Friday, October 26, 2007

DJay's "How to make a successful script", a best-seller!

You may be wondering, "DJay, how do you do it?" Well, I can respond to you in the book I'm pretending to make-- "How to Make a Successful Script." Let's read some excerpts.

Step 1: Plan the characters.

Step 2: Plan the area.

Step 3: Come up with all the conflicts.

Step 4: Toss away these ideas and do your favorite thing, whatever that may be.

Step 5: A few months later, lose your most favorable part of the thing, sulk over it for years.

Step 6: A few years later, spontaneously decide to create a story based on the favorable part of the favorite thing.

Step 7: Attempt to make it regular, but decide to instead make it in script format.

Step 8: ???

Step 9: Profit!

That was one excerpt. Not exactly the best role-model. But, let's go over the NEXT part of the book.

To make an interesting plot line, you must first become one with your favorable part of your favorite thing. ...unless it's a spider. Spiders don't let you become one with them. And they
fart a lot. Anyway, after becoming one with the favorable part, DEVELOP A SENSE OF HUMOR, and I mean a PROPER one, not the ones they show on TV. Those they show on TV focus too much on money, and too little on the fans. ..except with Avatar: The Last Airbender. They focus more on the fans, which is partly where I got the idea. Then again, I only assumed that, and we all know where THAT can get you. Like this one time...

Uh... let's skip through that and get to the rest of the hints.

...and that's why I'll never use a public toilet again! Anyway, back to the specifics. After you develop a proper sense of humor, GET A BRAIN, which you can't get anywhere but the North. I mean, they come FROZEN up there, perfectly preserved for you to, uh... borrow. While in the South, they melt. ...Except in Antartica, where they still freeze. See, if I'd assumed, I wouldn't have thought about Antartica, but of the regular parts of the South. Another example of how bad assuming is is when I once...

What the-- why did I keep rambling? Uh... skip ahead.

...and then I said, "NOT WITHOUT YOUR PANTS, MISTER!" Ha... well, anyway. After you have the Three Essentials: One With Favor, Sensing Humor, and Mind, you are completely ready. ...except ONE THING. The Fourth Essential: See Pee You Skittles. In other words, computer skills. If you have this, plus The Fifth and Final Essential: Script Abilities, you are REALLY completely ready. Now all you need is a fan base like mine, and the effort it takes to make it to the big time! WHOO-HOO! Ah, but seriously, it's pretty hard work. How do I manage? With something I like to call... The Essential Cheat Sheet: Asperagus Sin Drones. This means "Asperger Syndrome." With it, my mind had already developed while others my age were sucking bottles! ...well, okay, I'm exaggerating. Still, it means I'm smart and like to brag. And there you have it, that's The Five Essentials and the Cheat Sheet, only in this book! Now, let's move on to Gonorhhea: The Noisy Killer--

Okay, enough of that. I hope this has helped you in your path to become a better salesman-- wait, what? You... you were trying to WHAT? Become a script writer!? Well, what are you doing asking me that, what do I look like, an awesome writer!? Go ask someone else!

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