Wednesday, March 5, 2008

*wind whistles* *coyote howls* *cough*

So, I suppose it's been a while, hasn't it? Or has it? I'm sorry, but I just can't keep track of time anymore.... I'm slowly being driven to insanity. Why?

NOTHING'S HAPPENING!

I'm not talking about DCA. In fact, I can understand why few have even noticed the new episode.

A: This time of year, school hits those in it. It hits them, HARD.

B: On Sunday, the world will end.... with one Brawl to end them all.

C: Because of B, time has finally taken its toll and s l o w e d d o w n....... greatly.

D: Because of C, the schools are activating A, to 'speed things up a bit.' It's kind of.... ironic what the result is.

E: Because of D, B is seeming a bigger goal,

F: Which makes C even MORE active,

G: Causing D to happen much more,

H: Which results in E,

I: Thus resulting in F,

J: and RESTARTING all this pure Hell even MORE with G!


The list keeps on going until we've run out of letters, and Greek symbols, as well as roman numerals, which isn't even possible. But it keeps going until we do. All because Nintendo won't give us the one Brawl to end them all yet!

So, if the freakin' board of education would just.... let us have our patience.... I suppose time would speed up.

At this rate, we may have to WORK instead of smash our friends' skulls in, virtually!

You know what sucks MOST, though? This event and the repition of history are NOT mutually exclusive!

What do I mean? This event doesn't happen only once, you know. It first happened over SEVEN years ago, when people got addicted to a CERTAIN game for the N64, and couldn't wait for its sequel. Times were just as bad, if not better. Perhaps worse. I don't know, I wasn't entirely... paying attention way back when.

Now for what "sucks most." Since THAT happened, that means THIS will happen. Which means we're gonna have to just.... wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Forever. Until IT comes out, and time stops as the Nintendo fans are allowed to party until this event happens again.

Or at least until the board of edutorture stops us in our tracks, and makes us "wake up and smell the coffee," as they put it.

Until Spring Break, which some of you may already be having, or have had. You never know.

Then, it's time to "wake up" again.

Until Summer Break.

Then school again.

It's all just an illusion, you hear me? They say it's gonna stop.... they say that.... but it's all LOOPING ITSELF!

It's the Pentagon, man! You hear me? The PENTAGON! They're onto Nintendo for releasing the greatest game of all time to the US, and then promising to release something even BETTER than perfect!

The Pentagon doesn't believe them! So, they're torturing us with their.... powers of time! Slowing down time with VFX Slow.... until the time comes when they don't let us play our games! They'll use VFX Mach Speed on us... sometimes VFX Zoom, maybe even VFX Sound Effects!

All until Summer comes.

When we're finally free, the Pentagon uses their ultimate weapon.... VFX Replay! This makes us live Hell yet again....



I don't think it'll ever end.... I'm cursed to communicate with those.... those... jerks.... until the year's over. Then, it'll all BeGiN aGaIn! HoOrAy!

I can still hear the clock ticking.... always.... even though my clock has been taken down, it just won't stop. Ever. EVER. EVER! EVER! PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP! I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!! FOR THE LOVE OF SHADE, JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!!

Please..... please..... please.... the ticking is driving me crazy.... as does the tocking..... it never stops.... it just remains in my mind.... until I give in to the insanity.

Tick...

Tock...

Tick....

Tock....

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

Tick....

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

Tick....

Tock...

TICK...

TOCK...

TICK....

Tock.........

T...i...c....k......

T....o...........c.....k......

So I turn to the music to calm me down. The MOTHER music. The Mario music. The Kirby music.

Oh, the Kirby music... I quite enjoy that. So upbeat. So cheery. It's like the pink guy doesn't even have to deal with life... he just.... eats. To get happy.

Just like Yoshi.

But only Kirby has the music.

The dances.

The happiness.

The uppity.... ups....



And that's where Brawl comes in....

Only such a sophisticated game as Brawl could involve some of the best Kirby music.... and put it all under one disc!

AND REMIX IT!

Oh, the wonderful remixes! The heavy metal Gourmet Race remix.... the strangeness of the 02 remix.... the scariness, followed by rock, and parade form of the Marx remix.... the Jazzy Meta Knight's Revenge remix.... the rather upbeat King DeDeDe remix...


Then there's Metroid.

Metroid, you always make me smile.

And scream.

Metroid has made me take a dump with fear multiple times, you know. There's nothing, and I mean NOTHING scarier than the GFS Valhalla, you know.

Then there's the music.

Metroid's awesome soundtrack, too, is compressed and remixed in Brawl.

Ain't nothing about it I don't like.

The awesome, rock, 7-minute guitar solo that is the Brinstar remix.... the metal which is the Ridley remix.... the Metroid Prime song which isn't QUITE remixed, but still good... it's all there.



And only Brawl can do this! HA HA HAAA!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!? ONLY THE FOLKS AT NINTENDO AND HAL CAN MAKE THREE-HUNDRED-SOMETHING SONGS OF PURE PERFECTION, AND THROW EACH AND EVERY ONE IN THERE!

300 and something homages to the past!

That's what I love about Brawl.

That's why I can't wait for it.

That's why school is Hell.

That's why Nintendo is the best.

That's why we have video games.... to set a bar for Nintendo to BLOW to smithereens with their awesomeness!

Only Brawl can have TWELVE SONIC SONGS OF PURE WIN, ABOUT ONE-THIRD OF THEM GENESIS, AND PUT THEM IN GREEN HILL ZONE!!!

This is why DCA may not resurface for a week or two.

This is why I am going off the deep end.

It's out of both joy, and madness.

WHY MUST THIS WEEK BE THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED!?!?!?!?!?!?!??




I really...



Just....




Can't....



Take.... it...



Anymore....


It's all...


Too...

Much.......




Someone, please.... don't let the fire die..... don't!

Must stay happy.... must think happy thoughts...

Let me guess.... all this typing has gone to waste, hasn't it?

All WASTED....

No one's going to read any of this!

You know why?



















BECAUSE SCHOOL IS KEEPING THEM FROM READING THIS!!!


It's ALL school! STOP THE PAIN!

STOP THE SUFFERING!

STOP THE HELL!!

.....please.....



Let me be a DJ...

....in Heaven....


Nintendo, be my angel and bring us Brawl..... set us free.... make the final blow unto the nonbelievers.....


Please.....

before the flame dies out....

The flame...

...must....


...burn.

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