Sunday, April 13, 2008

I'm back! Life sucks!

Well then, I haven't been very active. M'bad. Of course upon logging in I thought I remembered my password but then misspelled it and went ahead to be retarded and I sent myself an email that I hoped would tell me my password but didn't so I tried the password I tried before and I typed it correctly and it worked. Jeez, I suck.

Anyway, Brawl is the best game ever. The end.

And I spent my entire Spring break under pressure because I have a freaking mythology speech to work on which is due MONDAY and then I have to PRESENT it because I just LOVE talking to people for extended amounts of time about something that I don't care about. Seriously, they brainwash you. I then have to answer numerous questions about reading stuff and half of them don't even make sense. And I have to read something and fill out a summary sheet. Then the Monday after tomorrow-Monday I have a huge writing assignment due. Ugh. I don't even have my speech written yet. I'm still working on my powerpoint.

I would also like to add that mythology can be very disturbing.



I don't even need to comment on that statement.

And you do not want to know.


Wow, I really need more sleep.

So here's some DCA so I'm not all that off-topic here.

Shade: This... is the story of a rivalry. The story of pain.... the story of our lives as chao. Our adventures... as Dark chao. Our......

Dark Chao Adventures.

Shade: Specifically, this is the story of one of my earliest duels with Chao. Chao, my rival, was being a dork, so it was up to me to stop him.

Episode One SUPERSTITIO BENEFICIUM: A-Vita Intrinsecus Signum

[our story begins deep down in the planet of chao... in the Dark Garden...]
[Shade, the lord of all Dark chao is planning an assault of the Hero Garden]
Chapter 1: This Dark Chao's Goin' to War!
[cut to a gray Dark chao (Shade) looking at a map in front of a group of other chao]
Shade: All right, here is the Hero Garden.
Randomchao: Where?
Shade: There.
Randomchao: Where?
Shade: Right... THERE.
Rc: I don't see it.
Shade: It... it's marked with a large, red X.
Rc: It's pretty hard to see a red X on this map...
Shade: The... the rest of the map is in black and white.
Rc: Sir, I just don't see it.
Shade: Look, if you would just LOOK at the map...
Rc: I can see it fine from here, what I DON'T see is the red X!
[the chao looks at the map]
Rc: ...OH, now I see it!
Shade: Anyway, here is the Hero Garden, our rivals' base of operation.
Rc: Where?
[Shade glares at him]
Rc: ....sorry.
Shade: Now, on to our plan! You, mister "I Don't See It," will be the one to go there and stand in plain sight.
Rc: Well, that doesn't sound so bad--
Shade: Wearing THIS.
[Shade pulls out a T-shirt with the words "Hero chao suck more than their mothers!" on it]
Shade: Now, if you'd have listened to me, you might not have to do this, but whaddya know--
?: Sir?
Shade: ....who.... interrupted... my.... PLANS?
[the camera turns to show a normal Dark chao (Dark)]
Dark: Um... it was me, sir.
Shade: Dark! This had better be good.
Dark: There is a Neutral here.
Dark: Sir?
Shade: that all? Yes? Oh, I'm sorry, but I was assuming you'd have something... IMPORTANT to tell me!
Dark: B-but, sir--
Shade: Dark, every one of us started somewhere. I, believe it or not, started off as a Neutral chao. Now, I don't know abotu you, but... that sounds rather normal... DOESN'T it?
Dark: I'm... sorry, sir, but I don't see where this is going.
Shade: You DON'T SEE-- *deep breath, relaxes* .... calm down, Shade, remember your blood pressure...
[Shade sits down on a tombstone]
Shade: Dark.... is this all you have to tell me?
Dark: Um... no.... wait, yes. Yes.
Shade: That's all he has to tell me; minions... isn't that funny? My right-hand man, my second-in-command... with nothing important to tell me!
[the rest of the Darks laugh]
Shade: All right, Dark... make yourself useful and work in guard duty.
Dark: Yes, sir.
Shade: Moving on... if you survive the torture, mister "I Don't See It," then you will do a loop-de-loop, jump up and down like a monkey, and bite their brains out.
Rc: ......I don't wanna!
Shade: I don't care. Any questions?
[suddenly, a green Dark chao (Shadow) comes running in, out of breath]
[Shadow talks like a child who is learning English]
Shadow: Shade, sir! Sir! *pant* The... Hero guys are... there!
Shade: What? Where?
Shadow: Over there!
Shade: The front gate?
Shadow: Uh, yeah! Yeah!
Chapter 2: Hero Garden
[Shade slowly opens the front gate]
Shade: Who is it?
?: Someone with something to tell you, you ugly mug!
[the camera shows the chao: a Hero chao who looks an awful lot like Sonic (Speedy)]
Speedy: Listen up! I really don't see what Chao was thinking, but he told me to give you this.
[Speedy hands Shade a small postcard]
Shade: Um... all right.
Speedy: Open it, ya ding-dong!
[Shade opens it, and it talks about inviting him to a tea party in the Hero Garden]
Shade: A tea party? What the Dark Garden (chao word for "Hell") is he thinking!?
Speedy: I know, right?
[Shade slams the gate on Speedy]
Speedy: HEY! ....HEY!!! *grumble* Aw, who needs ya?
[Speedy runs back to whence he came]
Dark: What are you going to do, sir?
Shade: The same thing I do every night, Dark-- try to take over the Hero Garden!
Chorus: They're Dark-y and the Shade, yes, Dark-y and the Shade...
One of them's a genius,
The other's insane!
They're crazy, dumb Dark chao,
Their eggs have been spliced
They're bark-y,
They're Dark-y and The Shade, Shade, Shade, Shade
Shade, Shade, Shade, Shade

Before each day is done
Their patience will de-harden,
By the dawning of the sun
They'll take over the garden.

They're Dark-y and The Shade
Yes, Dark-y and The Shade
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain.
To prove their A-Life worth
They'll undo the Heroes' birth.
They're bark-y,
They're Dark-y and The Shade, Shade, Shade, Shade
Shade, Shade, Shade, Shade
Dark: Narf!
[by the time the song is done, Shade is wearing a Hero chao costume]
Shade: *gulp* I'm on my way.
[Shade steps outside of the Dark Garden]
Shade: Here I come, Chao.
[fade to black]
[the camera fades in, showing Shade stepping into the Hero Garden]
Shade: ...wait, what was I here for, again?
[he thinks for a moment]
Shade: Oh, yeah. I was invited to a tea party, decided not to go, then thought that Chao was up to something, so THAT'S why I'm wearing this girly disguise.
[a baby Hero chao (Knuckle) crawls up to Shade]
K: Hey.
Shade: Uh... 'sup?
K: What's your name?
Chapter 3: My Name Is Sonikku
K: Well?
Shade: Um... didn't you read the Chapter name?
K: No. I can't read.
S: Okay.... my name is Sonikku.
[the rest of the Heroes come up to him]
[from left-to-right, they all look like a baby Hero (Tail) (Hero) (Aqua)]
[Sha-- uh... Sonikku introduces himself to all three Heroes]
?: It's nice to meet your acquaintance, sir.
S: I know that voice...
[the camera rotates to show a Hero chao wearing a medal (Chao)]
Chao: Um... I'm sorry, but it seems that I forgot your name. What was it?
S: Uh... it's.... Sonikku.
Chao: I see. So, you wish to stay here, or are you simply visiting?
S: Well, I'll just... look around a tad, and if I like it, I'll stay.
Chao: Oh. Okay. ...oh, would you look at the time? Come, everyone! It's game time!
[all the Heroes gather around in a circle]
Chao: Sonikku, would you care to join us? Tonight's game is "Truth or Dare!"
S: Well, I don't wanna impose...
Chao: Nonsense! Come, sit in the circle!
[Sonikku sits on the light-green grass, and finds it to be rather soft]
Tail: Me first! Me first!
Chao: All right, Tail. Whom would you like to ask?
Tail: Um... Knuckle!
K: ...crap. Okay, uh... Truth.
Tail: Knuckle, do you think Sonikku is cool?
K: Aw, geez.... sort of?
[everyone claps]
S: (thinking) Great... this is gonna be one of those never-ending baby games, where nothing happens, and I get bored, and--
Chao: Sonikku!
S: I'm awake! What? What?
[everyone laughs]
Chao: Sonikku, pick either truth or dare!
S: All right, I choose dare. I'm up for a challenge.
Chao: Oh, you ARE, are you? Are you "up" for a swimming race?
S: Swimming? Of course! Any time, anywhere!
Chao: Okay, but I must warn you... I am the second-best swimmer on the Chao World! Next to this guy whom you wouldn't know.
S: I wouldn't? What's his name?
Chao: His name's Shade.
S: Oh. Uh... yeah, you're, uh... right. I don't know him.
[the two line up by the pool]
Speedy: All right, you two, listen up! First one to reach the fountain and back wins! Ready!
[the camera zooms in on Chao]
Speedy: Set!
[on Sonikku]
Speedy: GO!
[Aand they're off! Chao is off to an early lead and is halfway across the pool but WATCH OUT-- Sonikku is following by a nose!]
[Sonikku just got to the fountain, and is swimming the second half now, and Chao is left in the dust!]
[he's gonna make it...]
[he's almost there...]
[everyone cheers]
S: Thank you! Thank you! Yes, I'm the greatest!
Chao: Hold on, everyone! I have one last Truth for Sonikku.
[everything goes quiet]
Chapter 4: An Inconvenient Truth
Chao: Sonikku. Only one chao on the entire planet is a better swimmer than I.
Chao: Are you REALLY this "Sonikku" character, as you say you are? Or are you my rival, Shade?
S: What do you mean? I'm Sonikku!
S: ......
[Sonikku takes off his halo, and his wings]
Shade: ALL RIGHT, IT'S ME! SHADE, THE GREAT! Hold your applause and gasps for later.
Chao: Shade... why didn't you come for the tea?
Shade: I thought it was a trap, so I came disguised.
[Chao steps closer to Shade, and whispers something to him]
Chao: (whispering) The whole reason I called you here was for some negotiations. Please, come with me to my office.
Shade: Okay. All of you Heroes, divert your eyes elsewhere! Chao and I must discuss some fecal matters.
Chao: You don't even know what that means, do you?
Shade: was inappropriate, wasn't it?
Chao: Extremely. Just come.
[cut to behind the fountain (Chao's office)]
Shade: So, what you are saying is that there are after effects to my actions?
Chao: Quite. You shouldn't have released those soldiers, Shade.
Shade: But... Quartz was annoying.
Chao: All right, I agree with you there. But, the others were invaluable! I was willing to pay great amounts for them!
Shade: Wait a moment... I didn't release them; I sent them on a mission, and they never returned!
Chao: That's what I meant. Didn't you know of the portal storms?
Shade: I don't even know what those are NOW!
Chao: Well, it is best that you don't. All you should know is that they can make things... drift.
Shade: Drift?
Chao: Yes. Once more, it is best you know NOT.
Shade: Hang on... you KNEW about the portal storms? You could've warned me!
Chao: Ah, yes, but I--
Shade: You thoughtless little FREAK!
[Shade shoves Chao through the waterfall]
Chao: ...let's take this outside.
[out in the Chao Lobby, Shade and Chao square off]
[everything's dramatic]
[suddenly, Shade dives for Chao, and the match begins!]
[they fight using Chao Karate moves]
[the battle rages on until suddenly, a Neutral chao steps out (Cham)]
Cham: What's going on out here?
[Cham gets killed during the battle]
Cham: UGH! AHHHH!!
[the two stop]
Chao: What the? CHAM!
[they mourn over him]
Shade: Chao... why were we fighting?
Chao: You got angry at me.
Shade: Still, we shouldn't have fought... we just ended a poor chao's life...
[they stand up]
Shade: This fight? Never happened.
Chao: Cham died of old age.
Shade: A little make-up can cover up the wounds.
Chao: Our reputations are saved.
[Shade returns to the Dark Garden, only to find an egg]
Shade: What the!?
Dark: Oh, Shade, you're back! While you were gone, we got a newcomer! I was thinking of naming him after you.
Shade: "Shade Junior".... has a nice ring to it. I wonder what he's thinking right now...
Dark: Probably something diabolical, like you.
SJR: (Uh-oh, I wet myself...)

Dark Chao Adventures was created in loving memory of all my chao, who appear in this script.

Pinky and the Brain belong to Stephen Spielberg.

Chao belong to SEGA and Sonic Team.

No A-Life creatures were harmed during the making of this script.
...but the very fact of their harm BEFORE is the very reason this was made.

Remember, kids-- G.I. Joe doesn't encourage harming your chao! Treat them with love, compassion, and kindness!
Joe: And knowing is half the battle!

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