Wednesday, July 7, 2010

ohshitohshitohshitohshit part 4

Ahhhhhhhhhhh crabcakes. WHOA I DIDN'T SWEAR. HEY GUYS I'M CURED!

Dark Chao Adventures
Adventuring since 2005.

Episode Seventy-Two: Day Two

Our story resumes in the Los Angeles Convention Center, at the Electronic Entertainment Expo...
Chapter 1: Get off of My Cloud
[our heroes spend the day looking around, playing some games]
Chao: Wait, so no press conferences today?
Shade: Not really.
Chao: So why are we still here, again?
Shadow: No, wait, I think Chao has a good point. Why did we come here?
MK: Wasn't it.. uh.. the caves led us here.
Shadow: Yeah, but why were we in the caves?
TD: To look for the chaos drive, right?
Shadow: There we go. And whatsisname said the chaos drive was in the Dark Garden.
[our four gaming nerds (Shade, Dark, Mecha and the Tails Doll) run off to the Activision booth]
[they point and laugh for a bit]
[they come back]
Dark: Sorry, what were you saying?
Shadow: ..we need to look for the chaos drive.
[some random dude comes up to them]
Dude: Hey, nice costumes. Those your kids?
MK: Uh.. yeah. These are our kids. We got them to dress up like chao. Ain't they adorable?
Dude: Yeah, they're cute.
TD: Listen, person. We're looking for a chaos drive. Any idea where those are?
Dude: Chaos drives? You mean.. from Sonic Adventure 2?
MK: Those are the ones.
Dude: Aren't they in every stage? Like.. you gotta destroy robots to get 'em.
TD: You misunderstand me. I mean LITERALLY, where are they? Here, in real life?
Dark: You mean... our life isn't real?!
Dude: Hahahaha, nice reference, kid. You know about DCA?
Dark: Um... sure. I love fan fiction.
Dude: I'm surprised you guys know. I mean.. like.. NOBODY reads Sonic fanfiction anymore.
Shade: Yeah, gotta agree with you there.
Dude: ..oh, man, you're dressed as post-Grey Journey Shade, aren't you?
Shade: Uh.... why, yes, I am. He's dressed as Dark, he as Shadow, and him as Season seven Chao.
Dude: Ohh, man, Chao only just recently became a dark chao, didn't he? Man, you guys are up-to-date.
Chao: Very, yes.
Dude: I think.. I think we're the only guys who still read the new ones.
Shade: I think so, too. ..who are you, again?
Dude: Oh, I'm.. I'm Charles Boberson. I'm a long-time reader, but I don't comment. Who are you guys?
MK: Come with us, and we'll tell you.
Chapter 2: Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn
[they lead him out of the convention center]
Charles: Where are we going?
Shade: Back to our house.
[they search through LA for a bit]
TD: ..wait, where'd it go?
MK: The cave?
TD: Yeah! It's gone!
Chao: Is it really?
TD: Well, I can't find it, and I think this is where we entered.
Charles: Huh? Cave? You mean.. like the one the DCA guys went through last episode?
Shade: That exact one. We can't find it.
Charles: guys know DCA isn't real, right? There's no cave in Los Angeles that leads to the Dark Garden.
Shade: Well, not anymore. There WAS one.. somehow. I think. Or maybe the cave led us to a teleporter?
Chao: That would explain the blinding flash of white light we encountered.
Charles: You mean.. you mean that THEY encountered. Guys, it's fun to cosplay, but.. really.
Zim: Oh, can it, Earth bean. We are not cosplaying. I am the true ZIM!
GIR: And I'm me!
MK: Will the real Mecha Knuckles please stand up? Please stand up? Oh, that's right; I AM standing up!
TD: Real. And I can still curse people, so don't doubt us.
Shadow: But yeah, we're real. And I really need to find that chaos drive.
Charles: No way. You can't be serious.
MK: Ah, you caught us. We're Bang Camaro in costumes.
Shade: Some of us are flexible enough to fit in these damn chao costumes, too.
Charles: But.. but.. but DCA's not real! It's fan fiction!
TD: And we hate to break it to you, but.. that means YOU'RE not real, either.
Charles: Wh..wha?
MK: Whoa, that's an awesome idea for a book. Guy lives life, guy finds out his whole life was just fan fiction.
Shade: Wasn't that a Red Dwarf episode?
Dark: No, I've got one! Guy lives life, guy finds out his whole life was just so he could say "Hi" to the character the fan fiction is based around.
Shade: Nice.
Charles: But aw, no, that's... aaaahhhhhhh!!!
Chao: Whoa, Dark, I think you just explained this poor guy's life.
Dark: Oh.
Dark: I'm sorry, buddy.
Charles: What am I gonna do?! This is horrible!
Shade: Well, for starters, since your life has no meaning anymore, you can give it meaning by helping us.
Charles: I.. I guess I could do that. You said you wanted to get home?
Dark: Please.
Charles: Well.. okay, I think I can help. I can take you guys to this one Chao Transporter nearby.
Shade: You know about a Chao Transporter, yet you didn't think we were real?
Charles: I thought the Chao Transporter was fake.
[Charles gets to his car or whatever and drives our heroes off onto the highway]
Chapter 3: St. Andrews (This Battle is in the Air)
[on the highway, Charles drives them down to the seaside]
Shade: Okay, cool, is this guy some kind of beach hut witch doctor, or something?
Charles: Something like that.
[he drives the car onto the beach and drives towards the ocean]
MK: Uh.. heh heh.. dude? Whatcha doing?
[he slams on the gas]
Dark: ****, HE'S FLIPPIN' A *****!
[they try the doors]
Dark: It's no good! The child safety locks are on!
Charles: *wild laughter* If my life is meaningless, then I don't give a damn anymore! You guys can come along, too!
MK: Unlock the ****ing doors, man!
Charles: No way!
Zim: GIR. Grab the wheel.
GIR: But I don't have a license! :c I'll get arrested.
Zim: Do it for the hell of it.
[GIR hops up and grabs the wheel]
Charles: Hey! No! Get off!
[the car swerves around and the people on the beach run away]
[Mecha leaps for the wheel, too]
[Mecha rips the wheel right off]
[all of them stare at Mecha, holding the wheel in his hands]
MK: ...uhh... heh. Guess I don't know my own strength.
Charles: Guess you're going down with me, then.
Shadow: Guess again, buddy.
[the car is currently driving into some kind of.. thing that will stop the car slowly]
Shade: "Some kind of thing that will stop the car slowly?" That's the best you can come up with?
[look, I don't know much about how to stop a car, okay?]
[Charles sighs, and unlocks all the doors]
[our heroes get out]
[Charles leaves]
Chao: I must admit, Shade, I never once thought you were capable of getting a grown man to want to end his life.
Shade: Eh, look at it like this-- he's not a real person.
Chao: Yes, but it's still quite the mature theme.
Shadow: "Mature theme?"
Shade: Pfft, now you're trying to make us seem like some poncy little pretentious... thing.
TD: Hey, Zim. Thanks for getting GIR to save us.
Zim: Eh, it's no problem. We're just the two guys who stay quiet, but occasionally save the day.
TD: Yeah, but.. still. Thanks.
Chao: Shade, how we look doesn't matter. How the heck are we supposed to get home now?
MK: ..wait a minute. I can fly.
[the chao faint (anime-style!)]
Shadow: How the hell do you forget something like that?!
MK: I.. I don't know!
Shade: Mecha, we need you to fly us to Zim's house.
Zim: Eh? Why mine?
Shade: Don't you have a teleporter?
Zim: I have it on me right now.
[everyone else faints]
TD: Teleport us back to the Dark Garden, man!
Zim: Okay! Hold your horses.
Chapter 4: Distant Early Warning
[they arrive in the Dark Garden]
[Red is there]
Red: Hey, guys!
[also Levity Nite is here]
Nite: Back from E3 so soon?
Shade: Yeah.. all the press conferences are over.
Nite: You have not yet found the third chaos drive.
Shadow: Yeah, about that... it's in this Garden, right? Not in California?
Nite: Correct. It is not anywhere on the Earth.
Shadow: Then what's up with that strange cave taking us there?
Nite: That was a little.. prototype teleporter.. ah, don't worry too much about it.
MK: Dude, could you just give us a little hint as to where this thing is?
Nite: Why would I have to give you any hints? This is a very small garden.
Chao: But I've had access to all of this garden for two years now. I know it inside and out.
Shade: And I know it even better than HE does, but we can't find anything.
Nite: Isn't there someone who knows it even better than you?
[Levity suddenly fades away]
Shade: Someone who knows the Dark Garden better than I?
Shadow: IS there someone like that, Shade?
Shade: I.. I don't know.
Shade: OH!
[Levity appears again]
Nite: You want me to take you guys anywhere?
Shade: Yes. Take us to the Chao World... to a certain small hut.
[the chao find themselves in the Chao World, outside a certain small hut]
Shade: The only person who knows the Dark Garden better than even I do...
[inside the hut is Shawn the Dark, coughing heavily]
Shade: ..whoa, Dad, are you alright?
Shawn: Son.. *hack hack cough* what.. what is it?
Shade: Well, um.. we.. we came because there's supposedly a chaos drive in the Dark Garden.
Shawn: Oh.. oh that? *cough cough cough* That's.. a deeply guarded secret.. handed down from generation to generation.
Shade: And why did I never find out about it?
Shawn: You're a.. a swim chao at heart. I could tell. This is a Run drive. Not for you.
Shade: Well, my friend Shadow is--
Shawn: Yep, he's a run chao. Alright, kid, come here.
[Shadow comes closer to Shawn]
[Shawn whispers something to him]
Shadow: Oh, wow, I never would have guessed that!
Shade: Wait, Dad, if it's only passed down to run chao...
Shawn: Well, to run chao or whenever the chao actually needs to know about it.
Shadow: We've got the info. Let's go.
Shawn: Go on, guys. *cough hack wheeze*
[the chao leave; the Tails Doll stays]
TD: ...hey, man. What's wrong with you?
Shawn: I'm.. I'm reverting.
TD: Reverting? To what?
[Shawn shakes his head]
TD: ...oh, ****.
Shawn: I.. didn't have the heart to tell him.
TD: I don't think even I can tell him.
Shawn: I guess he'll just have to find out the hard way.
TD: Yeah... listen, keep up a positive attitude. You can fight out of this somehow.
Shawn: I fear it may end up worse than last time.
TD: ..damn.
[the Tails Doll leaves]

Okay, we're up to date now. Now you just gotta wait for the final Quinquenquoi eppy.

No comments: