Thursday, February 7, 2008

ALL UR BASE! It's ANOTHER plot-twist!

[the story resumes in the Deluxe Office]
Dark: We're not screwed! There has to be a way out of here!
MS: Hmm... {Scanning....Scan complete!} I'm pretty sure... there's a TON of activity going on behind that big Turrican statue.
[they check behind the statue and reach a large, black room]
Shade: Freaky.
[Dark steps back and falls through the floor (nobody notices yet)]
[Dark awakes in a colorful room, the Tour Guide is in front of him]
TG: Hello... DARK.
Dark: You!
TG: I have some matters to discuss with you. Mainly the whole 'Red Metal' business...
Dark: Let me guess... you're behind all this, trying to kill us with your little "Red Metal" stuff!
TG: Actually, no. This Red Metal material has been around for a while, longer than me.
Dark: .....I'm still not convinced.
TG: Well, listen to me. Chao Talk isn't just messed up because of the whole 'Hell' deal.
Dark: It's not?
TG: No. "Hell" came to Chao Talk FROM the Red Metal. This stuff is extremely dangerous.
Dark: Be a bit more specific, please?
TG: ...there is one last place for you and your friends to go to.
[the others drop down]
SB: The Daedalus Laboratories, right, Tour Guide?
TG: Shadow Bonic... yes, you are correct.
Dark: Wait, the WHAT-alus labs?
SB: Daedalus. He's someone in Greek mythology, said to have created the Minotaur's maze.
Shade: Yeah, and something to do with the game Kid Icarus for the NES.
SB: .......yeahhhhh, something like that.
Dark: I see.
Chao: So, THIS is the mighty Tour Guide you two were talking about? A shadowy figure?
K: He looks like JOE! Want me to bash his skull in two?
Dark: Not yet... first, we want answers.
[the Tour Guide had already vanished]
TG: (like voice in the wind) The Daedalus Labs... opposite the City Hall. You'll need four puzzle pieces to enter....
Dark: *sigh* ....I fear we may have quite the adventure ahead of us, guys.
SB: Right, but first, we need to get out of here.
[they follow the path, and reach a maze, solve it, keep going, find another maze, and solve it]
Speedy: Lots o' mazes, huh?
LGS: Yeah.
[they find themselves back outside, in the city]
Ph: C'mon, better start walking. You heard the guide, City Hall! We've got a LOT of walking to do.
[hours later, it's still dark, but they find the City Hall]
[opposite the hall, they find a door with a black square above it; one shape is in it (like a jig-saw)]
TG: I forgot to tell you-- when you got past the laser pyramid machines? You got a piece then.
[they turn around, and he had already disappeared]
DH: One down, three to go.
Shade: Let's get moving!

A team of chao... lost in a city.... and the only help they have are the rumors of a strange lab called "Daedalus!"

Will they survive? Find out in this installment of...

Dark Chao Adventures! 2008 Edition

Episode 08-Five: Indiana Dark and the Mysterious Puzzle Pieces

Chapter 1: The Retinal Damage Puzzle Piece (Never-Ending Maze of Despair)
[first, the third-party chao explore the courtyard]
DH: So Chaosky... what do you suppose is in the labs?
Chy: Oh, I dunno... maybe the Tour Guide is leading us right into a trap.
DH: Yeah, that's very likely...
Ph: I bet the Nomble's in there, waiting to crush us!
Honey: *sigh* Why did we have to wake up here? Why couldn't we just be in our gardens right now?
Buddy: Relax, sis'. I'm sure we'll get out soon!
[Buddy leans on a wall, which disappears, revealing a secret vent]
[they explore it, and find it's a flashing maze]
[they get lost in it]
DH: Ugh.... this place isn't exactly easy on the eyes...
Buddy: I'm sure the exit's right around this corner.
[dead end]
Q: We'll never get outta here...
Ph: Wait! I see the exit! Right there!
[they get out]
Q: YES! SWEET FREEDOM! *notices it's the courtyard* well, back into the eyesore.
[minutes pass, they're still lost]
Q: I'm tired! I wanna go home! My feet are wet! I'm BORED! This is BORING! My eyes hurt! You're a f--
Q: But I'm BORED!
Honey: You know what they say about bored people?
Q: What?
Honey: They're BORING.
[they still keep going]
[and going]
[and going]
[and going some more]
[they don't stop]
[not once]
[it never ends]
[keeps going]
[causes seizures]
[could kill them]
DH: Will you PLEASE!?
DJ: ...sorry.
[they find a spot where the maze drops down]
DH: OW! Stupid floor... dropping down...
Ph: Maybe we found the exit?
[they did]
Nights: Woo-hoo! You guys found me!
Ph: What?
Nights: I've been stuck here for DAYS! Trust me, that maze is one-way. It's like... like this is the only way out.
DH: *sigh* Oh, boy.
Ph: What about the puzzle piece?
Nights: Here. *gives piece*
Telepathy: You got the Retinal Damage puzzle piece!
[they cheer]
Honey: Yay, we got it; now we're stuck in this small room.
Chy: We're DOOMED!
Q: We are?
Chy: No, we'll get out and play with the pink ponies of La-La-Land-- OF COURSE WE'RE DOOMED!
[meanwhile, in the building...]
Chapter 2: The Tripmine Puzzle Piece (Dramatic Face-off)
[Metal Sonic, Shade, Dark and S.Bonic are exploring the second floor]
Dark: So, whaddya guys suppose is in the labs?
Shade: I dunno. The Nomble?
Dark: Yes, that's very likely... Shadow Bonic?
SB: Another deadly mystery...
Dark: Also likely. Metal?
MS: Death... destruction... *shudders* Red Metal.... our dooms.... our CERTAIN dooms.... gloom and depression...
Dark: ....interesting.
[they see a robot walk around a corner down the next hall]
Dark: Hm? *chases*
[around the corner-- nothing but a library]
Dark: Odd.
MS: Hey, what do you suppose is in this vent?
Dark: I dunno. Let's check!
[Metal lifts the vent cover off, and puts the chao in]
SB: *gasp* The puzzle piece! Across this bottomless pit!
MS: Well, I can't help, 'cause the vent's too small. I'll, uh... go for help.
[as Metal leaves, the Tour Guide walks up to the piece on the other side]
Dark: You again? Sheesh, haven't you passed the lethal amount of times shown in one season?
TG: Well, I add suspense. Now, enough small talk! This ends NOW!
[the Guide pulls out a shotgun and aims it at the chao]
TG: This ends now....
Dark: WHO'D HE HIT!? WHO!?
SB: He missed.
TG: So, are you willing to listen?
Shade: Let's hear your speech, fiend!
TG: Turn back. The Red Metal has spread too quickly... soon, this place will be nothing except...
SB: What? Nothing except WHAT?
TG: ....bottomless pits. Such as this room...
Dark: Are you implying that this room was once victim to a Red Metal flood?
TG: Yes. Turn back! Before YOU end up like this room...
SB: Dark, something's not right here...
Dark: I know. The Guide doesn't normally talk like this...
TG: Do not question my words! Don't! Not! Don't! Stop! Qiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....
[the 'guide' blows up, inside was Red Metal, which pours into the bottomless pit]
Shade: Weird.
SB: Now, for the matter of crossing this chasm.
[somehow, they find their way]
Telepathy: You got the Tripmine Challenge Piece!
[somehow, they get back]
Shade: So now what?
MS: Guys! I found ANOTHER vent!
[he takes them to the first floor, where they take a vent to an office, where they find a key card]
[on the second floor, they use a keycard to open a door revealing two sets of dynamite]
[meanwhile, back with the trapped third-party chao, they mysteriously get dynamite]
Ph: That's odd.
Q: *gasp* I get it! The others must have found dynamite, thus giving their 'team' the same!
DH: That doesn't make sense.
Chy: Hey, if it's a way out, I'm taking it.
[they blow the walls up, and find themselves by the Sledgehammer box]
[in other words, they're free]
DH: Sweet, sweet ground!
[meanwhile, the Heroes explore the top floor]
Chapter 3: The Speed Tunnel Puzzle (Unlocking the Door)
Hero: Well, this is boring. They're just rooms.
PF: Yeah. Not a secret in sight.
LGS: Yeah, except for the Turrican room, which we have yet to explore.
[their pupils widen]
Hero: DUH!
[they run into the Turrican room, and barely take two steps without falling through a floor]
Chao: Why didn't we think of this room sooner?
[looking around, they find themselves in some sort of secret sewer]
Speedy: Woo-hoo! Some room to run around in!
[Speedy steps into the main section, and screams as a large, red 'screen' smashes him into the wall]
Tail: I want out.
[they carefully try to make it to the door far ahead, but the screen easily crushes them]
[the third-parties find them]
DH: What's up? Trouble passing this red screen? Uh... did you try winging it?
[Dark-Hawk steps out, sees the screen, climbs up a ladder, it passes him without crushing him]
DH: There, see? There's a small hole at the top! Here, lemme try this next ladder.
[on the next ladder, it takes him upwards MOST of the way, but low enough for the screen to crush him]
Chao: Hero, please make a note that "winging it does not equal success."
Hero: Noted!
[the Darks somehow get there]
MS: Oh, I know how to do this. Just stand there, and take that screen on head-to-head!
[Metal stands there, and tries to push the screen when it comes by]
MS: See, guys? You just gotta use a little force...
Shade: I know! Get to that ladder, and then dash the rest of the way!
Dark: Look for a different opening!
SB: It must be an optical illusion. Perhaps we should look at it at a different angle...
Q: Noclip through it!
[a few seconds later]
Q: Um... what's the code for noclip, again?
Tail: Fly over it!
SShade: Hop over the hole?
[YAY! then, she missed-- SPLAT!]
K: Just SHOOT the dang thing!
LGS: Learn the secret?
[can't find one-- SPLAT!]
George Bush: Nuke it, like we do with ALL our problems!
[SPLAT! "YAY!!"]
SShade: Wait a minute...
[SPLAT! --I mean, uh... camera zoom-in on She-Shade]
SShade: My idea worked, didn't it? So, let's just keep trying THAT!
[in the end-- they made it]
[they grab the piece]
Telepathy: You got the Speed Tunnel Puzzle Piece!
All: YAY!
Telepathy: You got all the pieces! A new doorway has opened...
[the floor breaks down, and they land in the room with the flashlights]
[they quickly leave the building and enter the one opposite, and find that the door IS open...]
Chapter 4: A Surprising Security System
[inside, they find a small chasm, across the chasm is a doorway which a stickman randomly walks past]
Shade: Hoo, boy, now, how did we get across the LAST one?
Dark: I dunno! Didn't you see DJay use the word 'somehow' in place of the explanation? That's writer talk for LAZINESS!
[they try to jump across, but it's a little too far]
[and again]
[and again]
[and again]
[and once more]
Chao: 'Kay, DJ, enough fillers.
DJ: Well, I wanna stretch this part a little bit more, K?
Chao: NO! It's NOT okay!
Hero: Why CAN'T he, Chao?
Chao: Don't you see? If he finds a way for us to get across, he'll be helping HIMSELF!
Tail: That's crazy talk!
Chao: Really! He may get better at Sven Co-op, and find more ways for us to do this in the future!
K: I suppose that makes sense...
DJ: Okay, that's been long enough. Thanks, Chao.
Chao: You're welcome.
[the chao get across somehow]
K: YES! Time for pure success!
[Knuckle steps into the hallway, and a giant rocket blows him up]
TG: You must disable the rocket turret to continue.
[the Tour Guide disappears]
[down the hall is a small machine firing rockets-- HOMING rockets]
[the door in front of them opens]
Dark: I'm gonna have to make a run for it!
[he runs and dives, and JUST makes it into the small U-shaped room]
[the next door opens, revealing another U-shaped room]
Shade: Dark, don't try it! It's too far!
Dark: Nothing's too far for Dark! SUPERMAN POWERS.... ACTIVATE!
[the Superman theme plays as Dark rushes across the hallway to the next door]
[the theme stops as he blows up]
Dark: You got any better ideas?
[the rocket blows him up before he finishes saying the name]
MS: Hey, I got a better idea!
[Metal shoves Quartz into the hall]
Q: Wha?
Q: I got a better idea.
[Quartz shoves Metal into the hall]
Q: What? Why didn't he blow up?
Shade: That movie was a classic.
MS: Yeah, you ruined the joke. For that, you must pay!
[Metal grabs Quartz, and carries him all the way to directly in front of the turret]
MS: FRESHMAN!!! Guys, run.
Q: Mommy!
[KA-BOOM! The rocket blew the turret up, as well]
Dark: We weren't supposed to disable it THAT way, but it works.
Shade: Yeah, *eats popcorn* and it's classic comedy!
[the last door opens, but suddenly, the Tour Guide appears and knocks them all out]
[hours later, at mid-day, they wake up back in the room where they always respawn to-- the other building in the set of three buildings]
[Remember? Way back in Season 4, they jumped off the ledge and "fell at least 4 feet." THAT building]
Dark: Ugh...
TG: Dark, good, you're the only one awake. Listen to me... while you were knocked out by the rocket turret--
Dark: What do you mean? YOU knocked us out!
TG: It doesn't matter. I knocked you out because the Red Metal was in the middle of destroying the labs!
Dark: You mean... we can't explore it now?
TG: No, no, not at all. It's just... things will be messy. Trust me. Actually, I saved your life.
Dark: But... why would you DO all this? Just... who ARE you?
[the others wake up]
Shade: Ugh.... hey... is that...
Dark: It's the Tour Guide. He saved our butts out there, man.
Shade: No... I recognize him now.... he's....
[the Guide takes off his cloak, and hops off the stilts]
Shade: Shade Junior.
SJR: Hey, dad(s).
Dark: But... but why didn't you tell us before?
He: Yeah, and why team up with the Nomble?
Shade: And weren't you with the Beta Avengers?
SJR: I WAS. But... I found out their secret plan.
Chapter 5: Flashback!
[cut to Shade Junior talking with Metal Speedy]
SJR: You're gonna do WHAT!?
MSp: Calm down, Adjoined Usher.
SJR: Don't call me that! I can't believe you guys... your plan is so evil...
[after a long argument...]
MSp: Any so-called "Avenger" who doesn't want to avenge his past can't be one of us! You're outta here, pal!
SJR: Fine! The others need me more, anyway!
MSp: Oh no, you're not going anywhere... except STRAIGHT TO HELL!
SJR (Voice-over): One thing lead to another, and Metal Speedy ended up "saying Goodbye" to me.
[cut to Shade Junior being dragged to the Chao Transporter]
SJR: Okay, FINE! I'll start a new life in the Chao World!
MSp: Not even THAT... heh heh heh... buddy, we're gonna mess you and your pals up SO BAD!
[Shade Junior is thrown into the transporter]
[cut to Junior's POV (think FPS), the transporter hatch closing, Metal Speedy grabbing a crowbar, the hatch closes]
[loud noises are heard, sparks fly]
MSp: Say Goodbye, punk!
[cut to Shade Junior waking up in the Office of Death, he opens a door, and is about to be sucked into the Nomble]
[the suction stops]
SJR VO: I guess you could say I made a deal with the devil... the Nomble decided to spare me in exchange for, erm...
SB: What? In exchange for what?
SJR: Uh... exchange for... assistance. Yeah. I'm his assistant, helping him do stuff. Yeah...
[back to the building]
SJR: But, listen to me! The Daedalus Laboratories very well contain the secrets to destroying the Red Metal! You MUST go there and end this!
Shade: Hey, hold up! What was up with that Tour Guide who attacked us, and turned out to be Red Metal?
SJR: What? Uh... I'm not sure... like I said, the Red Metal is EXTREMELY dangerous. Really unpredictable.
Dark: I see...
SJR: Still, what do you say? Will you go to the labs?
SB: Will you be coming? You know more about this city than we do.
SJR: Uh... y'see, I can't. And for a good reason! It's just... I can't tell you. Let's just say it has to do with the Nomble, okay?
Shade: *sigh* Okay, Junior. If you say you REALLY can't come, then you can go. Just... at least try to appear here and there and help, okay? We know you're good at that.
SJR: Yes, sir!
[Shade Junior runs off]
Shade: Well, you heard him. We'd best get moving before the Red Metal--
[he looks out the window, and sees lots of things destroyed-- chunks of the floor and walls are destroyed, etc]
[everyone stares]
Shade: ....hoo, boy.

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