Wednesday, July 7, 2010

ohshitohshitohshitohshit part 2

Dammit, I keep fucking swearing. Sorry about that. Won't do it again.

Dark Chao Adventures
Adventuring since 2005.

Episode Seventy: The High Ate Us! sadface

The story resumes inside a dusty old record store, "One for the Vinyl."
Chapter 1: Place for My Head
[the gang enters the shop and sees a guy (with a beard) sitting at the counter, listening to a record]
Shade: Um.. hello. Are you--
Man: Shhhh.
Shade: O..kay.
[the man listens to the record ("Octavarium" -Dream Theater), slowly nodding his head]
[eventually, it ends, and he takes it and puts it back in its sleeve]
Man: Alright, so what do you want?
Shade: Are you Mister Pirkle?
Pirkle: The very same. You were sent, then?
Shade: Yeah, uh.. this one guy sent us.
Pirkle: Oh. Dirge. Anyway, I understand you probably want something, then?
Shade: Yes. It is MY understanding that you know how to get to Earth.
Pirkle: Hm. You wish to go.. to Earth? Pourwhat, my amies?
Shadow: We've got to defeat an evil demon.
Pirkle: Oh. The Tenacious D pact. I see. ...this is intense. Alright, well, I DO know a way...
Shade: And what is it?
Pirkle: You've got to find the rare juice of the Irken flower.
Zim: OBJECTION, you pathetic music slave! There's no such thing as an Irken flower.
Pirkle: Holy cheez-its, it's a real Irken!
Zim: Yes, so I know you're full of the same stuff that made the world explode.
Pirkle: Okay! Okay, fine, I'll.. I'll take you to Earth. Follow me.
[they follow Pirkle to a small closet]
Pirkle: I shall now say the magic words...
[he clears his throat]
[flash flash flash bang]
Dark: MY EYES!
Chapter 2: Critical Acclaim
[the chao find themselves in the same room as Mephiles]
Mp: ..whoa, ****, I didn't.. realize you'd get here so fast. I haven't even begun sending evil at you yet!
MK: Man, no offense, but.. you SUCK at being evil.
Mp: Ack!
TD: Yeah, I think Mecha's right. You're.. you couldn't even be evil to a toilet.
Mp: Sh..shut up, guys!
Zim: Yes, so far, you've done quite.. useless things. You're terribly terrible!
Mp: Hey.. hey, shut up, you guys!
Mp: Raaaagh, shut up!
MK: Yeah, if YOU were all we had to worry about, then I.. man, we were pretty naive.
TD: Yes, let's just throw him in jail, or something.
[cut to Mephiles being thrown in jail]
Mp: D..dammit! I hate you guys!
[the gang heads back to the Dark Garden]
Shade: Hey, why are you guys still with us?
MK: We have nothing better to do.
Zim: He's right, you know.
Shade: Okay, then. HEY, EGGMAN!
[Eggman enters, along with Levity Nite]
Egg: Congratulations, you have defeated Mephiles!
Shade: It wasn't hard. At all.
TD: Yeah, he's a moron.
Egg: Yep, he certainly is. Anyway, you called, Shade?
Shade: Yes, I did. You said you have the locations of the next two chaos drives.
Nite: Heheh.. we certainly do.
Egg: Yes. We do.
Shadow: Can you tell us them?
Egg: Of course! The one you are currently looking for is somewhere in this garden.
Nite: And the next one is somewhere on the Chao World, in the future. Not in Euphoria, though.
Shadow: Uh..huh. Cool. So where's the one we're looking for now?
Egg: Somewhere in here. Enjoy looking for it.
[Eggman and Nite disappear]
Chao: Huh. Funny. I don't remember there being any chaos drives in here.
Shade: Me, neither.
Shadow: Well, it's obviously hidden very well.
Dark: Like the Sky Temple keys!
Shade: UGH.. please don't remind me of Metroid Prime 2, Dark.
MK: What's wrong with Echoes?
Shade: Nothing.. it's one of my all-time favorite games, but.. damn, I hate the Sky Temple.
TD: Oh, right, the Ing Emperor.
Shade: *cringe* I.. I suddenly feel the need to mash my thumb on the "A" button.
MK: Well, I suddenly feel the need to jump up and down repeatedly to avoid being gassed to death.
Dark: Don't forget the ammo system.
[Shade, Mecha, and the Doll all groan loudly]
Shade: And having to constantly try to stay alive in that battle, trying to get ammo...
MK: Then there's the fact that his weak spot only stays lit for, like.. seconds at a time. With often minute-long intervals.
Shade: At least the song was good.
TD: Dude, all Metroid music is good.
Shade: True. Remember Torvus' catacombs?
MK: Oh, man, sounds like ecstasy. And.. and Dark Agon still sends chills down my spine. ..wait. My.. support.. robot.. thing.
Shade: Ooh, and Rundas.. from Corruption, y'know?
TD: Damn, he's still one of my favorite bosses ever. Gandrayda also had an awesome song.
Shade: That, she did.. that, she did.
Dark: Anybody remember Quadraxis?
MK: Tsk.. man, why you always gotta bring up the annoying parts?
Dark: It's what I do.
Shade: Quadraxis, man.. freaking Quadraxis.
TD: Fighting in the Dark World's atmosphere before you had the Light Suit.. argh.
MK: Yeah, but the Light Suit was awesome when you finally got it. You could teleport and everything!
TD: Hells yes. Too bad you only get to wear it during all the crazy-hard parts.
Shade: Yeah, but that means we can associate it with true badassery.
Shadow: Hey, isn't Echoes the one with Dark Samus?
Shade: Depends what you mean. Corruption also had her in it. You talkin' Wii, or Cube?
Shadow: Gamecube, I think.
Shade: Then yeah, Echoes is the one.
MK: Ah, dude, the Dark Samus battles were the best.
Shade: Yeah, yeah, they... they were.
Shade: Well, we should probably start looking for that Sky T--CHAOS DRIVE!
MK: Yes. We should.
Chapter 3: Dawn Patrol
[they split up and search every inch of the garden for the chaos drive]
Shade: Find anything?
Chao: Not a scrap.
GIR: I found myself.
Shade: Uh-huh. Okay, how about back here, in this cave that was introduced in Season One?
Shadow: We can check it.
[Shade inputs a secret code on a tombstone; the tombstone moves, revealing a cave]
MK: Damn.
Shade: Yeah, I haven't been in here for a good few seasons and at least two years, so.. it's really old and dusty.
[they enter the cave]
[Mecha has some kind of flashlight built in (as does GIR), too]
[after a minute or two, all sources of light vanish, leaving just the flashlights]
Chao: Shade, how come I never knew about this?
Shade: 'Cause you're not the true ruler of the Dark Garden, that's why.
Chao: Very funny.
Shade: No, really. My dad showed me this cave shortly after I became ruler, just as HIS dad did for him.
Chao: Hmph. Well... well.... shut up.
TD: Stop arguing, guys. It's freaky enough as it is down here without you guys going all mental.
Shade+Chao: Fine.
[they come to a fork in the cave]
Shade: Huh. I don't recall THIS being in here.
Dark: I think these caves change every time.
Shade: Nonsense! Now, which way should we go?
TD: Uh.. how about we split up? I mean, there's eight of us...
Shade: Okay! Me, Shadow, Mecha and the Doll will go to the left. You guys will go right.
[they do that]
[cut to the folks on the left]
Shadow: Say, Shade?
Shade: Yep?
Shadow: Where do these caves lead?
Shade: The funny thing is, I have no idea. I never really.. got too far. Nor did I ask my dad.
MK: Well then.. I guess we're about to find out, huh?
Shade: I guess so.
[they keep walking]
?: Who's there?
All: Wha?!
TD: We are merely travelers, looking for the chaos drives.
Shade: Well, okay, so I'm the ruler of the Dark Garden, but these three are mere travelers.
?: You want the chaos drive? You don't want the chaos drive.
Shade: Um... yes, we do.
?: No. You don't. Trust me.
Shade: Yes, we most certainly DO. Trust ME.
?: Oh, yeah? Why should I trust you?
Shade: I'm a Dark/Swim chao.
?: ...oh, okay, that's a sufficient reason, yeah.
[the voice fades]
Shadow: ...that was strange.
MK: Tell me about it.
[these guys keep walking-- let's check in on the other four]
Chapter 4: Disappear

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