly chuckles at the pun]
ShadowF: Believe me when I say that I am the founder of the Veteran's Committee. I am the "head honcho," as it were. I have been calling the shots this whole time, and *snaps fingers*
[Mephiles fades in]
Mp: Wha?
ShadowF: Mephiles, I was the Shadow you were with during your Nightmare House adventure. I, the leader of the Veteran's Committee.
Mp: ..whoa, that's a plot twist. *notices others* Oh hey, guys! How have you been holding up?
Red: (deadpan) Suffering eldritch torture.
Mp: Oh. *chuckles* Myself, I've been reading books, playing games, the usual.
Red: (deadpan) You've been outside all space and time, itself. The hiatus had no effect on you whatsoever.
Mp: Eh, yeah. So what's going on here?
Shadow: I believe my future self was about to tell us.
ShadowF: Now that you have all seen how insufferable an indefinite hiatus is, maybe you'd like to aid me in ending the show?
All: YES
ShadowF: Yes, excellent. First, let us gather the rest of you "protagonist" characters. *snaps fingers*
[Mecha Knuckles, the Tails Doll, that White dude, and Future Shade fade in]
[Mecha Knuckles is rusting]
[the Tails Doll has stuffing poking out]
[White looks undernourished]
[Future Shade is hugging potatoes]
ShadowF: Welcome, protagonists. Your suffering is nearly over.
MK: Just tell us what we need to fucking do. *laughter* I can't believe it's nearly over.
ShadowF: Shade-- that is, potato Shade.
ShadowF: You found a chaos drive in Aperture Science, didn't you?
ShadowF: What if I told you protagonists that I can get the five back from Echo?
[wild cheer]
Dark: Dude, where have you been all our lives?!
ShadowF: Trying to convince you that my cause is just.
Red: (deadpan) We are convinced. Completely.
ShadowF: I must inform you of my exact plan. I have much I need to tell you. First, in order to know how to end the show, you must know why the show cannot end as it is.
Shade: Do the Beta Avengers have anything to do with it?
ShadowF: That is actually exactly it, Shade. We have to resolve any major plot problems so that the Beta Avengers will cease their conflicts.
Red: (deadpan, regaining emotion) What about DJay?
ShadowF: He has taken care of any problems on his end. And we have successfully coerced you protagonists into seeing our views, so that's another problem taken care of.
Shadow: What.. what about the IT substance?
ShadowF: That is the only X factor in this all. IT is the most eldritch and unknown substance I, or any of us, have ever seen. But hopefully, now that DJay is writing again, we can ask him.
Chapter 3: The Chapter in which I am Asked
[the void becomes very bright, and the characters all fade into the English bedroom mentioned before]
Shade: Oh my god. This is.. this is it, isn't it? This is the world in which DJay lives.
ShadowF: It most certainly is.
[they hear a voice coming from downstairs, so they head down]
[they come face-to-face with the blonde young man, with DJay32]
[Hello, characters.]
MK: You're taller than I remember, punching bag! ..oh. Oh damn, that joke is horrible in retrospect.
[Thank you! It's okay.]
Shadow: You're the reason we've all been suffering.
[the young man flinches]
[That's.. definitely not untrue. I wrote suffering into your arcs, yes. I wrote this because I have been through a significant amount, myself. I know how to write it, and I know how it works in a narrative.]
Shadow: We were suffering for the sake of telling a good fucking story.
[Writing takes a sense of detachment from your work.]
Shadow: We. Were SUFFERING.
[So was I, Shadow. I could tell you what happened in my quote-unquote Salvation.]
Shadow: Y'know what?
[the others stare at Shadow, wide-eyed]
Shadow: I take on your fucking offer.
[the others shake their heads heavily, turning pale]
[Alright. But this is the last time I will write about this. After this, I am done dwelling on the past.]

Log Entry #54: (Ulysses: Suffering to the EarthBound Soundtrack)
My name is Ulysses, consider me to be the allegorical continuation of "Bound to a Stream of Consciousness." This is going to get fickly.
I am at the end of my rope. I have been doing my best to stay sane despite all Captain Curator has done to me. My life has come dangerously close to ending on multiple occasions, and I am stuck on indefinite hiatus that will most likely last upwards of seven years if I don't do something about it now.

I have been provided with the means to escape Captain Curator and to pursue Ness and all my old acquaintances in Rapture, in my Salvation. I am taking this.
Ness seems to be fine with it. Ness seems outright enthusiastic about taking me in, about giving me a chance to live the life a boy-- EVERY boy, every HUMAN-- should be allowed to live.
Things are shaping up amazingly well. I'm going to get to go to a school again. I'm going to get to love and be loved by all my old friends. I'm going to get to live in the house of my
past, and I am going to be given a second chance at everything life failed to grant me in the first place. I have suffered for two and a half years straight now, and I have earned my happy ending.

Welcome to Salvation, Ulysses. Welcome back.
All these people in my house are my new friends. Ness tells me they will welcome me.

I'mb ack in happy ville. This is graeat!

I'm so hungry
I have nowhere to run

I am denied my human rights. I am the dead weight. I have no place here.
I have no rights. I have no voice.
I have no say. I have no food. I am not allowed food.
I am not allowed the money I have been provided.
My safe haven is everywhere but home.

[Please, Shadow. I don't want to talk further about this. This is really hard, even keeping it vague and allegorical.]
Shadow: If you want me to cooperate, we need to understand each other.

Outsiders hate me, the insiders loathe and despise me.
And I cannot forget all Captain Curator has done to me.
School begins to bear on me. I decide. It is time to confide in a professional. Let's call her…Vera.
I tell Vera all I can about Captain Curator, about the things that have been done to me.
Vera directs me to people who can help. An interview is scheduled.

The insiders catch wind of this upcoming interview.
A lie is formed.
A blatant. Lie.
A blatant lie is formed.
By Ness.
Ness tells the others this interview is me bringing upon black fire when all it is is me calling for help.
There is no basis to his claim, yet the insiders believe him and turn on me.
My panic room becomes a battlefield.
A daily struggle for peace.

Where do I run from my panic room?

The others want me gone. The others threaten to send me back to Captain Curator, not knowing the least of my problems.
The day comes, and at the end of the day, when the clouds roll away, the others stand victorious despite their loss.
I am defeated, despite my win.
I am wrong even when I am right.
I am wrong especially when I am right.

Enter the dragon and cohort.

[Shadow. Shadow, please.]
Shadow: We need to understand each other.

The dragon breathes his smoke, and my guard is wary.
difficulties strengthen
anxieties increase
The dragon threatens his flame. My guard is destroyed.
difficulties frozen solid
anxieties exponential
My panic room becomes my jail cell.
My panic room becomes the cold boy.
My panic room becomes my ditch.
can't risk it
The dragon breathes fire. Massive damage.
The dragon breathes fire. Massive damage.
The dragon breathes fire. Massive damage.
The dragon breathes fire. Massive damage.
The dragon threatens imminent death. Massive damage.

[Shadow turns pale]
Shadow: Okay, okay, I get it, oh my god, please stop this, please.

The dragon threatens imminent death. Massive damage.
The dragon breathes fire. Massive damage.
am a disease.
The dragon vaccinates me. Massive damage.
am going to be raped.
The dragon breathes fire. Massive damage.
am responsible for all.
The dragon will not stop until I fear, until my tears tell. Massive damage.
am never going to wake up.
The dragon is but the omen. Dead.
am lying about Captain Curator.
The dragon breathes fire. Massive. Fucking. Damage.
am dead.
The dragon breathes fire. Dead.

Oh god, please fucking help. I can't write this anymore.
forget about.
Let's forget. Let's forget, please just forget.

Wipe my entire memory clean of any curation of any fire of any hurt of anything unpleasant.
No more fire.
No more cold.
No more memories.

Welcome back to the valley you call "Hell," Ulysses.
You will find now that the grass is greener than you remember.

[There. I will end this there.]
Shadow: DJay, I had no idea.
[You should trust my word more often. Now, I believe you were here for a reason?]
ShadowF: I will ask this. Writing Writer, can you tell us what has become of the IT since we last heard of it?
[IT, oh yes. IT's actually gone and given me many new stories already. But now IT has returned to breathe new life into your last adventure.]
TD: We're gonna need this in English, prof.
[Basically? Don't worry about IT. You want to end this show? You're gonna want to take down the antagonists, wrap up the conflict!]
Red: But of course, that makes perfect sense! This adventure is a narrative, so it needs the plot to actually resolve if we want a resolution! It's common sense!
White: But then who are the antagonists? The Veteran's Committee?
Egg: Hey, don't look at us! We're helping you guys!
ShadeF: He means the Beta Avengers.
[everyone focuses their attention on Future Shade]
ShadeF: All throughout the existence of this show, the "bad guys" were never really all that bad. The Poker Gang were just the local bullies at worst--
MK: We take offense to that!
ShadeF: Invader Zim was incompetent as fuck, Mephiles is just bored--
Mp: He's right.
ShadeF: And the Veteran's Committee is on our side. The only people who explicitly tried to stop us were the Beta Avengers.
Shade: And Chao Talk!
Dark: Shade, please don't talk about that place like that. Th.. the city cannot think, and the people in it don't want anything to do with us. Not after we left, at least.
[You guys are on the right tracks. You know what you need to do. But you're gonna need me to help you get this ball rolling.]
Shade: We can do this if you provide the adventure, Deej.
[I must warn you, the Beta Avengers are genre-savvy. Now that I have the rest of this figured out, the MILKMAN knows how things will end as well. That means they'll do all they can to prevent it.]
Shade: I really don't think we have anything to worry about. The Beta Avengers were the foes from a time when Jordan couldn't write!
Red: Yes, but they're also the final bosses of the entire show. I have the feeling they're going to be written very creatively.
[Red's right. I want this story to end with a bang, and DCA is essentially a coming-of-age story for.. well, for everyone. And for me, it means no more cheesiness.]
[I've grown the beard. You guys have grown the beard. The Beta Avengers will surely have, too.]
Dark: Just. Just get us started, DJay.
[So be it. Good luck, protagonists. I'm not gonna explain anything to you for this; for your final adventure, you will learn everything by yourselves.]
[But I will give you one thing: I give you your old personalities back. And those who had none, I grant you with the best I can muster. Shadow, I give you the personality you've been building up to all this time.]
[Good luck, and may the Logic be with you.]
Chapter 4: One Last Adventure
[cut to the Dark Garden]
[Shade spawns, crowbar wielded and headband on]
[Dark spawns, carrying Final Fantasy 7 and a guitar kept in hammerspace]
[Red spawns, wielding machine gun and dressed as an American Naruto fan]
[Chao is here waiting, a Dark Chaos Chao]
[White spawns, headgear and antennae on like the rebel chao he is, assault rifle in his hands and all that]
[Future Shade spawns, wearing his worn-out stetson, stubble on his face, and Shotty the shotgun in his hands]
[Future Shadow spawns, wearing a cloak (with no hood! For distinguishability) and wielding no weapon]
[Finally, Shadow spawns, wearing a trilby and purple scarf, wielding a guitar controller strapped to his back]
Shadow: This is one hell of a costume.
Red: I'm surprised I was given THIS old self, of all outfits.
ShadeF: You'll get a chance to develop yourself, kid. We all will. We have a long journey ahead of us, may be our last, but it's definitely gonna be daunting. *notices future Shadow* ..hey, where's your weapon?
ShadowF: I don't have one. Don't NEED one.
ShadeF: I'll take your word for it.
Chao: Um…
[the protagonists look at Chao, who is surprised at all these characters' sudden appearance]
Chao: What's going on?
Dark: *sigh* Go away, Chao. Nobody likes you.
Shade: Now, Dark…
[Shade walks up to Chao and extends his hand]
Shade: Chao is one of the best friends we could ask for. And we should, at the very least, ask him to join us.
Chao: Um. Okay, it depends. As I asked before, WHAT IS GOING ON?
Shade: Well. Basically?
Shadow: We're gonna end the show.
[Chao blinks]
Chao: …what? After all this time of trying to keep it going?
Shade: DJay can't keep writing DCA, Chao. He wants the antagonists to stop causing havoc so that, when he finally forgets about this show, it'll be a good thing.
Red: Yes. We're going to give DCA the end it deserves, which is, really, anything but an Unwritten End.
Chao: Well… I mean, do you guys NEED me? In whatever it is you're gonna be doing?
ShadowF: Theoretically, we'll need all the help we can get. But you can wait in the void with Eggman and Levity Nite if you want. Which reminds me!
[Future Shadow snaps his….. fingers? o_o]
[In spawns a red neutral Power/Power chao]
ShadowF: It looks like we can finally put you to your potential, Amphis.
Amfy: Fuck yeah, about time.
Red: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Maybe we should explain some things to the reader. If there's anything to explain, it's Amphis.
ShadowF: Excellent point. Well, Amphis is a Freelancer. He's a third-party chao, if you will.
Shade: To give credit where credit is due, Amphis is a SECOND-party chao.
Amfy: Damn straight! I answer to Logic, and she's technically the official artist!
Red: We have an official artist?
Dark: We have art?
Shade: I got a beautiful sketch. That's about it at this point in the story. But DJay's the kind of guy who'll be especially grateful for that kind of thing, so Amphis is second-party.
Amfy: Exactly. I'll be glad to help out when I can. Speaking of, when's this party even starting?
Shadow: Next episode!

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