Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Chao In Space 3 part one: One if by Telly, Two if by Bathtub

(NOTE: This episode is somewhat controversial. It touches upon some things not meant to be touched upon. But, remember this-- everybody's just joking around. Any references to real things are only put there to help you realize how the chao feel about things. DON'T TAKE OFFENSE, PLEASE.)

Chao: I, the great Hero chao, Chao, won the elections. I am now the king of ALL Gardens!
Shade: I, the even cooler Dark chao, Shade, am in a sucky position. The Heroes are freeloading.
Dark: I, the cool Dark chao, Dark, am sad that the Heroes moved into the Dark Garden and stole my candy.
Cham: I, the only REAL Neutral chao, Cham, am alone in the Neutral Garden.
Chao: Since I am now the KING, I can make my own laws, taxes, and whatnot!
Shade: Chao's first law? Hero chao can do WHATEVER they want. Sleep WHEREVER they want. Not a good idea.
Cham: I fear that something terrible is going to happen soon....
All: War.

[the Invader Zim theme plays; for those who don't know that song, then the Dark Garden theme plays]
Dark Chao Adventures Episode 52: Chao In Space 3 part one: One if by Telly, Two if by Bathtub
*DCA Remastered! This official certifimicate of own shows that this episode can have five chapters, and feature Rebel Chao, Cyber Chao, and all that stuff without being a reference to Betas. That is all.*

[our story begins in the Dark Garden; the Hero chao are partying their little butts off]
[cut to Shade under a blanket, holding a pillow over his head]
[.....also, it's midnight]
Shade: Grrrr....
[a glass smashes]
Shade: That is IT! It's about time I did something about this....
Chapter 1: The SMAAAAAAASH Heard 'Round the World
[it's morning in the Dark Garden; Shade gets up to find a bunch of Hero chao in costumes]
Shade: Argh... what now?
Tail: We're having a costume party.
Shade: I see. Mind if I take a close look at your costume?
Tail: Not at all.
[tons of birds fly; horses neigh]
[cut to Chao, meditating behind the fountain in the Hero Garden; he hears the "SMAAAAAAAAASH!!!" and gets up]
Chao: That... does not sound good.
[Chao runs down the stairs into the Lobby, and sees tons of chao outside the Dark Garden]
Chao: What is going on?
Speedy: Dude, I heard Shade became a Were-hog, and started killing people.
Knuckle: No, you idiot! He just smacked Tail on the head.
Chao: What?! Shade performed a violent act against a Hero chao?
Knuckle: That's right. How horrid! A Dark chao.... touching a HERO chao? How unheard of! I SPIT at the thought!
Chao: It truly is a terrible thing.
[Tail runs out of the Dark Garden; the Dark Gates slam shut]
Chao: Tail! Are you alright?
Tail: *sniff* ....Shade.... struck me.
Chao: You'll be fine, Tail. However, Shade will NOT.
Knuckle: What are you gonna do?
Chao: WE are going to establish some LAWS around here.
Knuckle: L...laws?!
Chao: Yes. It is about time we Heroes began putting our feet down!
[cut to later, in the Dark Garden; all the Darks are gathered around Shade, praising him]
Red: That was a really bold act, Shade. But... I think you did the right thing.
SShade: I'm gonna agree with Red on this one. You brought some righteousness to this bleak world.
Shawn: It was righteous, all right.
[everyone looks at the gate; Shawn is there]
Shade: How did you get in here?
Shawn: I built that gate. Trust me... I know its secrets. Anyway, we have bigger problems right now.
[Shawn is clutching a paper, steps forward, and quietly hands it to Shade]
[Shade unfolds it, and reads it]
SShade: Shade... what's wrong?
Shade: It........ Chao.... he...........
[Shade gives the paper to Red]
[Red starts reading the paper aloud, with anger and sadness]
"Attention, Dark chao.
We are now putting into effect a series of laws that will put you in your place.
From now on, all Dark chao must use seperate restrooms than Hero chao.
Albeit, we do not USE restrooms, but... I digress.
Darks and Heroes are no longer allowed to eat together.
Darks shall never disrespect Heroes in any way.
More laws will be made as necessary.
These will be titled the 'Jim Chao Laws,' in honor of the first ever Hero chao, Jim Chao.
Kingingly yours,

PS: But.... we're cool, right?"
[Red crumples it up, and tosses it at the ground]
SShade: They can't do this to us! It's.... it seems very side-ist!
Shade: You're right. I won't stand for this sideism! Favoring one side over another is fine, but stopping sides from EATING together?
Shade: Chao has crossed the line. Dark, give me my typewriter.
Dark: Sir, yes, SIR!
[Dark gets Shade his typewriter; Shade types a letter; Shawn delivers it to Chao]
Chao: What the? ..."This means war!"......hmm....
Chapter 2: The Conflict in CPAK
[later that week, the chao go back to school]
[their school is named, "Chao Pre-school And Kindergarten," or CPAK]
[it's time for class; their teacher is Miles "Tails" Prower, whom they call "Mister Prower"]
Tails: Okay, class, please take your seats. It sure has been a while since I last saw you. What happened?
Shade: We were on a life-threatening journey. Let's not talk about it.
Tails: Well, it's time for our first lesson, anyway. Today, we're gonna talk about--....
[Tails stares at the class; the chao have segregated themselves: Darks on one side, Heroes on the other; Neutrals in the center]
Tails: Is... there any reason you kids are seated like that?
Dark: Chao doesn't want us sitting next to him. He's a meanie!
Tails: Chao, is this true?
Chao: It is true that I do not want them seated near me, HOWEVER, the Darks are the "meanies."
Tails: Hmmmm.... I believe it's time for a DEBATE!
Shade: A debate?
Tails: Yes, a debate! Okay, let's start with Chao. Chao, tell us your side of the story.
Chao: With pleasure.

Earlier, we had presidential elections for the King of the Gardens. I won by a landslide. So, I started giving the Heroes the same priviliges the Darks had. Of course, Shade got too spoiled and whiny about that, so he beat Tail up. I decided to punish Shade by restricting the Darks of their priviliges. Then, he declared a war.

Tails: ....Mmmhmm.... and Shade?
Shade: He's stretching the truth, Mister Prower! Here, let me tell you the REAL story.

So a few days ago, I decided it'd be cool for us to have some democracy in our Gardens. So then Chao got all competitive and decided to start bending the rules a little bit, making it so he'd win! So now he's the self-proclaimed "king" of all the Gardens. He made it so that the Heroes could freeload all they wanted, and keep me up until late at night. The next day, I had an outburst, and smacked Tail. Chao acted very irrational, and used his "powers" to make it so we couldn't disrespect them or eat with them, or ANYTHING like that without getting in trouble. So, I declared war.

Tails: ......I see. Well, it seems to me that Chao, you let these powers get to your head.
Chao: How dare you! I am the KING OF THE GARDENS! These are no mere "powers...."
Tails: Chao, calm down, please.
Chao: ENOUGH! Knuckle, Hero... escort Tail and I out of this place.
[they do]
Aqua: .......hey, wait for me!
[Aqua dashes out of the room]
Tails: Oh, dear... it seems I've lost control of them. It's up to you Darks to get them under control.
Dark: Does this mean we get today off?
Tails: .....yes.
Dark: I'm in!
[cut to the main lobby of CPAK; the Darks see Knuckle and Aqua are guarding the exit]
Shade: Let us out, you two! We have a score to settle with the "king!"
Knuckle: Uh, I'm not so sure about that. What do YOU think, Aqua?
[Aqua gives them a thumbs-down]
Knuckle: Of course.... you WOULD expect such stupidity from a bunch of DARKS.
Knuckle: Make me!
Dark: THAT'S IT!
[Dark pounces at Knuckle and starts punching him]
Shade: Dark, save your energy for Chao.
Dark: But.... but he's being sideist!
Shade: He's a Hero chao. Of COURSE he's being sideist.
Dark: *sniff* ....all right. I'll.... I'll save my energy. .....LET'S ROCK!!!
[they leave CPAK, and head for the Hero Garden]
[the screen turns sepia and pauses; the camera zooms out to reveal it is a picture in a history book]
Shade (Voice-Over [You don't see him]): Dark's actions that day would later come back to bite us in the blubber.
[Shade's hand is seen reaching for the next page]
Shade VO: Chao made that event known as "The Conflict of CPAK." Now, let me tell you about...
[Shade turns the page; the camera zooms in; the screen becomes normal]
Chapter 3: "The Hero Garden Massacre"
[they approach the Hero Gates; some Hero chao see them and run to Chao, telling him something]
[Chao shouts, "FREELANCERS!"]
[a group of chao come to the gate-- the Freelance Chao]
?: See, now why couldn't you have called us Freelance Chao earlier? Why were we always THIRD-PARTY?
Chao: Because DJay didn't come up with that name until three-quarters into DCRPG.
[the Freelance Chao, formerly Third-Party chao, are as follows]
[Dark-Hawk the Dark chao wizard, Quartz the Neutral Chaos chao punching bag nobody cares about, Phantom the Dark chao who has no legs, Chaosky the Hero Chaos chao wanderer, Shadow Bonic the Neutral Chaos chao, and maybe some others every now and then]
SBonic: That was a rather long sentence.
Chaosky: Run on!
Shade: Dark-Hawk, what are you doing over there? And Phantom?
Ph: I am a loyal follower of Chao.
Chao: No, you're not. Get out. Both of you.
DH: Okay....
[Dark-Hawk and Phantom are kicked out]
Ph: Chao, you lying scumbag! Your reign of terror will soon end!
Chao: "Scumbag?!"
Chaosky: That's it, you Darks! You're outta control. *shotgun equip*
[the screen turns sepia and pauses; the camera zooms out to reveal it is a picture in a history book]
Shade VO: Dark-Hawk and Phantom's little back-talk there made sure the Heroes didn't cut us any slack.
[Shade's hand is seen reaching for the next page]
Shade VO: Since Chaosky was a Hero, the Heroes let his actions slide and claimed we had an outrage, so he had to 'calm us down.' Henceforth, "The Hero Garden Massacre."
[Shade turns the page; the camera zooms in; the screen becomes normal]
[cut to everybody in the Dark Garden]
Shade: I just... I just don't get it. How come Chao is such a butt-head?
Red: Because, like Mister Prower said, he's letting this power get to his head.
SShade: Yeah, so technically, all this is YOUR fault, Shade.
Shade: Hey, I only did those elections because Mephiles came to me all whiny about being bored! ...hey!
Red: What?
Shade: I think I know what I'm supposed to do to stop Chao!
Red: .................and that IS?
Shade: Mephiles gave me the oppurtunity to do the elections. Now... he's gonna give me the oppurtunity to stop him.
Dark: lolwut? And how does the logic call for that?
Shade: Dark. You don't even know what logic IS.
Dark: I do TOO! It's.... something to do with a lodge, right?
[Shade groans; cut to the rip in time and space beyond the planet of pure dooky, or the Space/Time Rip, or the STR]
[Mephiles is there, playing games on a floating computer]
[Shade walks in]
Shade: Mephiles.
Mp: WHOA!!! *covers screen* Hey, uh... how ya doin'?
Shade: Wait, what is that?
Mp: It's nothing.
Shade: Is that... Zoombinis, the math game?
Mp: Shut up.
Shade: Dude, that's an awesome game.
Mp: Shut u--really? You think it's awesome? Well.... so do I! Okay. So, what do you want?
Shade: I want to impeach Chao.
[cut to the Hero Garden, once more; Shawn approaches Chao, and gives him a letter]
Chao: .....what?! "Impeach!?" This is blasphemy! This is MADNESS!
Shade: Madness?
[dramatic silence as Chao glares at Shade, standing by the gates]
[Shade glares back; dramatic camera angles; Shawn looks at both of them]
Shade: THIS. IS. WAR!!!
Shawn: ...what? Are you sure that... fits? Sure it's not something else? Something with TWO syllables?
Shade: I'm sure. This is war.
Chao: Are you certain you don't mean, "This is battle?" Or "This is melee?" Or... "This is sparta?"
Shade: Well, 'sparta' would be copying, but those other two have terrible grammar.
Chao: Anyway, I see your point. So, you wish to impeach me, do you? Let me see you try.
Chapter 4: I Fought the Law and.... the Law Kicked My Butt
[cut to Shade in jail]
[some kind of jail behind the waterfall in the Neutral Garden]
Shade: *sigh* Freaking Chao. He's so....... annoying.
[he is being guarded by Speedy]
Shade: Speedy, why are YOU my guard? You're not even a Hero.
Speedy: I needed SOMETHING to do. Things are awfully boring around here ever since Chao became such a jerk.
Shade: Makes me wanna read Tacquila Mockingbird.
Speedy: To Kill a Mockingbird.
Shade: What did I say?
Speedy: "Tacquila."
Shade: *chuckle*
Speedy: Say... why didn't Mephiles help you impeach Chao?
Shade: Eh, he was too busy playing Zoombinis.
Speedy: Oh. ...I like that game.
Shade: I know, right?
Speedy: I mean, if I wasn't stuck here, guarding YOU, I'd be playing it right now.
Shade: Really?
Speedy: Yeah.
Shade: How?
Speedy: Mister Prower's got these new computers into our classroom, and he's letting good chao play it.
Shade: Hmm.... I've got another idea! Speedy, you don't suppose you could let me out?
Speedy: .......................sure, go ahead.
[Speedy lets Shade out; he runs to CPAK]
Chapter 4.5: The Masquerade of Mister Prower
[cut to Shade in Room 123, Tails' room; Tails is doing an assignment on the internet]
Tails: Oh, good, you're here. Do you know a word that rhymes with "masquerade?"
Shade: Uh.... how about "mast--".......
Tails: What? How about WHAT?
Shade: ....never mind. I need some sort of camera that can broadcast me all over the gardens.
Tails: Oh, that? It's in the utility closet. Go on.
[cut to the Heroes relaxing in the Hero Garden]
[a large hologram of Shade appears, as well as in the other two gardens]
Shade: Attention, everyone.
Chao: What the...? Tail! Does he have the proper permits for use of that camera?
Tail: I don't know!
Shade: As of recently, our king, Chao, has been a jerk. A big, chubby jerk!
Chao: "Chubby?!"
Shade: I say we end this! I say we fight back! I say.... we IMPEACH HIM!
Chao: Knuckle, Chaosky!
Knuckle: We're on it, boss.
[Chaosky grabs his shotgun; they head for CPAK]
Shade: If you agree with me, then please come to the Hero Garden, and help me take him down. Shade, out.
[the hologram ends; cut to CPAK's utility closet]
Chapter 4.9: Shaded Edge of a Mirror
[the following scene is completely in first-person, from Shade's point of view]
Shade: I'd better ske-daddle before the Heroes come.
[he exits the utility closet, revealing it to be the Black Market locker; he looks out the window and sees Knuckle and Chaosky approaching]
Shade: Uh-oh!
[Shade runs into the Black Market, and searches the shelves for something; he finds a grenade]
[he runs back out, and bangs on the window; Knuckle and Chaosky spot him; Chaosky points his shotgun at the window]
[chhhk-chhk-- BOOM! Shade dives to the side as Chaosky fires; the window is blasted open]
[a few seconds pass; Shade hops up and tosses the grenade]
[strangely, it was only a smoke grenade; Shade curses that, and runs out into the smoke]
Knuckle: He's out here! I heard the door open!
Chaosky: Find him! FIND HIM!
[Shade runs forward as fast as he could, and bumps into Knuckle, who stares at him]
[Shade pauses in fear, but Knuckle stays silent]
Knuckle: ......I think he ran back into the building.
Chaosky: I've got him!
[Chaosky is heard running into CPAK; Knuckle looks back at Shade, and gestures for him to run][Shade nods, turns, and runs]
[the screen turns sepia, zooms out, and becomes a book]
Shade VO: I had assumed that a mere hologram would END everything. Believe me... it didn't.
[Shade reaches for the next page]
Shade VO: Chao was stopped, indeed, as you will see. But, that was only the beginning.
[Shade turns the page]
Shade VO: This next chapter, my friends, is....
Chapter 5: The Day Everything Went Wrong
[the camera zooms in on a picture of Shade approaching an angry mob by the Hero Garden; it becomes normal]
Shade: Hey, what's going on?
Shawn: It turns out Chao has been a jerk. A big, chubby jerk. Thanks for letting us know.
Cham: Yeah, we're all out here to throw him out of control!
Shade: You mean.... one of my crazy plans thought up on the spot actually WORKED?! Hawt dayum!
[the angry mob charges into the Hero Garden, and comes out carrying Chao]
Chao: But.... what will become of our great monarchy?
[the mob chants, "Shade! Shade! Shade!"]
Shade+Chao: WHAT?!
Shade: Me? Rule the three Gardens? I.... I don't know what to say, except..... sure.
[cut to the next day; things are great and peaceful in the Dark Garden]
Dark: Man, Shade, life in the Dark Garden has never been better!
Shade: Yep. I sure do love things now. Chao was too.... pushy.
[smoke fills the garden; minutes later, once the smoke clears, it turns out that someone has vandalized the Dark Garden!]
[tons of graffiti cover the walls and gravestones and the tree; the water is oily and thick; stuff like that]
Red: Damn.
[cut to Shade on a hologram again]
Shade: Okay, um.... attention, please? Yes. Um.... is this on? Testing.
Red: It's on.
Shade: Good. Good. Well, it appears that someone has vandalized our Garden today, on the Tenth of December.
Red: It's the tenth of December?
Shade: ....whatever. Yeah. Check a calendar. BUT, you may be thinking I'm gonna be cruel now, like Chao was.
Red: You'd better not.
Shade: No. I'm not Chao. Instead of punishing everyone, I'm gonna let you do whatever you want. No rules.
Red: ....WHAT?!
Shade: However, there is ONE rule. Look for the Ten/Twelve culprit.
Red: "Ten/Twelve?" What, do we live in Europe now? Shouldn't it be "Twelve/Ten?"
Shade: Well, I prefer the European system, okay? Anyway, look for the culprit while you do whatever you want. And, uh... have fun.
[the hologram ends; cut to the Dark Garden]
Shade: There. We'll find the culprit in no time.
Red: Shade, you are one helluvan idiot.
Shade: And how am I an idiot?
Red: You'll see soon enough if you don't call off this ridiculous law!
Shade: No way! We're finding the culprit! I have reason to believe that Chao has the weapons of mass disrespect.
Red: Chao does NOT have WMDs.
Shade: Yes, he does! And I'm shipping EVERYONE here off to the Hero Garden to fight!
SShade: Shade, listen.... I understand that this is very hard for you, but... don't risk everyone's lives for your home.
Shade: But.... but they ruined our Garden!
SShade: Shade, please. Call off the law.
Shade: Grrrrr..... FINE!
[Shade gets back on the hologram camera thing]
Shade: Hello. Um... I'd like to say that I'm stopping that previous law. The, uh... "anything you want" law.
[Shade is randomly disconnected]
Shade: Dubbyuh Tee Eff? Dark, check out what's wrong.
Dark: Yessir!
[Dark runs out of the garden; he comes back in quickly]
Dark: It's been disconnected by some people.
Shade: ....elaborate.
Dark: Uh... no.
Shade: What? Why not?!
Dark: I don't know what that means.
Shade: *sigh* Just tell me more about the disconnection.
Dark: OH! Well, these guys are taking all the wires from everywhere, and moving them into the Neutral Garden.
Shade: WHY?!
Dark: They said they're doing whatever they want.
[Shade takes a look outside, and sees everything in chaos-- chao running around, shooting at each other, and making forts and such]
Shade: OH.......... CRAP.

All: See you next time!
Shade: Bring snacks!
Red: I think this one went pretty well, don't you?
Chao: I... yeah. Yes, I found it rather fun.
Shade: Not me. Although, that Mirror's Edge parody part was awesome.
Chaosky: Yeah. Other than the part where Knuckle tricked me. Traitor.
Knuckle: What? So I support Shade, so what?
Shawn: So, what will happen next?
Shade: Next up is episode 53, "Ten/Twelve." It's part two to Chao In Space 3.
Red: This serial has got to be the most controversial we've ever done.
Dark: I agree. I like Contra.
SShade: Seriously, though, I agree with Red. We're probably gonna tick off a few, or a hundred, political stiffs.
Shade: Isn't "stiff" an offensive word, or something?
SShade: I hope not.
Cham: Okay, I think we're about done here. See you next time.
DCA was created in loving memory of all my chao, excluding the "Freelance/Third-Parties," and "Shawn." The Freelance chao were made by fans, and Shawn is not real. Other than that, though, all the chao in here are 100% real, and 100% dead.
Shade: Dark, Red, we're getting the gang back together.
Dark: Rubber Goose?
Red: I think he means our CRIMEFIGHTING gang. Our unnamed one.
Dark: Yay! Let's restore order to this orderless world! ROCK AND ROLL!!!

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