A team of chao... lost in a DEADLY city... and the only help they have? ...HELP? You kiddin'? WHAT help?
Dark Chao Adventures 08. Freaky. Deadly. Funny. Laugh. Scream. Terror. Teppop. CHAO.
Episode 08-Three: The Nomble Holds Many Secrets, Too
Chapter 1: Breaking Out of City Hall
[the story resumes as the chao enter a dark crawlspace]
Dark: Wow, it's really--
[Shade shoves Dark into the lava]
Red: Thank you.
[Dark respawns and they reach a dead end]
K: Somehow, I blame Dark.
He: Wait... there's light coming from under this wall... I'll crowbar it!
[He breaks the wall down with his crowbar; the wall blows up; lots of chao respawn]
[the next room is visible through a window-- a small office with lots of desk-like things to crawl under, and two pyramid-shaped machines, each with a different color on top (red and blue)]
K: Pyramid machines? They MUST be friendly!
Dark: Something's not right here...
K: You're just jealous that I'm gonna meet the friendly robots FIRST!
[Knuckle steps into the next room and is instantly killed by the robots' lasers]
K: You got any better ideas?
Dark: Yes. He, you need to crawl under those desk-like things; try to get to the pyramids! Then, crowbar them to oblivion!
He: I'm on it!
[He runs into the room and instantly ducks under the desks, avoiding the lasers]
[He eventually reaches the pyramids and destroys them]
He: All clear!
[the wall behind him blows up; He respawns]
[the wall leads out into the city]
Hero: Freedom, sorta!
SB: "Sorta" is right. We're close to the Deluxe Office.
PFI: Isn't that good?
[Purflee the second appears out of nowhere]
Shade: Okay, okay, save the mushy sibling love for PBS, you two; we have a deluxe office to find.
PF: The Deluxe Office? Ooh, you don't wanna go there...
PFI: Why not, bro?
PF: One word-- Luis.
He: What about Luis?
PF: Another word-- Nomble.
[horrified expressions are on the others' faces]
Hero: We should just turn back...
Tail: But... where would we go?
Hero: Uh... to the maze place? I mean, it's open, right? And that's how we got back LAST time.
Shade: Then it's settled. Let's go home!
Dark: Wait... wait, something's definitely not right here.
SB: You have that feeling, too?
Dark: Ever since I met the 'tour guide.' ...*gasp* I-I mean, uh... ever since I went to the bathroom!
SB: The Tour Guide? You... you know of the Tour Guide?
Dark: I've already said too much...
SB: No, no, he's fine with you talking to me.
Dark: Really? When did YOU meet him?
SB: I met him while I was in the bus station last time we were here. I... I was ordered not to talk unless the other knows of him already.
Dark: I see...
SB: And you?
Dark: ...Bus Station, as well. Although THIS time. ...say, what do you know of the cage?
SB: Alas... even I do not know much about that.
Dark: Well, I heard him talking to his master there.
SB: ...Dark, I know who his master is.
Chapter 2: No More Mister Nice Guy
Dark: Really? Who?
SB: It is none other than--
[Shadow Bonic falls into a drainage pipe]
Dark: Shadow Bonic! NO!
[Dark dives into the pipe to follow]
(Note: When the two started talking, the rest of the group had already walked away)
[in the sewers, Dark falls onto a walkway, and sees the Tour Guide walking away, carrying an unconscious S.Bonic]
Dark: (whispering) Tour Guide?
[Dark quietly follows]
[he follows through multiple passages and chambers; each one more "laws-of-physics-breaking" than the last]
[eventually, they reach a flashing, green room]
[the Tour Guide prepares to enter a corridor, but stops; seconds later, he enters a room with a flashing Star Trek face]
[the Tour Guide picks up an RPG (bazooka)]
TG: *quickly turns around* Dark.
Dark: Tour Guide. Where are you taking Shadow Bonic?
TG: To my master. Why?
Dark: He was about to tell me who your master was!
TG: Exactly. I could not allow that to happen. ...for, I want to tell you who my master is.
[an alarm goes off]
TG: What the? ....Slidje is in trouble! Come, we must save him!
Dark: Wait... who?
TG: Just come.
[while Tour Guide leads Dark, the two have time to think]
TG: (thinking) Hmm... this chao isn't physically capable enough to save Slidje...
Dark: (thinking) Just who IS Tour Guide? And who is his master?
TG: (thinking) Besides, all he wants to do is meet my master.
?: (telepathically to TG) *Name censored for spoiler reasons*, I have an idea.
TG: (thinking) Master? ...what is your idea?
[later, the two reach a small room]
[Tour Guide approaches the door]
*dramatic trumpet fanfare*
Telepathy: Slidje has gone missing! Proceed to the briefing room!
[the door opens]
TG: Now, Dark... which would you rather do... save Slidje? Or... meet my master?
Dark: Hmm... well, I don't even know who Slidje IS, so... I'll meet your master.
TG: (quietly) Good... (normally) So, go down the LEFT corridor.
Dark: But... but all those arrows are pointing to the RIGHT!
TG: Eh, those are just for employees, like that 'wash your hands' thing.
Dark: Oh. Okay!
[the Tour Guide proceeds to the right, but puts S.Bonic onto the ground]
TG: Here, you may have your friend back.
Dark: Gee, thanks!
[Dark pulls S.Bonic down the left corridor; Tour Guide secretly watches, grinning]
[suddenly, a door opens down the corridor, revealing the Nomble, who pulls Dark and S.Bonic in]
Dark: OH, CRAP!
[S.Bonic wakes up, screams, and starts running]
(note: the two run at the same speed as the Nomble pulls them in, so they don't move)
Dark: THIS IS THE TOUR GUIDE'S MASTER!?
SB: I WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOU!
[the Tour Guide slowly steps to the edge of the solid ground]
TG: Hope you enjoy your time in Hell, Dark. When the Nomble-- uh, my master wants a death, he GETS a death.
[close-up on Tour Guide's shadowy face]
TG: No respawns.
[the Tour Guide walks down the corridor, and enters the briefing room]
SB: DARK, I HAVE AN IDEA!
Dark: OH YEAH? I HAVE A QUESTION!
SB: YOU FIRST!
Dark: WHY ARE WE YELLING!?
SB: I DON'T-- uh, *a-hem* I don't know.
Dark: Oh. Well, what's your idea?
SB: If we look in a certain direction and run backwards, the inertia should pull us back to solid ground!
Dark: Okay. ....wait, that doesn't make any sense whatsoever!
SB: We're in Chao Talk, Dark. NOTHING makes sense here.
Dark: ...okay, let's try it.
[they try it, and they actually get away from the Nomble!]
Chapter 3: secretcity5beta
[they run away, and get lost]
[after hours of running, they finally make it out of the sewer, and find the others in the Office of Death district]
Dark: *pant* Guys.... hoo... don't... *pant* .... go in that... passage...
Shade: Why not?
SB: *pant* It's.... it's a trap!
Hero: What are you two talking about? It's the way home!
Dark: Okay, we'll tell you.
[the two spend about half an hour telling the WHOLE story about the Tour Guide and everything]
PF: Well, where in that story does it say anything about the way out?
SB: For one thing, the passage isn't there anymore. Go ahead, check.
Dark: *scared* And, another thing.... is... the Nomble... is right behind you. HIT THE DIRT!
[Dark dives and saves most of them, except Knuckle]
K: CURSE YOU, DAAAAARK!
SB: Dark, I thought the Nomble DOESN'T make people respawn!
Dark: Maybe... but, wait! When the Nomble WANTS a death, he gets one! He didn't actually want Knuckle's death!
Tail: Loophole, much?
Dark: Yes, perhaps... but... how can we use this to our advantage?
SB: Good question. If we, somehow, KILL the Nomble, he'll respawn unless he WANTS to die. But...
Dark: ...how do you make a HOMICIDAL cube... SUICIDAL?
Shade: ...sorry, but I'm just not used to you being so smart!
Dark: Eh, you get used to it. How do you think I feel? I went from the IQ of a chestnut to the IQ of Shigeru Miyamoto!
Tail: I didn't even think that was possible!
[Buddy comes out of a building]
Buddy: Guys? ...where's Honey?
Chao: We don't know!
SB: ...well, there are only a few more places the rest of our group CAN be.
SShade: Great! Let's hear 'em!
SB: The Deluxe Office, OMG2 Park, or dead.
Dark: Yet, something tells me that there's more to this city than that...
SB: The closest place is the Deluxe Office, and THAT'S a two-hour walk from here!
Hero: *sigh* Let's get moving...
[two hours of walking later, night falls on the sky]
Dark: *yawn* Are we there yet?
PF: I think so...
Shade: We ARE! Look!
[in front of them is a large building, easily distinguishable from the rest]
SB: The Deluxe Office... we made it.
[they enter it, and the decor is nice and office-y]
Tail: Nice place. My aunt used to have a place like this.
Dark: Okay, we're gonna have to split up in order to cover more ground.
Hero: All in favor of going down the right?
[they look to the right, and see a noticable Shell sign]
Hero: .....I didn't think so. What about the left?
[they look to the left and see a door, and a staircase leading down and up]
Hero: .....didn't think so, either.
He: Let's draw straws.
[a minute later, all the chao had drawn pictures of straws on paper]
He: Shade, Chao, your straws looked the best, so you go left. Everyone else, go right.
[cut to Shade and Chao exploring the right hall]
[there is a Shell room, a file cabinet room, and a large, reception-like room]
Both: You check the Shell room.
Shade: Let's check it last.
[Shade checks the file cabinet room, and explores every inch-- nothing in particular]
Shade: Man, this is boring... *rests on cabinet* *cabinet opens to reveal a secret room* WHOA!
Chapter 4: Office Space Balls
[the secret room has nothing in it]
[cut to Chao, who also explores every inch, only to find nothing]
Chao: Odd. Hey, what's with this computer?
[Chao presses a button on the computer, making a platform come down from the ceiling]
Chao: ...freaky. HEY, SHADE! I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING!
[Shade comes in]
Shade: ...nicely found, Chao. Now, why don't you check it out?
Chao: Me? Why ME?
Shade: 'Cause you found it.
Chao: *sigh* All right...
[Shade presses the button again, making Chao go up with the platform]
Chao: HEY, IT'S LIKE A MAZE, OR SOMETHING!
Shade: LIKE IN MARIO SUNSHINE?
Chao: YOU MEAN SIRENA BEACH?
Chao: YEAH, I GUESS!
[Chao explores the ventilation/maze thing]
[minutes later, Chao crashes through the ceiling a few feet away]
Chao: Ow. That was pointless.
Shade: Looks like the only room left is... *gulp* ...the Shell room.
[the two slowly approach it]
[the room is composed of a desk and the large Shell sign right behind it]
Shade: Well, we checked it, now let's get out.
Chao: Y-yeah. Let's see how the others are doing.
[cut to a few minutes ago, when the others start exploring the left side]
[to the left of the stairs and door are two empty rooms and another door]
[Dark, Knuckle, and He go down the stairs, while the two Purflees go up]
[the others explore the doors, and find absolutely nothing of importance]
Tail: You know what? I'm just gonna stay in this room. This little bomb shelter. It's mine. I don't wanna die.
[upstairs, the two find a room with an upside-down spinning chair, a room with a computer, and the Turrican room]
PF: Just... who is Turrican?
PFI: What's that?
PF: We see this 'Turrican' guy everywhere. Just... who IS he?
PFI: I dunno; let's check his room.
[they open the door, and see a giant Star Trek face painting]
[they slowly close the door]
PFI: Let's check with the others.
PF: Yeah, let's.
[in the end, Chao, Shade, the two Purfs, Dark, Knuckle, and He go down the stairs]
[down the stairs are three doors-- one locked door, one open door, and one door leading to a dead-end]
[down the open door are MORE stairs, until they finally reach a LONG hallway with two bottomless pits]
[above the first bottomless pit is a walkway, but above the SECOND...]
K: So, we've gotta get across five floating, red blocks that move to the right. ...you guys go first.
[Knuckle chases Dark across the blocks; Dark jumps out of the way to make Knuckle punch the wall]
K: OWWW! MY FIST!
Dark: Ow, your FACE.
[the others get across, and find an unopenable door]
K: Grr... Dark, STOP LEADING US TO DEAD ENDS!
[Knuckle chases Dark, Dark dodges, Knuckle punches the door down by accident]
Dark: Knuckle, DON'T stop coming on these dangerous missions.
[the next room is a very large, colorful maze]
Chao: So many mazes, it could make you throw up.
[cut to the Tour Guide, watching them from a distance]
TG: ...Master, they're coming. Don't worry; I'll make sure to lead them to the Ice Temple...
[fade-out to Tour Guide's evil laughter]
TO BE CONTINUED...
For you blog readers... a PREVIEW of the next episode.
Dark: Kick it!
[Shade plays hard guitar solos, which are artificially enhanced by Devilish's keyboard/all-in-one computer thing]
A LITTLE LATER
Dark: Open Your Heart, it'll be all right!
[He suddenly starts rapping]
So, that's your preview. Discuss?