Friday, May 9, 2008

What you have been waiting for.

Thank you for purchasing "DCA6 Premiere." Before the feature presentation starts, there is one Dark Chao Short for you.

"Night of the Release"
"Part 2: 8 o' clock"
[you come back to Shady Cross Paths at 7:59 PM, and go to the end of the long line of campers]
[you have a lot of anxiety]
[DING! 8 o' clock]
[the crowd charges in, and they all rush out carrying DVDs]
[you slowly step in, hear the bell ring as you open the door, and feel the air conditioner blowing]
Shade: Hey, it's you! Heh... you got here juuust in time, buddy. The new episode of DCA has been released. There's one DVD left.
You: Must be a good episode if so many people want it.
Shade: Well, DJay says it's episode 41, or the Season 6 premiere.
You: !!! No way! Season 6!? You mean...
Shade: The Gray Journey, that's right.
You: I'll take that DVD! NOW!
Shade: Wise choice.
[you pay for the DVD]
Shade: Have you heard of the next 'un? Episode 42?
You: Uh...... no. DJay has vowed to not disclose any information about Season 6--
Shade: --except during certain public events, and/or to specific contest winners.
You: Oh. Really?
Shade: Yeah. However, that's very rare.
You: I see. So... do YOU know about number 42?
Shade: Do I? Dude, I was the star of the episode; of COURSE I know about it. I know all of my lines, the whole plot, the setting, EVERYTHING!
You: Really?
Shade: No. DJay hasn't made 42 yet. But, he's currently working on it. That's what I hear, anyway.
You: Cool. So, what's featured on this DVD? Just episode 41?
Shade: Yeah. Not much of a DVD. Episode 41's probably the only one that's normal. Just to fill you in on what happened last, and what Shade must do. So we don't go through those BORING explanations later, during the action.
You: Sounds...... unexciting.
[Shade slaps you]
Shade: You kiddin'? This is DJay we're talking about here! He usually makes ANY boring situations funny! Usually!
[you smile]
Shade: Now, I think you have a DVD to watch. Go, run along now.
You: Thank you!
[you rush out the door and to your house, where you insert the DVD into the player, and play the episode]
[while you watch it, your smile slowly gets bigger and bigger]
A message from DJay: Please enjoy Season 6. Just 'cause it's epic doesn't mean it'll be TOO big. Sure, 7 out of the 8 episodes will be larger than normal, and heavily based on video games, but that doesn't mean it'll go on forever. I'm only human. STILL-- show your support, and I'll be encouraged to make more and more, bigger and better episodes! SHOW YOUR LOVE! LOVE DCA!

Now, for the feature presentation.


GLaDOS: I'm the only thing standing between us... and THEM.
Shade: Tagliare?
Tag: I'm a Beta Avenger.
Shade: 'Cause this is Thriller, Thriller night!
Sign: "HA HA HA! This bomb will explode in two minutes unless you blow it up first with dynamite! Because the dynamite will make a much less explosion."
Shade: Um... guys? You may want to run as far away from here as possible.
Dark: Why?
Shade: Just trust me.
[they all run seperate ways, as well as the Heroes, who recieved a bomb, too]
[fade out, followed by a two loud explosions, and Echo's and Tagilare's laughter]

["DCA6" appears on screen in typewriter writing]

Dark Chao Adventures Episode 41: Important Understandings

[our story resumes somewhere in the middle of Station Square, the chao are gathered in a subway station]
Chapter 1: Recap is a Gross Misspelling of the Word "Boom"
Dark: *sob* I'll miss you, Shade!
[Dark leans on Shade, who pushes him off]
Shade: Calm down! We're not going YET, dummy!
Dark: Oh.
Chao: Shade... are you sure you know what you're doing?
Shade: Trust me on this one, Chao... 'cause if I make ONE miscalculation here.... we might end up falling into more than just a trap.
Red: So, can we go over this plan one more time?
Shade: All right.
[Shade pulls out a map of the gardens, which includes the Lobby and CPAK]
Shade: We know that Echo and Tagliare pretty much bombed our gardens, right?
Chao: Yeah.
Shade: And as soon as we ran, none of us looked back, right?
SShade: Right.
Shade: Well, I did. And I noticed... CPAK seemed perfectly normal.
Hero: ...oh, Hero Chaos, no... Shade, are you going where I think you're going?
Shade: Not I, Hero.... WE.
Hero: Now, when you say "WE..."
Shade: I mean you, me, Chao, and Phantom.
Ph: Hey, Shade... why the random character roster?
Dark: Yeah, I mean, this isn't the original Smash Bros.
Tail: Burn!
Shade: Well, I picked Hero 'cause he's cool; Chao 'cause he's my rival; Phantom for the same reason as Hero; and me 'cause..... I'm ME!
Ph: All right, nice choice, dude. But... what, exactly, is it that we're doing?
Shade: Simple. We're heading back to the Chao Pre-School and Kindergarten, that's what!
Ph: Aw, crap.
Pf: Shade, you can't! It's too dangerous!
Shade: Okay, okay, okay-- give me ONE good reason why it's dangerous. For one thing, it's the GARDENS that blew up, NOT the lobby, remember?
[Purf shuts up]
Shade: Seriously, guys... I think we can do this.
Qu: One question, Shade.
Shade: Shoot.
Shade: Well, Quartz, I checked the Chao World Exit thingy, and it's broken.
Dark: Broke like you.
Qu: ....that was uncalled for.
Shade: So, I put my BRILLIANT mind to work again. "What other ways are there into the gardens?"
Hero: But... we don't know any!
Shade: That is true. BUT, I have another question: "How do we get to the Stardust Eggman?"
[a few chao attempt to speak, think a little more, then close their mouths]
Shade: If you'll think back to episode 6.... Zim teleported us. With some kind of watch thing.
Aqua: ...ah, so THAT'S why we're in the Subway Station...
Shade: Right. Simply put, we need to get to Zim, but Zim lives far away. The subway's fastest way to get around.
Dark: Fast like yo mama.
Shade: ...right, well, any questions? .....I thought not. Let's go!
[they board the subway, but as they board, the camera pans to show a mysterious man in a beige coat and hat talking on the phone]
Man: I know that boy is home. Come on son and answer the phone. Something new has come up and...
[the man notices that the train leaves]
Man: ...Echo, they've left. I repeat... they have left on the train, and I think they're going to Zim's. I made them think I was just the ending to MOTHER, but I fooled them.
[the man takes off his beige hat, revealing two giant, blue, robotic ears (taller than Metal Sonic's)]
Echo (on phone): Nice job, JOE.
[JOE and Echo laugh maniacally]
Chapter 2: One Plan Ruined, One Plan Succeeded
[cut to the subway, the chao are casually sitting down while the other passengers stare at them oddly]
K: What? .....WHAT? You jerks act like you've never seen a chao before!
Passenger: Dude, chao don't ride the subway.
K: Well, at THESE prices, I'm not surprised. Heh heh...
Passenger: ...the subway's free. You guys don't know squat, and you're all know-it-alls.
Tail: Hang-hang-HANG on a moment. We don't know squat.... yet we're know-it-alls.
Passenger: Y...yeah.
Dark: Excuse me, but... are you constipated, sir?
Passenger: What? No, of course not!
Dark: Well, you sure are full of shi--
[the lights turn off, and the train stops, making some chao fall over]
[when the lights turn on, the train is empty, and moves at twice its normal speed]
Honey: What the? Where did everyone go?
K: Yeah, and that constipated guy!
[the train slowly gets faster and faster and faster and faster until it goes faster than ____ itself]
Shade: Wait, did that thing just skip the word ____?
[Shade notices ____ has paused since the train is going so fast]
Shade: What the heck is going on!? The word "____" has disappeared!
[he looks around]
Shade: In fact, it has also paused! WHY CAN'T I SAY--
[everything REALLY pauses]
[seconds pass, the camera slowly drifts backwards in ____ to show Echo putting on a blue suit and red tie]
Echo: Okay, lemme try this... *a-hem* (creepily) You're not... supposed *krrk* to beeeee heeerrrrre.....
[a blurry figure walks on-screen]
MM: Nice job.
Echo: Millllllkmannnnnn....
MM: That's right. It's ME. Come on, say the next part.
Echo: In the flesh. Or rather, in the hazard suit. I
took the liberty of relieving you of your weapons. Most of them were
government property. As for the suit, I think you've earned it. The
borderworld, Xen, is in our control, for the time being, thanks to you.
Quite a nasty piece of work you managed over there. I am impressed.
MM: Ha... excellent work. *looks at camera* It would appear our plan is working.
Echo: Yessss.... *a-hem* (normal) This suit truly DOES have creepy powers.
MM: Remember, you control ____ as the readers and chao know it, so I'd recommend sticking to what's SUPPOSED to happen.
Echo: Right, I'll shift ____ back to the present so the readers can see what happens next.
[the camera slowly drifts forwards in ____ to show Shade shouting]
Shade: WHY CAN'T I SAY--
[everything REALLY pauses]
[seconds pass]
[Shade's surroundings drift away, leaving just him]
Echo: (creepily) Time?
[Shade looks around and sees a man in a business suit walk into the abyss in front of him]
Echo: Shade? Is it really that time again? It seems as if you only
just arrived. You have done a great deal in a small timespan. You have done
so well that I have received some interesting offers for your services.
Ordinarily I would not contemplate them, but these are extraordinary times.
Rather than offer you the illusion of free choice, I will take the liberty of
choosing for you. If and when the time comes again.
I do apologize for what must seem to you an arbitrary imposition,
Shade, I trust it will all make sense in the course of.. well.. I am
really not at liberty to say.
[a white light shaped as a doorway appears]
Echo: In the meantime, this is where I get off.
[he walks through the doorway, and it closes]
(NOTE: If you wish to hear that entire speech as it was [truly awesome], either beat Half-Life 2 or follow this link: )
[hours pass, and Shade eventually wakes up]
Chapter 3: The Gray Journey
[cut to Shade's POV (think FPS), everything's blurry (note: this is not a Valve game, I'm just doing this for suspense)]
Shade: Ugh...
[the surroundings appear neon and pretty, but Shade just can't quite grasp their appearance]
[suddenly, Shade properly wakes up and notices he's in Casinopolis]
Shade: Ugh... jeez, what a dream.
[Shade gets up, shakes his head, and looks around]
Shade: Oh, I get it. We went to a casino, and I got drunk and fell over. OBVIOUSLY.
[Shade walks around a little before realizing--]
?: *sigh* Sheesh, I have to tell you EVERYTHING, don't I?
Shade: What the!?
[the MILKMAN enters]
MM: Shade, can't you ever just figure these things out on your own?
Shade: No.
MM: Listen up. This is Episode 41, right?
Shade: Yeah.
MM: Season 6?
Shade: Right.
MM: So, the first episode of the Gray Journey?
Shade: I'm pretty sure.
MM: Good. Well, as I said WAY back in Season 3, I hold a secret. A BIG secret. And I've told you it.
Shade: ...ah, yes, I remember now.
MM: Good, good, you remember. BUT, the readers DON'T know the secret. So, on the Season Finale, I will tell Dark, all while the readers are listening.
Shade: Wouldn't that be "reading?"
MM: Whatever. Episode 48 takes place in another dimension, all right? A completely different dimension.
Shade: How do I get there?
MM: Teleport. Well, that plus the power of the seven yellow chaos drives.
Shade: Yellow.... swim chaos drives?
MM: That's right. If you'll remember Season 4 finale, you became a swim chao temporarily, just to take us down. Yet it didn't work.
Shade: I remember. And Shade 2 somehow talked to me?
MM: Uh... he did? Hmm... that's odd. --never mind, I'll look into it later. Anyway, that's just a taste of what the seven chaos drives will give you.
Shade: So... this whole season is just a plot device? One BIG plot device?
MM: Hey, isn't that what EVERY season is?
Shade: Good point. So, I need a teleporter.
MM: That's right.
Shade: And seven chaos drives.
MM: On the dot.
Shade: Where do I get them?
MM: The chaos drives... I can help you with that. Here's one... *digs in pocket* ....somewhere....
[the MILKMAN takes a glowing, yellow stick out of his pocket, and gives it to Shade, who dances and spins around]
Shade: Why did I do that?
MM: Ask Sonic Team, not me. As for the other drives.... good luck.
Shade: WAIT! Before you go... what about the teleporter?
MM: *evil grin* Oh, you'd like to know where that is, wouldn't you?
Shade: Um... yes, I would.
MM: I knew you would. Listen to me, check the Casinopolis subway station. Look for a broken-down old train, enter it, and press the big, red button that says "DO NOT PUSH."
Shade: Wait... it says I shouldn't push it!?
MM: Relax, that's just so people won't push it.
Shade: Now, what about my friends?
MM: Your.....friends? ...ah, yes. They.... are fine.
Chapter 4: The Prologue's Over, the Season Now Begins
MM: When Echo donned his G-Man suit, and transferred you here, he also transferred your friends to different locations.
Shade: Aw, great.
MM: Relax, Shade. They are near key plot devices, so when you find a chao, you'll know you're getting somewhere.
Shade: Now, why would it be like that?
MM: It's a cliche.
Shade: Oh. Finally, what's with Echo's G-Man costume?
MM: That costume allows him to.......with a great big bang and a...... dooty-doot....... .. . . . ......................
[a few hours later]
MM: ........ . .. .. . .....Ben Stiller haicut. Were you listening?
Shade: Yes, I was. I see, so the readers always see that Paper Mario "falling asleep" thing whenever you want them to?
MM: Correct. Just so I secretly tell YOU something, but not them. They MIGHT learn this stuff later.
Shade: So, in non-spoiler terms, I need to find Echo.
MM: That's right. I shall go now.
[the MILKMAN disappears]
Shade: Little does he know, when I find Echo, I'll KILL him for bombing my garden! Same with you, Tagliare...
[Shade laughs maniacally]
[cut to the dark-blue room; Shade laughing is on a monitor; MILKMAN and JOE are watching it]
JOE: You told the secret to HIM?
[the MILKMAN has a face-palm, and sighs]
MM: Yes, he's an idiot, I'm afraid... but he's also the star of the season. What choice did I have?
[camera zoom-in on the monitor]
Shade: So, what was that about a train?
[cut to the subway, Shade enters the broken-down train, and presses the "DO NOT PRESS" button]
[the train moves at a nice speed]
Shade: ....
[minutes pass]
Shade:'s amazing how BORING things get when you're alone. Why don't I have my portal gun? That would've made things cooler.
[seconds pass, Shade thinks a bit]
[Shade pulls out his Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (Portal gun), and snaps it on to his right arm]
Shade: Sweet, I'm Samus!
[Shade poses, while aiming his portal gun around and humming random Metroid songs]
Shade: Heh... p'choo, p'choo! ...gotcha.
[Shade shoots a blue portal beneath his feet]
Shade: Cool, it's like I'm standing on nothing!
(note: the portal gun had reset, and when you shoot just one portal, it's all wavely and stays there, but doesn't work)
MM: Shade, don't forget what I told you!
Shade: I know, I know, now SHUT UP!
[Shade looks out the window, and notices that he's not underground anymore]
[in fact, the train is on a rail above the train! It's one of those hanging rails]
Shade: Where the Dark Garden am I?
[he sees canyons]
Shade: Hmm... hang on, I think I remember a place that had a teleporter... and was in the canyons.
[he passes some scientists rushing to catch their trains]
Shade: It started with a B.... and was in a video game...
[he passes some top secret equipment]
Shade: The game started with an H....
[he passes a large sign that reads "Black Mesa Research Facility"]
Shade: Now, what was the game's name?
[he passes a snack machine]
Shade: *gasp* A snack machine! I'll portal gun it so it gets over here.
[he shoots the area near the snack machine]
Shade: Drat, I missed. ...oh, yeah, the game was Half---
[since he was standing on top of a portal already, Shade falls out of it]

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