Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Wh-wh-WHAAAAAT?! DCA Episode 51.

[Invader Zim theme playing, for those who don't know that song, then just the Dark Garden theme]
"Shade is Cool"
by DJay32

Deep down in the planet of chao.......
In the Dark Garden......
Wait. No. No, the planet of Chao is something different in DCA.
So, uh.... let's see..... the Gardens of Chao?
Yeah, that sounds pretty cool.
But, it also sounds religious. I don't want people to get offended for some reason.
No. Well.... I suppose "Gardens of Chao" is a pretty cool name.
Then again, I can do better.
I mean, hey. I'm DJay32. I made a whole script based on Gears of War with CHAO in it.
It was a rather good one, too.
Full of typos, though....
And some blatantly obvious cliches.
Eh, everything has a cliche in it somewhere.
300 had more than enough cliches.
So did Halo 3.
And Gears of War.
...why am I putting GoW in the same group as 300 and Halo 3? What am I, STUPID?
GoW is much better than those two.
........I'm getting hungry.
Okay, I'll just stick with "Gardens of Chao."
I mean, in the scripts, I always refer to them as "the Gardens," so.... yeah.
Okay. Okay. Let's re-do this.

Deep down in the Gardens of chao......
In the Dark Garden.......
A chao named "Shade" was trying to relax.
[the camera cuts to a gray Dark/Swim chao named "Shade," lying down next to a gravestone]
Chapter 1: The First Chapter of a New Life
Shade: ......
[as Shade rests, footsteps are heard running towards him]
[Shade is startled, and notices the normal Dark chao standing next to him, eyes wide]
Shade: Argh..... can't you see I'm trying to chillax, Dark?
[the regular Dark chao, named "Dark," waves his arms around]
Dark: But! BUT! The Heroes are trying to break in!
[Shade jumps up to his feet in surprise]
[cut to a group of Dark chao gathered behind a tree]
Shade: All right, men. According to Dark, the Heroes are attempting to break through our mighty gates of steel.
Red: What gates?
[Shade looks angrily at a red Dark chao named "Red"]
Shade: The ones we installed seven seasons ago.
Red: Oh.
SShade: I have a question.
[all attention goes to a chao who looks similar to Shade, but has longer eyelashes or something. You just know it's a female. Her name is "Shade," but in the script, we refer to her as "She-Shade," or "SShade."]
SShade: Are the Heroes REALLY trying to invade? Remember what happened last time?
SJR: Oh, yeah. Dark saw a mouse and thought it was the Heroes.
[there is also a normal Dark chao who is obviously younger than the rest. He seems to be in his late teens, in Chao Years. His name is "Shade Junior."]
Shade: With all due respect, Junior, I'm afraid you are incorrect.
Dark: Yeah. It was a RAT.
SJR: Pfft. Same difference.
Shade: Don't use that phrase, son! You know what I've told you about it!
Dark: What did you tell him about it?
Shade: It doesn't make sense. "Same difference?" If it had the same difference, that would be comparing MORE than two things. You would need two differences to compare, and to compare two differences, you would need three or more different objects.
Red: 'Cause knowledge is power.
Shade: And knowing is half the battle!
All: G.I. JOE!!!
Zagu: If I may interrupt for a second, sir?
Shade: Yes, guard of the Dark Garden who was made by someone else?
Zagu: ....what?
Shade: This is the mandatory "tutorial" section of my awesome game.
Zagu: ....what?
Red: Just introduce yourself.
Zagu: Uh... hey. I'm a Third-Party chao. A fan of the show asked DJay to put me in somewhere. He decided to make me a guard.
Shade: Guards are among the most important members of our community, Zagu!
Zagu: ....what?
Shade: Now, I understand you had something with which to inform me?
Zagu: Yeah. My mouth.
Shade: NICE! *hi-5* I'm glad to see SOMEONE here knows proper grammar.
Red: ..........oh, I get it! "With which to inform me," instead of "OF which to inform me." You were referring to what he's using TO inform you!
Shade: Heh... yes. That was the point.
Red: ...whatever.
Shade: So, what is this of which you were going to inform me?
Zagu: Yes, of course. The Heroes have a battering ram, and are trying to break in through the gates.
Shade: lolwut
Zagu: I'm serious. Come, see for yourself, your grayness!
Shade: ..."grayness," see, I like that. It has "gray" in it, AND "Ness." Ness is among my favorite video game characters. Other than myself, of course.
[the front gate is busted open, and some Hero chao run in]
Zagu: They've breached the front gates!
Shade: ATTACK!!!
Chapter 2: Skirmish
[the two sides of chao clash and fight on and on]
[cut to Dark diving into the pool of red water]
[he swims to the island across the pool, and observes the battle]
Dark: Whoa. This is intense.
[suddenly, Dark is shoved into the water by a normal Hero chao, named "Hero"]
Dark: *gasp* Hero! Long time, no saw!
Hero: My thoughts exactly.
[Hero dives into the water, as well; the two fight]
[cut to Shade hiding behind a fruit tree; he is holding a weird fruit object]
[Shade peeks around the tree, and spots a normal Hero chao wearing a medal]
Shade: Target sighted.
[Shade tosses the fruit at the chao]
Chao: What the?!
[the Hero chao, named "Chao," leader of the Heroes, looks around for the source of the fruit]
Chao: Where did that come from?
Shade: HEY, CHAO!
[Chao sees Shade leaning out from behind the tree, holding another fruit]
Chao: Shade.
Shade: Yeah, that's right! And I've got more where that came from! Now, why did you guys bust in?
Chao: What do you mean?
Shade: Break-ins are hardly your style of assault, Chao.
Chao: This is true.
Shade: So? Why did you come in?
Chao: *smirk* I see you're thinking nice and smart, fool.
Shade: ...*chuckle* Haven't seen ya in a while, Mephy.
["Chao" melts into the ground, forming an oil-y puddle]
[the puddle morphs to form a creature that looks a lot like Shadow the Hedgehog, but with gray rather than red on him]
[this is the demon named "Mephiles," as first, and probably only seen in Sonic the Hedgehog for the 360]
Mp: Yeah, I managed to get the Heroes to go along with my plan. Pretty neat-o, huh?
Shade: Any particular REASON? It's not often you just.... casually attack us.
Mp: I'm bored today. You guys doing anything really epic anytime soon?
[everyone stops fighting, and stares at Mephiles]
Mp: ......what?
SJR: Dad doesn't DO "epic" anymore. Not since his Gray Journey.
Mp: Oh. Wasn't that when you did some weird stuff, and became a Dark/Swim chao?
Shade: Yes.
Mp: Oh. Well, uh.... I'm still bored.
Shade: Sonic Team not giving you any business?
Mp: Sonic Team?! Those jerks still haven't even given me my share of the Sonic the Hedgehog profits.
Dark: WHAT profits?
Mp: Shut up.
Shade: Hmmm......... I think I have an idea.
Mp: An idea?
SShade: You haven't had one of those since you gave Dark a box of candy to sell to little kids for money.
Dark: Entrepeneuring is hard to do. And spell.
Shade: Yeah, well, I was watching TV the other day, and heard something about "Presidential Erec--"
Shade: "--Elections."
Mp: Ah, the '08 Elections? I never realized you chao were aware of Earth stuff.
Shade: We're not. It's just that our TV gets Earth channels. Without it, Dark wouldn't get to see his soaps.
Dark: I still wanna go see "House that Preys."
Shade: Sometime later, Dark. Anyway, I realized-- we're living in the dark ages-- I mean, the medieval times. Dictatorships? What am I, FOUR?
Chao: You sure got me. *snicker*
Shade: What the Dark Garden needs is a proper democracy! No. ALL THE GARDENS need democracies! No! They need ONE democracy, to determine the KING of the Gardens!
Chao: One step at a time, Jabber Jaw. Although, that IS a rather interesting idea...
Mp: I'm in. I need something to do, anyway.
Chapter 3: One Campaign to End Them All
[cut to the Chao Lobby; posters are being put up encouraging chao to vote]
[Tails, the two-tailed fox from Sonic 2, leaves the Chao Kindergarten wearing a bow-tie, and is stopped by Red]
Red: Good day, Mister Prower.
Tails: Um... hello, Red. Have you done your homework?
Red: Never mind that. Did you remember to vote today?
Tails: Vote? Vote for WHAT?
Red: Why, the king of the Gardens! Shade, Chao, and Cham are going up against each other!
Tails: .......I see. And... where can I vote?
Red: In front of the Neutral Garden entrance.
Tails: Right. Well...... uh.... I'm allergic to certain substances that have been reported at that entrance, so... I can't vote today.
Red: Oh. ...okay.
[Tails exits through the Chao World Exit Teleporter Thing]
Red: Damn. So many people are allergic to that place. I'm starting to think that maybe they're just making this stuff up...
[cut to the Neutral Garden; a regular Neutral chao is sweeping up dust with a broom]
[the chao's name is "Cham," and he has a few scars on him which are slowly healing]
Cham: Man, this place sure gathered dust while I was gone. Didn't you guys take care of it?
[an old Neutral chao in a trenchcoat speaks up; his name is "Shawn," and he is Shade's father]
Shawn: Hey, I wasn't here, either. So, don't blame me.
Cham: I can understand YOU, but what about Speedy?
[they look at another Neutral chao, this one is a little older than Shade Junior; his name is "Speedy"]
Speedy: I was in the Hero Garden all that time.
Cham: But, WHY? You're not even a Hero chao!
Speedy: Well, yeah, but... Chao took me under his wing. He was like some kinda robot, or something. I DON'T KNOW. I just didn't want to live in a place all by myself.
Cham: I'm still wondering why nobody wanted to live here.
Speedy: Eh, I'm sure you'll have a whole episode devoted to you figuring out the answer to it, someday.
Shawn: I think he's right. For now, though, we have a campaign to try and win.
Cham: Wait. Won't the campaign simply depend on what side you're on? I mean, Dark chao will vote for Shade, you two will vote for me, and the Heroes will vote for Chao, right?
Shawn: Actually, I'm voting for Shade.
Speedy: Yeah, and I'm voting for Chao.
Cham: Oh.
Shawn: But, other than that, yes. Elections, if nobody cheated, simply depend on who's behind that person BEFORE the election. Yet, since people cheat all the time, and manage to make certain votes not count, unexpected things can happen.
Cham: Interesting.
[cut to the Chao Lobby; lots of chao, as well as some others, are gathered by the Neutral Garden entrance]
[they are all writing names on pieces of paper, and giving them to Red]
[meanwhile, the other Darks, as well as Mephiles and some of the Heroes are gathered in the Dark Garden by a table and a LOT of empty ballots]
Chao: Perhaps we should have told Red we were moving the elections to the Dark Garden.
Shade: Eh, that's too much work.
[after a few minutes, Red comes in]
Red: Hey, where WERE you guys?
Chao: We moved the elections down here around three hours ago, but Shade obviously didn't give you the memo.
Shade: Too much work.
Red: Oh. So.... these votes don't count?
Shade: Nope. And, you're too late to vote in the REAL elections. So, let's count these ballots!
[Shade skims through them]
Shade: ....most of these read, "Shade." So.... I win!
Chao: Wait, wait, wait. Lemme see those.....
[Chao reads the ballots]
Chao: ....you really need glasses, Shade. These read, "Chao."
Shade: No, they DON'T. Mephiles, tell him!
Mp: Uh..... no, he's right, Shade. Most of the ballots say, "Chao." One of them says, "Cow," though. ...hey, this one says, "Cao Cao, King of the Wei Dynasty!"
Shade: That was probably me.
Mp: Wait, wait, wait. You.... voted for Chao?
Shade: ...I DIDN'T MEAN TO! It was kind of a joke!
Chao: Well, now the joke's on YOU, Shade! Because due to this "technicality," I am YOUR boss!
Shade: You ARE? .....crap.
Chapter 4: Finishing Up
[cut to later that day in the Dark Garden; everything seems like it should; the Heroes are back in their garden; Mephiles is gone; Shade is relaxing]
Shade: ........
Dark: Shade, sir?
Shade: *groan* WHAT, Dark?
Dark: Chao has an announcement.
Shade: Tell him to tell me it later.
Dark: It's a mandatory announcement.
Shade: Ugh..... what's the announcement?
Dark: He says the Heroes can crash here for a few months.
Shade: .....*groan*........stupid elections.....
[fade to black]
SJR: Dad? I think I wet the bed.
Shade: *groan, burst with laughter* You WHAT?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ah... just like old times.

Shade: Or, whatever.
Dark: Does it really matter if we see them next time?
Shade: Not at all. We just gotta act like we used to.
Red: You DO know that we're not gonna, right? It would be very difficult to mimic our old style of humor.
Chao: He's right. I mean, for one thing, we used a lot of Spongebob-esque humor. And... DJay hates Spongebob now.
Shade: How could he randomly start hating that show? And, what are YOU doing here, Chao?
Chao: I was lonely. All the Heroes left the Hero Garden after my announcement.
Shade: Heh.... see, I'm popular. Everybody loves me.
Dark: Actually, it's because I've got "The Gray Journey" on DVD, and we're gonna watch it tonight.
Red: Ooh, my favorite!
Shade: ...how did you get it on DVD? It's a script.
Red: When Dark says, "on DVD," he means we're gonna read it out loud together. It's a load of fun.
Shade: Oh. ....hey, will we be doing this casual stuff EVERY episode? It's a little fun, but pretty boring.
Red: We'll be doing it until our fanbase becomes big enough again.
Shade: I see. ....this episode sucked.
All: I know....
Dark Chao Adventures was created in loving memory of all my chao, INCLUDING Shade. Shawn did not exist, though.

On the next episode of DCA....
Shade: I'm declaring war on Chao's new dictatorship! THIS! IS! SPARTA!

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